The longer I went through withdrawal the more I inexplicably started to appreciate some of the withdrawal symptoms. The last time I got clean was tapering with loperamide over a three month period - one pill less a day. So I started with 90 pills and worked down to 0. It was Perhaps the only time I ever got clean on my own. So the only symptoms I had to deal with was irritableness and hot flashes / constantly very sweaty. Whenever a hot flash would occur at work, I'd be drenched in sweat doing manual labor. I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of putting on a dry t shirt, I always brought two with me to work every day. Also, when a hot flash hit at night, I would really enjoy when it broke and I'd feel very cool and comfortable just like when a fever breaks. I also really enjoyed speaking my mind, and normally I'm totally the opposite - agreeable and kind to the point that other laborers would make fun of me. So I started to earn the nickname dark vader or "sprinkles", and I liked it. People talked shit to me and I'd talk shit right back, happily punishing them for giving me shit. I have above average intelligence and normally I work with computers, so it wasn't very hard to make a snappy come back for the relatively brain dead manual laborers I worked with. One in particular had a short man complex, and really wanted to act like a supervisor as if we didn't know what to do. One day I had to hit a touch up spot with paint, so I just dipped my brush in the can and walked it upstairs holding a rag under it in cas it dripped. He of course had to say something about it.... "that's just STOO-PIT man, just STOO-PIT". So I said, "Man whenever you talk all I hear is "STOO-PIT", repeating his ignorant sounding accent. This came to a head one day when the boss sent me into a small room to paint. He came in there with a ladder, and accused me of bouncing around, etc. I said "I'm just in here painting". He kept up with it, got in my face, and started throwing punches. (I know I'm getting way off track here, but overall it's relevant). I didn't throw a single punch, but tackled him to the ground when he came at me again, this time in front of the supervisor (boss's son). He was hitting me over and over on the top of my head and I just had a big smile on my face, with blood almost gushing from my lip. I guess I looked too crazed because they fired us both (I hope they fired him), even though I didn't throw a single punch out of fear of being fired. Afterwards, the boss pulled us apart - I was totally calm while he was as nervous and jumpy as a bag of cats. Considering I got fired, I wish I had unleashed on him. So withdrawal can present you with totally new things that can give you a good feeling, but create risks as well if you pursue them with unbridled focus. it's such a tedious endeavor to wean that slowly, but I worked from day one and not a single day in bed with withdrawal. The method worked that time because it came on the heels of very bad withdrawals and so many failed attempts I was desperate. I hope to God things won't have to become desperate again for me to find a successful method, or have to drop everything for a 90 day rehab. I've relapsed so many times - I've been determined to quit every week for the past few months. I have one friend left who always asks how I'm doing, where I'm at, etc. I tell him every time I'm motivated to quit, and every time I slip 2 to 5 days later. Today he got angry and said "dude, why don't you jsut quit". That's another topic. Yeah, post hot flash is my favorite wd symptom, blurry vision, vomiting, diahhrea and mailaise come in a close second to my least favorite which is depression.