My spell with needles was incredibly brief, had not a clue what I was doing besides what I'd read online. The only person who could show me in person didn't want the 'responsibility' of having potentially ruined my life (despite being my connect for years).
Anywho, a few reused needles and bruised to fuck arms and I called it a day. I knew if I'd carried on I probably would've butchered myself ala Requiem for a Dream and as a failed musician I need my limbs intact...
I recently went to the funeral of the friend who was unwittingly responsible for me not deciding to use needles at a time when I was seriously considering it (she had been clean of drugs for 12 years when she died from an unrelated illness)
We had been through gritty but clean times together with young children, then the fluffy rave years and eventually both with habits & me going to score from her boyfriend.
We never had a conversation about it, but she was reliant on her boyfriend to inject her and getting a hit would sometimes take hours, with her wailing & crying, in pain & not getting a register (while I was desperately waiting for it to be done so I could score)
Witnessing that & other friends who had run out of decent veins & took forever to get a hit in, totally deterred me from trying it myself, mainly because I thought, 'Fuck not being able to get your gear straight in when you're clucking' and also because I never wanted to be reliant or would trust, someone else to show me or do it for me (and the internet wasn't a 'thing' yet then)......so I just kept right on atooting for quick gratification......
I never told my friend that she was the reason I didn't start injecting as they weren't nice memories to remind her of....but I'll always be grateful to her & sad that her going through that meant I didn't have to.
Right now, feeling ridiculous, NOT building a den, sending myself to my bed & quitting until the safeness of daylight
