You know what Fubar, that's exactly what I thought yesterday morning when I woke up after 3 hours sleep and thought that it was the 'only' way I'd be able to function well enough for the impending social eve out (Yes I know an afternoon nap would have been far more sensible and effective, but I'm very easily swayed by the crackhead on my shoulder)
When the chap eventually got up and responded to my text around lunch time, I grabbed the leftover 30 Euros I'd found, plus the current exchange rate scribbled on a piece of paper and a bit of sterling and drove off knowing he'd probably accept that for half a g, which he did.
Got home, washed it up in one go and then tried to time my intake to attempt to achieve a balance of alertness and sociability without venturing over the line into extreme jitteriness, & inability to talk nor leave the house, which I had to do at 6pm having booked a table at a restaurant for myself and the visiting friend
By the time another friend popped by around 4.30pm, I was in a mashed up state, not paranoid, just feeling incapable of even knowing what to wear for a 2 mile walk into town, followed by a restaurant meal, followed by a hot & sweaty venue dancing. Nor could I imagine being able to carry myself as the normal articulate, confident person I can usually pass off in public
A shower, face wash, brushed teeth, & mascara usually does the job, but after my friend had gone through my wardrobe & picked me out clothes to try out & I was wearing the outfit we'd decided on, I couldn't be arsed to take it all off again, shower & put it all back on again, so just sprayed perfume, hands face, teeth, eyes & mascara, my friend laughing at me because I kept wailing 'aaaghhh I don't know if I can do this'
Anyway, she left & I had an hour to leave the house to walk into town to meet my friend off her train, had a couple more pipes & some wine, had everything ready to leave the house on time (this is often a huge issue if I'm leaving crack behind), but I did it, got 5 minutes down the road until I got a phone call saying she'd missed that train & would be on the next one. Back home I go, make the restaurant reservation later, another pipe, leave behind a decent couple of pipes for my return (again something I'm usually incapable of doing)
Leave the house again, walk to the train station, meet friend off train, before I've even mentioned that we need to buy tickets to the event we're planning to go to after the meal, she says that she has to go back after the meal & can't do the event. I inwardly cheer a thousand reliefs & say that's fine, I'm not too bothered about going anyway (I was, & would have love to have gone if I hadn't fucked myself over with my time, energy, money & motivation sapper of choice)
The meal was good in parts, sent one dish back, they kept trying to whisk away food we hadn't finished yet and I was totally able to eat & enjoy eating! It was lovely to hang out & catch up with a friend I don't see very often, was able to be sociable & maintain fun conversation & not make a twat of myself, then walked her to the station & walked home, carrying her huge bouquet of flowers over my shoulder in a manly fashion
On return, had 2 lovely decent size pipes left that I didn't even smoke until I'd got into my pyjamas & done a few other bits (The mascara removal & flower arranging had to wait though)
Had a lovely 8 hours sleep and woke feeling refreshed and.......