everything IS that!
what about this?!? hows about that?
that over there?!? is nearing towards here.
i thought that if! if that thought is always after this one.
Oh my god this is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time
*Everything in this post happened in a matter of 15 hours*
You might be a tweaker if your mom drives an hour and a half to surprise you in your hotel room (Yeah, homeless tweaker, shocking) and finds 2 random tweaks you brought in to party with
You might be a tweaker if your mom shrugs it off and asks where the party's at
You might be a tweaker if you ran out earlier in the small hours of the morning, but your mom wants to go fast, so she finances the gear, points, and everything else
You might be a tweaker if you call your mom a pussy for crying immediately after snorting a fat line (Honestly, I'm the only one I know that doesn't cry anymore)
You might be a tweaker if you had a phone interview for a rehab (court-ordered, at that), and took a thick shot of dope while you were on the phone with the admissions department
You might be a tweaker if you jack your mom out of 1/4th of what she bought, which had already been split 50/50 (Bonus: She never even knew what happened)
You might be a tweaker if mom goes to "run errands" with YOUR meth-head friends that you've known for like 3 days
You might be a tweaker if mom gives you as much privacy as possible, because she's trying to get you out to find a PNP girl to end your dry spell with (I know I'm down for a tweaker girl!)
You might be a tweaker if your friends stay the night, even though they were "just popping in for a few minutes"
You might be a tweaker if the motel owner knows you by face and name, has your room number memorized, and always glares you down because you're always the person that gets complaints called in
You might be a tweaker if one of your friends busts into the motel room, grabs your baggie, mumbles "I bought you something with your own dope", does a sketchy as fuck deal in the hallway, and comes back with binoculars, even though you just showed him your brand new binoculars
You might be a tweaker if your buddy looks you dead in the eyes and says "I think you're a cop. Your mom too. You're partners, and you've got a pretty good routine", and then proceeds to mix you another shot
You might be a tweaker if, because of the comment above, you spend the next 2 hours impersonating a cop, saying "yeah, well, I'm actually a narc, I've been a cop all along, and this session is OVER" as a reply to literally anything said in your general direction
You might be a tweaker if your buddy (yeah, the same one that's fucked up all the other shit) is missing his middle 3 fingers on his left hand, but god damn it he can mix the best shots, and by grace and mercy alone, he can get you on the first try
You might be a tweaker if you went from homeless and "friend"-less to staying in a Drugs & Hookers motel (the best kind, am I right?), and best of all you have connects all over your part of town, so close as just down the hall of the same motel. You also have "friends" that you can always rely on, provided you have dope...
You might be a tweaker if it's taken a few hours minimum to write this. You keep deleting, afraid that people will think you're embellishing, or you finish, but then something else happens that just has to go on the list.
You might be a tweaker if your main man just mixed up a shot for you. Right now. Like, right now right now. And you fucking NEED IT so now you have to wrap this post up and say goodbye (but never goodnight) to the lovely people of "You Might Be A Tweeker If..."
P.S. Thank you for hanging on to the end of my post. It seems fucking amazing at the time of writing, but I'll bet that when I sober up, the quality of this post goes down...