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You might be a tweaker if...

You might be a tweeker if you smoke hellov tweak.
Also if the person you are dealing Heroine to , has to look you straight in the face , and tell you in a very serious voice , " THEY CANT SEE THROUGH CARS" because you are freaking out , about the cops...

If you have ever asked a person in your uh...idk what to call it ... Circle ?
" did you steal my equations ? "
Really dude ??
Your equations????
Your freaking math equations ????
SMH
 
You might be a tweaker if after you steal your buddies dope, you leave to "hook up another bag" and come back an hour later to sell him his bag back.
 
Lol tweakers think alike, plus it's fun to reminisce/contemplate a huge relapse.
 
panic in paradise said:
everything IS that!

what about this?!? hows about that?

that over there?!? is nearing towards here.

i thought that if! if that thought is always after this one.
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Oh my god this is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time


*Everything in this post happened in a matter of 15 hours*

You might be a tweaker if your mom drives an hour and a half to surprise you in your hotel room (Yeah, homeless tweaker, shocking) and finds 2 random tweaks you brought in to party with

You might be a tweaker if your mom shrugs it off and asks where the party's at

You might be a tweaker if you ran out earlier in the small hours of the morning, but your mom wants to go fast, so she finances the gear, points, and everything else

You might be a tweaker if you call your mom a pussy for crying immediately after snorting a fat line (Honestly, I'm the only one I know that doesn't cry anymore)

You might be a tweaker if you had a phone interview for a rehab (court-ordered, at that), and took a thick shot of dope while you were on the phone with the admissions department

You might be a tweaker if you jack your mom out of 1/4th of what she bought, which had already been split 50/50 (Bonus: She never even knew what happened)

You might be a tweaker if mom goes to "run errands" with YOUR meth-head friends that you've known for like 3 days

You might be a tweaker if mom gives you as much privacy as possible, because she's trying to get you out to find a PNP girl to end your dry spell with (I know I'm down for a tweaker girl!)

You might be a tweaker if your friends stay the night, even though they were "just popping in for a few minutes"

You might be a tweaker if the motel owner knows you by face and name, has your room number memorized, and always glares you down because you're always the person that gets complaints called in

You might be a tweaker if one of your friends busts into the motel room, grabs your baggie, mumbles "I bought you something with your own dope", does a sketchy as fuck deal in the hallway, and comes back with binoculars, even though you just showed him your brand new binoculars

You might be a tweaker if your buddy looks you dead in the eyes and says "I think you're a cop. Your mom too. You're partners, and you've got a pretty good routine", and then proceeds to mix you another shot

You might be a tweaker if, because of the comment above, you spend the next 2 hours impersonating a cop, saying "yeah, well, I'm actually a narc, I've been a cop all along, and this session is OVER" as a reply to literally anything said in your general direction

You might be a tweaker if your buddy (yeah, the same one that's fucked up all the other shit) is missing his middle 3 fingers on his left hand, but god damn it he can mix the best shots, and by grace and mercy alone, he can get you on the first try

You might be a tweaker if you went from homeless and "friend"-less to staying in a Drugs & Hookers motel (the best kind, am I right?), and best of all you have connects all over your part of town, so close as just down the hall of the same motel. You also have "friends" that you can always rely on, provided you have dope...

You might be a tweaker if it's taken a few hours minimum to write this. You keep deleting, afraid that people will think you're embellishing, or you finish, but then something else happens that just has to go on the list.

You might be a tweaker if your main man just mixed up a shot for you. Right now. Like, right now right now. And you fucking NEED IT so now you have to wrap this post up and say goodbye (but never goodnight) to the lovely people of "You Might Be A Tweeker If..."

P.S. Thank you for hanging on to the end of my post. It seems fucking amazing at the time of writing, but I'll bet that when I sober up, the quality of this post goes down...
 
You might be a tweaker if you absolutely cannot stop yourself from picking up random screws and nails on the sidewalk
 
You might be a tweaker if said screws and nails are organized by shininess.
 
If for all the years that I spent spun out tweaking on the floor on my hands and knees looking for mystery shards, if I would only find a sliver of one, I would be validated.
 
You might be a tweaker is you sit and make up names like twackzilla twackahonis and count shardula for 3 hours
 
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You might be a tweaker if:

1- You have an special relationship with one of your pipes, you even give it a name, gender and a back story.

2- Probably say you had your last dose while packing some nice shard into your fav pipe

3- Yo feel you are in control but your probably not and just doing repetitive tasks or simply been quiet and still in front of your pipe. With out realizing you lost 4 hours of your existence.

4- In an attempt to reduce your cravings for more you randomly put away the Crystal, only to go back in a minute to redose.

5- You waste your time on BL while been high and it feels great to read on a binge post by post.

P.D. I have read on this post that tweakers smoke a lot of cigarettes. Went I started using meth I was already reduce allot of my nicotine use and after I first vaped meth I have not touched another cigarette. I know is weird but then again methamphetamine get me relax and calm so maybe I am just having a bit of a difference experience.

You are definitely a Tweaker if your write this post at 4:33am and you suppose to be working.
 
you might be a tweeker if you've walked around the house twice and both times forgotten what you went to get in the first place.
 
you also might be a tweaker if you've sharpened every one of your folding knives, then sharpened them again for good measure and have moved on to the kitchen knives, now if only i could sharpen forks, that'd be a game changer.
 
You know you are a tweaker if you get really piss off if the flame is wiggling and you are not getting the right temp to vaporize well, it can extremely piss you off.

You get to be friends with the employees at Walgreens without effort.

You also went using methamphetamine you may say "well at least I am not doing heroin" like if methamphetamine where something light.

You may be worry because you saw that your neighbor had an DEA water bottle and you are questioning if it was a paranoid delusion or if is a legit bottle.

You know you're tweaking for real when you prepare to study one subject, read something that catch your interest and decide to look it up in wikipidia just to have a better understanding of subject one, you end up doing a complete academic paper on the second subject and completely forgot about the subject you suppose to research in the first place.

Finally, you may drink two shot of espresso very strong with no sugar while been on methamphetamine making no change in your blood pressure you are a tweaker and maybe don't care for your life.
 
Long Clips said:
shit happens... lol

my step sister was actually cool about it, she said she used to tease me by bending over in short shorts and shit.. doing drugs really opens you up to knowledge you don't want or need..
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OK, I kind of think you need a comma in there or something, for the love of God! At first, I actually thought she'd bend over and take a dump. That would truly be brutal. Just my two cents, carry on with the silliness because some of this shit is downright hilarious.

BTW, so my DOC are opiates (legally scripted) and I haven't done meth so I don't understand the earlier crack about 10:02. Can someone clue me in?
 
You may be tweaking hard if you suddenly hear your roommates dog in hall way and mistake it with a police K9 unit drug sniffing dog so you swiftly get your stash out and flush it in the toilet if you have a bathroom connected to your room. That happened to me last week. I flushed pure glass down the toilet :( I feel like punching my self for that.

You may be tweaking hard if you start to hear a voice call you're name when no one is home.
That happen to me twice.
You may be tweaking hard if you are watching incest role play porn.
I watch that shit all night .
You may be tweaking hard if you thought it was a good idea to put some meth in a energy drink.
Don't do it! Your heart will beat so rapidly you will put 911 on speed dial because you feel like you may die .
I did that 2 weeks ago big mistake.
 
You might be a tweaker if logically, you know where that sound is coming from but you just have to check one more time, just to make sure....
 
Even the shadow people can't keep up anymore.

You drink bong water on purpose, by yourself.

A BIC a day keeps your probation officer away

You are very mindful of hitting speed bumps

Hit Me Baby One More Time is your theme for your pipe

5PM was 5 minutes ago (it's 5:05AM)

A hot shot to you has a bad cough

Every song, every show, everything everyone says is all about YOU.. you're without a screen or speaker of any kind, not even a friend.

You spent the last nearly 3 hours reading these jokes, writing them down, and making your own.. least I know my pen(is) still works.
 
THC2LSD said:
You might be a tweaker if,

-You think 3:00am is a good time to call and go hang out with friends.
-Your house smells like cleaning products or a dentist's office
-You know the shadow people on a first name basis
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I'm dying here!!! I may have even peed a drop or more . 🤣😂😅🥴🥴
 
SDforever420 said:
-you might be a tweaker if your outlining your veins on your face with permenent marker then start drawing little doodles, then walk around half the day with that on your face
-you might be a tweaker if you think the garbage man only come to your house
-you might be a tweaker if you walk around your neighbor hood with a LED light looking for THEM in the middle of the night.
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Omg !! Oh my gawd too much !!! Yup i peed a cpl more drops
 
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