When 2,190 is an accurate and probably underestimated amount of days that you've spent Tripping in your lifetime.
You might be a Psychonaut if.......You came in contact with an Entity that was in what looked like the Invisible Suit that Predator used as camouflage, and the Entity PHYSICALLY touched You while You're laying in bed, after 7 straight months of 2-Oxo-PCE - and the Entity doesn't just Touch You, it does a check of Your Dental Records by putting it's hands in your mouth, and you Legit can feel everything - Like it was any other person or doctor. The last part of this Experience.....Was Beautiful. I was lifted off the bed slightly, and became aware that I had Strings Attached to me the entire time, possibly my entire life - Kind of like Pinnochio - and the Entity Cuts Your Strings of Control. Then, you become aware that there were Chains around your Consciousness - also possibly for a long fucking time, unseen to the naked eye - and the Entity Removes the Chains on Your Consciousness as well. Then you're told to lay back down, relax and close your eyes. The last statement/words that were said to Me, was "Trust In Yourself, and Follow Your Heart from here on Out". This happened to Me at the beginning of June, and I still don't fully know what to think about it. If I couldn't feel My Physical Body being touched, and Me definitely feeling the sensation every time it occurred, I'd chalk it up to Dissociatives - but this was In-Fucking-Credible. I've eaten a LOT LOT of Psychs of ALL Categories, and done massive DMT...but nothing was like this. The most bizarre part, for months prior to this occurring, I felt like I was being given a Test, by 2-Oxo - in My Mind, I was conversing with a couple of other voices inside of My Head - Sometimes they just asked questions and wanted to know what I thought about this or that or would do in such and such situation - But the Scary Part, which I've dealt with Suicidal Tendencies before from Opiate Addiction...But this was Next Level too. Every morning for a good 3+ Months, I woke up to the immediate internal question "Do You think You should Commit Suicide today"? Not in a pushy way, or evil tone - It just asked Me every single fucking morning as soon as I woke up - Do You deserve to Live Life today, Will You Appreciate and Live it to the Fullest - If not, our planet is overpopulated, and the Earth is more important than any 1 Human Life. If You feel you have no purpose today, the Noble act is to move onto whatever is after this to lessen the Burden on Society, Family, Friends....Etc. I answered that question NO and gave a direct answer daily for multiple months until the day that the Entity experience happened. After the Entity contacted Me - Once I was "Set Free" so to say from the Ties that were unknowingly binding me, whether real or imaginary. I HAVE NEVER heard those Voices again, or been harassed at all, let alone Suicidal Thoughts.
I actually checked myself into a Psych Ward willingly, and then a Chemical Dependency spot that Medicaid Covered for a total of 14 days. My life has been possibly more interesting and tripped out - even after I chilled on the 2-Oxo. I still did some until I finished my stash a couple weeks after the Psych Visit - and none of what I was experiencing for months ever came back. I have since been Diagnosed Officially with Dissociative Identity Disorder, and have came to terms with the fact that I have Multiple Personalities/Alter Egos, and I've always known something was strange - but thought it was Schizophrenia forever. I was isolated and abused as a little kid - and My Brain created an alternate version of Me, like a Brother, who would take the "wheel" when bad shit would happen - or when I would be alone for extended periods of time, We would chat and He would keep Me company and talk to Me. This is just My Speculation - but I think like how Amphetamines can be a life changing experience for someone with SEVERE ADHD, Dissociatives can be an amazing treatment for people suffering from D.I.D. The first time I took each separate Dissociative that I spent time with, it was more special and useful to Me than any other compound. I felt like the Full Version of Me, for the 1st time - Every time. I realized that most of My Life had been spent literally Disassociated from full access to My Body. I was living in a Dream State most of My Life - sometimes more intense than others. I've since been prescribed Dextroamphetamine Daily - which I've never taken more than a day or 2 in my life, and taking Amphetamines feels like I'm being pulled by a Magnet back into the Reality that most of "Normal" Humans live in.
While I'm more stable and functional again - the "Real World" is honestly really sad compared to where I was residing for years upon years prior. I finally am effected by the Sadness and Despair in the world and feel it intensely daily. For most of my life I it felt like I was just floating around, being directed by The Universe where to go next. I'm being 100% serious about every statement that I just made - and I am a Seasoned Psychonaut, with MANY different Compounds. Heroin and Opiates stole My Life and My 20's and made me INSANE. The first time I tried MXE - It changed My Life forever, and I started to change my entire existence towards getting Clean Fully ASAP - 9 years I walked that path - MXE helped me get thru the Subutex Years at the end of the addiction. I got myself Clean using Benzo's, MXE, 3-MeO-PCP, and Weed. I know this is WAY longer than a post in this thread should be - but I've been scared as FUCK to share it with anyone, and I have always had Mad Love for the Bluelight Family. I don't expect anyone to believe Me, or even Care really - I just want my fellow Psychonauts to know there are some really fucking STRANGE places you can travel to, and whatever happened to Me, Only time will tell. It's been difficult but beautiful so far.
Peace Bluelight Family. Feel free to question EVERYTHING, I'll reply, just don't poke fun. Whatever this was, even if Unreal - It felt so real that it changed My Life for good. I've been Agnostic for YEARS, and even started going back to the Meetings with the Religion that I was raised in as a Kid - Just to see if I had been contacted by "God". If nothing else - enjoy the silly story if you can't take it seriously. Peace and Love - MR. Meowfish
RIP VORTECH - I May not have ever got to Chill with You in Person while You were still here - But I know for a fact all the times we did MXE and other Disco's at the same time and talked on the phone for a while or chatted online, You were one of the Most Real, Kindhearted, True, Incredible Human Beings that I've ever had the Honor of Chatting With, or Traveling Time and Galaxies Internal with. I still miss chatting with you...You were My Dissociative Brother in Arms, and You always gave Me Hope to carry on and fight thru my Opiate Dependence. Thanks for being a Beautiful Human Form. RIP CLIFF WINTON, I know The Universe took care of You and Looked out for You Deservedly in Your time of need and upon Your Departure. Rest In Power Friend : )
