Harm Reduction ya I was shooting Ambien.. (and lost my arm)

[phatass]

First off, "Bear", so sorry to hear this happned to you...

We spread the word, IF you're going to IV anyway never shoot without micron filters, and all the clean sterile material you need, never re-use needles or share etc...

I hope people who have just started IV or are thinking about trying read this thread (for HR)...

I have an old frind i used to IV with who lost the use of his left arm from an accident unrelated to the needle (it also affected his spinal cord), but he is now used to doing day to day tasks with one arm, allthough thre are things that he will need help with....

i feel for you, the beggining i imagine is when you'll be most prone to depressive episodes, (don't hesitate to post in TDS, PM myself or other members of BL... talk to close friends and family...) if you feel the need, you seem to be very composed about your situation for the moment, but don't suppress your worries or fears you may or may not have now or in the future.

All the best to ya for your recovery.

Phatass

 

[neurotic]

oh my god, i'm so sorry for you man

wishing you the best man

 

[CaveBear]

i truly want to thank all of you, very supportive, and i thank you. this is very real, very scary, very a light on subject deal. if anyone can learn from my situation id be very happy.

as far as i go, im managing and still have an upward beat so far. challenge accepted. but i also know, given my mental health issues that a depression is coming, my shrink is advised and ready. im doing and have done all that i can, now its just day to day. peace.

 

[Jaia]

Be strong. Hugs

 

[tacodude]

CaveBear you are an awesome person and don't get down on yourself for what happened. It was a mistake, but it doesn't mean you're any less than anyone else nor greater. Just because this happened it does not make your different from all of us. Everyone else should take that as a lesson to because we could all end up in the same position.

I wish you strength on your journey to recovery. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help as no one deserves to suffer because they made a mistake. What you have lost does not make you weaker and only leaves you stronger for overcoming that challenge. Feel free to message me if you want some more support, but I can tell you will pull through this ok. I truly wish this didn't happen to you as I am sure most all of us do, but it did and that can not stop you from enjoying life. Again I wish you the best and a speedy recovery from the trauma.

 

[keeping]

so sorry to hear man.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Thanks for sharing your story OP, with a little luck, you might have safed someone else from loosing their arm too.

 

[Pouncey]

Dude when I read that, my heart fell into my stomach. I'm glad you're able to cope man. It's crazy how things can take an unexpected turn for the worse like that.

 

[Matrok]

As I read through the thread I was seriously shocked. I'm so sorry. But you will get through this. You know you have a huge support network here, and endless people will reach out to you. Thank you for sharing your story, maybe it'll help people think twice before they make decisions. This is so valuable for HR.

Take care bro. Keep us all updated on your progress, I'm sure everyone worries and cares about you, even if they don't know you. My thoughts are with you.

 

[CaveBear]

once again thank you all for the continued support its amazing and truly helps. heres an update. i got my prosthetic arm on monday, as you can see im a huge steeler fan...lol. peace.

 

[Drybone]

Hi Cavebear.

I am so sorry that you lost half of your arm and hand. My prayers and wishes are with you right now.

I never did needles. I smoked crack for 12 years on and off. Because of my addiction, I lost all my top teeth and half my bottom teeth. I have 7 of them left. My gumline has eroded and I may need surgery to get enough bone to do implants.

I go through envy every day looking at other smile their pearlie whites knowing I used to have those too and lost them.

I know its not as harsh as losing your lower arm but its losing a body part nonetheless. I went through the usual recovery. Denial , then anger, then sadness , back to anger, sadness, then part acceptance . Go through it again, more acceptance. Go through the cycle and finally full acceptance.

Perhaps we should start up a 'devastating consequences to using' thread so that our experience isnt in vain. We can use it to help others. God speed Cavebear. You are a good guy.

 

[buttershots21]

First off I just want to say thank you for sharing your story. I am a CCP and I live in a small town where it seems in the past 10 years all of my friends have turned into needle users. No one around here has ever even heard of a micron filter and everyone IVs pills. It's always Morphine ERs or used to be Opanas and it's meth and bath salts for the speeders. With my unrelenting pain, I think about going for it all the time. But I'm not going to do it. It's this site and stories like yours that make me realize that no matter how much pain I'm in, it could be so much worse than the place I'm at now, as bad as that is. This site has me preaching HR to everyone I know that uses needles, I just wish they would LISTEN. I wish I could start a needle exchange program and give these people clean needles, and filters, and Narcan, but I wouldn't even know where to start. If it's even legal for me to do that here. But I think it's one thing I could do with my life that could give it some meaning. I wrote a thread the other day saying thank you to this site and everyone who shares their stories, and I hear a lot of people saying that they will be happy if just one person learns from their mistakes and doesn't go down that path. Well, I am here to say that I am that one person. I hope I can stay true to that, but it's been about a year since I started playing with the idea, and on really bad days it's hard to resist knowing that superior pain relief is so close. But it's just not worth the risk of what could happen, and with my luck, would most certainly happen. I wish you the best in your recovery, and I hope you find some inspiration, someone to learn from and look up to so that when you have those really bad days, you can cope. Thank you so much, your story has changed my life for sure.

 

[Toz]

once again thank you all for the continued support its amazing and truly helps. heres an update. i got my prosthetic arm on monday, as you can see im a huge steeler fan...lol. peace.

Hang in there cyborg Looks really cool to be honest.

Damn I used to IV generic Zolpidem pills a few years back, sometimes I'd wake up with all the pills gone covered in track marks and that was just from taking 2 pills and going to bed.

After reading this I am just never using zolpidem again with needles at home as the drug just makes you goddamn retarded.

 

[Treefa]

Well, man...we tried to warn you. Sorry it had to come to this before you returned to your senses, but hopefully you've learned your lesson, man, shame that it took as long as it did, and cost you an arm, but hey at least you aint gotta worry about burning your hand on the stove!
Smash your hand in the car door? No worries!
Need to zipline out of a window on a powerline?? NO fuckin' problemo!
Don't have a baggie to pick up your dog's hot shit? Never fear, the one-armed/bionic-armed man is here!
(sorry not trying to be insensitive, merely illuminating the brite side of your situation, man...there are many, to be sure).


I play guitar (not just that piddly ass shit they play on the "Keith urban Guitar Player" infromercial, either, I'm talking some Jimmy Page, Keith Richards, Jimi Hendrix, Jerry Garcia type-a-shit!), and it's the main thing I do right now...I really put my soul into it ya know, even though I never expect to get paid a dime for it lol, It's nice to show off once-in-a-while...mildly entertaining to myself as well.
The other day, my old(retired) drug dealer came to the house to smoke a few bowls and hang out for a lil while...needless to say we were pretty bored after we got nice and stoned, so I picked up my guitar and started playing, while he's asking me what all I can play, and shit, which is a hard question to answer.
So I let him plug his Ipod into my amp, he queued up some of his favorite rap tunes, and I played along with every single one..lol strange combination I suppose...electric guitar bluesish soloing over rap songs. But I digress, he seemed like he got a kick out of it, made him laugh at least.

So that's one of my reasons for not I.Ving anyway, i'd hate to loose my favorite arm(left) even though i'm right handed...hell it's just not for me, period. The needles, the rush, my poor CV system...

Glad to hear your doing better though, OP...sorry for your loss too, and please stay off the ambien...not only is it awful if you inject it, but even just orally it's got weird/bad side effects; Sleepwalking...I've always been afreaid of that...what if I murdered someone?! I experience plenty of angry urges when i'm awake, what If I was asleep, I wouldn't know any better, Somebody would tell me "watch where your going motherfucker" and i'd probably smash them to death with a brick..you never know, man!

P.S.- If you come to Tennessee you better cover that thing up!
I won't mind, but if you go close to LP field, on a sunday...well you just might not ever make it out of Tennessee...because all of the Titans will probably be chatting you up mid-game, because apparently, they've forgotten how to play football!

 

[Matrok]

once again thank you all for the continued support its amazing and truly helps. heres an update. i got my prosthetic arm on monday, as you can see im a huge steeler fan...lol. peace.

I want to avoid coming across as callous in any way here, that is not at all my intention but... that is a kick-ass new arm.

 

[Screaming_Skull]

Glad you are holding up..there was another guy talking about banging Ambien the other day, got directed to this thread. What I was wondering is what is the 'rush' of Ambien? Only had it one time orally(30mg) got some visuals kinda for 30 mins and passed out. I know it's not a benzo, but they both act on the Gaba recpetors, so is it just like instant relaxation when done IV? Don't plan to do it but just want to know. And no judgement here, I shoot Bupe and Oxy, people claim Oxy has no rush, I disagree, and Subs sure as hell don't have a rush but you can use way less and get high on a good opiate 12 hours later if you choose to.

 

[Smoky]

Damn, so so sorry....

 

[mostly-human]

Start off with, I'm a chronic IV user, have been for over 10 years. And while I no longer inject pills and other silly things (used to IV everything and anything) - I still do plenty of bad practices, most common of which is re-using dirty, blunt old fits.

I just wanted to say - this thread hits home more and is more disturbing than reading fatal-OD threads. I think it's because this kind of thing is much rarer and far more often ignored. I think every IV heroin user knows they can OD and die and if you've been around long enough (I have) then the chances are you've known at least one or two to go that way and have probably even OD'd yourself more than a few times and been lucky enough to be brought around. Point is, if I read about someone dropping and not getting back up again, it's really sad and I really feel for them and their family and it's such a sad, pathetic and tragic waste of life - not to mention pointless.

But reading something like this, really doesn't sit well at all. It's fucking disturbing. When I think about OD'n - I know it's a very real possibility, when I think about shit like this - I file it into the 'can't happen to me' pile. But this thread is very fucking real. And it really makes me wonder about some of the dumb shit I've done and sometimes do.

Anyway, sorry for your loss OP. Real fucking tough break - no matter how bad your Harm Min practices were/are - no one deserves this is a punishment/wake-up call. Fucking tough lesson man.

 

[spacejunk]

^ great post, and I wholeheartedly agree.

We often think "I'll get high" or "I'll die"....but other potential consequences such as this are really important for the IDU community to be aware of.
My thoughts are with you, OP.

 

[phatass]

Just cant get away from the needle. Regardless, i did it, missed several times. Both arms feel like I was working out 12 hours later, no crazy redness, no pus , no welling yet. Just looks like I was searching for the vein. and Im sore as fuck. Took some Ibuprofen, it helps.

Question?? should I jut ride this out, I have the normal lumps and bruises from missing, but no severe redness, lumps, or puss, and it aint spreading ...any need for a Dr. at this point??

Haven't read whole thread, so this may have been cleared up, but

i'm not clear on your post OP... in the title you say "and lost my arm" like it's paralysed, or was amputated? and in your post you state being "sore as fuck" but don't elaborate... if you have even partial paralysis and you're asking if you should see a doc? then yes immediately...

i'm confused