Women Who Don't Want Kids...Ever

[Ripamaru]

I don't want to bring kids into this world either.....

I need a woman that feels the same.

 

[User Name Here]

I wish there were more of them Too many people are reproducing and a large number of them have no business having babies when they can barely care for themselves. I don't understand what's so hard to understand about birth control but I won't get started on that in this thread

Anyway, I don't know if I'll ever want children. I've never been a natural with children and find myself feeling kind of awkward around them. It's not that I don't like them, I just don't really care for them. If I do have children it'll be in my 30's and not any time soon (I am only 23 and IMO that's pretty young to be thinking about having babies, let alone acting on that thought!).

Thankfully I am engaged to a man who can take or leave having children as well. In all honestly, I'll probably end up having one or two kids in the very distant future because I seem warm up to children more and more as time passes but yeah, it will NOT happen any time soon. I acknowledge the fact that I'm awkward with kids, I'm young and selfish as I want to live MY life and not be responsible for anyone else's, etc.

It's a shame more women aren't that honest with themselves and think that having a baby is akin to having a puppy or something. I see lots of women passing their babies off to their parents and almost abandoning them because they were too young and selfish at the time. That's not to say they aren't good moms now but they simply should've waited. I don't think anyone has any business having a baby unless they've sat down and weighed out every possibly facet, what it actually means to have a child, etc. They don't have any business having a baby unless they realize that the average cost of an infant from conception to its first birthday is $10,000 (including prenatal care, doctor's visits, baby food, diapers, clothing, toys, etc.). Basically they have no business having a baby unless they've thought about it loooong and hard

[/end rant]

 

[User Name Here]

How is it selfish to not want kids? Isn't the act of having kids kind of selfish to begin with? You're bringing another life into this world because YOU want to. Basically it's about what YOU want and this tiny person has no say in the matter whatsoever.

Before anyone gets riled up: I'm merely playing devil's advocate here =)

 

[User Name Here]

Being a mother is on of the biggest contributions anyone can make to society and mankind. Do you really not want to raise a child, so similar to you in many aspects, to be the best he/she can be?

We have seven billion people in this world. If every woman "contributed" in this fashion because they simply want a baby, this world would be more screwed than it already is. Our welfare system is broken, children are being born into broken homes, etc. and THAT is not fair at all.

Anyway, to me it sounds kind of demented to have a child just so you can raise a mini-me. That's just... weird

I think that the main purpose of marriage is to have kids and start a family.
I'm sorry but a woman who feels strongly against having kids is a huge turn off to most men. I believe the average guy would always go for the motherly kind of woman vs the super independent and possibly selfish type.

I thought the main purpose of marriage was to signify a couple's love by making it official. Besides, you don't have to be married to have children. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Also, a woman can be "motherly" without wanting children. I consider myself very "motherly" in the way that I LOVE to take care of my man. I never thought I'd say this (gawd, if you knew me just a few years ago you'd laugh at me saying the following!) but I love cooking for him, taking pride in our home by keeping it clean and well decorated, giving him back rubs when he comes home from work, etc. I do all of these things and have no desire to have any children right now whatsoever.

Again, I apologize for any sexist remarks and possible lack of perspective of the opposing argument - my arguments are strongly worded only because I value the mother - child relationship so much.

Don't apologize. It's your opinion and you're just as entitled as anyone else here is =) I hope you realize that my responses are not meant to be offensive in any way. Some people get way too offended so I always have to add a disclaimer in threads like this

 

[canarylove]

I dont think i want kids either, i have some shit genetic traits i dont want to pass on as well, i mean i know there is a chance that the kid would be fine and not turn into an opiate addict with depression and anxiety but i dont want to put it out there incase it does happen

 

[Noodle]

A woman who does not want kids ever is my kind of woman.

Right now I do not see myself ever wanting to sire children, and I am fast approaching middle age.

:D

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

I would like to meet you, you old bastard.

 

[skatercat33]

Overall, I believe a woman should have a child if she wholeheartedly wants to devote her life to properly raise another human being! If a woman does not want to have children...she shouldn't.[/B] To say that a woman should have children in order to have lived a 'complete' life, is completely ridiculous. Society should not influence your personal choice(s), unless you feel YOU want to make that choice.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with this!! why does society make us feel like lesser beings simply because we know what we want! I would rather know I don't want kids and never have them than to have them because people think I should and resent them.

 

[ThaiDie4]

This is going to sound really sexist but I think a woman that doesn't want to have kids is like a guy that doesn't want a job. There is a reason why in a sinking ship even the most intelligent and powerful men are expected to give up their spots on the lifeboat for women (and children). Being a mother is on of the biggest contributions anyone can make to society and mankind. Do you really not want to raise a child, so similar to you in many aspects, to be the best he/she can be? What is up with guys liking and wanting kids more then women these days? Do women just want to be more selfish and live their lives to the fullest without being "tied down" by kids? Is there something in the water, hormonal contraceptives...?
I absolutely love babies and the concept of raising a child and so do most of my guy friends and am kinda pissed at my married female friends who have little interest in having kids. I think that the main purpose of marriage is to have kids and start a family.
I'm sorry but a woman who feels strongly against having kids is a huge turn off to most men. I believe the average guy would always go for the motherly kind of woman vs the super independent and possibly selfish type.
Again, I apologize for any sexist remarks and possible lack of perspective of the opposing argument - my arguments are strongly worded only because I value the mother - child relationship so much.

As other people have said, you are just as entitled to your opinion as the rest of us, even though I pretty much disagree with you 100%. I don't mean anything I say to come off rude, just as you weren't trying to be rude with your viewpoint.

I just think the whole expectation of women needing to be mothers is really outdated. At one time, the human race depended on women being fertile and able to parent. Nowadays, we absolutely do not need every women on this planet to procreate. Other people have pointed this out too. I mean, if everyone on the face of the earth died besides me and some other dude, yeah, then I'd be pretty selfish not to have kids and just let the human race die out. But the world as it is today does not need my offspring to thrive.

I also think it's pretty simplistic to believe that a woman's main contribution to society is to have kids. Without having children, I would have more time to work and better the world through my career as therapist. Is that not enough of a contribution?? Women are more than just a uterus and a vagina, we do have other ways of making a difference in the world

Things have changed a lot since the beginning of the human race. We don't expect people to walk everywhere they go or hunt all of their own food, and similarly I think the expectation of women to have children is old-fashioned and out-dated. It just doesn't make sense to me.

But to each his\her own, and considering that most women do want kids or have kids, I guess that viewpoint will probably work in your favor.

 

[beamers]

Where are these broads?

 

[Beana]

At 7 billion and counting, I am not sure if it is a contribution any more.


You can't say that. You don't know most men or what turns them on or off.

Thank you for making rational sense! I'm 22 years old and I googled "Women who don't want kids... Ever" and stumbled across this thread. I use to want children when I was a teenager (planning ahead of course) but now that I'm almost done with college, I'm absolutely positive I don't want children of my own. It's so true, the world is already over-populated! Another point, it's not like women without children cannot be nurturing. I'm one of the most nurturing women I know, especially when it comes to children. Kids love me! But do I want my own? Nope!

My brother recently had a baby, he's 32 and his wife is 22 (my age). They seem really happy but at the same time my nephew's birth has reinforced my idea of never having children. I just want to be an aunt, a cool, awesome, kind aunt who babysits once in awhile but is able to go home at night without permanent responsibility! When I tell my family, "I don't think I want kids!" they respond with awkward reassurance "You're young, you'll change your mind!" as if I haven't already considered that! People act like it's socially irresponsible not to have children. I hate the idea that a woman's worth (and sanity) in our society is dependent on whether they have children!

 

[Beana]

I think everyone here has made excellent points (except for that one radical guy). If you're smart enough to recognize that children simply cannot make you happy in life, that's the most responsible thing you can do! I've always been very sure of what I want in life, especially since I've entered into my 20's. I must sound stupid to "kid" people 25+ because they look at me like I'm a dumb kid myself. I actually get angry at other women (like my brother's wife) who've had children and think I'm an alien because I don't want kids.

Sadly, I almost feel like I have something to prove because they're all positive I'll end up getting pregnant one day. In fact, they TELL me I'm wrong. I just want to scream out loud, "Not everything revolves around your damn children!" Instead, I keep my opinions to myself. I just wish more women would understand why kids aren't for everyone. I've set goals for myself and I want to keep them. I want to finish college and go on to graduate school. I want to build my own home, I'm really interested in architecture and design. I want to be comfortable (financially) and keep my household orderly without worrying about parenting. I want to take good care of my future husband, cooking and cleaning for both of us. I want a man who understands why children can make all of this extremely difficult.

So far, all of my long-term boyfriends have wanted children. Some have actually tried to change my mind, it's not just women who try entrapment! I've never been in a relationship that wasn't serious. All of my relationships have been longer then 2 years. One of my relationships was actually 7 years long (seriously I'm 22, that's insane!) because I started dating when I was very young. I grew up fast and have always felt like an old soul. There is only one thing I worry about, being alone when I'm old. Perhaps that's the real reason people have children (among other reasons) and they just don't want to admit it.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

Hmmmm, almost a year has past since I posted in this thread. I remain solid in my child free choice which I was clear on long before we got married. I used to worry for the first few years of our relationship that I would lose him as I would not be willing to give him children. He told me not to worry. I told him is always has a right to change his mind but I wouldn't be that woman. He said having children wasn't something he thought about as being essential to his happiness but watching him beam around his nieces and nephews would break my heart a bit.

After 5 years of marriage he is unsure if this is the life he was meant to live. He is starting to think that he needs a child to be fulfilled and I understand that. He should not have to forfeit his own happiness for mine. We went from let's separate and dissolve this awesome marriage to giving him time to figure if it is really what he needs. We have an excellent relationship. We communicate very well. In fact, he has been a catalyst to my confidence and positive change as a human being. I have also been supportive of him (as best as I know how) through his depression and anxiety.

There is an underlying feeling that we are living on borrowed time until he comes to a conclusion. I can wait. Life goes on and it goes on well in our household.

Are there any men here who have been in his position that decided NOT to have children and regretted it?
I know that is a fear for him as is starting over to find another woman he connects with to have his baby.

 

[lola]

^ funny... was just out with some friends tonight and we were talking about that. I don't want children either, as I don't want to make that commitment in my life and I get my meaning from other things that are important to me. But anyway... I think that sometimes when two people get together and decide to raise a family it's a different set of priorities, almost like a successful business partnership to make things run smoothly, and you might not necessarily have that with the person you have the strongest romantic relationship with. So I guess I'm saying - he might end up deciding to find another woman to have his baby, she'll never be someone he connects with like he connects with you because the focus would be less on the "us" and more on the family unit. It'd be more about shared value, being contented together and less necessarily about passion and being crazy in love. Just how it seems to me... Must be really hard though, I think you're being very strong and I hope you pull through this

 

[computersaysno]

I don't necessarily think that it's a case of something that you should feel bad about. Although I do completely understand where you're coming from, I'm 22, a gay male, someone else that won't be having kids. I get that it's a tad different for women, considering even in this day and age it's 'expected' of them. But who cares, if you don't want them, you don't want them. I don't think that I would be having kids even if I could, maybe my mind will change as I get older though.

 

[Tude]

Fuck no I don't want kids! Never have, never will. I don't like them. And I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks

 

[MyFinalRest]

I'm glad a lot of people don't want to have kids. I'm not the only that's for sure, even though a few friends get on me about it. I just never wanted to have kids. It's just not somehting I want to do.

But, thanks to all of you who aren't, the world is really overpopulated.

 

[rocketqueen]

I have never wanted children. Not only am I a dope fiend, it is topped off with a nice dollop of severe mental illness. And the apple don't fall far from the tree, if you dig my meaning. Moreover, I tend to need more space than the average person - I do not like people up in my grill and I need a lot of time to myself. Social interactions are exhausting and I have to "recharge my batteries" after prolonged contact with others. Children require so much love, attention, and nurturing. I have cats, which more than suffice. lol

A really good thread! And so sorry to be "selfish," especially since humankind is hovering on the brink of extinction... lol

 

[Lysis]

PI, how old is he? I've had male friends who went from "no kids" at 20ish to "I want kids" in their 30s. I kinda lump them in with the men who said "no marriage until I am 30" and then got married at 25. lol

If I lived near you PI, I would freakin drive to your house and shake that man and ask him WTF is he doing? lol I don't know why you would want to give up a great relationship for something that isn't even tangible or required.

I'm tellin ya, if he does it, he will be back. I fucking guarantee it. They ALWAYYYYYYYYYS come back when they have a great thing with you and they leave you for whatever reason. At the very least, he will continue to talk to you and tell you he regret what he did. Men are like Old Faithful in that respect.

 

[Perpetual Indulgence]

He was 34 in August.

Our 40 year old neighbour has a 10 month old. My husband is close with him. She is 38. I'll drink or work out with her but I am not close. We are currently watching their marriage take a severe strain because this new addition.

Our shared friends here have said the same WTF is he doing? to me. Anyone who has been around us has a sense that we are quite good for one another. Because of this I moved past the hurt and anger quickly and started to look at this time as crucial in our relationship. We are spending more time with each other with maintaining our separate interests and days where we get to be alone. We have had some intensely revealing conversations that don't end up in an hurt argument. I am willing to give him the time that he needs to figure out what he REALLY REALLY needs to be happy and take that gamble.

Not to be callous but I am giving him time not a chance to come back into my life no matter how fucking amazing you are. I have told him be solid in your choice because there is no coming back to me. Not a threat but the reality. There will always be a nagging thought that you came back because you were scared but secretly want kids and will resent me for it