It's a long story bruv I'll pit it up in pieces.In the states I was a crank addict it's like crystal meth young brother but not as good.I was a lorry driver in the states I had been on crank for days and was now gonna need sleep.I had about 45 mins to go before I reached home.As I'm driving through Sacramento I fell a sleep only for a couple of seconds the dummy dots woke me up.I got home and said that's it I will end up killing someone in my truck.Long story short I came to England where I was born and spent my first bit of childhood my wife followed me.My wife is from a big farmer family her old man owns a few thousand acres of peaches and walnuts in the states.Im telling you that because this beautiful women followed me to a foreign country because of love.
When will I feel normal
- Thread starter yubacity
- Start date
I could not get crank here so settled for coke was not happy about it because crank was a lot stronger then crank.When I do crank or coke I get really fucking horny.This will sound bad but I would not sleep with wife if I'm tweaking.So I would sleep with women I met or escorts.Fir a couple of years my poor wife would be home while I would be out for a couple of days snorting coke and having great sex.Then it happened like I said found heroin to be great in coke come down so started doing more coke a because I had this come down heroin.After months of doing this daily I thought I would take a week of.
At first I had a restless feeling was yawning loads and eyes were watering.That night was getting bad I had no coke but had a couple of ten quid of brown.I smoked it and I felt better.I knew then I had become addicted to brown.My fucking heart sank I panicked to know that I had become addicted to brown was fucked.I had image's of transporting baby crawling on celling that was my reference of a detox.I was having problems at home wife was lonely and was catching me cheating.I thought fuck it smoke brown for a week no coke and try getting on wife's good side.
That week was so good I would smoke brown in garage.Vome in and be sogood with wife.I was telling her I going out for joint so she must have thought the weed is shit hot.Would light a joint so clothes would smell plus it felt nice after brown.Evently stopped going out would come home smoke some gear relax with wife and all was good.When I told wife she hit the roof that was a rough few days.I promised her I would start cutting down then stop.SHe was worried I would od or share needle I promised her I would never use a needle and I kept my word.
After a few months I discovered indian black heroin called afeem.This was good because one dose taken orally lasted at first 5 to 6 hours and best of all it was a uplifting buzz you could drive for hours and you just felt sleepy when it wife of so you just took some more.so I took that during day and brown at night.
I had got my hgv licence when I came to England drove for a big construction firm building or repairing motor ways.When my business with cousin took of I stopped working.Becsuse of heroin I was home everyday money started pouring in wife was happy and it was perfect. That was down to heroin was so different from coke which would end with me hitting a brick wall.
My wife was pregnant with my first child and I hated not working. I need to have a work routine or I go mental plus now I hated taking money from business to feed habit that money should be for family.I took the job daughter was born I was home every night and wife who I been together with since age 15 who is everything to me was happy thanks yo heroin.
Eventually work happy with me at first controlled one site then till a few months ago when I stopped managed a few sites.I made around about 40 thousand after tax from job that was my spending money for heroin night's out with mates.I spent all that plus would sometimes dip into joint account.
Now heroin also had me imprisoned.It was the main thing on my mind.On way home from work when I did not want to have to take Indian black because I wanted to enjoy that first smoke when I got home.I would go mad if accident on motorway I would be cunt this that and the other because if I stuck in traffic I could not be smoking heroin.It controlled my life.Then when I was high as fuck I would say last time no more.I would not even last a day never went past the day .Because of heroin we have holidays in India only because I could get heroin there.My wife would take kids to states I have not been back since I came here 14 odd years ago.Thats my heroin story it gave me a lot of feeling imprisoned hating myself but it also made my life.Im sorry because I know heroin has devastated people and families in no way would I tell anyone to use it.But for me it was not like that I was sick of it by the end hated it and had to stop.It helped me but now here I'm am a junkie who us trying to justify a drug that as left me not being able to stay of drugs function normally.That my brother is my story
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
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- Feb 19, 2009
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wow man, I can relate a lot to your story. the way heroin is like a miracle cure for everything when you first start using, the surprise when you have your first rattle, the anger when anything delays you from getting high. but man remember, heroin only cured the problems caused by you using coke, so drugs are solving the problems that drugs are causing. You sound like you're a great husband & father when you have your shit together and aren't using, and I bet you want to be present with your kids rather than off your face gouched to fuck. How many days sober are you now brother??
I have woken from a 27 year blur and I have wasted my whole youth in a drug blur.I will never get that time back.I thought I was a great husband during the 13 years being on the gear.I provided a home money holidays was home most nights.Took kids everywhere was great in the sack staying time was great thanks to gear.But ni2 with a sober head I realise no matter all that I was detached gear came first.When out and about would use Indian black and would try to hurry us up so could go home and smoke some gear.Heroin came first I hate to admit this but everything was planned around my addiction.I will never go back it's robbed me not financially but my youth and family connections and worse of all my eldest is 11 and my memories of her are blurred.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
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- 84,998
So true, slightly chilling. We wouldn't do this if it didn't work. I earned a PhD on dark,was swiftly promoted, was able to stand horrific sexual violence over the course of a year, I'd be dead without gear. That's what makes it so pernicious, it really helps at the start.
Sober from heroin a few months I stopped counting it only made me more confident I could try a little.Did codeine this week and haver done 3 30 mg codeine today I use it for a couple of days after lyrica binge.Take two at first get a little buzz going then 1 every 6 hours hours it controls my anxiety and not being able to relax.This looks real bad a ex heroin addict using codeine to help after lyrica binge but it wont escalate.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
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- Apr 28, 2013
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Yuba,
I see you in a completely different way now. I mean that in a good way.
I hope you don't take this wrong, can but you have substance. I didn't realize that before Maybe that's not the right word But, I see you as an interesting human being. The stuff you shared today is probably the first time you were talking to BL. And we can relate to you. More than you realize.
Man, I be hear you RIO I remember when I didn't know I was experiencing withdrawal. I thought I was getting the flu alot. Yeah, I be know. Duh. But, when I'd take Oxycontin I'd think "This stuff is amazing. It even cures the flu!". Omg. And the hell I've endured because of it. **shudder** Rio, you are also really cool. Like someone I'd like as a friend in real life. You don't show that side of yourself often. You should. It's a compliment btw.
I'm having bad cravings tonight. I'm feeling miserable because of them. I'm struggling not to make a call. The only thing stopping me is money to be honest. If I do make a call, it will cut into my money too much.
Yuba, I have to be concerned about money. In a way, having alot of disposable income has to make it more difficult. It would for me anyway. So, I won
I see you in a completely different way now. I mean that in a good way.
I hope you don't take this wrong, can but you have substance. I didn't realize that before Maybe that's not the right word But, I see you as an interesting human being. The stuff you shared today is probably the first time you were talking to BL. And we can relate to you. More than you realize.
Man, I be hear you RIO I remember when I didn't know I was experiencing withdrawal. I thought I was getting the flu alot. Yeah, I be know. Duh. But, when I'd take Oxycontin I'd think "This stuff is amazing. It even cures the flu!". Omg. And the hell I've endured because of it. **shudder** Rio, you are also really cool. Like someone I'd like as a friend in real life. You don't show that side of yourself often. You should. It's a compliment btw.
I'm having bad cravings tonight. I'm feeling miserable because of them. I'm struggling not to make a call. The only thing stopping me is money to be honest. If I do make a call, it will cut into my money too much.
Yuba, I have to be concerned about money. In a way, having alot of disposable income has to make it more difficult. It would for me anyway. So, I won
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
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hahah, thanks. i got a soft spot for yuba, he reminds me a lot of a friend I used to use with, except actually wanting to get clean.
Bro, if the only thing stopping you from using is financial concerns then you're in a bit of a situation. have you considered writing down what you want to get out of life sober??
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
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- Feb 19, 2009
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brother, have you considered setting some hard rules for yourself?? from the outset it seems to me the only rule you're setting is no heroin or coke, is that right?? it seems like its a bit of a free for all when it comes to the pharmaceuticals