emkee_reinvented
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2009
- Messages
- 4,219
My two years of sobriety were indeed worse then being under influence. And it kept going occasionally increasing in intensity. Soberness a few day's suck's, life long seem's like a nightmareI'm glad it's not just me out there then. I absolutely love my drugs and always have and most likely always will.
I definitely realize the potential of certain drugs to ruin my life (like meth or alcohol), so I try to keep those to "recreational", "every once in awhile" type deals (actually I haven't drank in 5 years now, where as before that I drank off & on for 15 years).
But like you said, opioids and cannabis bring me to a mental state where I can function. They help stabilize my mood too.
Back when I was younger and couldn't get an opioid or cannabis, I was very self destructive. It was like I was a completely different person. My mind and my body hurt constantly and all I could think about was popping any drug I could find (until I could find opiates/weed) for relief and destroy myself in the process. I never wanna go back to being that person. I'm a better person on my drugs honestly. This goes for all opioids too, including heroin. If I could be on a heroin-maintenance program (rather than bupe/methadone) I would probably be the type who could manage it responsibly and use it therapeutically. Hell, I been a heroin/opioid addict for about 12 years now and have never even once overdosed because I'm that careful. lol
I can remember times where I was 2 minutes from committing suicide and somebody would pop in and ask me if I wanna smoke a bowl & after I'd smoke I'd immediately be calmed down and even think to myself "omg, I can't believe I was gonna do that!".. People demonize drugs a lot. A lot of people like to blame drugs for their own choices and behavior, but I can think of several times where drugs have saved my life.
I absolutely hate my sober state too 100% lol. Asking me to be sober is like asking me to live a lifetime of extreme pain and agony.
I can understand wanting to stay sober to start a family though. Especially because of the law. Getting busted or caught up like that would definitely be unfair to your children. I'd say that's probably one of the best reasons to get sober. I hated watching my mom and family get blinding drunk as a kid. It often lead to violence and then I too became violent on alcohol once I got older.
I keep hoping that things will change in my life time and people will start to see drugs differently (and the people who use them) and maybe there will be legal paths to using the medicines we desire and need. The world has to stop thinking in this narrow frame of view that the only way to "truly live" is to have to live absolutely clean and sober. Some people should try to be sober (especially those who become violent on alcohol or people who become slutty and hypersexual on meth), but everyone is an individual and everyone's needs are different. Drugs can destroy some while completely saving others.
I would get into the subject about how opiates in the long term cause less organ and brain damage than almost any other drug (even legal ones) and how much misinformation and misunderstanding there is surrounding opiates, but I think I'm rambling too much already. haha
I wish you all the best friend!! Hang in there & all the best to you and your family, if you one day decide to start one!Cheers!
EDIT : I see you were asking some one else about Baclofen. I tried baclofen for myoclonic jerks while also taking suboxone. It made me nauseous and sick, almost like alcohol would and I didn't get any craving relief from it. And no pain relief either or relief from my body jerks. But I also wasn't using higher doses that are indicated for addiction treatment. I've read that it's mostly successful in alcoholics & GHB addicts since it works on GABA B receptors. But for opioid addiction/dependence, in my experience with lower doses, it did nothing. I've also read that it messes with parts of the brain that can actually stop you from getting euphoria from any drugs after you've been on it long enough. You can also die if you stop taking baclofen abruptly. Have you thought about being on Bupe or Methadone instead?
Those two years were the worst of my life. I did nothing, felt almost nothing and made me a lazy slug.
