What does the post-roll depression feel like?

[Mac98]

Thanks. hopefully I'll be able to report back with good news and finally get some sleep. Supplements, some vicodin and a large protein shake with bananas has restored me part of the way.

Damn!! Why the fuck didn't I ever think of that!!

 

[Bloby]

I don't seem to get any depression any more (after I started doing it no more than once a month) but when I did I would seem to get stuck on certain thoughts. Usually that life will never be as good as it was when I was a kid, I'll never be that free again, life can only get worse etc

The first proper comedown I had was hell, I did it 4 times in a month and 2 of those were on consecutive days. About 2 weeks later I was depressed as fuck, and I'd never been depressed before so it was quite a shock.

 

[InnumerableStories]

I do not reccomend using 500 mg mdma in any one night. I would say it is better to space it out between two evenings or days. Personally, I am not a a fan of rolling two days in a row.

I'm curious about your 500 mg experience, like how many times you re-dosed that night and what your initial dose starting off was.

I also think you should trust your gut feeling that it is in fact not a good idea to roll two days in a row, either. Everything I've read (and the anecdotal experience of a friend) is indicative of that.

I suppose the safest way is to take a sensible first dose (around 1.5 mg/kg of body weight), and then not re-dose at all. Or maybe take one third of the original dose at the peak, if one really wants to prolong the experience. But as my "career" has gone on, attempts to wring more out of the experience seem to be producing diminishing results.

I remember the first time I took MDMA, it was a profoundly transcendental experience in which I learned as much about myself, my family, and my life in three hours as I could have in three years (or maybe three lifetimes). Honestly some of the insights quite possibly would have *never* occurred to me in a "sober" state.

Then I had an afterglow that lasted for weeks, and I felt like I could bring back the essence of the roll (though, of course, not the intensity) by drinking some Red Bull and taking 100 mg of 5-HTP (or 200 mg if I could bear the 10 minutes or so of intense nausea that its onset would induce).

The next couple of rolls were pretty profound, as well. I really learned to accept myself for who I am, go with the flow (as the cliche goes), not try to force things or force myself into a relationship, for example.

But many pills down the line, my most recent experience has been a shade of all that. The roll itself was very nice, and it was followed by a day or two of afterglow, but holding on to that deep, majorly positive potential for change has seemed really difficult. 5-HTP doesn't seem to help that much anymore (although I'd probably be worse off without it at all), and I feel too messed-up to really concentrate on my diet. But the worst thing is that it seems to have led to a week of major depression and anxiety, feeling like I just can't deal with life, like it's all too overwhelming and hopeless and I don't want to be here, I don't want to be anywhere, I just want it all to be over. And this depression, this kind of vibe, has been much more common in my life of late than any hope for future positive change.

I'm doing better in this moment, writing this out, and I hope I've turned the corner, but there's definitely a down-regulation or some kind of change that's taken place. I wonder if trying to keep the experience going with the caffeine and the 5-HTP contributed to that. Or maybe the changes were exacerbated by not always spacing my rolls out by a couple of months. Or maybe it was the period of my life where I experimented with microdosing MDA willy-nilly, as if it were an afternoon coffee pick-me-up. I don't know.

Ecstasy has changed my life profoundly, for the good, certainly, but I feel like its also introduced some neurochemical challenges, as well (although I suffered from depression before I even thought of taking an E pill, so there's that). And of course, there's a lot more to my life and a lot of other factors than just my adventures with E. Probably the worst confounding variable for me is that I also went through a period of my life where I had a pretty major drinking problem followed by a multi-month addiction to benzos. I'd like to say no regrats, in general, in my life, but that's certainly something I could have lived without.

But I think it's really important that we don't invalidate people's experiences, here, even if it's done with the good intentions of combating the prohibitionist hysteria that so unfairly keeps us from having the legal freedom to experiment in this area. And I think prohibition and the stigmatization of use also are relevant to this discussion. After having the kind of life-changing thoughts and feelings that E can bring about and then realizing that so many others have never felt like that and in fact think you're criminal for having done so, well, it doesn't seem strange that such a situation could produce alienation and psychological distress.

It seems like some people may not experience much of a risk of ecstasy-induced depression. For others, it seems like it could very well play a role in the issues of anxiety or depression that they are struggling with. To those people, stay strong, I say, and I'll try to stay strong with you.

Geez I only meant to ask a quick question on this topic and ended up writing this long tangential story! Lol thanks for the therapy listen, guys. I actually do feel better just getting some of this off my chest.

 

[indigochild522]

I don't feel depressed afterward, just sleepy. I feel like I need to be in bed for days lol. If you can force yourself to get up & act like a human being, it will make you feel better. I feel physically heavy after my comedown, like it is exhausting to carry my own body weight. I don't have any emotions of feeling depressed, but I can say I lack motivation to do much of anything. I will get up and have a snack & then climb right back into bed.

 

[Kl519]

From what I've seen from people around me, usually the day (or up to a week) after use, people say they "feel like shit." Don't know what that means really, but they sure seem a bit depressive or in a down mood. What I'm thinking is that whatever problems the person had, aside from e use, happened to bother them and it's usually 100% emotional.

Can't say much about it personally though.

 

[MindMelted]

Rolling only made me crash hard the first couple of times I tried it. Just felt like the opposite of the high - anxious, lonely, irritable, scattered. Nowadays when I roll I'll get more of an "afterglow" effect than a crash. I might feel kinda stupid for a week but nothing overly emotional. If I overdo it, however, my OCD goes fucking nuts (paranoid brain-clenching obsessive thoughts), I get socially awkward, depressed, and my life will feel like it's spiraling out of control, leading me to daydream of suicide. A month or two later, I'm back to normal. Rinse, repeat. I need to cut this shit out...

 

[scarlet_tunic]

For me it is not a huge deal, just so long as I don't have to work the next day. I can usually still go about my day functioning, exercising, talking, etc... but the morning after can be difficult. It's not as bad when the molly is really good and intense. The last molly I took was shit, and the next morning I was more depressed because I was disappointed with how mediocre the experience the night before was.

 

[supers0nic_high]

I just find it to be a feeling of general grogginess, physically tired and mentally just down. But after like 2 days it all goes away. Unless chronically depressed or an attention seeker already there not much chance of suicide

 

[BlueMerlin]

When you use too much or redose too often you can feel like an absolute drug addict the days after, a zombie, blurred vision, blackouts, unable to walk more than 10 meters in a row without catching breath, feeling weaker than ever before, completely drained from anything positive, juts empty and dead inside.
Better not too use it too often, and in moderate doses, usually you'll feel still pretty good the day after.

When your raining sweat however, your jaws hurt from clenching and biting your cheeks and your eyes are big black marbles, yeah, the day after you won't feel too good, that's for sure, but when you're having a good time, a gentle rush of warmth and love, not too exaggerated, then the day after will be alright.