Hi! And thank you so much. I'm SO HAPPY I found Bluelight. I've never found a site/forum where I could be completely honest about my life and not feel like everyone is judging me. I think I've found my new home.
I don't feel like I will abuse the Vyvanse, but I do understand and your point is very valid that I could start to abuse it. I did start myself off at 30 mgs instead of 50...and that's only because I read a lot of posts yesterday and I realize 50 mgs is a lot to start off on. Like I told CFC, the feeling I got from it wasn't a 'high'...it was more like my brain actually starting to work right. It's hard to explain, but I hope you understand. I wouldn't want to abuse a drug that I obviously need so desperately. But I can see the potential is there.
Have you been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as well? And if you are, and you're not pro-amphetamine, what do you find works for you?
I completely understand what it's like when you first try it, it's like everything finally clicks and the world makes sense. It's like you've found the answer to all of your problems. I get it. That's how it made me feel at first too and this is what is referred to as the "honeymoon stage". The more you take it, tolerance develops, the dose increases and it backfires. Try not to take it every single day if you can help it. Take breaks and keep your dose as low as possible for a while.
Yes, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder and major depression. I've been on Vyvanse at one point. After the psychosis, I tried Adderall. I don't like either anymore because they both helped, but only in the beginning. I felt "normal" and like I had a future because I was finally getting out of my house. I had a boyfriend and was getting things done. It was like a miracle drug. I was a recluse too and agoraphobic at my worst before the medicine. Tolerance built and it started to backfire. It actually gave me more anxiety and kept me trapped in my head ruminating all day. My personality changed for the worst. It made me irritable and caused me to isolate from people. Basically, all the great results it gave me in the beginning, it took back in the end.
I quit 5 months ago and I haven't found anything else that helps. I've been back in a dark, reclusive place. It's disappointing. I started seeing a new therapist and I will see a new psychiatrist in January to find an anti-depressant that can help to lift my mood. So basically, I just have to live without any ADHD help and learn how to get through it on my own.
Amphetamines are not sustainable for a lifetime.
All I can say is keep your dose low and don't take it every day.
I do not understand why your doctor is so adamant about keeping you on 50 mg even after it was brought to his attention by someone else. He honestly doesn't sound like a good doctor. It doesn't make sense. If you started at 50 mg, your tolerance would be sky high really soon. He should start you low so you can work your way up.
Meditation sounds like a good idea for trying to calm down at the end of the day. What I've noticed is a lot of people start drinking more and get addicted to other substances while taking amphetamines to bring them back down.
I started drinking more wine to take the edge off while I was on it and other things I won't mention. Bad habits seem to come with it. Maybe if you only took the Gabapentin at night, like a lil' to comedown. I don't know...