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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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@Maya thanks girl ill try to keep myself safe in no means am I trying to od or hurt myself and others, but stranger things have happened.

Today I'm sick atm I have nothing to put in my mouth lol all jokes aside,:\.
Damn I thought id kick my insane opiate usage... and my Adderall, klonlopin habits are no joke just more fuel added to the fire.

Opiates are my first drug of choice,
my first love started out when I was 14-15 years old, with one 5mg Vicodin then I upgraded to oxycodone, morphine IR and then Fentanyl. The list goes on and on. Name a opiate I've already pushed it through my body at one point in my life.
I gradually upped myself from 1 pill to 25 pills in one day it's a fucking sneaky habit. I wish this on no one not even my worst enemy probably because id rather have all the pills in the world if I could.
It's sickening to me I don't get a rush anymore I just use to 'get well', I'm destroying my liver because all that damn APAP fuck a CWE because (I) can't wait once they're in my hands I grab some coffee and pill pop.
So really for people reading this mixed up jumbled rant, stay away from the pills if you can, it burns through your money and it destroys your life.
And now that my back is fucked up guess what? My tolerance is through the roof no pain pill takes the edge off.
I'm 26 beautiful female just wasting money when I have to copp off the streets- I run a high risk buying opiates off the street even off good sources shit might hit the fan and catch a charge. Fuck the damn dea and the 'war on drugs' fucking locking up junkies in federal systems with killers lmao? Send them to rehabs instead.
 
Yeah opiates are the sneakiest drugs of all. I never used them to cover things up (at first), I just liked how they made me feel. Then slowly over the years it transformed from something innocent and life-affirming to something dark and soul-crushing. My struggle with them was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and no one deserves that. I always say to people to just never try opiates in the first place. If you're not the kind of person who would develop a problem with them, then all you got from it was a short period of feeling good and then you're no better off than you were. And if you're the type of person who gets addicted to opiates... well there's a pretty good chance that's where it will end up, because the cycle of addiction starts immediately. Hey, that was good, I'll do that again soon. And then again. And again. And the times get closer together, and at some point you reach daily use and that's when it's too late. No one goes into it expecting to become addicted, it's just hubris that most of us have, where we figure it won't happen to us. That's why it's best to just never bother with opiates at all. The best case scenario is neutral and the worst case scenario is horrific.
 
^ You're learning from them. You just either think the risk is worth the reward, or you think you can tweak the situation slightly for a more positive outcome.
 
gr33n3y3z said:
I'm self destructive and I'm too sneaky that nobody around me knows what I'm doing too myself, I get high to numb everything and everyone around me see's me with a smile...they just don't know me at all. When it boils down to the gritty my man of 7-8 years will never get the chance to understand me, I wont let anyone into my mind because they wont get it, not even my fucking therapist gets me..who I dropped dumb bitch.

Fuck it I'm living my life the way I want.
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I can almost guarantee you that me and many other people here on this site understand you and get what your going through. Addicts have a way of relating to each other thats very unique. We are looked at as outsiders by society but a group of addicts together speak the same language. Its the same feelings, emotions, behaviors and attitudes that we can all relate to. You dont really see addicts and alcoholics judging each other. Nothing shocks us cause were all the same.

That too is my speciality. I can hide things very well. Although i feel that its the most dangerous way sometimes. Be safe.
 
Haha, you make me realize my therapist is kind of lame. Ever since the day I told her about my opiate habit, she's been tryin to get rid of me. Today sippin kratom, tapering down a habit... :\
 
Xorkoth said:
Yeah opiates are the sneakiest drugs of all. I never used them to cover things up (at first), I just liked how they made me feel. Then slowly over the years it transformed from something innocent and life-affirming to something dark and soul-crushing. My struggle with them was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and no one deserves that. I always say to people to just never try opiates in the first place. If you're not the kind of person who would develop a problem with them, then all you got from it was a short period of feeling good and then you're no better off than you were. And if you're the type of person who gets addicted to opiates... well there's a pretty good chance that's where it will end up, because the cycle of addiction starts immediately. Hey, that was good, I'll do that again soon. And then again. And again. And the times get closer together, and at some point you reach daily use and that's when it's too late. No one goes into it expecting to become addicted, it's just hubris that most of us have, where we figure it won't happen to us. That's why it's best to just never bother with opiates at all. The best case scenario is neutral and the worst case scenario is horrific.
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I couldnt agree more with this
 
legalizeall said:
I couldnt agree more with this
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In the depths of addiction to opiates. I hate withdrawal. I hate the lifestyle but not as much as I hate my life. I'm going on maintenance friday which is just going to suck. I can't score anyway so I have no fucking choice. I dont even get high, I just take opiates so I dont feel like topping myself or smashing up my house.

....
 
Chookmaster7 said:
In the depths of addiction to opiates. I hate withdrawal. I hate the lifestyle but not as much as I hate my life. I'm going on maintenance friday which is just going to suck. I can't score anyway so I have no fucking choice. I dont even get high, I just take opiates so I dont feel like topping myself or smashing up my house.

....
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I know the feelings very well. Ive never had a drug consume me like opiate pharmaceuticals. Im so very lucky to have cut that ball and chain. PM me if you wanna get into it or talk about that shit.
 
Still off opiates and meth(7 months 4 meth fuck ups 0 opiates) xanax not so much got in a fight on saturday because of them. Luckily my best friend has resurfaced (babymamma drama) and has been coming over everyday and making sure im ok he gets me to go outside an skate a bit an he'll bring me weed or xanax (he doesnt smoke his mom does n he usually wont give me xanax cuz he needs it) when i get super depressed and even found a car and picked me up on sat when i was hiding from the cops.. so grateful hes back but im still depressed as fuck when i dont have xanax i cant leave the house and ive never been so suicidal.. i had a fucking page written but it was a wall of text.

Other days im happy.. normally only on xanax days but sometimes i find joy in somethings.. been trying to skateboard more mom decided to quit drinking again the other day so that makes me happy, also I think she knows im trying my hardest an is starting to be more lax about me getting a job ive applied at a few places but interviews scare theshit out of me and haven't got a call back anyways..

Could the depression be paws from xanax withdrawls 7 months ago?? I was on 3mg a day for 3 years and 6mg a day for 1, the withdrawls were the scariest thing iv'e ever went through (people in rehab didn't even understand where the fuck my head was) and I still don't feel comfortable when im not on it
 
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really no longer see the point of carrying on with life any more the is nothing left for me in this world and i just don't have anything left inside of me to keep trying to get any where
 
foolsgold said:
really no longer see the point of carrying on with life any more the is nothing left for me in this world and i just don't have anything left inside of me to keep trying to get any where
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I think this just sums it up FG, for everyone in truth. There is no real value in things or money, status, the illusion of success even the the daily struggle ultimately leads to yet another seemingly little different from the last.

All those things are the reasons, the great privilege we have been granted for reasons we can't begin to fathom, who knows where it leading to or what things are left to see and experience, none of us have even the faintest idea.

Hang on in there, I for one would miss you and I'm sure others would to, your time to take the final curtain will arrive if it's own accord let it be with grace and style <3
 
I fucked up yesterday. I feel really stupid and I am really mad at myself. I guess it is what it is, but I still wish I could change it.
 
^charge to experience and learn from it. Everyday is a new day where we learn new things and sometimes we learn the hard way hun.
 
I have to read about impatience and learn some strategies.
 
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xstayfadedx said:
I fucked up yesterday. I feel really stupid and I am really mad at myself. I guess it is what it is, but I still wish I could change it.
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We all fuck up, i would classify myself as a fuck up. Like my bro says you mayaswell laugh at everything, life is one big ironic joke after all.
 
clock is ticking on to the worst time of the year 30 days i give myself 37 days at the most left inside of me another Christmas new years alone and i think it will kill me this time
 
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