Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

[hydroazuanacaine]

thanks, Joe.

 

[xstayfadedx]

After last night/early this morning I give up. I totally do. Peace out.

 

[The Chemist]

^ hang in there xstayfadedx!

Or, as your fellow loungers would say: keep your head up nigga

 

[Maya]

^ hang in there xstayfadedx!

Or, as your fellow loungers would say: keep your head up nigga

yes stayfaded pm me hun if you want to talk ok?

 

[sadkid]

Just a question, why is there so much shit in the world? Why do bad things happen so easily? Why is it so hard for good things to happen? Why the fuck I the world so fucked up?

 

[Corazon]

My rest has been poor lately and my anxiety has been sky-high.

Now I've got this silly pain in my abdomen, which I think is just stress-induced gastrointestinal pain. But the last couple days I have been terrified that it was my abdominal aorta. I had a recent test done where they saw an aneurism, but said it hasn't gotten worse, so I am trying to trust that they are competent.

LOL! so the more I stress, the more my stomach hurts, which in turn causes me more fear and stress!


fffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk I could really use some power in my life right now and be more active than this shitty cycle. In the meantime I'm going to catch up on my rest this weekend, cut out all the caffiene and try to eat regularly. Hopefully both my food stamps have been added, and I am well enough to grocery shop, because I am so tempted to waste $20 on some fast-food or takeout right now, fucking sick of this rice.

this is not how I want to live

 

[Maya]

Stress sucks speaking of that I have been stressed for a while but there are good days. I'm just learning to ignore and shut my mind off. Lots of worries but what can I do right but do my best and live life.

 

[Corazon]

Stress sucks speaking of that I have been stressed for a while but there are good days. I'm just learning to ignore and shut my mind off. Lots of worries but what can I do right but do my best and live life.

Keep it up Maya. I know u have a ton of stress at work, and w/ an LDR.


sometimes i feel what i write in here is crazy, but i'm glad there is a place like this

 

[herbavore]

Stress sucks speaking of that I have been stressed for a while but there are good days. I'm just learning to ignore and shut my mind off. Lots of worries but what can I do right but do my best and live life.

That's right girl!

 

[Give_me_some_pants]

Yeah, benzo addiction sucks. Having to re-gain reading, talking and coordination skills sucks butt too. As far as the cognitive impairment goes, it sloooowly gets better and i've heard from many people that you do go back to normal. I had to tell my friends for months I was retarded. it does get better, and this I know, but i'm still far from "normal". And I trusted that doctor ): best and worst choice I ever made was kicking that crap, and if slim shady can get off a 300-600 mg a day valium addiction through detox and rehab I think I can.

 

[Zerrr]

Yeah, benzo addiction sucks. Having to re-gain reading, talking and coordination skills sucks butt too. As far as the cognitive impairment goes, it sloooowly gets better and i've heard from many people that you do go back to normal. I had to tell my friends for months I was retarded. it does get better, and this I know, but i'm still far from "normal". And I trusted that doctor ): best and worst choice I ever made was kicking that crap, and if slim shady can get off a 300-600 mg a day valium addiction through detox and rehab I think I can.

Highly unlikely that guy was on the doses of hydrocodone+valium that he claims.

I could consume anywhere from 40 to 60 Valium [in a day]. Vicodin maybe 30.

With the vicodin that's approx 7,500-15,000 mg of acetaminophen/day...sort of hard to believe he was that ignorant.

Although, I have read about other people taking similar amounts (supposedly) without causing much damage. People who had no clue about the dangers of APAP usually.

Also, (afaik-could be wrong) but 600mg diazepam is out of this world f'd up. I was on what is considered a rather high dose and it wasn't even 1/10th of that.

 

[wanting]

...sort of hard to believe he was that ignorant.

Yeah, but if you're abusing pills with APAP, you don't really think about that side of it. I know I didn't. I was warned...I know the risks...but I popped the "extra" pills when I wanted them. I was under the influence, not ignorant. Fortunately, all my blood work comes back as "normal," so I guess no real damage was done.

Today, I'm 30 days off hydrocodone, after 4 years continuous (prescribed) use. I feel better than I did 2 weeks ago, but nowhere NEAR normal. Still a lot of fatigue, foggy head, difficulty concentrating. How long until I can say I feel like my usual self? Anyone have experience with this? I kept hoping that 30 days would be a magic number, but it's another day of feeling like crap. Better crap than 2 weeks ago, but still crap. When does the crap turn to that joy of living I keep hoping for?

 

[Zerrr]

^Yea was gonna add the "addiction factor" but decided not to.

I also assume a person of his "status", would have access to many other less harmful alternatives when it comes to opioids.

 

[aq.]

I do not want to go to work tomorrow. it will take every ounce of me to not punch my boss in her ugly bitch face.

 

[Give_me_some_pants]

I think I hit 18 Lortab/vicodin at the peak of those days, never even got a kidney stone (luckily), but quickly switched to oxymorphone/IR-morphine when I realized how much Tylenol was pumping through my veins and how much money I was wasting on those wimpy little pills. I do think his valium use was exaggerated, i was passing out for days on 90mg with a moderate benzo tolerance.

Dont discourage me though! Lol always used his story as a "it could be worse" scenario, and as far as sleeping a couple hours a night and having to wake up only to take more, I know those feels.

And btw, just finding out cravings do go away. Still in pretty rough benzo w/d myself and can talk about it openly without the thought of wanting those devil pills in me crossing my mind.

 

[Give_me_some_pants]

When does the crap turn to that joy of living I keep hoping for?

PAWS goes on for a while man, I've heard a few people say opiate users feel better around 3 months. I personally couldnt tell you. I kicked benzos and opiates simultaniously and those symptoms were heavily overshadowed by the benzo torture (which is still going on 7 months later...).

 

[Zerrr]

I have had to deal with both opioid and benzo WD's and unfortunately I am still on diazepam.

The main reason I am on a benzo is because of opioids. I came off suboxone and tried to deal with life drug free for the next 2 months, I had some good days but overall was unable to function well enough to have what I would consider a reasonable quality of life. I first tried something very stupid, a stimulant/benzo combo, which turned into a nightmare I prefer not to share here.

Anyway, I got on diazepam which as long as I don't exceed my daily dose has stabilized my mind a bit. I am just rather apathetic most days.

(some obv simple advice) Try to run as much as possible, if you have access to the ocean try to get a kayak.

gl

 

[Give_me_some_pants]

good advice, i bike as much as i can, balance is still screwed as are the bones/muscles in my arms and legs :/ get sick and tired of being too sick and tired to function, and it goes on foreverrrrr. it's a messed up road.

i hope one day you can taper off the valium, i remember how i was on, before and now in w/d, and seeing the other side again seems worth a year or so in w/d. at least i'm only 23, maybe i can rebuild my life to the quality it was before i kicked. baby momma swears i'm insane though and no w/d can go on this long. oh and going to the beach at night is also calming as well as cooling for the eternal sunburn this crap leaves.. wouldnt quite trust myself on a kayak just yet in this physical condition though.

i remember the first time i tried to kick and made it a few weeks out, stimulants in paws from that combination was a terrible idea.. was nearly healed once from a batch of wet labbies but i don't have the balls to try that again.

thanks bud.

 

[Corazon]

FUCK! I need to do better.
I've been allowing my life to be an excuse lately instead of doing everything I can to improve.

 

[herbavore]

^Yeah, but give yourself a break, Corazon--you might need those "excuse" times for a mental resting place. You rarely stay for long and in a way they may recharge your determination to move forward. You are strong and persistent--it comes through.