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Used Heroin and Fentanyl and Getting back on SUBS

Oh, honey. I know it sucks so bad. There are a lot of wd symptoms, and everyone seems two have one or two that bother them the most. Is bupe your DOC? Is that what you're trying to kick? My DOC is fentanyl. Sounds like H, fent, and bupe all have the same wd symptoms. I would always get that sweaty, sneezy, runny nose and eyes, tickle in my throat around day 3. I hope you can feel better sweetness. Hang in there. Progress is progress. Try to keep moving forward as much as you can. One Love
 
Ok. I found some of your previous posts. We are in similar situations. I have a three yr old and I'm still with his father, although we are not married, but I totally get the sex thing. My bf doesn't know I'm going through wd's when my skin is crawling and I don't want to be touched at all, so he thinks I hate him and we fight. It's tuff.
 
Hi all. Just wanted to chip in to say I'm in a similar situation. I was on 4mg subutex per day for a long time but kept periodically using heroin + crack which was easy because the 4mg bupe doesn't block much, but would keep it to a day or two at a time and then go back on subs. A couple weeks ago my two days using turned into 3 weeks, I didn't collect my sub script and was back to being a full blown addict. When my worker found out she got me my subutex script back but put it up to 8mgs, and now I'm on day 3 of 8mg. No physical symptoms at all, but feel kind of zombified/sedated in a way that higher doses of subutex do to me, but staying positive and focusing on fully getting clean. It's been great reading this thread to know I'm not alone.

We're all gonna make it!
 
It’s so easy to become an addict by accident, but soooo hard to get clean even when you want it more Than anything. It took me a year or more to get where I am. Which is still a long way away from where I wanna be as far as cleanliness and recovery but I’m light years better than I was even three short weeks ago when I got tossed in rehab.
I am a serious addict/ alcoholic. I take everything to the extreme.
When I quit the h/fent I took subs a while at very low doses, but replaced drugs with booze and did some ridiculously psycho shit. I’m lucky I am not in jail. I woke up in rehab and checked myself out immediately. Got a plane ticket to the keys and stayed a cpl weeks fishing and spearfishing. BEST decision I’ve made so far to help me get away from the opiates and the depression actually cured itself down there. Before that I hadn’t been able to work/sleep/ eat, hell, even be anything useful. My best friend (father) had passed away feb 9th while I was trying to stabilize on subs. It was a recipe for disaster. 2016&17 were the worst years of my life. 2018 started off the same, but I am now determined to become the man my wife met over 20 years ago. I’m back working my ass off, and trying to rebuild all the shit I screwed up these last few years.
The friends and family we effect by using don’t deserve it. I always thought nobody knew. Yeah right. Being somewhat clean now, the comments/compliments I get now shows how much I wasn’t fooling anyone. The process of cleaning up is a long miserable road, but something that is so worth every second of mental and physical pain once you get to the other side.
ive slipped a time or two and used maybe a small line or bump or something and realized I don’t even really like it anymore.

JD buddy, I’m so dang proud of you (feels weird telling a grow man that) because I know exactly how hard this really is.
I almost killed myself on more than one occasion just because of the shame. We can’t live life hooked on dope. Our children and wives deserve us, not a doped up numb version of what we used to be. If we don’t get clean and remain that way, we will either die, or watch our children get raised by some other mother fucker from afar, or both. My worst fear in life is losing the wife and kids. If I ever let that happen, I would have nothing to live for.
everyone here is rooting hard for you. I know your stronger than any damn drug. God put you here to teach others, father those kids, and be the best husband you can. I pray for you every day and will continue to.
your killin it man!! Keep it up!!
 
Good deal rio! You were a real inspiration for me during some of my hardest times. We can all make it. I know it!!!!
 
I like your story BeenBetter. When you said that you weren't fooling anyone, I started looking back on my last three years of thinking I was fooling people, and I really wasn't. Friends and family definitely noticed something wrong, but I passed it off as depression and anxiety from too much going on in my life. Everyone is buying it, but they are starting to wonder why I'm not over it yet. My mom is pushing for me to get on antidepressants, because she knows I'm not myself, she just doesn't know the real reason why. Thank you everyone for sharing. This helps sooooo much to know I'm not alone and there are people who understand and don't think I'm just a weak piece of shit. Thank you BeenBetter. Maybe you'll tell me your first name.....;)

One Love
 
I'm finally laying down, I gave in for .2 but, it's not going to break me. Glad really...it really was hard on my husband tonight with out son so I needed to help. Still sweaty, yawny, and chilly.
However the biggest upside ...I have 6mg of sub in my body right now. That's huge. Tomorrow morning I will take more, eventually it will all be plugged. New job Monday is huge-- but I'm also shooting for playing with my son and husband in the pool. Definitely screwed up the past couple of years--worked for my inlaws, I was never on time, always leaving, I got fired. So I really want to get back to me, the bad ass up at 4 work hard look great kind of woman I used to be. Here's to the next 12 hours :)
 
Thatta girl, thatgirl! It's hard to be loving and fun for your family during wd's, but like you said, it will be so much better soon. You got this!!!!!
 
Thanks Tiffany.
and yeah my name is Christopher.
ther is a whole big long story, an almost unbelievable series of events that lead me to start using again after five perfect years of soberness. I had kicked long term sub use @1mg cold turkey five years before my last run and it was Hell for around a month. Then came the series of shit. I knew what I was getting into and didn’t really care. Maybe I’ll tell the whole thing sometime. If u go back and look at some of my earlier posts I wrote about a few of them. U could probably piece it together somewhat. These past years were extremely dark and depressing. I was killing myself with drugs and alcohol and didn’t care.


sorry for the thread jack Jd! Your doing great and I’m sure your wife is watching you turn back into you and loving it! Maybe use your new attitude to focus more on your wife and kids like dale said to.
its working for us at home. The wife and kids can tell “daddy not so sad anymore.”
ive been waiting patiently for this thread to take the turn it has. Please keep it up jd. I’m your biggest fan cause our situations r so similar. I want so bad to watch you succeed and I’ve got a feeling this time is it!!! Praying for peace and strength to you always!!.
 
JD-- hope all is well.
I did .5 when I went into precipitated wd. But-- I got 6 mg of sub in my body. I did the fent/h all .5 at once at 2pm woke up at 8 am. Immediately did 2 mg sub. It's been an hour...I'm not dying but I don't feel out of the woods to take more. So for now I'll chill. Maybe swim...maybe tell my husband what happened yesterday
Did you ever feel like --god I want to tell my SO everything ?

Been better --I went to ireland for 2 weeks got sober found myself, would prefer the keys. It's sounds like you are doing well dude. That's awesome
 
Girl- I'm not sure if you saw my post earlier, but i did try to tell my SO everything, and he freaked out on me, even though he uses TONS of rec drugs. He'll do what ever you give him. But, he never does one thing for very long at a time, so he's never had a dependency, and he was pissed at me for developing one. So, I can't tell him about my struggles anymore. I especially wish I could talk to him when I'm having bad anxiety, or be able to explain to him that I don't want him to touch me because of wd's, and not because I'm not attracted to him anymore.

Christopher- How's it coming along? You are so supportive of everyone else, but you don't really update us on your status.

Jason- Day 9? I think... I suppose it's a good thing when you start losing track of days. I think that week of subs only delayed my wd's. Once the half-life wore off, I started in with the shits and bad temper. I'm not getting the crawly skin or anxiety, but I'm sure the gabs are covering that up. Last fent was 10 (?) days ago. 7 days of subs, and I'm on my 3rd day of gabs. I think maybe tomorrow I will try not taking the gabs. I'm scared though, because I still have the GI stuff going on.
 
Sup Tiff. Thx for asking about me. I try to help others as much as I can. It’s the way I’ve always been except when I’m on a binder which usually last’s years. Hahaa Sounds like your doing pretty dang good. There should only be two ways to use subs imo. Long term like forever lol or just for a week or so like you did. I don’t think I could kick subs again although I may take like a tiny crumb every few days cause I always have this feeling that wds are gonna hit me even though they probably wouldn’t.
I guess I’m doing good. Compared to a couple weeks ago when I had a 45 to my head I’m doin awesome!!! Back working my ass off again and coming home and smoking out with my beers and taking care of my family the good lord blessed me with. I’m still tapering the benzos. Don’t know how long it will take. I’m just tryin stay away from the fent and d and shit. I’ve slipped a time or two with a bump or something if it’s in front of me but I’m pretty sure that’s all behind me. I haven’t had a thread about myself in a long time. I don’t like to look back and see how bad I was. Brings back terrible memories. I think I may make a thread soon telling about myself and what I went through and how I got for the most part sober. It would make a helluva book!!! Id have to leave some stuff out because I did some shit that I REALLY shouldn’t have while I was drinking away wds and depression. That was not me though.
I’m mainly here for others like jd and ladyh who needs to update us. Lol
i came here on my lunch break to check on y’all. Hope your chugging along J happy and healthy!! Praying for you bud!!
you to tiff and thatgirl!!
GET FUCKING OFF THE SHIT and let’s all stay that way. Nothing good will ever come from using in the end. I learned that the hard way. Eventually we would lose everything, end up in jail, or die. Bottom line. May take a while but it’s the truth. Plus, no dang high is worth the damn wds and depression.
I am praying for all you guys an gals, and myself that we all get to be the people God wants us to be. We only get one chance at life and it’s shorter than we realize. I just turned 38 a cpl weeks ago and realized my life is probably half over and I wanna remember it and help my lil daughters grow up and not be like me.
Love yall

keep truckin J!!
 
So day 2 (yesterday took 6 mg sub full blown precipitated wd then .5 dope)
I've taken 2mg sub every 2-3 hours. I'm at 6mg now. I think I've done it. Don't get me wrong, laying in the sun has helped and my husband not letting me leave is a blessing. I think I did it... not very motivated or happy but not shaking and shitting. It's 100 here in charleston, good tan...sweating out all that dope
 
Guys I'd love some help. I finally got up to 8mg sub since 8a.m. no precipitated wd (nothing to write home about) but I'm still spacey, a bit chilly. Safe to finally take more ?
 
Dang hun, I didn’t wanna make nobody cry. Sry for that.

I would say it’s safe to take more if you still feel rough. I only had to take 12 plus some benzos and sleeping shit once but everyone is different. id say your past the pwds if u didn’t get it from 8mg. Once I was out of the wds I was stuck w severe depression. Idk if it was cause I finally sobered up and realized I’d never talk to my pops again or if was the dope. Who knows. But it got me.
dont let depression get u. It’s hard hard hard to quit the kinds of habits we all shared, but if my sissy ass can do it so can everyone else!
 
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