Yeah krazikat the depression is crazy right? im really struggling today mentally becuz to be honest Ive always been a bit depressed/critical /negative (the real life of the party huh?) even off drugs and so im really questioning if i want that life back. I know i dont want to be sick but i also think this was a way out of something i really didnt want. I tried getting my atm card from my wife and got into a huge fight...
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Used Heroin and Fentanyl and Getting back on SUBS
- Thread starter JDGRAMZ
- Start date
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Shit jd. don’t give in. You gave that card to her for your own good. Cause you do want this!!! Remember that. You’ve come a long way. She is sticking with you cause she wants the you that you may not think you want. I’m praying for you. Praying for your cravings to leave. You want your family more than dope. I KNOW U DO!!
I have been clean for 8 days...i wish i could say i feel great and life is wonderful but im realizing the reason I used is I was severely depresssed with my life before and wanted to escape it. The dope allowed me to dysfuntionally do my job and shut off my brain but now I am really struggling mentally. I feel like i was not made for this world...im still on subs so shouldnt they take these thoughts away? Im struggling with not using but also with life itself... i have alot of good things but I just want out of this world with the View, Jerry Springer, bills, work, etc.
JDGRAMZ,
No big deal,you slipped, we all have. What's counts is that you're coming back here for support.
Try to stay away from the friends that use and any dealers etc. If you don't have a lot of people for support come here more, there's no judgment and I know you can do this.
You have a lot going for you!!!!
Here for you anytime,
your friend, Ashley.
No big deal,you slipped, we all have. What's counts is that you're coming back here for support.
Try to stay away from the friends that use and any dealers etc. If you don't have a lot of people for support come here more, there's no judgment and I know you can do this.
You have a lot going for you!!!!
Here for you anytime,
your friend, Ashley.
Im back again...went on another 3 week run. My life is shit again but im the cause of it. Not sure what else to say ...
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Wow that's really so nice of you JD!!
I hope you are you having a nice weekend? Even if you're not, that's okay too, you have this place to come and people like me who can relate to you.....you are definitely NOT alone.
Here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.
I hope you are you having a nice weekend? Even if you're not, that's okay too, you have this place to come and people like me who can relate to you.....you are definitely NOT alone.
Here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.
Thank you so much ashley- just your encouraging note means SO MUCH to me as this is a lonely miserable thing to do alone...thank you for your support it means more then you know!!!!
Well here I am again...36hours took some sub and went into pws minor but i only took 1 mg ...not sure what to do now. This time is it...i am tired of being this fiend who can only focus on one thing. I have to work tomorrow but i just need to push past the pain. Today i made a video for myself in case i ever think of using again. Anyways thanku for all ypur support even tho i dont feel like i deserve it but thank u anyways!
Hello JD, Great to hear from you my friend!!! I was wondering how you were.
Good for you for keeping at it, you are determined and I know you will succeed!!!
You are MORE than deserving of support JD, faulters, stumbles, slip ups and what have you are all a part of this recovery journey. No big deal, you're moving on.
I hope your work day tomorrow is manageable.
I am here anytime you need an ear, or a shoulder to lean on. You can pm me anytime.
Your friend,
Ash.
Good for you for keeping at it, you are determined and I know you will succeed!!!
You are MORE than deserving of support JD, faulters, stumbles, slip ups and what have you are all a part of this recovery journey. No big deal, you're moving on.
I hope your work day tomorrow is manageable.
I am here anytime you need an ear, or a shoulder to lean on. You can pm me anytime.
Your friend,
Ash.
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Jd is gonna beat this bullshit. I feel it.
takes a little time to get accustomed to the subs. It’s miserable but oh so worth it. Ive got so much to say but I’ll leave it at I’m praying for you man and I know u can do this. I know u can.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!!
takes a little time to get accustomed to the subs. It’s miserable but oh so worth it. Ive got so much to say but I’ll leave it at I’m praying for you man and I know u can do this. I know u can.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!!
Thank you both so much!! A huge part of addiction is the depression and loneliness and so you both made my day. Work was terrible but I got thru it somehow. Today is day 4 for me. I didnt sleep at all last night which means i dont feel great but physically todays my best day so far. I took 4mg of sub around 7ish and withdrawls feel better...still waiting for more energy but im good today and resolved to do this and stick with it this time!
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Hell to the yea!!Thank you both so much!! A huge part of addiction is the depression and loneliness and so you both made my day. Work was terrible but I got thru it somehow. Today is day 4 for me. I didnt sleep at all last night which means i dont feel great but physically todays my best day so far. I took 4mg of sub around 7ish and withdrawls feel better...still waiting for more energy but im good today and resolved to do this and stick with it this time!
You have the right attitude it seems. I’m rooting for you as hard as I can.
Day 5 barely got 2 or 3 hours of sleep last night. I am so depressed because ive had no sleep these last couple nights and i want to end my suffering... i know this is all part of the sub transition but its never been this bad. I feel like i suppose anyone with this little amount of sleep would feel. I guess the good news is at least i slept more last night then the night before. At any rate the struggle is real and I want to thank everyone for reading this and your support.
This using has brought me to a dark place. I used to think the answer to h/fent/oxy was always suboxone and couldnt figure out why anyone would stop using it (given my accomplishments which seem laughable and a cruel joke at this point in my life)... life is funny u overcome one thing and then another thing comes at you. When i w?s on day 2 i went to walmart and begged God to just feel like any of the "normal" people i saw from car window but then i thought about it and realized every one has their struggles. They might not be in pws from taking subs too early (it amazes me i wait 36 hours and still get pws) but they struggle with some thing and thats what im realizing. Call it a greater sympathy or empathy and i thought i already was that way but not enough it seems . Anyways a bit off topic i suppose...
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
I remember vividly praying for the same normal feeling. Heck, I still do when I look at my wife and kids. I’ve got a long ways to go but I’m getting there I think.
still praying for u bud.
you WILL be back to normal soon. Just keep reminding yourself that if u can. I can honestly say I know exactly what you are going through.
still praying for you!!
still praying for u bud.
you WILL be back to normal soon. Just keep reminding yourself that if u can. I can honestly say I know exactly what you are going through.
still praying for you!!
Hi Beenbetter,,
I left you a message on your own thread a few weeks back, I was wondering how you were doing, now I KNOW.
Glad to see you are doing so well and you are a great support for others!!!
Here for you anytime,
Your friend ,
Ash.
I left you a message on your own thread a few weeks back, I was wondering how you were doing, now I KNOW.
Glad to see you are doing so well and you are a great support for others!!!
Here for you anytime,
Your friend ,
Ash.
I remember vividly praying for the same normal feeling. Heck, I still do when I look at my wife and kids. I’ve got a long ways to go but I’m getting there I think.
still praying for u bud.
you WILL be back to normal soon. Just keep reminding yourself that if u can. I can honestly say I know exactly what you are going through.
still praying for you!!
Hello my friend JD,
Hang in there, you're right in the thick of it, This won't last forever. I can relate to looking at the normal people and wishing that I would get there. YOU WILL you know JD!!!
Keep fighting JD, you have a great attitude. Come here and post anytime. You can do this!!
Here for you if you need anything,
your friend,
Ash.
Hang in there, you're right in the thick of it, This won't last forever. I can relate to looking at the normal people and wishing that I would get there. YOU WILL you know JD!!!
Keep fighting JD, you have a great attitude. Come here and post anytime. You can do this!!
Here for you if you need anything,
your friend,
Ash.
This using has brought me to a dark place. I used to think the answer to h/fent/oxy was always suboxone and couldnt figure out why anyone would stop using it (given my accomplishments which seem laughable and a cruel joke at this point in my life)... life is funny u overcome one thing and then another thing comes at you. When i w?s on day 2 i went to walmart and begged God to just feel like any of the "normal" people i saw from car window but then i thought about it and realized every one has their struggles. They might not be in pws from taking subs too early (it amazes me i wait 36 hours and still get pws) but they struggle with some thing and thats what im realizing. Call it a greater sympathy or empathy and i thought i already was that way but not enough it seems . Anyways a bit off topic i suppose...
Thank you EPL and BeenBetter!! Just knowing that someone is out there whether going thru something similar and pulling for me means more than I can even express so thank you for your continued support!!
Well today is day 6- i got like 5 to 6 hours of sleep last night which is awesome. I typically post in the morning and so after I took a shower and took my subs the days wasnt half bad- actually if Im being honest it was one of my best days in a while. I woke up took my family for breakfast (which i can afford to do now that im not wasting it on dope) , took them to the playground, came home went swimming with them and then spent night watching tv with wife. Since im on summer break i have a bit more time (tho a hell of alot less money...whatever!) My wife told me she didnt remember the last time i did that much with the family and that i had been a pleasure to be around yesterday. The same woman who last week she was packing her bags to leave me... and it goes past just this last run (which has been slmost a year by this point tho off and on.)
Subs make me be able to be super focused on one thing...thsts why i have a PhD and business. I could take thr smallest little problem/thing and spend weeks dissecting it. The problrm was i would focus on that issue instead of my family. Ive been on subs for like 10 years in 2 x 5 year periods with a couple years of relapse in between. But im questioning if thats best.
Anyways this is probably not the time to worry about it as i know they have helped me considerably and i wouldnt have the things i have without them but at the end i felt cold and distant from people like the subs were more neg then pos. This only happens years into relatively high doses but still 5 years from today if everything goes well i cant end up in this same spot. Sorry for rambling....have an awesome day everyone!!
Well today is day 6- i got like 5 to 6 hours of sleep last night which is awesome. I typically post in the morning and so after I took a shower and took my subs the days wasnt half bad- actually if Im being honest it was one of my best days in a while. I woke up took my family for breakfast (which i can afford to do now that im not wasting it on dope) , took them to the playground, came home went swimming with them and then spent night watching tv with wife. Since im on summer break i have a bit more time (tho a hell of alot less money...whatever!) My wife told me she didnt remember the last time i did that much with the family and that i had been a pleasure to be around yesterday. The same woman who last week she was packing her bags to leave me... and it goes past just this last run (which has been slmost a year by this point tho off and on.)
Subs make me be able to be super focused on one thing...thsts why i have a PhD and business. I could take thr smallest little problem/thing and spend weeks dissecting it. The problrm was i would focus on that issue instead of my family. Ive been on subs for like 10 years in 2 x 5 year periods with a couple years of relapse in between. But im questioning if thats best.
Anyways this is probably not the time to worry about it as i know they have helped me considerably and i wouldnt have the things i have without them but at the end i felt cold and distant from people like the subs were more neg then pos. This only happens years into relatively high doses but still 5 years from today if everything goes well i cant end up in this same spot. Sorry for rambling....have an awesome day everyone!!
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Good deal man!! Glad you are making progress!! Your gonna be a much happier person without the extreme highs and lows..
keep trucking along.
keep trucking along.
What is your habit? I was 2 bundles per day,, and I went on suboxone no problem,, you don't have to. Be clean to get on suboxone,, I went right on it and it worked. Vivitrol yea you have to be 10 days clean that's my dolemma
To start a Suboxone induction one must be in significant withdrawal in order to avoid a precipitated withdrawal. They are not fun, or so I've been told.