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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Thanks Shroomy. I am feeling better today. This chronic pain, anxiety problem is hard core. I have no idea how anyone is supposed to actually live like this. I am no expert help for you but I get it. I know the anxiety sucks almost worse than the pain. You say the anxiety does suck worse than the pain for you. I'm so sorry that you have those panic attacks. I had some of those when I ran myself out of clonazepam and they really were the worst. Hard to say though for me. I have some bad injuries to go along with my lifelong anxiety disorder and cluster migraine headaches. I actually loose my vision for awhile when I get those cluster headaches. You have never seen someone so disabled when those hit me.
Apparently they are on the top 10 most painful conditions a person can have list.

What I do know is that chronic pain is insidious and you cannot just ignore or will power through the constant pain. It will make you suicidal and you will try to self medicate. Anyone would.
There is no shame in having a trusted person give your daily medication to you.
If you find that you are not able to quite stick to the plan, it is better than running out early. It is a great feeling to not have that prescription bottle disappear isn't it? Knowing you don't have to go through that horrid opiate withdrawal again.

The lovely romance is helping. Lots of love is definitely helping! Yeah for that! You are right that not a lot of people are blessed with what we have found. We have both been waiting a LONG time for it too! There is nothing stronger than love. It will pull us through.
I had to laugh that you two did not make it long with the being apart plan. Lol! I saw that one coming. Haha!
We both have a lot to look forward to. I also have a vision for the future. With someone I absolutely love and adore too! More than that even, someone I REALLY, REALLY like! Best friends as well. You said "she completes me" once and I feel the same about my guy.
It is so great to have such an open, honest relationship too. We are always honest with one another and we know we can trust one another. Affection is so awesome and healing too! Wouldn't you agree? It is so nice to just feel comfortable with another person being yourself too. Knowing they really love us even with our faults and problems.

Our loves are much better than any kind of a high! What a high it is just to hear their voice. It is just going to take us some time to work through all this. We are fully headed in the right direction and I am so amazingly proud of you! You have pulled it together big time, fast, under a lot of pressure and managed to find the love of your life while you were struggling at your worst. You should be very proud. Well done!!!

I have found that weed - actually sativa- does help in moderation for me. I have had this freaking left leg intense bone pain since the car accident and he sent me some of that to try and woah! It deflated the pressure in my leg that has been driving me insane for years. I actually felt like myself again for awhile!
I smoked it about 2 months ago and my leg pain still has not come back to anywhere near the level it was on.
It did help a lot but I also know what you mean about "too many drugs" , yeah, it gets to be too much. Maybe just use that if absolutely needed. Otherwise, it just makes me more tired, does increase anxiety (I noticed that too) and causes too much lethargy.

We have to keep ourselves going and functioning to the best that is possible for us so we can enjoy life again!
I think fucking is the best medicine along with laughter! We have been blessed and I am grateful. So very thankful.

Enjoy yourself! Concentrate on the good and know the bad is temporary. As long as we keep a reasonable, thought out plan of action with taking our medication as directed, watching the "addiction" problem- (we don't want that taking over) , finding ways to cope and other things we can do such as meditation, diet, exercise, breathing exercises, massage, sex, more sex, etc. than I think we can live pretty good indeed! Many don't have what we do and I am not going to loose this! :)
He makes me too happy and is so important to me. It helps having someone else to care for and please too.

Things are going well! We are doing awesome Shroomy! Considering what we have both been through and continue to deal with, we are doing just great! Keep up the good work. The rewards just keep coming! Our staying stable is of the utmost importance.
 
Hi folks. I wanted to share my detox experience (currently ongoing) with you. I really hope it is useful for someone.

I have been on 200mcg fentanyl (via 2 100mcg patches) with a 240mg Oxy kicker on a daily basis. I've been using for 15 years but only at these levels for about 5 years. I also take Soma. I got addicted through a Doc who over prescribed for a screwed up back after years jumping out of anything moving during my military career. Now that Opiates are in the news, my primary care Doc pussied out and referred me to a pain management clinic. I was skeptical at first but what option did I have.....

To my surprise, it is working out better than expected and here is how I'm doing it. I quit the Oxys and Soma the first night (mostly because I ran out). I went down to 100mcg Fentanyl for two weeks, then 50, then 25 and started 12mcg today. In about 10 days I'll be completely off for a month. To help, the pain doc gave me prescriptions for a high dose of Lyrica, Clonidine, and something else to keep my stomach under control. I'm sure those scripts have really helped me.

I wont lie, its a bitch. I hurt, my mind is a little fucked up and I just yelled at my SO for no reason. Right now, I feel like I'm trying to shake a light case of the flu: achy joints, slight headache. and just a general feeling of blah. It's really not bad and totally doable but I am dreading when I step off completely. But I'm doing it and I'm going to continue to do it. It helps to have someone to work with you, and talk with about it who understands. Even though I still have light pain in my back (just had a steroid shot in the spine) its entirely manageable.

I don't know many people who had a habit as big as mine. Even my pain doc, a really decent guy who understands, was amazed I had not OD'ed from it. So if I can come off that huge dosage, others should have no problem with opiates of a lower level. I do not recommend cold turkey as I tried it once and almost decided death was better.

Remember, its all in your mind. You would be amazed at what you can accomplish if you are determined. So hang in there, you can do it. Regards to you from the best part of my heart.

LV
 
Hi,
I was a member back in 2008-2010 when I was tapering from a 160mg oxycontin dose. Here I am again. I had four years without any opiods but had four more back surgeries and tapering from a 440mg oxycontin dose daily for three years!!! I'm now down to 140mg and though I only cut 10mg every other week I'm sick as fuck from withdrawal symptoms. Why is that? I've decided to cut 40mg from my daily dose starting today and I know I'll get very sick. I have 10 benzos to get me some sleep.

I'm glad to have found this place. BL was a huge support last time. I don't what I would have done without.

Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors. I'm danish and my brain isn't really working the way it used to.

Thanks for reading!
 
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Hey deRosa,

Hang in there. If I can make it so can you. You are right about the sick feeling. I get it every two weeks when I cut my fentanyl dose. It doesn't last. The first day is the worst, then it tapers off, day by day. By day three you are good to go. I've started adding kratom to my diet and it has helped a lot. Don't go crazy with it or that will be your nest obstacle. Also, if you have a good doc you can go to, ask for some Clonidine. That will also help you. Stay busy so your mind has something else to think about. Take a walk, etc. I hope this is useful to you, it helped me out. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.

LV
 
I hope you all are doing okay! Best wishes to get off any of this shit.

I have had two relapses, both of them occurring on prescription day. I didn't use heroin for a really long time, but when my tolerance got low and my prescription was able to get me high again it messed me up really quickly and awfully bad as well. I wasn't expecting a week or two of excessive oxy use to bring me down to shut an intense crash. The first couple days I was having suicidal thoughts constantly.

So, I have spent a few days at 60mg oxycodone (15mg every 6 hours) and now I am down to 40mg a day. Soon, very soon, I am going to have to make the jump back to nothing at all. I have a ton of withdrawal aids this time because I came clean and said I needed help, I have so much support which I never had in person before I met my girlfriend, but now I have even more support. (she's away for the time being, kind of sad we really miss each other, but she is still being a lovely support as best she can. Love the girl).
 
I messed up again too. I am starting day 1 of a drop from 75mg oxy daily to 30mg. I was up to 150 two weeks ago, and I made it back to 75 without too much pain. As Lost Vet said, it has been a total mind game. Staying busy has helped.
My biggest problem is that the oxy makes stuff NOT hurt, in my body or my head. I love doing stuff around the house with my kid. Today starts the weekend, and I have about 4 days of feeling really crappy ahead of me. I have enough pills to either feel ok through the weekend and go cold turkey for 5 days till my next script, or feel like a loser dad for the weekend and have enough to take 30 mg every day till my next script.
Tapering is really hard when the choice for today is to feel better now or be sick and plan for tomorrow.
 
I'd definitely try to stretch them out but I was just recently in this situation and it is very hard to maintain your supply if you're used to that higher dose. If you have a great weekend you might regret it after during the week and wishing you had a few oxy's to take the edge off. And with that many days of feeling crappy, you will get high if given the opportunity. Man all my nastiest relapses have been on oxy prescription day. 150 is steep and I was up to that much as well recently, it seems like we are all over the place with our doses.
 
Ill be getting high on prescription day for sure. I get my refill around 4 pm, so I imagine I'll take 90 that day.
Id like to say I will be smarter than that, but I really doubt it.
 
I hate when I am looking ahead to that day getting the oxy's and until then I am forced into torture and physical agony and severe emotional distress. I'm trying to take less today and it isn't going so well. I feel unbelievably depressed. I don't think I have ever felt depression like I have lately, it is really getting to be a little much. When I was a little high this morning I had a whole bunch of plans and ideas for the day. Now I am sitting here wishing I wasn't. If you are anything like me dude you just want to function and be normal. I am caught in between waiting out the sickness and maintaining the habit. I am not sure which way to go. Maintaining the habit is miserable because of the dependency and how I will always run out at some point. Waiting out the sickness is a fuckin nightmare it really is and at least for me after a solid month I still felt like shit at that point. That was really discouraging and I find myself using again.
 
I'm nearing the end of my 3rd day of quitting Xanax and Ativan c/t after using them for four weeks. I finally don't feel like I want to die anymore.
 
Squeaky dude, try and reconsider getting high on prescription day... you're only going to end up feeling this way again.

Says the untimely hypocrite. So yeah man I did H all day yesterday. Before that it was 60mg oxy for three days. I feel like shit now and honestly man I am so so so way too sick of this shit. I want out fast so I'm going cold turkey tomorrow. I was having a really hard time taking 60mg oxy a day but whatever it takes man. Whatever it takes at this point to get better. I have some ativan, probably my favourite benzo and that should help. I guess I'm so used to feeling like shit at this point... I just hope I don't puke or shit myself. I really hope it hasn't gotten that bad, but I know that it likely has.

I've never been so worried about a cold turkey withdrawal. I'm petrified. I could have got more H today but that is really just postponing the inevitable. I'd rather choose the time myself over running out of pills and not being able to get any. I'm really serious this time. I checked and the last time I did H prior to yesterday was the end of June. There have been several periods of pill abuse though. I just need to stop man before I ruin everything I have going for me. I still have plans for the future that I don't want to fuck up and this is absolutely my last chance with those plans.

I'll keep posting here likely daily because I was looking back through this thread and found it very helpful for myself. And I'm going to be suffering. Am I ever. I'm a little afraid - a little bit scaredy cat - so yeah I'll be checking in here. I'm definitely going to quit this time, the few mistakes I made at staying clean were obvious and have been dealt with. I am very committed to this cold turkey withdrawal - and there is no way out, I have cut myself off completely. I refuse to let my friends, family, and lover down any longer. i am going to quit.
 
Also congrats lost sheep, I have to get off benzos too but first deal with these opiates. I am really concerned about this upcoming week because I was using a lot and I am going cold turkey. CT is the only way that works for me. Tapering teases me and I always end up getting high, so for me it's all or nothing. I have a few percocets left so I will likely take them today as I shouldn't have them around. I need to get clean asap and I'm really worried. Last week I was taking 60mg oxy a day and it was hell. I don't know what I'm in store for yet having done a lot of H yesterday and going straight to nothing. I've been in withdrawal many times but this one is really making me nervous. I know I can't and won't go back this time, my body has completely had enough, so I think that is partly why I am so nervous. I have B vitamins, magnesium, protein powder, valerian and l-theanine

EDIT - okay so I haven't done any heroin in around 24 hours and I feel great for the amount of withdrawal I should be in. A lot of things I think are helping this time, particularly my resolve. You HAVE to have the determination to quit. Like how Squeaky is back and forth above, about taking meds to function or not - we all get like that, but if you are like that in my opinion there is very little chance of recover. You need to 100% commit to being clean.

Also, diet is critical. I normally skip 2 to 3 meals the first day, but today I am feasting. The reason is I am chain smoking some nice outdoor weed. I've had 2 apples, a banana, a bowl of oats with a sliced banana, I've got haddock in the oven and potatoes boiling, and I've had two vegan protein bars. I am going to have some pineapple later because it's a good for the aching muscles (I know this as I used to be a body builder).

Alos, the supplements are totally helping. A good vitamin B complex will get your energy going. To think I used to take coke or meth in withdrawal for that! WTF. Okay and magnesium glyconate (I think it's the most bioavailable form of magnesium) is working well too. It's a natural muscle relaxer and well does so many different things in the body, it's really important and there is a lot of deficiency in the modern day world. For all I know, magnesium deficiency could be my problem. I'm also taking L-Theanine, which is an amino acid found in some teas (like gyokuro, a luxury Japanese green tea which is grown in the shade the last few weeks of its life, and the weaker incoming solar radiation changes the alkaloid content and produces this L-theanine in abundance if I'm not mistaken. It's in lots of natural caffeinated stuff and interacts with caffeine to make it more relaxing. I'm taking a valerian liquid concentrate, which is as strong as any valium really, and wonderful for putting me to sleep. I have a few extra benzos, lorazepam (ativan) and ativan is actually of all things my favourite benzo. I just think it's completely well rounded - not too weak, not too potent, a great skelatal muscle relaxer, an excellent anxiety reliever with a moderate duration, and a rather quick onset.

It was almost like I was starting to neglect myself more as an opiate user. This is the exact opposite from when I started using. It initially made me more creative with all of my creative outlets, and more on top of things like nutrition and exercise, but that didn't last long before I wasn't picking up my guitar for months. It honestly steals my soul and all my hobbies away and talents, abusing this shit. I really have a lot to live for and it is very obviously not working out with the opiates. So I'm done and I'm really excited to recover!!! I'm really feeling better so far and I think it's because of my diet, plus I am drinking litres upon litres of coconut water which is really healthy I believe with the magnesium as well. So this stuff is really helping me, and don't forget the chamomile tea.

Also, find something to fight for. In my case, she is the girl of my dreams and I refuse to lose her over a bottle of stupid painkillers. I am going to win her heart and that's a huge motivation of mine to quit - I'm still quitting for me, that's just one of the things that I really want out of life. I'm obviously sick and tired of being sick and tired too. The consecutive withdrawals have reduced me to a skeleton and I need to start chain smoking joints and feasting on food because and just try and give my body absolutely every it needs to recover. I also have to emphasize because it's important to leave no stone unreturned and I'm a kinky fucker anyway but sex or poor old masturbation will help a lot. My girl is out of town so for me it is the latter lol. But seriously, your testosterone levels as a guy will be at about 25% normal and it helps get them back up quickly. For me it took two weeks to be a horny fucker again lol but I am just shy of 30 so. I just better stop now because if I keep wearing my body out like this I'm going to ruin my life. I feel like I've aged a decade this year. I always wondered what people meant by not taking care of themselves as a junkie and because initially I was doing 3 hours of yoga a day, working my ass off, and eating like a king. However, this did not last long and when you start the cycle of abuse, in and out of withdrawal, it really takes a toll on your body. The opioids themselves actually don't, and I feel like this is why every consecutive withdrawal gets worse over time. It's just wearing out the body.
 
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Also, find something to fight for. In my case, she is the girl of my dreams and I refuse to lose her over a bottle of stupid painkillers. I am going to win her heart and that's a huge motivation of mine to quit - I'm still quitting for me, that's just one of the things that I really want out of life. I'm obviously sick and tired of being sick and tired too. The consecutive withdrawals have reduced me to a skeleton and I need to start chain smoking joints and feasting on food because and just try and give my body absolutely every it needs to recover. I also have to emphasize because it's important to leave no stone unreturned and I'm a kinky fucker anyway but sex or poor old masturbation will help a lot. My girl is out of town so for me it is the latter lol. But seriously, your testosterone levels as a guy will be at about 25% normal and it helps get them back up quickly. For me it took two weeks to be a horny fucker again lol but I am just shy of 30 so. I just better stop now because if I keep wearing my body out like this I'm going to ruin my life. I feel like I've aged a decade this year. I always wondered what people meant by not taking care of themselves as a junkie and because initially I was doing 3 hours of yoga a day, working my ass off, and eating like a king. However, this did not last long and when you start the cycle of abuse, in and out of withdrawal, it really takes a toll on your body. The opioids themselves actually don't, and I feel like this is why every consecutive withdrawal gets worse over time. It's just wearing out the body.
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Hey Shroomy,

I know what you mean about the SO. My wife and I will be married 27 years in a month and she stuck by me through 15 years of serious opiate abuse. When I started getting clean, the first thing I did was apologize to her for being such an A**hole during that time. Frankly my only thoughts were of when can I take my next pill or change my patch and she didn't enter into my mind most times. I hope I can fix that before I find myself living alone. Also, my dad and I had always been very close and I screwed that up to. I just recently got that back on track and hopefully one day we'll be where we used to be.

If for no reason other than these, I'm off all this shit. If it kills me, so be it. I'm just tired of hurting the people who care the most about me. Well, that was more personal than I planned, but what the hell. Everyone here has been great to me and frankly, I don't think I would have made it without your encouragement.

Thank you from the best part of my heart.

LV
 
It's when you realize that you are hurting others, and others realize that they are being hurt, when it's just never the same after that. It's obvious being sick isn't helping anyones cause but that realization of how your addiction interconnects with people you love is a little more subtle when you are caught up in your next hit.
 
It's when you realize that you are hurting others, and others realize that they are being hurt, when it's just never the same after that. It's obvious being sick isn't helping anyones cause but that realization of how your addiction interconnects with people you love is a little more subtle when you are caught up in your next hit.
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Shroomy,

Man, that is the truth. And I'm worried it will never end. I was out running errands today and drove by my old doc's office. I almost stopped in and asked for a new prescription. Does it ever end?

LV
 
It ends if you want it to. The first step is commitment. You have to 100% WANT to quit I know it has been said a million times and one but you have to actually WANT to stop and begin to associate those painkillers with PAIN because that's what they do. They create pain down the road, they are ineffective long term even if taken as prescribed, at least in the majority of cases, and they leave you with withdrawals that in my opinion rival those of heroin. In fact, oxycodone has driven me more psychologically fucking crazy than heroin in withdrawal. Heroin I just get violently ill... oxy I get extreme anxiety and panic attacks and stuff like that.

I am learning not to be so selfish. My girlfriend says that I have my anger a lot more under control lately. We haven't been arguing at all and it was always me on drugs fucking everything up when we had something beautiful going on. Now I have to win her back and I will be doing that. I need to be clean, that's one of the conditions and I agree completely. We honestly can't stand to be around each other when I am using and otherwise we are totally in love. Like, the best love of my life. We are both around 30 and looking to get married and I see the potential, she's the girl of my dreams and I'm not losing her over a bottle of fucking percocets. There was a time when I chose a bottle of percocets over being her protector and being there for her emotionally because I just can't when I'm high and no matter what happens between us I will NEVER forgive myself for that selfish fucking garbage.

It pisses me off that my last two relapses came from the pharmacy. It was just prescription day and I hadn't used in nearly two months. I wasn't thinking about a relapse and I just went and got my meds because I need my valium too. Within a day, the shit had ruined my life. And then I never fully recovered that month despite two weeks of cold turkey so when the next prescription came around I did it again. So, I am completely cutting myself off from the "health care" system because I had no intention whatsoever of relapsing at least consciously. Never saw it coming, and it never would have happened if I wasn't prescribed that fucking bullshit. pain meds my ass. If anyone who has been using them long term says they help, I mean your body better be mangled - I'm a good looking fit man around 30 years old, I simply don't need that shit. My pain was actually better when I quit for the longest I have managed...it was hardly even bothering me, I was going out for hikes and stuff!

I know it's going to end for me, because I've seen it end. I was asking the same question myself. I asked my friend who is clean 10 months if it ever gets better because after a month off heroin I was still feeling like shit. He told me I was looking at around 6 months, and even 9 months later he still had days that reminded him of withdrawals. It takes a long time to recover and a hell of a lot of patience, but do you really want to be a junkie? I simply CANT function as one anymore. I used to be able to, in fact it made me more motivated and creative. The good feelings don't last. I just took my last percocets tonight because I don't want any opiates whatsoever around the house. I have a single suboxone pill that I will take in 36 to 48 hours to help see me through days 3 to 5. That's all I need. Good luck to everyone. I am going to beat this and trust me, if you haven't seen the recovered state of mind yet, you'll be shocked at how fast it happens. After a couple weeks you'll start having the odd good day and from there onwards it only gets better. It's just that... a couple weeks is a LOT of time that people don't have. I am lucky to have it right now. I came clean with my family that I was abusing my meds. They were really nice and supportive about it and I wrote out a list of supplements and foods that will help me recover and they were right there for me. So now that my family knows, it's over, and that's how I want my life to be. I am being given as much space as I need from them and I'm really grateful for it, but if I fuck up and keep slipping all hell will break loose. Before I know it ten years will have passed, this woman of my dreams (can't really call her a girl anymore) will be a distant, lonesome memory. I refuse to experience that outcome in life when I have the potential to be a wonderful husband, protector, provider, and generally have an awesome life with the few hobbies I am really into and the career I'm supposed to have going on (and still can once I'm, of course, CLEAN for fucks sake, it just ruins everything, absolutely everything in my life and really really fast these days too). I don't want to be using any painkillers at all. I'd rather deal with the pain because it's not as bad as the horrific withdrawal at this point, years of a horrible habit down the road.

To answer your question, just in case you know it does in fact end - however, life will probably be harder for the rest of your life. I have personally made my life far harder than it ever needed to be, but what am I going to do? Make it worse, keep feeding this stupid habit when I know better? No. I only took percocets tonight to get rid of them so I don't reach for one in a week. I will no longer be filling my prescriptions. And this way, I will be able to take that suboxone pill sooner since I need to wait around 36 hours at least for it to be the most effective (for me... some people can get away with 24 hours but I found it ineffective at that point).

I am so done with this shit and I don't care if I have a little more pain for the rest of my life and have to deal with a nasty addiction and cravings. I'm getting off this shit ASAP and cold turkey. Tomorrow is going to be a fucking war but my girlfriend said she would be there for me all day just to talk on the phone and text and do fun things together over the computer like watch the same movies and stuff. I'm lucky to have that support. It seems like a lot of my support friends (not from this thread) are either dead, in jail, in psych wards, or completely ruining their lives / allowing their habits to progress. Having support and people to talk to is critical for the support needed during recovery. So when I wake up tomorrow I will not have a single opiate to reach for, and I'm delighted about that even if it means I have to go through hell and a damn war against myself. I'll never go back again after seeing what being clean was like earlier this summer. Good luck to you LV.
 
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Anyone have success with loperamide (imodium). I didn't use it until today. It seems to take away some of the hell. I have one 2mg suboxone I'm going to take at the end of today. Hopefully it helps a bit. My withdrawals are at their worst and it's really hard to deal with.
 
Hi Shroomy,
I don't know how much Lopermide you took but I have heard that can throw you into precipitated withdrawals if taken too soon after dosing that. You should check that out. I would hate to see you get sicker.
I have used the loperamide for up to 7 days once and a few times for a day or two and it pretty much takes all withdrawal away.
I took like 38 mg. a day. It is strong stuff. It takes awhile to take hold but once it does you are good.
Problem with the Loperamide is that it has a bad withdrawal of its own. I was a little scared for a few days.
I was having the loperamide withdrawal and I had my M.S Contin. It came through the freaking M.S Contin.
It is stronger than you think. Use with caution and not for very long. It is not a viable option. Taper it down for sure on Loperamide.

There was a link I posted back a while ago that told about some high dose vitamin C help for withdrawal. The article also told about the Loperamide withdrawal avoidance for a few days only method. It had a lot of information on any and everything that helped with opiate withdrawal.

I'm sorry you are not feeling good. Hang in there. Everything will be okay. Sending hugs.
 
I feel like death. I am sitting here chain smoking joints I swear this shit will be the death of me. Arms and legs and hands so shaky I can barely fucking roll. I have made my life impossibly difficult when it could have been fine. I am really not doing too well. I took 40mg loperamide. It has been several hours and it hasn't really done shit. I'm having the worst H withdrawals of my life I didn't really expect much. I binged for a couple weeks recently and it has left me questioning if I want to be alive anymore. I can't take this shit anymore.

I have a 2mg suboxone I am taking at the 24 hour mark and I can probably get a couple more to see me through. If I keep going through this in a cyclical manner I'm just going to kill myself.
 
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