• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
Low -T . No shit Shroomi..... my sex drive has been in the toilet for over a year now.
 
Yeah man and I need to get mine back fast. Because, I am falling in love with this girl we are together. It's amazing man how random it is that I found her after I've gotten clean. I'm "practicing" every day lol but yeah man I'll bounce back, I've already had the best sex of my life with her like hands down. And I just need a little practice since I'm not using and like I've told her everything I can think of to tell her about myself so far and I think this has to do with hormones man or some shit. It has to do with how I had no drive for so long I think, and how I'm beating the shit now. Fucking heroin... fuck that shit honestly. Like I've already told her my recovery comes first too and she's a chill stay-in type of chick so she's been really understanding. It's amazing. We both can't stop thinking about each other man like it's happening fast but maybe that's how it happens because it's just been soooooooo fucking good man.

And yeah dude gotta get that testosterone up because she needs that from me. Best thing to do for that is exercise, especially the larger muscle groups if you can manage it. I'm hanging out with her again soon and like fuck... she's really really cute. I feel like I'm recovering pretty well! I don't have an oxy in the house. I'm still physically sick but I mean I ate a quarter of mushrooms last night and forgot who I was. I then reconstructed my reality with the help of my hot new friend. I was in a thought loop "I'm just not getting it, like I'm just not fucking getting it and it's right in front of my face. Like I'm just not fucking getting it I was so frustrated. She's like... did you eat those mushrooms you had? I'm like *slap * ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh right. The whole bag and she calmed me down a bit and reminded me that I was a man with a brother and a hot new friend and just a good guy all around. Not to think too hard like I was doing for the time being. Before that, I was a blank slate and then existing as nothing but confused logic once I was even able to experience/recognize a thought again.

A lot of people trip a lot when they get clean. I can say that it helps. Relationships can be tricky but like man she's the one I know it. It just happened to occur recently after getting clean. I've already told her my drug history and how I'm recovering so yeah - that comes before anything else. I'm really happy with myself dude. I've been lonely for a really long time and now this cutie slender little fox comes along and I'm like whattttttt. What the fuck. Like pinching myself. We have some sweet plans in the near future but for now... I am so wiped the fuck out from that mushroom trip I just need to take some benzos and sleep. No more psychedelics for a while after that. It's the shroomies that always get me.
 
Man post-acute withdrawals are hitting hard. This is where I slipped last time. I can't sleep and it drives me crazy. I'm going to start having panic attacks like last time. The oxy lasted around 10 days which was nice. I'm giving them to someone I really trust next time so that I can maintain for a while because I can handle a few weeks of this but not months. I need to maintain on my pain meds for a while because I was doing way too much heroin and it's probably going to take a year or longer until I'm good.

I have another hot date tomorrow night and like I have been so completely honest with her which has been working out. So we are just hanging out, picking a movie, smoking weed, relaxing, actually we have a lot of really fun ideas and are going to teach each other stuff too. And she wants to give me a massage (and probably well pretty clearly more haha, I mean back massage). I don't understand. Nobody is ever nice to me like that. I don't know what I did to even get a chance with someone so cute and I think she feels the same way it is kind of weird. I didn't mean for it to happen either I wouldn't really want to start a relationship right now but how can I stop it when we are all over each other and it's like we've both really clearly missed each other while she has been away for a few days and it hasn't been long. And like there's nothing weird about it I feel like she is wonderful. I am not idealizing this either I mean I'm a junkie. She is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than heroin lol well I don't mean it like that but I know if I had free will what I would choose. I know when something serious is going on, at least when I'm not all euphoric or in a daze on dope.

Anyways, I really can't wait to see her it's frustrating for both of us but we've been talking a lot still.

At least I know it is post-acute withdrawals this time? I can't let that insomnia fuck me over after how far I have made it. I don't have an opiate in the place and I don't care. I just want to get better and get my fucking career going again and well this romance is a magical bonus like I'm fucking clueless with women and... I don't know how this happened. I can't afford slip-ups and the long term PAWS ones are the fucking worst because it's like you spend months fighting and then for what. I'm really upset. I've tried hammering the message into my head with the hardest psychedelic trips of my life. It definitely helped, but I am not in a position to fuck up my life doing dope right now. I just need to give it time and I could use a fucking bong rip. It's just I know I didn't make it through this part last time and it lasts a very long time.

Well I ended up having the best day yet. I managed to play guitar for half an hour, I had an anxiety attack all day and only took my benzo recently this evening, did a half hour of yoga, and cooked a nice veggie pasta and actually ate a lot of food for once. Seems like I'm getting a little better. I'm going to start tapering the benzos too but take it easy on myself as well... it has been tough getting off the heroin.
 
Last edited:
Stay strong Shroomi- funny I've posted here so much that 'autocomplete ' on my phone automatically fills in your name when I type Sh.......
 
lol. I'm doing okay. I'm around the time when I relapsed last time... extreme anxiety, panic attacks benzos don't help much, that insomnia. I woke up so frustrated today, I feel like shit today I can't make myself breakfast but I have another little date later. No more psychedelics other than DMT. I smoked some after I freaked out (like pacing, hyperventilating, whatever I was flipping out) - and it directed my energy in the right direction. Soothed my soul, calmed me right down in 10 minutes. I'm still mellow like I took a benzo. It's "sort of" all in my head now but there are still remaining symptoms... that low-T performance anxiety, nausea, physical weakness, low appetite, just really messed up emotions too like I'm a different person every day. Cravings for stupid heroin. I don't want to slip... I don't think I will this time it's getting to the point that if I do relapse I'm going to snap.
 
Just focus on all of the bad crap that H did to you. Remember it didn't solve ANY problems It only made you dependent, angry, broke, lonely, etc.
Stay strong.
 
Dude I am fiending today, fiending hard for that H. I blew through my oxy's but not so bad. If I can hold out a couple weeks I'll have more and I'll be in heaven. But I could do H in the meantime... like fuck. I'm fiending hard. I am under a lot of stress. I need to chill out but like fuck I was just over at my new friends place and slept there 3 nights in a row but I still want the fucking dope and very very bad. My tolerance is down low and I agree with what you said but it also provided me with good, pain free times when I had it. I can't stop thinking about how good it feels and how much I feel like I need it to get out of my current situation despite that it is probably the opposite of that. I just want the fucking dope so damn bad it really sucks. I'm worried because I am low on benzos too and it's like I'm too sick to look hard for a job. I am going through a lot not all of it is bad by any means but I'm still not functioning and it has been about a month.
 
Shroomi. If you're going out to buy illegal drugs, then buy oxy. Only buy enough to get you to your next prescription. DONT BUY H!
 
Yes... hang in there Shroomi... it gets better... much better, the farther away you get from your DOC.
I just returned from a road trip... I had no cravings at all nor any desire to use... and I now have over 5 months clean and sober. My experience is the more I stay away from opiates, the better I feel. My depression has lifted so much... the insomnia has been resolved as well.
Take care, you two!
 
I have been having a horrific day today. It has been a very long time, and I still feel like shit a lot of the time. I am too impatient for this.

And yeah Squeaky dude I took 2 percs the other day because my friend had two of them and I was all over that shit, lol. I didn't have cravings or withdrawals though and got really high. I like oxy, but it's way the fuck less addictive than heroin.

I almost got dope today. I was like, an inch away. It would have ruined me so I got some good cocaine so I can at least have some energy on occasion. I've used that for 15 years rarely, it's not my thing but I need something right now and I hate weed and booze and I can't take any more fucking benzos. I am completely losing my mind even still. I just want to transh this place and get in fights with people, well that's pretty much what is happening I guess.

I know it gets better but I was never well to begin with.
 
I am in tears today. I'm not even sick I'm just sick in the head. I went hiking yesterday, I don't even know if the extreme spine pain is as bad as I thought it was but I def CANNOT WAIT to get my oxy's next week. I will sure as fuck be taking them exactly as prescribed. Not that it matters really, it's the heroin that destroyed me. Ruined my entire year so far and I can't ruin anything else, I have a few good things going on right now. I just can't handle it today so I am going to do some coke and just play heavy metal. I am infuriated and have been pacing around. One of those days I just can't really get out of bed. I'll have my little percs soon and I really felt two of them and fast the other day. It was awesome but like well I can't say I'd leave them over taking them but, a percocet is not heroin and I do have legit back pain that is really really bad sometimes and can interfere with sex, exercise, just pretty much anything I do even like guitar it gets so painful. The hardcore guitar playing helps as I am so angry.

I have to remember how much this drug has harmed me and I'm not talking oxy's. What I went through with oxy last year was so much easier than when I got heavy into dope (obviously). Oxy was totally fucked up as well but in a different way. I am not comparing the drugs I just mean my addiction is SO much worse than last year and like... I did NOT sound good back then. This is fucking killing me. Taking every particle of strength from me. I have to suffer I have to suffer I have to just fucking SUFFER and probably for a solid year. I just know I have been scarred by it, and likely permanently. I can't ever use heroin again like Squeaky says and I almost got it today. I nee a fuckin line of blow like anything but that fucking garbage. It's now or never. If I don't beat it this time, I am going to die.
 
Last edited:
Today is much better. I had a bad day. I'm just all over the place. I freaked yesterday like the exorcist just thrashing around in extreme panic until I was soaked in sweat just crying crying crying and punching my legs and biceps just trying to get the muscle / weird bone aches to go the fuck away. I almost relapsed earlier in the day but did coke instead, I don't like stimulants because I am so high strung and use it very sparingly but like I needed a fucking line of something. I can't smoke too much weed or drink booze or anything like that so it was coke or dope and I made the right choice, considering both choices were bad ones. I feel really great today! Heading to the beach today, I even went hiking up a trail and my back didn't hurt. Chilling with my new friend tonight too! CANT YOU SEE THE JOY OF LIFE IS RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES
 
Hey Shroomy- Just read a thread called black is the old black- the OPs third post was amazing, struck every cord in the why I don't want to use box! Next time you are having a day like above, see if you can find it. I am printing it out.
 
Thanks for the tip. I am doing really great. My life has improved so much, I have a cute new friend and I am socializing a lot more. Getting out hiking with friends. Tripping out on DMT. Just having a blast!! Summer isn't over yet, I'm so happy I suffered through that. Everything just keeps getting better and I am a stubborn fucker. That fucking disgusting garbage shit sure made someone rich but they will NEVER get a penny from me again so long as I live. Mother fucking scum bag fuckers selling fucking H off a key. Killing people for profit and it doesn't mean shit to them since they are getting rich. Anyone who sells H should be not even shot in the head. They should be mother fucking TORTURED piece by piece until they are burnt on the fucking stake. That shit fucked me up so damn bad that is my personal political viewpoint on this opioid crisis. That's just my view though and I know it's an unconventional one. I believe that anyone involved in that is extremely, extremely EVIL.

There are countless reasons why I will never use again. A percocet sure but never ever ever heroin ever again. I have been through hell and I'll never be the same. It changed the course of my life entirely but I am pretty happy where I am right now. Well, I am totally falling in love with someone so that has been totally unexpected and just indescribable. I had a craving for H yesterday but I didn't give in. I have a lot of friends on call to talk to if that happens and if not just like get out of the house turn my phone off go walk 20km or something. I will never use that disgusting filth again so long as I live. It truly is the fucking devil and it feels like I was possessed by a demon. Right now, I don't give a flying fuck about that garbage. I have back problems so if it's a long day for a steep hike I'll bring a percocet in case it hurts too much. I don't think my back pain is anything remotely close to what I was experiencing before, although it really really hurts sometimes still. Just on the heating pad right now for instance.

I'd say I am very proud of myself. This has be a damned fucking war and I know the worst is long, long over now.
 
I just realized that I am over a solid month clean : )

I will never go back. My life has improved so much already that I am actually enjoying myself for once. A lot. I met someone I really really like and we are spending as much time as we can together. It is absolutely wonderful and it's her day off today so we have some fun plans. She's really understanding of my situation too and supportive but that's not why I am with her. We randomly met when my testosterone levels were getting back to normal. Crazy. So much happier now. Just gotta watch the benzo use. I got drunk for the first time in years last night and it was soooo much fun. I didn't give a fuck about that when I was on H. Just wanted to be alone and fuck off I hated humans when I was using.
 
Awesome Shroomi. One whole month? That's a huge milestone. Keep it up.
 
Yeah dude over a month in fact. I lost track of time but then started figuring it out, when I really just quit. I have become very physically active, going for hikes and all sorts of stuff without opiates that I'd never consider before unless I had that disgusting fucking demon in my body. I just had to do it, I ran myself broke and my tolerance was so high and I started shooting the H so I threw my needles away and yeah, CT for 2 weeks and I started being able to at least move around and stand on my feet for five minutes. It was extremely hard on my body and I took a serious beating, I lost around 20 pounds. So, I am breaking the vegetarian code and feasting on everything in sight. I'd never go back to that shit because the nightmare of CT withdrawal has scarred me. That's how it had to be for me. Maybe, you should try it sometime? Tapering just never worked man because the drugs were still fucking with me. It was a god forsaken war and I don't really understand how someone who sells that filth could ever live with themselves. I am one of the lucky ones and I ruined several years of my life. I was not really alive.

I don't have those testosterone issues anymore, I have extreme back pain though a lot of the time. Some panic attacks but more insomnia. The insomnia fucks with me as it makes the back pain way worse the next day. I have had a few beers once or twice but I limit that. I am doing well though. Found a girl, now I need to find a job lol. Applied at a deli around the corner this morning. busy busy morning, I really want to work there to start reintegrating into society. Anyways, this is essentially over for me, so thanks for the support. I will never forget how much I suffered in CT and if I do have a craving, I have several people I can get ahold of who just need to tell me what I need to hear. I only had one craving for it so far and it went away quick, my friend talked me down.

I am still having symptoms by the way, especially on some days. It's not a big deal but just know it's not like you are good after a month. Maybe a year or two but I'm already pretty much functional.
 
Yes. I'm on day one of tapering from Oxy 15mg a day for a year. I was looking for a thread like this. I keep having panic attacks and these threads calm me down.
 
I just know it is over for me, I have way too much going for me right now and far too much to lose. I am really busy building a relationship for my future, she is such an amazing person, and finding a little job somewhere to get going again and pay back the 15 grand I spent on that garbage this year and get out of debt. I have no interest whatsoever in that disgusting fucking filth. It sickens me that people get rich off that shit and they don't see the suffering of millions of people burying their fucking kids. I am just not going to support that or play any part in it whatsoever ever again except help others get off this shit because it's easier than you think it is at first. Don't get me wrong it was hell. I had to torture myself, in the end I was no longer interested in tapering as I would lay in bed 5 days of the week cold turkey sick, then I'd get very high on the weekend and that was my life. It was a total wreck and I literally destroyed everything I had going for me. I hurt so many people without realizing it. It could have ended so much worse though: jail, death, secret coming out, suicide, etc etc etc

Pokemama cold turkeyed as well. It's because the both of us are drug addicts and tapering just wasn't working. A taper should not take very long. If you are continuously taking unstable doses and fucking up, just kick the shit cold turkey. Isn't it worth it to suffer unbearably for 2 or 3 weeks to not require that drug to get out of bed in the morning? I'm honestly against tapering, at least for myself, I tried so many times and it never worked. Just fucking stop taking the pills if you don't want to be any addict. It should be anyone's #1 goal because there is nothing worse than being addicted to this fucking trash. If you want to quit. Get rid of your pills or dope and fucking just ride out the sickness and you'll feel better than you have in years.

If I can do this anyone can. I just know that. But, I really think for a lot of people it HAS to be cold turkey. You are tortured so thoroughly, that going back to it would make you feel so fucking stupid and the memories for me bring me to tears it was so painful and nobody knew. I laid in a basement for a few weeks puking, shitting myself, dry heaving, thrashing around like the fucking exorcist. That's what it took and now I feel great most of the time. I already have a girl and we are completely falling for each other, I will soon have a job. These are things that I cannot have if I want to sniff a disgusting powder up my nose all day that I am so enslaved to that I am physically tortured for weeks on end, completely immobilized if I decide not to take it anymore. Isn't slavery illegal these days? I was a slave. Whoever is responsible for this mass suffering will get what they fucking deserve when the time comes to be judged. You just can't get away with shit like that in this universe. It's disgusting to me now and I used to think I needed it to live.

I highly recommend cold turkey. In my opinion, suboxone and methadone should not even be considered unless you are on the verge of death. People switch between subs and dope all the time, it's almost like a crutch when you don't have any dope. Methadone is an opioid. You are not clean if you are taking it. Just decreasing your chances of dropping dead I guess because at least you know the dose? Fuck rehab too, you need to have access to the drug and decide not to use it and just fight fight fucking fight. By the way I guess these things help people but I'm totally against it. The fastest way to freedom is to cold turkey and believe me if you do that you will think twice about a relapse. You will think 100 times before a relapse, and remember the fucking hell that your life was. Pay the piper. Grow some balls and fucking just stop taking the stupid drugs that are going to kill you if you don't stop. Think I ever thought I'd be sticking needles in my arm when I took that first half of a percocet? I was tapering because I couldn't let the shit go. When I really wanted to quit I simply stopped using, endured the sickness, and now my life is great! Things will only get better too.

Also, just a heads up. If you are a heavy long term user (at least like 3 years on opiates) it's not going to be over in a week. Not even two weeks. I still get physical withdrawals on some days, just not every day. Just the other day for 10 minutes I had to thrash around in bed until everything was soaked in sweat and I was having a hardcore panic attack trying to fucking breathe. I was pretty much beating the shit out of myself as hard as I could leaving bruises just to distract myself. If you really fucked up, you are looking at AT LEAST 6 months to feel like your good old self again for a short acting one like heroin or oxycodone. My friend who is nine months clean still has days that remind him of withdrawal symptoms. It takes, in my opinion, a solid one or two years to get over something like this. It's not like you're sick for 10 days and you're good, but once things get going, you get back up on your feet really fast.

Once you start feeling better after cold turkey - exercise, sex (low testosterone is a huge issue and that fixes it, just have to say it), healthy eating, hydration, just anything good you can do to yourself is going to speed up the process. You can't just sit around, you have to behave in a way that was similar to how you were before you started using. Like a normal, busy human. Just trying to warn people that if you actually want to do this, you're not going to be in the clear in a month, and I know that for myself as well. I have a long way to go but yeah... I feel like you will just know deep down when you're done with the shit. What is it doing for any of you exactly, anyways? I know I sound like a hypocrite but I don't have a single pill in this house let alone fucking dope.
 
Last edited:
Hope you are doing well pokemama. I knew I'd have to CT withdraw too, I'm too much of a junkie for this shit. Thanks Squeaky and pokemama for looking out for me for so long. I could have died when I was mixing coke and heroin into lines over the past 6 months, and started taking meth in withdrawal. I'm getting scared about my benzo habit. I have to taper off those next and I mean, I have no choice but to taper with those. It's horrifying to me. I don't want to have a fucking seizure. Opiates are the last thing on my mind right now and if the pain really is THAT BAD, I have 10mg tamper proof ones that still help but you just can't get high off them. The percocet is what would get me high and lead me to relapse.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top