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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Hey squeaky, thanks for your response. I was doing better for a while, and it's funny you mention the 12 hours schedule because I am just getting back to that now. It's the best thing for me to do because I get high and relief but I am not dosing frequently enough to fiend or build up a massive tolerance. I run into problems when I try and dose any more frequently than that. So yeah, I'm just not eating as healthy because I don't have the money. Pretty much what happened is a completely ran myself broke and this has been the time when I have realized that my girlfriend really isn't coming back. This is the time when we haven't spoken at all to each other even though it was over for a long time already that's when it started to hurt, when I never heard from her. So yeah I've been going a little crazy.
The needle isn't on my mind dude, at least when I actually have the dope. When I don't have it I say all sorts of shit. I am keeping my use down though and met with a few people about career work. I know the direction in which to head and that's what I really need to bury myself in. The guitar can wait for breaks and more when I'm working but I really need to focus on getting a job.
The 12 hour dosing schedule is working out well. I will occasionally run out but as my tolerance drops that won't happen so much and I'll just switch back to oxy's too. I was still getting high a couple months ago man I just had a schedule down so it was controlled and I was tapering. That's what I'm up to these days too. There was a period of time when I was extremely lonely and also this month, I didn't have the money for any H for 4 weeks in a row. It was a lot of CT withdrawal which drives me insane dude. So I'm really trying to stretch my supply out now.
Thanks man. Yeah I hate that b.s. advice too my least favourite being 'you have to love yourself' but I wrote that when I was like 5 days cold turkey heroin sick. I'm normally doing okay when I have it man, and that lowered my tolerance and helped distance me from the drug... just ruined my week and drove me a little closer to full blown insanity too. I really try to avoid cold turkey as much as possible because I get like that man I just go crazy. What I really need is to focus every high moment on getting a job right now and that's sort of what I've been doing but I'm still low energy a bit from tapering.

I feel myself getting past that state (not the cold turkey withdrawal) ... the depression in general. It was heartbreak because yeah, for the first time we just were not talking to each other at all. All year it has been like that and it started driving me crazy missing her and wondering where she was and stuff but I think I'm getting over it now. I'm definitely not going to pick up a needle I know better than that man. I tried it once but that was like 6 weeks ago now. I think the most important thing for me right now above everything else is to stick to 12 hour dosing because that's what I did with oxy last year and it was working. Eventually, I could go the whole 12 hours without feeling sick and also without having a horrible down. That's what I'm aiming for now... I'm still getting sick after 6 to 8 hours or so but it's still an improvement. I am also talking to more people and working on things. I think I'm doing pretty well these days man I really need to avoid cold turkey though. Last week drove me to the brink of insanity but I've always been like that with cold turkey.

So kratom makes me nauseous. Weed... I was a pothead, but not for any sort of medical reason. I really don't think it would help me in withdrawal. I was dabbing hash oil that whole beginning withdrawal period last year, and I think it made things even worse. It just gave me something to do. Weed is okay. I kind of miss it, but it has its pros and cons. I don't plan on using it anytime soon man I just plan on using lower and lower amounts of H every 12 hours and then switching back to oxy in a few months. I know what you mean, I was thinking of picking up smoking haha. but, I just really don't like the taste of cigarettes. I need to manage my use of opiates, I can't live without them but I can't be abusing them either. I'm doing a taper this week that I planned out to lower my dose further. It's 12 hour dosing with very slight drops each time. After all that cold turkey, it doesn't even really seem that long to wait. I used to take amphetamines when I was dope sick or do bumps of coke, I've just learned to deal with being dope sick.
What is really catching up to me dude and why I get so stressed is really finance related at the moment. I can barely afford my fix let alone anything else I usually need. Man... every waking moment that I'm not sick, I need to be spending looking for career work. If I don't focus on anything, time goes by really slow and I just want to use out of boredom. I think I am doing a lot better and I think although that cold turkey period was absolutely miserable, it did me some good. I'm really keeping track of my use now. I'm terrified of it happening again.

Rehab well I feel like I can do this on my own man, I was doing fine last year but my drops were too abrupt. With H I get consistent quality and I can go down slower cause it's cheaper. I'm not a rehab person at least not yet. My habit is a total secret and it would make a lot of people hysteric. I just feel that if I can't do it here, I can't do it anywhere. I'm the one deciding to do the drugs. It's pretty obvious why I choose to abuse them sometimes so I am working on those things as well.

Guess this is long but I haven't been posting here much. I'm going to start again dude because I seriously need to keep on track with my current taper. Like fuck man enough is enough. I'm sticking with it this time. I'm dosing at 7am and it will have been 12 hours.
 
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So I am just going to summarize that by saying I just took my first taper dose, 40 milligrams. In 12 hours I will take 35 milligrams, and then 30 milligrams. Depending on how hard that is I might remain there or go down to 25 and then 20. I want to get down to 20 asap, because that's all I can afford to really use at the moment. I also want to remain somewhat functional and the only factor isn't really the dose because the dose will get so low in 12 hours anyway when morphine has a half-life of 2 to 3 hours. It mostly has to do in my opinion with the body adjusting to getting an infrequent hit.

I can get into these states of mind that remind me of my past weed use (squeaky, you asked about weed, so I will tell you why I don't smoke it anymore). I would always have cravings to smoke another bong rip even if I was already stoned. Even though I got better relaxing effects off one rip, I would smoke three. Then I would smoke before I was anywhere near sober again. It's really the same in this respect - you have to wait it out to get a good high again. However when we are talking medicinal effects and relief of severe chronic spinal fucking agony, this becomes critical. If I dose frequently, my body gets so used to it that it begins to process the dose fast, expecting another one soon anyway. I don't really know how this works but if I only dose every 12 hours, I don't get sick for at least 6 hours after dosing whereas, if I am 'fiending', I will get sick a lot quicker.

My goal is to distance myself from the fiending and craving aspect to start. 8 hours wasn't enough, but 12 hours is. I get a nice, solid hit at 12 hours, and bailing out on my plan seems a lot more of a disappointment. Also, the respite of the hit is much greater. I can use a bit higher dose and since I am going from moderate sickness to feeling great, I like to do it this way because the reward keeps me going. It's a matter of doing it slowly because if I don't get a good enough reward for holding out 12 hours, then I might go back for more, which totally throws me off. Eventually, dosing every 12 hours becomes natural and if for some reason I need to dose at another time (say, a job interview comes up, obviously I'm going to go to it as high as possible because that's when I present myself the best) then I will try to either wait over 12 hours next time to the normal time, or just shift the schedule to a new time.

Anyways, that's kind of where I'm going with this. Once my tolerance gets low enough I'll be able to use oxy's too and that should be good for next month. That way I won't run out so frequently and once I'm working, if I'm just on a schedule like this it will make things so much easier in terms of being able to function at work. Since, I will be able to get a hit in just before work and even if it's a 12 hour shift get by without having to use at work. I've done this before and it really worked out well. The dose has to be low enough that I get quite sick before the 12 hour point as well or I won't be making too much progress so I have to find like a good balance between functionality and lowering my tolerance. I keep that journal going too for sure, every dose is included. It's important not only for keeping track and planning but also for looking back.

And Squeaky dude you brought up a good point about really having to be dedicated to something. I have a lot of cool hobbies and interests but it's hard to focus on something that's just going to be a hobby all my life you know? When I have career jobs I tend to practice guitar for like 4 hours a day anyway, but it's just for fun. So I am focussing all my energy on my career now. Today I am reworking my resume after consulting with some people and sending it out but I am also going to work on some technical skills in the meantime as well that will help me with the actual work. So yeah if I keep myself busy with that I won't be sitting around having cravings to use. At the moment I have a lot of energy when I first use but then I get lazy so I need to wait it out a bit until my body learns to have more constant energy (a high, followed by not so much of a crash and then into withdrawal) with this 12 hour dosing. It really is the best thing to do because it's keeping me busy and then I won't have trouble affording my dope, I'll feel rewarded, and yeah I just don't think I should be dosing any more frequently than every 12 hours. With oxy I can eventually take a 20mg dose every 12 hours and that should be good. I just have to keep in mind that not every day is going to be as hard as this one, it gets a lot easier like I learned last year. But then I started using way less too quickly and freaked out. I should have just stayed where I was because I am using a lot more now.
 
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That's good to hear you're working out a plan Shroomi. Just don't cut your dose too quickly. We've both had disastrous outcomes from trying to taper too fast.
I am currently focusing on getting my daily use down to 60 mg/day (I'm at around 100 right now). All of my long term plans have always fallen apart, so I'm trying a short term plan to see it works.
 
Yeah, tapering too fast destroyed us both. Man I hear of you at 40mg a day, then 200mg a day, then like... lol. I don't know I'm the same way, I'm all over the place. I just have to stick to the plan. There have to be rules and order in place to deter the natural fiend in me. The post-acute symptoms were miserable so it was like I got through all the sickness to mentally feel so fucked up that it was worth it to go back and boost my tolerance even higher.

Now I am just trying to take it easy and be reasonable. I kept myself busy all morning working on my resume, it was great. Now I feel like I have pretty much done enough work for the day and I am going to watch some tv. I'm already start to feel sick 5 hours later so I need to take it a little easy with myself. I'm not used to working hard anymore at stuff.

I'm doing the exact same thing but with H since I don't have the oxy for that. Well I am using 80 milligrams a day which is an improvement in itself, but I am trying to get down to 60 milligrams and then 40. You reminded me not to go for the 40 too quickly because I won't be able to handle it and when I start fiending I can blow through grams of the stuff before I realize what's going on or even care. I'm probably going to even stay at 80 for a couple days, it's really the 12 hour dosing that matters. The highs start getting longer, and it's just great if I wait out that duration. Presently the relief periods are too short but at least I made use of myself from 7 to around noon today. Feeling pretty burnt out now but all I have to do is chill out and ignore the physical symptoms for 7 hours and then I'll reward myself with a nice line.

This is working almost exactly the same as my oxy taper last year. I have just dug myself deeper down the rabbit hole.
 
Yeah, Rabbit hole.... exactly. I just didn't see it before.
Im about 12 hours into my new schedule and already it's going better than when I was just taking whatever felt good. It was a little too much with a whole pill, then not enough between pills. It felt hopeless.
Today I'm cutting my 30mg pills into 1/3's and trying to take one dose every 3-4 hours. I'm 1/2 day into it and already feel a tiny bit more hopeful. Ativan is helping too.(I feel like a junkie cutting my pills with a razor blade and licking up the crumbs, but who cares right?)
 
Yeah man I feel like a junkie crushing up my rocks of afghan dope and sniffing them too. lol

Anyways, I am measuring them out in milligrams and getting consistent quality which is why I can taper all the same.

Today has been rough. After I was out for most of last week, I went hard on the weekend, just to get my life in order. There was such a mess to clean up. I'm getting back on track today but waiting 12 hours has been really hard for me. So far, it has been 8 hours so I don't have too much longer to wait. I've been sick/withdrawing (more depressed, low energy and very restless than sick) for the past 3 hours already, though. I guess I shouldn't complain... just think back to last week when I had nothing at all.

How the hell do you cut a pill into thirds man. I can do halves and quarters but thirds? Unless you crushed the whole thing and made three piles or something. Or mixed into a cup of water and drank a third of a cup.

I just know it's not worth it to take the stuff beforehand. I was working on my resume all morning and it looks great but what is the point if I'm fiending every few hours. I have to tough it out, these 12 hour periods, and from last year I remember that things start to feel good pretty quickly. I just added an extra 10 milligrams to my dose tonight to coerce me into waiting lol. So it will be 50 milligrams but I can't emphasize enough how important it is for me to dose infrequently or I will start to get the idea to redose. So I take satisfying, but very spread out doses. But now it's even more tempting because I know that extra 10 will go a long way. It's only 4 more hours and I'll be functional again. I can get back to my job search. By the time I find work I shouldn't be so withdrawing all the time. Soon enough, I just won't have days like this if I can manage to keep it up. I'll be back to oxy's as well and not worrying about maintaining my supply of this shit.

So we are both starting new schedules at the same time then... let's not screw up this time. There's been a lot of fine tuning and I think we both know what to do at this point. Any way you look at it there's gonna be a little bit of pain.

Fuck man this is horrible though. I'm just editing this to say, I will be posting here pretty often now to make sure I don't fuck up. I'm at 10 hours and the cravings are extreme. I have to wait another 2 and I'll be good. I can't fuck this up and I'll get used to it quick.
 
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Hey so just an important word of warning that I sure most of you know already.

Well last week I had no H nothing at all except a couple percocet for the entire week and on the weekend I was getting high as fuck and nodding off low doses. I needed the relief and I accept that, it happens after every time I run out. I just need to get it in me. But yeah, it's always a bad call in the end. Just three days later my tolerance is up to the point that... like it's not that bad, but I had a good sniff this morning and a really wonderful productive morning off the one line (my tolerance is still quite down) - but then when noon hit, I suffered from then onwards until 7pm just now when I hit a line that is large for me. My entire afternoon was wasted and if I go back and read some of the first posts I made here, I think I would see a similar pattern. I was 12 hour dosing, and I was sick as fuck after only 2 or 3 hours. This time, I'm sick as fuck after a little longer than that but it's still bad and if I had continued that shit even for a day or two longer, I would have lost all progress from wasting a week of my life staring at a wall cold turkey.

Fuck man I got so carried away with the heroin. It's not like oxy's man when I started last year I was buying grams and 20 milligrams would have me feeling respiratory depression, nodding way the fuck out. I remember sitting in parking lots being like can I even go into physiotherapy right now? I feel like I'm gonna die. And having so much of that and doing it again and again and again all winter long due to enduring the pain of this long term breakup, I haven't spoken to my girl all year except formally about cleaning up the mess we made sharing things. It made it easy to abuse, so then when I finally realized what was going on it was too late. Exactly what happened with percocets and other pills, but just the next step.

So my warning was to be careful with tolerance because it goes down really really fast and you might think you are good but you only will be if you get high like twice. The you will be astonished at how quickly it rises again. And also be really careful with first dose even if you take like five days off because this stuff can... well... kill you, any of it prescription or not.

I always wished that after cold turkey I could just hold it together and use responsibly but it doesn't work that way. This weekend I was nodding off to the point that I'd fall asleep for a while slouched over in my office chair with my face on my glass desk, waking up in bliss and the high just lasted and lasted. There was a lot of respiratory depression which seems to be the first thing my body counteracts. If you don't use frequently, a lot of the wonderful effects come back - I remain functional but the euphoria is insane, my pupils all but disappear (people always tell me I have crazy looking eyes... but can they really not make the connection? Like, if my pupils were as they are when I'm on Mdma all the time somebody would notice the first day I was on something... but, I'm not really all that functional on Md haha. The only drug I've ever been a functional user of has been opiates. I can't even be a pothead due to how it exacerbates my mental health problems. Don't get me wrong I adore weed but I just can't function on it, and I like to smoke it all day for stress relief almost like people would have a cig, so I just don't do it anymore as that isn't socially acceptable and it's too hard to hold a job in this day and age doing that (bullshit, weed helps me keep the opiate use down because whenever I really feel like I need a hit bad, and I'm off schedule, a lot of the time a nice fat dab of hash oil is enough... for me, if I ever get back into cannabis it will be hash oil. I strongly prefer the oil, it doesn't give me as much anxiety and other side effects but it gets me more stoned. Oh man oh man do I miss dabbing hash oil...

squeaky this is what I'd actually recommend to you. You mentioned thinking about getting into weed but bro just don't even bother. The smell and everything you'll get the pothead label and it's not good for anxiety or if you have a career job like me. The best thing to do in this day and age is dab shatter or live resin. There is a realm of science behind how the shatter is produce (when it's good) and it is seriously just wonderful. There is a lot to learn... I don't have a common weed smoking setup dude. I have a dab rig, and instead of a bowl to light cannabis there is a nail (mine is grade two titanium) which I head with a micro-torch until it is glowing hot, then wait 30 seconds for it to cool down for a lower temp, less harsh "dab" is they say, and then I put a dab of shatter on the nail and quickly cover it with a carb cap (which... well there are a lot of reasons to use one, you'd probably want one, I can't imagine not using one especially for low temp dabs). Man, it is just wonderful. People say it gets them too high but for me, smoking weed gives me anxiety and shatter gives me all the benefits of weed with less side effects. I also did it every day for 9 months last year and had no withdrawal, it's nice to have a drug like that but oh I definitely had cravings lol. Cause it does chill me out and I'm so high strung.

Man, I actually need to get back into shatter. Once I have a job and the money, that is... fuck man it would help so much with this taper of mine. When I needed a hit this afternoon I would have done it then, when I was a little sick - that's the best time to do it. It even makes me fear heroin more, like in terms of how it could kill me, so I keep it to low doses when I have that pothead mentality. If you really need something and have the money to drop on a nice dab rig and the stuff you need, plus hash oil which as around 60 to 90% THC or so is much stronger than regular weed (plus the THC is not destroyed by high temperatures when you do low temp dabs, and the flavour can be wonderful depending on how well it was extracted and how the weed was grown) anyways, I could write an essay on that shit man. I'd recommend it for anyone trying to get off opiates. I know I am back and forth on my cannabis use but it's BPD splitting at work. It's actually really good for me in moderation. The oil, that is. I'm too into yoga and cycling these days to be fuckin my lungs with bong rips. I notice.

I just wouldn't recommend kratom because it affects the opioid receptors themselves man so like it might help but even if it does, I personally prefer a clean opiate. A lot of people really like it though but it gives me horrendous nausea. I think I've heard of IV heroin users eventually switching to kratom habits but it's just not for me. Plus it was banned in the states if I'm not mistaken, not up north though. So yeah, I know Squeaky you were mentioning that you just need a hit of something sometimes and I am that way too, and a lot of the time it doesn't have to be an opiate. So, I was even thinking of people up a smoking habit lol. I am 29 but it's never to late to start cigs right? Well, I decided that when I have the money, I'll start hitting shatter again because it's just so damn good for stress.

Oh man, tha was a nice line. That's why this post is long... I just got a really satisfying hit and I made it 12 hours! That's what counts to me the most right now. Keeping to schedule. I had cravings from noon until 7pm so that is 7 hours of cravings to distract myself. I wasn't going to give in, nor am I going to tomorrow night, nor will I tomorrow afternoon. These days will pass, and I mean, I'm not breaking my attachment to the high. If anything, I'm spreading my doses out to get really high and that's going to be a problem to face later. First, I am dealing with the issue of decreasing my tolerance and dependence because it is just way out of control man if I have to waste 7 hours of my day like that. Puts me at a huge disadvantage but this is the second day I did it (days 2 and 3 are usually the worst) so I feel like by day ten, I will not really have interdose withdrawals as much, even if I lower my dose in the meantime (which I plan on... that large cocaine sized line I just did was totally a treat haha, because I had a really fucking rough time waiting man).

So yeah dude. We should get this thread going man and hold each other accountable. Let's just quit this shit man. I know I'm on H but the method of tapering is the same as when I was using oxy's. A little more flexible and I can taper slowly because it is inexpensive in comparison. So I'm going to enjoy myself man - hit up the mall for a bit and just wonder around stores maybe get me some chocolate truffles (opiate sugar cravings lol) and play some electric guitar later on. Man... it's nice to get good and sick before dosing because I mean I don't really have priorities right now. I've lost them all. So, I can go at my own pace and get good and sick before dosing. And if I'm spending a lot of time sick like that, I'm definitely making good progress even if my lines are decent when the time comes. What has happened is my tolerance lowers on its own from the duration between doses I have chosen, and that's when I will lower my dose while keeping to two doses a day at precise times. These times also work out perfectly for when I'll be employed again (7am to 7pm) so yeah man, I really want to do it this time. I'm starting to get nice and sedated so I'm going to continue on my journey but I'm going to start contributing to this thread again and try to be as constructive as possible. I'm also going to read it overr from beginning to end but at the moment I am beginning to nod and feel great! I know it's not much but I'm really proud of myself that I waited and didn't cave. The cravings were intense at times and I have enough supply that I easily could have done more today. Anyways, hope I can keep it up.

Good luck to you brother. Hopefully, we will be free one day man. I think I'm over that rough patch that you could sense that I've been going through these past few months. The stress was building up over everything but I'm taking my career applications as seriously as I can and that helps. I'm feeling a lot better, and I've been through so much unwanted cold turkey sickness that I'm learning to deal with that better too. I think actually, that it will hep with my taper. Since I can always remind myself what it's like to have nothing at all. Before this year, I never really spent extensive time with no opiates at hand at all. If I was sick, I normally at least had a few percocets but lately it's been nothing at all and just insane. So I'm daydreaming and I'm going to enjoy the relief while it lasts because after this afternoon, damn do I need it man.
 
I hit my target, almost. 60 mg oxy and 20 mg hydrocodone. It was rough, and I took Ativan twice. Maybe the secret for me will be to sleep through wd's as often as possible.
I do think I have maybe set myself at the new dosing schedule and tomorrow will be easier, even though I know I'll be in pain between doses tomorrow.
As for cutting pills into 1/3's: Break the pill in half, then eyeball each 1/2 piece and cut off 1/3 piece from each (like cutting a slice of pie). Shave the extra off the two larger pieces if they are more than 1/3'd of the original pill. Do it well and you have two 1/3 pieces to take later and a pile of crumbs that totals 1/3 to lick up right now.
 
I dose at 7pm and go to sleep around midnight so that I'm just about ready to start entering withdrawals. Then I will wake up sick, ready to dose. I think that part helps a bit as opposed to going to bed high. The hard part for me is the afternoon these days. Hopefully I can keep it up.
 
Keep it up Shroomi!
I feel better this morning than I have in a long while. I had been taking whole pills (30mg) during the day and then waking up early in the morning in withdrawl, but then starting the cycle over with 30 or 45 mg to start the day and feeling crappy between pills all day long. Yesterday was day 1 at my new dose plan (60 mg)and cutting back to 15 mg only when I woke up was rough, but today I almost feel like I could live with nothing for a few hours......almost.
I'll take my 15 mg oxy for breakfast and try to stay on schedule for day 2.
 
Thanks bud and yeah so this is my 3rd day of the 12 hour dosing. I have to stick with it mainly because I can't afford not to. And it will be good for me anyway. I am trying to quickly cut my dose in half which I don't think will be too too bad. I'll taper down over like 5 days or so, but it has to be done. I can feel my tolerance dropping too, I didn't really need the dose I had this morning. Although, later in the day I'm sure I'll be a little dead inside. So tonight I am lowering from 40mg to 30mg. I'm timing it so that when I get my oxy back I will be out of dope around then, and can probably at least take a break from it. I'm struggling financially and really need a job, so I have to apply all day today while feeling crappy. Sucks. I really seriously can't afford to fuck up this time though, I'll be broke and in withdrawal and it will be complete hell.

Just an update, I am less than 5 hours away now. This is when it gets tough... I was about to cave, but took a high dose of etizolam instead. That should hold me over easily until it's time to do my dope. Man, this 12 hour dosing schedule is really going to work out for me if I can stick to it. And, I'm pretty much setting myself up to get back on oxy's. If I only dose every 12 hours, I'm going to be feeling those percs again. No question about it. I'd probably prefer my script man, since the ER part would help hold me over. I just have to keep it up. Day 3... I find days 5 to 10 the worst and then things start to improve. Just gotta remind myself I've been through this before. If I did it before I can do it again.

Rewarding myself with a nice haircut tomorrow (I'm saving quite a bit of money doing this too... I can probably make what I have last until I pick up my script again. That's a big "probably" but in theory I can. It's just going to take a lot of work but then I'll be good! I'll have all my refills, I'll be used to dosing on a schedule, no fiending, I'll be ready to go by the end of the month. Huge part of this problem finally solved. I just really need to keep this up man and from experience it doesn't really matter if it is a measured dose of consistent quality heroin, or oxy's. I mean right now it does because my tolerance is high but at the end of the month I'll be good with my oxy. My plan is rock solid and this is my one fucking chance left to get it under control man. Without fucking up my career prospects and life in general. There is no room for error.

editing to say I made it again 12 hours today. Well, it is hour 11 at the moment and I feel like shit, but I think I'll be able to hold out.
 
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I caved a little. I'm still going to make it within my scripted dose today, but not at my target.
 
This was my 3rd day of what I want to be doing, but I'm getting worried about being broke and not having much of a supply. I'm going to have to drop my dose a little tomorrow, which being day 4 I'm hoping won't be as bad. I had to take etizolam near the end because I was starting to freak out mentally from the cravings. Good luck man. We both need it.

Unfortunately Squeaky I used slightly more tonight (60mg vs. 40mg dose) due to extreme stress over something. Anyways, I have a decent supply at the moment so instead of dropping one of my doses to 30mg tomorrow, I'm going to make sure I'm right back on track with 40 and 40, 12 hours apart. I should be good but something stressed me to the extreme. Next time, I should try and remind myself it isn't worth it to get off schedule no matter what.
 
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If we mess up once man we tend to keep going with it, keep that in mind. I'm really trying to make sure to only dose twice today.

There are a lot of other problems too that I'm going to have to mention... like how much I like heroin, compared to oxy. I can't imagine my life without it but maybe that will change.
 
For the last few months I felt that it was ok to 'treat' myself to a little extra relief. For example if I could skip a dose in the afternoon and double-up in the evening. That would leave me within my target for the day.
Is seems that I was completely wrong about that. Even a little more than needed to stop wd'ing, even one time, is enough to reset my tolerance to a higher level and destroy several days worth of working at my taper. There is no such thing as 'taking a break' from this crap. It's far more addictive than we have been told. Not because if the withdrawls- we all knew about that. But because a few hours of relief could undo weeks of work.
And the wd's while tapering are not just body aches and nausea. They are also shame, depression, fear, and the knowledge that I am lying to my doctor ( for fear he'll cut me off too quickly) and lying to my wife(knowing she'll be angry I got myself into this mess) and lying to my co-workers because the truth is that I am hurting from the wd's and I can't do my share of the work unless I take extra pills.
I have figured out that my only plans can be for today. Trying to plan for more than what I am taking today causes me to make bad decisions. Counting how many pills I had saved is what got me to use every one of them and find myself with too few to make it to my next prescription with a tolerance that is kicking my ass right now(and folks, I had around 150 pills extra , 30 mg oxy each).
Today is all I have.
I will plan tomorrow when I wake up in the morning.
 
I agree with your thoughts written in your post, Squeaky... when I tried to taper all those times, I failed b/c of even once just thinking I could take a bit more due to an obligation.. remember when I had to dog sit or babysit? it was an endless cycle of misery... I don't know if you have ever seen the cycle of domestic violence... but tapering reminds me of that vicious cycle. The honeymoon period, then the building of tension and anxiety, and the sh&* hits the fan... I would be back to my current dosage, or even higher.. over and over. Quitting c.t. after a hard taper was the only way for me to step out of that nightmare. i think you are well on your way.
Hi Shroomi: So happy to see you are still posting... take care, my friend.
 
Hi Poke
My plan is just to keep tapering until I can jump off. If I need another surgery then It can start all over, but my tolerance will at least be way lower.
 
Hey squeaky I will be doing at least a couple days of cold turkey. My least favourite method. Completely fucks my head up and I imagine the paws syndrome from it is even worse than what I experienced last year that got me back on this stuff pretty hard.

The withdrawal is horrendous but I am used to it by now. I'll continue on with my taper in a couple days and in the meantime I am giving myself a free pass on etizolam and baclofen. Baclofen is a gaba B agonist like GHB is (but GHB also has its own receptor I think, making it more recreational) - anyways, GHB is prescribed as a sleep aid and it's fucking amazing for cold turkey withdrawals if you can get it. It will knock you out of your most intense withdrawals not that I recommend this it's a scheduled drug or whatever, I'm just saying baclofen works in a similar way (it's a muscle relaxer commonly prescribed) - I didn't like it, so I saved up all of mine and I take massive doses of it during CT withdrawal. Combined with benzos it knocks me out and really helps me get through the timeless state of hell that is withdrawal.

I am tapering as slow as possible (like 5 or 10% a week) to avoid post-acute symptoms - and because I need to be getting my life together while quitting. I need to be focussing on why I use it other than pain to begin with and tapering slowly allows me to do this (I've heard from others that this was the best benefit of a slow taper). I have the self control to taper with heroin or oxy... don't really want anything on my medical record either and I simply don't trust doctors, I trust myself. I've been doing great sniffing once every 12 hours and that's how I started my oxy taper. Actually I think it was once every 6 hours at first and even that was really tough, but soon it was every 12 hours.

Anyways, I can't wait until the cold turkey part is over. It's too much for me right now... yes it works really great for some people but not me! I'm really good at keeping a journal, keeping to my rules and only dosing at specific times. I ran outta dope cause I was making some international phone calls stupidly and my bill was very fucking expensive. So yeah. Few days cold turkey won't do much harm... it's when I get 5 days in that I start to freak. I feel like complete shit but that's not really the bad part about cold turkey for me. It's that I have nothing to look forward to and I can't do anything, it's awful for my mental state. With a slow taper I'm capable of getting my life in order while slowly getting off the drugs but everyone is different and also different life situations, I'm presently under extreme stress to get my life together and I can't afford to be rattling for a month before I even begin to have any energy.

Please wish me luck getting through the cold turkey part if anyone reads this. It's really not how I like to quit, personally (like I know it worked for pokemama but my situation is different... I can handle acute withdrawal just fine but it is what comes after) - I need to slowly, very slowly heal from all the abuse I've been through. I need to heal in many different ways, while I slowly taper off. My tolerance is getting so low from these cold turkey periods, and my dope supply is such a flake for the pure, that I may as well switch back to oxy's these coming weeks. So yeah that's the plan. I feel like I could take my meds as prescribed at this point. 20mg oxy every 12 hours, half ER. I'm not even really using that much more heroin than that. The only difference is it would take an hour to kick in as opposed to 15 minutes but that doesn't mean shit when you are dosing every 12 hours.

Man I've been in CT withdrawal so much lately I guess you could say I'm doing a combination of both. Generally what happens is if I remain in CT too long, I freak out and relapse to high doses when I get fixed. However if I can keep it to two or three days CT, my tolerance will drop and I will carry on with my 12 hour doses without the need to fiend for relief. This is just how my body works though everyone very clearly has different things that work. For me the best thing I have done is listen to my own body, not my doctor, but again everyone is different. Well, I should have listened and taken the shit as prescribed from the start lol... but I had already done heroin when I got into the clinic after a 2 year wait. In fact I was smoking opium the morning I got the surprise appointment call (I got piss tested and somehow tested clean for everything and I was on so much shit haha)... so I was sort of a lost cause from the get-go. I think they saw the agony and just gave me a free pass to the oxy's. It's really hard I suppose to see someone in fucking agony and ignore them even if they have morphine and oxy's and benzos and weed on their drug test. This was many many years ago, before the so-called crisis. I'd be thrown out the door these days (but part of me wonders if they even bothered to do the test because I know it costs money).
 
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Dam Shroomi. CT sucks. How about this: plan your first 24 hours when you get off cold turkey. You know what your new tolerance will be and what a smart dosing schedule would be, so write it down now and follow it when you get your drugs. Maybe that way you can avoid what I keep doing- I always 'treat' myself to a little extra and wind up resetting my tolerance way higher.
 
Yeah that's what I do too. I can't even describe how bad it is today. I guess "I feel like I'm dying". When I get my drugs it is hard not to indulge, but then it messes everything up and I end up worse than I was before. I'm going to be vomiting and stuff today though it is that bad. A horror show so when I get my drugs? It's just tough not to indulge.
What I really should do is decide on a specific dose to sniff tomorrow or whenever I get it, that is high (like, really high... but wait the full 12 hours until I dose again and then start as usual). I'm not in a position right now to tell anyone about this right now or I would just get help.

So, I am going to visit friends all next week and running out there would be torture. This means that I really have to stick to a low taper dose, and when I get my oxy's before I leave, I can use those responsibly. It's a good opportunity to keep cutting back You know a huge part of this problem is I don't have any friends. Lonely sucks. I'm excited now and yeah I'll get my fix tomorrow but I want it for my trip. I'll be doing 40mg doses every 12 hours and continuing to taper down to 25mg which will be an accomplishment, and half a bag of raw.

This is my second day CT coming to an end. It was hell don't get me wrong but it hasn't been that bad (knock on wood). I really, seriously help I can get hooked up tomorrow because I can't take it anymore. I can handle a few days of feeling like shit but then I start to go crazy. Say I take 5 days off. Then I am definitely fiending when I get it, no question, probably even shooting it for the third time once I get well enough to. I need to get my shit quick and if I do tomorrow, it shouldn't be a problem to get back to regular use. I haven't suffered too too much but serious I can't handle another day of this. I have to wait around another 12 hours so I should be good IF i get my stuff tomorrow. It's a gamble and I really hope I can connect. I need my dope, simply put. FUCK CT WITHDRAWAL!!! HOLY FUCK I FEEL LIKE SHIT! And then I just do more because oh have I suffered. Everyone is different but this is NOT good for me.
 
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