It's okay to ask, remember it is a social thread too. Ibogaine is a naturally occurring psychedelic drug that is found in the root bark of the Tabernanthe Iboga bush that is native to west-central Africa. It is a complex molecule with very unique properties. In the states it is illegal for some odd reason (I suppose they must want addicts to remain addicted), up here in the north you can just buy it. We also have ibogaine clinics, as it is used specifically to treat opiate addiction. So if I had thousands of dollars I could go and take a 'flood dose' - or enormous, life changing experience, surrounding by nurses monitoring my vitals. Some hardcore addicts will take high doses of it, trip out for 24 hours, and wake up feeling cured of all cravings and withdrawal symptoms. It helps by working directly on the mu-opioid receptors of the brain in a way similar to suboxone or methadone... however as an extremely uncomfortable feeling psychedelic with no recreational potential whatsoever it does not cause physical dependency like those ones... it's metabolite has something like a 200 hour half life so it works in the body for months to heal. It is very hard on the body, even at the low dose I took, I thought wow, I am lucky to have a healthy heart. My friends were asking if my heart and liver were okay, and if I had a history of seizures. It's really serious stuff and it works on many different systems of the brain not just the mu-opioid receptors... serotonin and dopamine too among others if I'm not mistaken. I personally believe the healing power can go well beyond just opiate addiction.
There is a slight risk of death at high doses because stimulant effects become apparent long before psychedelic effects do. I have been taking very low doses whenever I feel like things get too much for me emotionally. It is like a flick is switched and I feel like my normal self again, no wd's. It is truly remarkable, and it was giving me increased access to memory as well among other interesting insightful effects, as well as enhanced creativity and stimulation when I'd otherwise just be feeling shit wd's wishing I was dead. It completely got me over the hump after I slipped with dilaudid and all I took was 30mg or a little more to get back on track. (the doses they give at the clinics are upwards of a gram). I need very little now that my habit is small.
So I have decided to remain at my prescribed dose for now. I feel like the tolerance is safety in a way in case I decide to go back to H. I hate my life so much now, that there is a very real possibility I could take a small amount of money and start doing that shit again. Once there has been more distance between myself and that drug, than just a few months, I will lower my dose if I feel the need to. I have also been suffering for far too long and feel like I deserve a break, a time to feel human and normal again. At this dose, I'm still experiencing PAWS symptoms and I will be for some time. I need to start dealing with a lot of other aspects of my messed up life, and at 20mg oxy every 12 hours I am getting no side effects at all. Few cravings, no constipation, no testosterone issues, no lack of motivation, no high... I just feel normal. More normal each day. I am scripted these meds as for two years prior to being on them, my life was a living hell... I had trouble cooking food for myself, showering, even getting up to go to the washroom. The pain was extreme and I have to remember that because it will all come back if I fully quit.
I'm staying here for now because it is not healthy to be strung out and cooped up like this alone in darkness for months on end. It is driving me insane and I think I am becoming suicidal. 40mg is not that much either... I am hanging on by a thread. I'm looking forward to feeling more and more normal for a while, and not touching my dose after making so much progress to be a legit pain patient now as opposed to an H addict. I can now walk into my doctors office and be completely honest about how I am feeling and that's a big deal to me. And if I want to quit further, I think I would talk to my doctor about that too. I will definitely continue to post here as much as ever, since I do not consider myself recovered at all. I am a trainwreck.
And there is no longer any hustle. I spent approximately 100k on opiates in the past 4 years. I never will have to source an extra pill again so long as I live. Just need to ensure that I remain a legit pain patient. So this is my decision and I think it is great as it is a nice balance between being in pain, being functional, and being an addict. Anyways, I am planning a series of psychedelic experiences over the next two months and doing some serious soul searching. I need to figure out what I want out of life and that isn't going to happen while I am dope sick. I don't think it is good for the brain to spend 2 months doing absolutely nothing, I wasn't even able to read. I'm still just getting my energy back but I generally feel very normal.
See as a borderline disorder person I see things in black and white I suppose. I am either all-in, or calling bluffs. It is time to find some balance for once, I am prescribed these drugs for a reason. Nothing else whatsoever has ever helped my back pain in a significant way. Turmeric is nice and all but it doesn't hold a candle to low dose oxy. I only ever go overboard with drugs in more abusable forms like dope and dilaudid, percocet makes me too concerned for my liver health to take a dose high enough to get that kind of feeling.
I was also smoking hash all day every day and quit a few weeks ago. I will never use cannabis again. This had to be done.. no offense to anyone who smokes it, but that shit turns me into a fiend, and a dumbass. It makes me so stupid and lazy that I can't take a single other thing seriously. I despise cannabis with all my heart. There is no way whatsoever that I can use it responsibly or in moderation. I fiend it as much as a crackhead would fiend crack. It is out of my life for good and I am glad I recognized that it does nothing but harm me. I am furious at myself for buying into that bullshit after quitting for 3 years. I feel like I am still recovering from that sheer abuse too, and I will be for the coming months. I abused the hell out of that shit. What a mistake. It does nothing whatsoever good for me and I fell into the trap of medical marijuana. Fiending hash to giggle all day and escape reality is hardly medical use, and it does nothing to my pain levels but increase them from all the coughing. It also really interferes with career life when you have to fiend it so much before leaving for work, trying to keep the high going until you get home. It was fucked. I was waking up an hour earlier than I needed to just so that I could constantly fiend hash before leaving for work. What a joke! I am so happy that garbage is out of my life forever.
