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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Hang in there, Shroomy. You will get through it--you've got the right mindset. Acceptance and drive together are potent healers.<3
 
Thank you... friends are good too. I have found a lot to fight for lately.

I am at 40mg/day now and staying there. Perhaps in 2 weeks I will feel okay, but I already feel good about myself. The symptoms are only really severe when it gets close to the 12 hour mark and before the pills kick in. I think the taper plan I have been on is working out well if you don't count the dilaudid slip-ups. 60mg to 40mg has been a relatively comfortable drop, and it's significant enough to make me feel proud in two weeks time.

I have relapsed so many damn times doing that though. I get to around day 7 or 10 of this 40mg stuff and then go way back up again. Gotta be prepared for that this time around. I've seen that it isn't worth it. Here I am doing the same thing again. I feel like I will be free of this drug, for the most part, by the end of the year. Like... I'll still be using but it won't be fucking with me and it won't be constant use either. Just when the pain is super extreme.

Quit smoking hash too. Had to be done. Kind of sucks... but the compulsive smoking I was doing in the harsher withdrawal ruined pot for the time being, I need and want a break from that to as much as I love the stuff.

Edit... day 2 of 40mg. Fourth attempt. Last attempt ended very poorly with a lot of hydromorphone. I am skinny and gaunt as fuck now, I feel so damn weak it's just awful. Still fighting. I am so fucking sick and tired of this, if I ever feel normal again I will never ever take normality for granted again. Excruciating pain or no pain I don't give a shit... this is worse. WAY worse.
 
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I always figured the thing that would make me cheat on my taper would be pain of wd's. But every time I have cheated or just plain failed and gone back to a higher dose has been either back pain or (more commonly) stress.
Fortunately I have a big stash of extra pills, so If my Dr or the f'ing DEA cut me off I have enough to taper off it for real or find another solution before I run out. My motto has been to always tell the Dr I'm taking at least a little more than I am. I do that with EVERY pill they have given me. My stash goes up every month.
 
I feel your pain too Shroomy. I used to be big and strong. I've lost 45 pounds of muscle and now I look like a cancer patient. It totally sucks!
 
Yeah man, watching 10 years of dedication in the gym waste away was a fuckin nightmare. I used to be well over 200 pounds (215 at my best) and I haven't stepped on a scale lately... I'd probably fucking hate it. I'd guess 160 and over 6ft it's just bullshit.

At one point my pain disappeared completely (after 6 months and some acupuncture) - and I went straight back to yoga. Building muscles. I was addicted to it. And then I fucked my back up in fucking India on a yoga retreat. All of a sudden the pain came back and I had to go on a bender with booze and the 3 days travel it took to get home were some of the hardest of my life. I was planning on staying 6 months but after 4 weeks had to come home when the pain suddenly returned. Obviously shouldn't have been doing yoga but when I looked like a fuckin skin rat I was PISSED.

Whenever I relapse it's not being able to deal with someone else's bullshit. For instance, family ganging up on me as they think I'm simply mentally ill (I know it's true) and no withdrawal is happening (since I have to hide it). Last time it was fucking cops that triggered ungodly amounts of dilaudid to be sniffed. That is smart to conserve pills. I just want the fuck off them completely and NOW. I will never give up this time, Day 3 of 40mg complete and there wasn't a second thought about it.

I feel like the phenomenon of relapse is very important to address. I always relapse around day 7 to 10. I have been detoxing time after time after time. This is my 4th attempt at 40mg. 3rd day. It doesn't mean shit yet as much as I have suffered. The real test comes later on.
 
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Hey, so I am really impressed with my progress. I can say for the first time so far that I'm actually proud of myself! This is Day 4 of my 40mg oxy dosing. 10mg ER and 10mg IR every 12 hours. I am fighting the good fight, I will never give up this time. Every week I am taking off 10mg now until I am FREE. This shit does NOTHING for my chronic pain anymore, all it did was replace my natural endorphins with crappier ones. And if I go back to it, my tolerance gets so high that it simply is not a feasible treatment option. My doctor, for various reasons, deserves a fucking punch in the face and I think he is going to get it. I told him I was using street pills my first appointment. I pissed heroin into a fuckin cup among other drugs and they said I tested clean. Guess I was a prime candidate eh? Big money maker too, being an engineer and all.

I quit smoking hash too... those sleazy weed dispensary owners who have never smoked in their lives and wear corporate suits will simply never get another penny of my money. It was not helping my withdrawal, obviously, as I am having a much easier time dealing with it now. I think weed just makes me crave stranger highs, so I quit cold turkey with zero wd's after smoking hash all day every day this year and wasting a shit ton of money (that at least didn't go to heroin). I have too much support now and a beautiful girl who is also addicted and tapering who I talk to every day. I will never give up this time. NEVER.

I started making withdrawal self help videos on youtube, if you have any suggestions for topics just PM me. I want to help as many people as I can get off this fucking filth. For now though, I exist as nothing but ANGER. Need to play lots of metal guitar. I'm fucking furious that life is such a beautiful thing and I had to go and ruin mine with drugs. I will never stop fighting to beat the fuck out of all of my problems. Certain people are going to get mother fucking ass kickings from me as well. I refuse to be a pushover any longer. I can have superhuman bursts of strength for a disabled dude.
 
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Twenty something year old here. Been on higher dose habit for 3+ years now. Had a few times where dosage got high enough to scare me... Pretty sure I'll die soon if I don't quit. Have quit for lengthy periods of time several times, but this is going to be last time. Tough part is I've always gotten Norco legally, as I've had severe long lasting injury in past, but I hardly need the meds to carry on normal life. Honestly I just like getting high. I have like 150 tabs left, and really want to taper. I have the self control to do so. I have gone CT several times, and man it sucks. Question is is taper effective for minimizing some of the WD symptoms, or should I just dive in again. Thanks everyone for posting. Habit is give or take 120-150 mg per day. Not the biggest I've seen, but ugly nonetheless given the apap content. Really want to get clean. Have an amazing woman whom I'm marrying soon... she is the love of my life man... my life would be perfect if it wasn't for this habit.
 
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Welcome, Metalm: To answer your question: absolutely yes! Tapering will be effective for reducing the withdrawal symptoms. Of course, depending on how long you taper, and much you reduce your dosage, over time, will dictate how severe your withdrawals will be. Being in your twenties, I strongly encourage you to quit NOW! Set up a taper that reduces the dosage every 7 days, if possible, but use your 150 pills to maximize the taper so you suffer less. Stopping now is the best wedding gift you can give yourself and your wife. Do not let this ugly addiction steal any more of your life! Good luck!
If you read through this thread, you will see that we taper differently: some by percentages, others by decreasing in big jumps, over long periods of time, and some shorter periods. It will provide helpful information and encouragement to you for this process.
 
I have had to spend some time in quiet introspection, as I was confusing myself as to what my next step would be. I have several options on how to decrease, but I realized that I will be most successful if I follow the path of least resistance. So, now, although I am exhausted from lack of sleep, I will continue with my taper.
 
Hey metal, welcome dude. Is that habit with hydrocodone? If so it's not too too bad. Man you could probably taper pretty comfortably. I prefer steep dose cuts because that way you still experience the harsh wd's and it teaches you a lesson not to use again. An because I was using so much more than prescribed, I can't afford or even get the supply for a slow taper. It is so fuckin miserable you'll never want to touch a pill if you do harsher cuts, because it is just like cold turkey except maybe you get 4 hours of slight relief each day. I'd go with 5 or 10% each week (I think that's what poke mama says... she knows) if you have the pills and are chill with waiting a while. You could calculate how long it would take you to quit at that rate.

Talk to Pokemama about a slow taper. I am tapering harshly, from 25% to 50% dose cuts. Because I want off and clean ASAP. You won't suffer if you taper slowly it just takes a long ass time. She knows the numbers and stuff like that for more reasonable tapers. Good you have a doctor. Probably half my pills I was getting legally. Not that it matters, that shit doesn't even help my back pain anymore. From a scumbag who is going to get hit it the face next appointment, as he knows I use china white and still prescribed me. Proceeded to lose everything.

Just get out before it gets any worse. It will only get worse, if you think it's bad now just wait. That goes for myself as well. Duration of use is a big one for withdrawals and you've been at it a long time.

You already have something to fight for as well. Your future wife. What if you lost that because of these stupid drugs. I have excruciating pain as well but I will take the pain over the addiction, it is a choice you must make for yourself. I don't care how much pain I experience anymore because being hooked on oxy's is worse. Watch out for the apap tho eh that can literally kill you. Some days I was taking 10 percocets among other things and that just ain't safe. Down to 4 a day now, along with extended release. e

Talk to poke mama she's smart. I am the dumbass of this thread :p but hey - I'm quitting and it's working. I used to take well over 100mg oxy's a day and over the spring and summer I had to quit heroin first before even attempting to taper the oxy's. It has been a fight all year and I am going to win by Christmas. You have to find the strength and resolve somehow. Anyway way you look at it, it's not easy getting off this shit. Good luck and PM me if you need a friend dude. I'm always around this thread too as I have nothing better to do while dope sick than help myself stay clean. I am one furious fuck these days though. Always so damn angry, I quit hash last week so I don't know... I'm just waking up to a lot of bullshit I've created for myself. I just know it's the anger that will get me through the rest of this shit and make me that 10% who gets clean. Emotions like that are simply unstoppable. Peace!
 
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Toothpaste,sqeaky, thank you for your posts, I have myself in such a mess but I am determined t I get on track, I have been on opiates for 15 yrs,. My pain is such an unwelcome merciless squatter in my life,. I started padding with h 6 months ago I am 50 yrs old and wtf was I thinking, I want to taper the h I do a bun just about daily snorting any advice ? Is it any easier to taper when you aren't an IV user???
 
This is a much needed thread, I have so far kept my addiction very quiet, I feel I have no one to turn to with age you realize sadly telling the truth is the kiss of death with drs and insurance nowadays they are looking for any justification to cut meds off its so very sad
 
Welcome, InaMess! I do not have any experience with H, but generally, it is easier to taper from a snorting habit than an IV habit. I am sure someone else will advise you specifically re: H, but I am an older user as well, and I do want to confirm you are right: telling anyone we are addicted can be very chancy. I tell no one, except one trusted family member. So, feel free to post here as often as you need to. Currently, I am not feeling well, so am not posting as much as in the past, but do try to read the posts daily.

Shroomy..thank you for saying those nice words about me, but we are all intelligent. Otherwise, we would continue using without giving a thought to tapering. We would use until the bitter end. You have a vast wealth of knowledge yourself.... you know you have to be smart to study what you did at the university; also, you have much self knowledge about the addiction and what it has done to you. So... let's all practice kindness to ourselves as a top skill to develop in our fight against this dreaded addiction.

And, if I was so smart, I would not have to keep repeating this taper at the same percentage decrease. I have hit a wall and am very depressed over that. I seem to not be able to bear any amount of withdrawal symptoms... it overwhelms me. i practice mindfulness.. sitting and observing the various symptoms as they approach,, as if they are waves, and they do come and go. But, my life has gotten little so there is not much else to distract me. One reason I am trying to develop other interests, in addition to the time I have spent on BL in the past. I have to keep up this process of tapering... otherwise I am doomed.
 
Yo InaMess, sniffing heroin was my biggest problem in life. Compulsive heroin sniffing and I tapered off over a period of months by just doing less and less lines. I wasn't keeping good track of the doses obviously, because of inherent quality control issues. I just had to consciously make sure I was getting less and less high every day and replacing that with more pharmaceuticals until at least I was off the dope and knew what I was taking. Then, I came to this thread because tapering off of pharmaceuticals is obviously way easier. I used a lot of hash back then after not for 3 years and it really helped me see the bullshit that is heroin. As soon as I was stoned, I wouldn't even want to sniff that shit and it made it easier. Heroin withdrawals are fucking torture though man, taper or no taper, good luck! But honestly I think oxy withdrawals are even worse. You might just need to abruptly stop that shit man because it can be so compulsive. Switch to a pharm for a bit of relief, but if you are like me, I couldn't even feel pharmaceuticals anymore for several months after doing so much H.

Also, in case you don't know, heroin is nowadays commonly cut with synthetic painkillers that are so incredibly strong that they are considered chemical weapons. If you get the wrong bag, you can drop dead from sniffing a tiny little bump of the stuff. Even cops seizing the stuff have to be very careful now and always carry the overdose antidote and I think even still some have died from exposure to these drugs. Like just from touching them is enough, or inhaling an amount of powder you can't even see. After I heard that, I was never tempted to relapse with dope again. I'm not gonna be that dude that dies from a bump of shit quality H. Just feel the need to point that out. Get the fuck off the heroin before you drop dead man. It isn't diacetylmorphine cut with inactive anymore, which kills enough people as it is.

The reason they use fentanyl analogues is a business model. They have short half-lives and lead to compulsive redosing while heroin normally keeps one well for am much longer time. The feel like good, strong dope and since they are so potent, they are much easier to smuggle into countries. Also, they are even more addictive and lead to INSANE tolerance increases. My personal belief is that almost all street heroin is cut with that shit now. Also, you are getting ripped off as these synthetic drugs cost pennies to produce in comparison to heroin. You don't have to grow opium for it. It's horrible man, the fentanyl analogues are so potent that a barely visible amount can kill a fuckin elephant. There is no safe dose, no matter how tiny. It's impossible to mix the drugs properly into heroin batches and you end up with 'hot spots' that are killing people left right and center - even seasoned, lifelong junkies. Enough said. Look into fentanyl analogues like carfentanyl, and other drugs that are being found in heroin these days all the time. I guarantee you that, becoming aware of this information, you'll never want to sniff another bag if you have any sort of brains. It's all over the news as well so you may already know.

Do you really trust heroin dealers mathematics calculations to determine how much fentanyl to add? Man, they are fucking scum. They don't give a flying fuck how many users die, which in my opinion is so greedy that it will eventually destroy their entire business (I'd probably otherwise be a heroin addict). I personally believe... well I shouldn't say what I believe. I don't think that a prison sentence is enough torture for such a heinous crime. They just end up in jail for a bit and probably keep a shitload of money getting out. But... do you really want your money going to scum like that who are making billions of dollars through the sleaziest practice imaginable?

Being an IV user or not doesn't really mean shit in terms of withdrawals. The end result is addiction, it's all the same to the brain. IV use just adds a whole lot of new risks and potential complications like infections that cause death, ruined cardiovascular systems from collapsed veins, etc.

I have hit a wall too. My wall was 60mg oxy. This is my 5th attempt at 40mg, and Day 5. I always have relapsed around Day 7 to Day 10. I refuse to give up this time, I feel unstoppable. My pain was extreme today though, a 9/10 for me. Had to spend all afternoon on the heating pad and I am still in fucking agony. I passed out from the pain (that's what my body does when it gets really really bad). I'm glad I didn't take any extras of those demonic drugs. I never will; I have come too far. Every dose of pain relief comes with a price that I am simply not willing to pay anymore. I refuse to sell my soul to make myself numb.
 
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Hi so I woke up today having an extreme anxiety attack. It is going on for 3 hours and I can't calm myself down even with valium and a muscle relaxer. I literally feel like I am dying. I understand that I can't die from a panic attack, it just feels that way. But this is so rough that all of my other symptoms have evaporated. I exist as nothing but fear. I am choosing to fight rather than flight and I'm just hoping that I make it through today without dying. Relapse is not an option.

Just wondering if anyone else gets this shit. I can't handle it at all. I have a pre-existing panic disorder and I think quitting weed at the same time, which helps keep me relaxed, is exacerbating this problem. I really need to calm down, I'm just trying to talk myself through it and I have some relaxing music playing but it's not enough, my heart is beating out of my chest. Maybe some of that clonidine which is commonly used would help because it might be high blood pressure triggering it.
 
Oh no, Shroomy. I hope you're feeling better by now. I think withdrawal always brings on a bit of anxiety, maybe why so many people benefit from clonodine in withdrawal. You're not cutting your Xanax dose down too, are you? I think you talked about that before, that you should only taper one; opioids or benzo.

Poke, I hope you're feeling better. The wall in any taper is a hard place to be. You don't have the excitement of progress nor do you feel physically good enough to go out and do stuff.

I'm questioning my amount and future as well. I had my monthly med management appointment yesterday, and they asked me to cut down again, but only by half a pill this month. I asked if I was going to be asked to keep reducing, but she said that I would be at their target for me by next month. She also thought I would benefit from being on extended release, but I switched to all short acting so I could taper and hopefully stop. The thing is, anything less than 20 mg of oxymorphone plus 30 mg of oxycodone makes my pain at a level where I can't function and work full time. I may be on these pills for the rest of my life. But if I'm on a low enough dose that my body isn't dependent, I'm happy.
 
Hi Anna, I refuse to take more than the amount of benzos I am prescribed for panic disorder to get off opioids as the addiction is so much worse to those and I actually really do need them at this point in my life until I learn to deal with the panic symptoms better. So I am just taking them as prescribed at my low dose but with the additional anxiety from wd's it skyrockets me into hardcore panic mode. Also, whenever I quit cannabis I get a massive anxiety rebound and get a lot of hardcore panic symptoms. So it's both of them hitting me at the same time right now anxiety-wise. I feel like I'm entering post-acute withdrawal more now, less physical shit. Felt like I was having a heart attack all day... toughest day yet. Day 6 at 40mg. One week at this dose will be a great milestone for me : )

I picked up some supplements today. I think the girl at the store thought I was a little crazy because I look like a total wreck and I went back 4 times in one day for more stuff :p
I had to apologize to her because I rushed into the store like a freaking maniac begging for anxiety shit and kinda spooked her but she was nice about it when I came back relaxed. And kinda cute too. Damn this shit fucks with my testosterone, it is one of the most awful things about long term opioid abuse for men.

I got L-theanine which works amazing!!! I took ten of the capsules though haha. I also got valerian root tincture... which is one of the most foul things I have ever tasted. And I got a good vitamin B complex. After taking all those things I calmed right the fuck down and I was panicking HARD since 5am this morning... I was barely able to drive to the store, feeling like I was having a heart attack. I feel sooooo much better now. Problem being after experiencing hardcore panic like that, my back pain comes back full force. I'd say it's a 7/10 right now where 10/10 would be what it takes to make me pass out from the agony. I'll take back pain over anxiety any day, I'm really happy the supplements helped.

So I'm going back soon for daily turmeric which is a really good anti-inflammatory. Gonna start taking massive amounts of turmeric with black pepper and see if it helps the pain as it is essentially a natural NSAID if I am not mistaken. Little worried about relapse as I've been having some cravings.
 
Shroomy... good for you for taking action and seeking solutions at the store. You could have sat and stewed in your anxiety for several more hours, but you chose to do something positive and seek supplements, in this case, that helped you calm down.
I do hear you about the anxiety. Not wanting to step on toes of those with opposing political beliefs, but last night was rough, as the election results rolled in. I awoke several times, with much anxiety, and would turn on the TV and just could not believe my eyes. I was so sure things were going in the opposite direction. Being a woman, I am very anxious about what it means to me to have a sexist president, who judges females by their looks, not by their personal qualities. I also have friends of different religious beliefs and am scared for them... the president elect has made troubling comments about those practicing some of the world's religions.
Not only that, but besides the fact he can wield power through executive orders, the house and senate are also Republican and a new Supreme court Justice will be appointed in several months. There is no checks and balances between the political parties... it all is one sided. A scary way to have a democracy run.
When I lay down, my mind starts to race with all the horrible possibilities that exist. So, I start to do my progressive relaxation techniques; I also have some very nice guided visualization techniques CD's I can listen to. Of course, I have BL and TV as distractions as well. However, uncertain times for the US for sure.
 
I haven't been on here in a few days. I'm beating my head against a wall at 75 mg oxycodone/day. Never made it more than two days in a row at less. More because of anxiety than anything else. I feel your pain Shroomy. I have been real close to suicide trying to quit this crap a few times in the last 2 months. And my own experience with oxy and benzos- don't quit both at the same time. I did cold turkey on 60 mg/day oxy and then had a seizure later when I thought I was tough enough to do the Lorazepam cold turkey too.
My advise: Quit the oxy first, use benzos for sleep, then taper off the benzos. Try not to think about how long it has been or how long you have left - that stress is probably 1/2 of why I'm stuck at 75.
Sucks.
 
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