Guys, I've gotten myself into a pickle, I don't think I've talked about it in here so far. I like to use phenibut, which is a GABA-B agonist and a gabapentinoid. I have been using it every 3 days for quite a while with no issues. It has a very long half-life (lasts about 36 hours start to very end) and produces a nice feeling of ease and great mood. I've been using it to help me deal with some stresses I'm having this year (divorce, sick dad, etc). Actually I've been using it for 12 years, on and off, gotten dependent on it a couple of times but always been able to get off by tapering and reducing frequency and jumping off. At every 3 days, I don't even get physical dependence which is why I was using that pattern, and having no problem sticking to it.
Anyway I've always wanted to try GHB, and I managed to find some, 250 grams of it. This was about 2 months ago. GHB is also a GABA-B agonist but much stronger and with a very short half-life. I loved it and I very quickly started using it a lot more than I intended to. It reminded me a lot of how I abused opiates in my honeymoon phase, it felt harmless, I was rationalizing a lot. Doing it more days than not, and phenibut every 3rd day still also. Well, the GHB was starting to run low, and I realized one day, a few weeks ago, that I was physically dependent on it/GABA-B agonism in general, when I started getting tremory, with my hand shaking rather strongly when I tried to hold it still and my jaw chattering, with a feeling of strong anxiety and derealization, when I decided not to do it a day I normally would have. So I started cutting it back and doing GHB one out of 3 days and phenibut the other, instead of GHB 2 of those 3 days. I decided I wouldn't do any GHB anymore about 5 days ago, even though I had a dose left. But then I realized I had to do phenibut every other day to keep the withdrawal at bay, without GHB. I decided to do that, though, because I have stepped down from phenibut every other day to every 3 days to every 4 days to jumping off two times, and each time the discomfort was pretty minor and the taper was very easy to stick to because phenibut, taking 4+ hours to reach effect, is not at all more-ish.
Well, last night, the day after phenibut, I was feeling kinda down because my girlfriend was feeling depressed and I also just, honestly, wanted something (I also quit alcohol and nicotine a few weeks ago so I'm having periodic strong cravings for "something"), so I took my last dose of GHB (which I thought about throwing away but couldn't bring myself to). It was kinda nice, but the magic is gone. Which is a good thing because it makes it so I don't care to order more and I'm glad it's gone. But it probably set me back somewhat. And today I feel alright, but it's early and I can feel the shakiness in its early stages. Today would have been a phenibut day. Trying to decide if it should be. Basically I need to mask the GHB withdrawal with phenibut until it passes, and then it's much easier to deal with phenibut's much less severe withdrawal. The nice thing about phenibut is how long the half-life is, it makes really easy to control the taper. So yeah I think to spare myself the roller-coaster I'm going to take it today. Now there's no more GHB to throw a wrench into things so I'll just start my phenibut stepping down process.
Anyway, add GHB to the list of drugs I simply can't touch. Shame, it's a nice one. Then again, so are opiates but I am perfectly content never touching them again. Fortunately after my grueling opiate addiction and recovery, I know a lot more about myself now, and I caught this early, and I have a plan. I'm not too worried about it, I've gotten off phenibut multiple times, it just takes a little time and a little suffering periodically. And it's not like I'm thinking "oh no, what will I do without these drugs in my life?", like I did with opiates. I'm fine without them. I'm just annoyed at myself for getting into another physical dependence situation. So annoying...
