Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[uncle_jocko]

Hi gang - just thought I'd check in and say hello. Life has been really stressful the past week; and I realize that when I read those words from someone else that I really don't take the time to understand. I really want to honor the stress that you people are going through - it's the real deal. I was doing quite well on 20mg of Percocet last week ... but my job has really taken a lot out of me. In addition, an unexpected guest - and old friend - came over (for what I thought was going to be a day or two), and it turned into a week (he's running some errands right now, but tonight is his last night). In case you haven't guessed, I have the reputation as a "nice guy". I guess I am, in a sense. If someone needs a place to stay when they're near me, my door is open. The thing is, it's hard to keep it together. On top of the tapering (let's face it, 20mgs isn't that much), I have a LOT of anxiety coming up around my new teaching position. It's a promotion, new material to teach, and a bit overwhelming. The idea of coming home to a nice drink and 30 mgs of oxy sounds SOOOO tempting. But I know that will put me right back at square one again. I get worried about the level of anxiety; again, it seems overwhelming. Luckily, my friend will be leaving tomorrow, and I can get back into my routine again. Anyway, I just wanted to check in - probably a rather "boring" share, but I want to keep in touch. Hope everyone is well.

 

[Painful One]

Hi Uncle_jocko! Glad to hear from you friend!
I have been wondering how you were doing. You sound very well considering the stress of a job promotion, learning new material, having a house guest. Yeah the house guest one really sucks when they stay too long.
I know about that one! I guess I would be considered a "Kind person" as well. Not ashamed of that, very proud but it sucks when others take advantage of kindness. They see badass pretty fast when they start doing that to me. Lol!
You are doing good!

Shroomy, I apologize if you took my comments the wrong way. I did not mean to imply that you do not live with chronic pain and did not ever need opiate medication. I know you needed pain control. I meant it in a different way, like- you, yourself being so intelligent and sophisticated in your thinking never needed opiates to "fit in" or to "get through school" kind of thing. I meant it as a compliment but I understand that words written like this are hard to pick up the exact meaning at times as you see no facial expression or tone of voice etc. to give you insight into what the exact intention was. Forgive me.

Love you friends! Have a good day!

 

[uncle_jocko]

Thanks, Painful One ... I appreciate the kind words. And, I give you major props for the way you handle yourself on here - you're right, words can sometimes be taken the wrong way (text totally lacks tone). And whenever you feel you may have offended someone, you have no problem apologizing - that takes a big person. I hope you're doing well, my friend.

 

[Xorkoth]

Save it for the right time, my friend. As you well know, LSD can be tremendously healing. Like you said in PD social, you were meant to find these. If I were you I'd wait until it feels right, rather than because you're bored.

 

[Painful One]

Was in a bad mood. I often am. I wouldn't take lsd while my suicidal ideations are beginning to turn into backup plans.

There isn't much else for me to say. I ruined my life and now I am waiting. The only thing that really motivates me is if I get low on drugs and in that case I make magic happen to get them.

You okay?
Anything I can do?

 

[Squeaky]

Why is it when I have my pills, the days fly by? When I run out, each day feels like a month?

I have been out of oxy for 14 days now. I have 7 more days to go. This is by far the worst I have ever screwed myself. I am currently tapering off Loperamide. It sucks.

So in a week..... I am going to chill out with a cup of coffee in the morning (with a couple of oxy), nap in the afternoon(with a couple of oxy), relax in front of the tv in the evening (with a couple oxy). Be honest, most of you would do the same!

This is no way to live, but its better than not living at all I guess.

I can honestly say that dealing with these pills and all the stress that comes with them is better than what my life would be like if I quit taking them and just lived with the pain. But it still sucks.

 

[Painful One]

Yeah, I get it Squeaky. I do.
My plan did not go as exact and I am entering withdrawal now for two days.
I have to admit, I took 40 mg loperamide.

I still have the smallest amount of morphine I melted down into an instant release liquid that I am using just enough of to keep my horrific leg pain numbed. I can't let that thing get out of control EVER again!

Do the best you can brother. No judgement here but that sounds like you may be putting yourself through more suffering.
You may want to read up on the "plugging method". It helps stretch the stash. Actually last WAY longer. I can't believe how much I was able to stretch just a few pills that way. Now that I know about this, I won't run out again.

I'm going to be right there with you for two days on the time crawling by!

ShroomySatori- yes I have seen requium for a dream. Of course.
You sure you are living that life? Maybe it just feels that way when you hit the BP downs.
You are not always like this. But I have seen it many times.
I have also seen a different ShroomySatori.

Thank you Uncle_Jocko. I appreciate you saying that. Hope you are well also my friend.

Love you guys!
��

 

[Squeaky]

Yeah Shroomi...... we have been pretty low before and still lived through. But it really feels like the end while you are living like this.
My biggest demon is really time, and having too much of it. Life is easier when Im busy.

 

[Painful One]

OMG! The TIME is crawling by..like has time completely stopped? Every second is excruciating and lasts forever!
I'm in hell!

I need to time travel to tomorrow morning.

I'm scared that I took 40 mg loperamide too. Although it did allow me to get some sleep and I would be a whole lot sicker right now, I am scared of what I just read about it on the loperamide thread.

Steady me friends.

 

[Painful One]

Thanks for responding so quickly my dear friend.

I was planning on letting my doctor have it! But I don't even get to see him! He is out of the country for two months! I am seeing some retarded "nurse practitioner" who they are not even sure can write for my medication! No notice, nothing! She is only in Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday also when I should have been seeing my doctor today! I had enough medication to make it until this morning only! I need to find a new doctor as soon as I am well enough to.

I have not been using the same amount of medication "plugged" either. I have been only doing that with small pieces from one pill. Just enough to keep me from completely freaking due to my left leg and right side pain.

I agree though, I feel like a drug addict doing that and I never want to resort to that again. After ten years of taking the same "opiate naive" dosage of MS Contin with NO breakthrough pain medication, I have been looking for ways to somehow get by. But I cannot. I need a higher dosage and/or some breakthrough medication. I do the best I can every month! I cannot do any better!

I'm going to look for a new pain specialist ASAP!

Just wish this thing would kill me already rather than have this chronic pain torture. Pain Specialist's are not cheap either.

You need to talk to your doctor also darling. We have to find our way through this!
There IS A WAY! We must find it! God they make it hard though!

 

[Painful One]

I didn't even like the "plugging" method anyway. It made me so nauseated all day and night. The medication did not work the same.
I prefer the "feeling" of it when taken orally. I just need about 5 more pain pills added to my prescription and I would be okay! Well, actually an increase from 75 mg a day to 90 mg a day would do the trick!
I want to keep the dosage low! I don't want to add more pain from medication but the facts are, my condition is getting worse.

My freaking leg pain has just been out the roof and I literally could not stand up on my leg for a few.
So I tried the plugging and it really hit the area where I am injured directly. So it numbed it a lot which felt good.

The leg pain has been so severe lately that I have been begging family/ friends to amputate my leg for fucks sake!

 

[Painful One]

https://youtu.be/H2YIafrkQy8

"Technique on Grounding"
Get your shoes off everybody and stand on the EARTH!
Science shows it helps with chronic pain, heart disease, any kind of pain or disorder!
I learned about this in my near death experience too!

I just went out and tried it again - I do it every time I remember to- and it helps! A lot!

ShroomySatori, we are not giving up. No fear of death here but we are important people!
We are needed! Fight these feelings. Nothing is impossible.
If you need opiate medication that is fine. But it must be used wisely.

I guess I have two months to find other things besides meditation, grounding technique 's, nutrition, exercise, stretching, making sure I sleep well etc. and if I cannot improve things anymore than this, well, I did my best and I will ask for additional medication or find another pain specialist and see what they have to say. I need to find a new doctor anyway. Mine looks like he is about to retire.

Life can and will get better than this. I am willing and have been putting in the effort!

Don't give up my dear friend! I know things suck really bad right now. Everyday is a new day and just small steps can lead to happier places.

 

[Painful One]

One more thing I found that helps tremendously is MUSIC and SINGING!
Use your voice!

It gets things out! Sing! Sing! Sing!

 

[Painful One]

Shroomy,

What about going to an inpatient detox off the benzodiazepines?
I have seen they do this all the time.
There are places where they detox you and also access the underlying conditions going on.
So, once you are detoxed safely, they get you the right kind of treatment.

I am just like you on the not trusting the medical field but there are some I would trust.

Would you be willing to think about something like that?

I want to see you well and happy again! *Hugs you.

 

[Painful One]

Listen to me, you are not the worst off of cases that have recovered! You are not an alcoholic!
I have been learning about benzodiazepines and how they detox someone off very large amounts safely.
In fact all the specialists say- "Opiate detox is by far the most painful but is rarely deadly, benzodiazepines detox is scary and we watch that closely but alcohol detox is almost always fatal."

There is hope! Not as painful as opiate withdrawal and they can get you off those and back onto the proper medications. Which is probably opiates and benzo in much smaller therapeutic amounts!

 

[Painful One]

No. Not a social worker.
Yes. Your good friend who loves you!

 

[Painful One]

ShroomySatori,

They have people now days who are coming in on fentanyl and carfentanyl, all kinds of research chemicals, Loperamide!
I'm sure there are doctors who have experience with this etziolam devil!
Your family would help you. They just do not know what to do. They think the problem is weed. Lol!

This situation is not even your fault. You got into something unintentionally and without understanding what the consequences would be. Most medical people and other people in this world whom are wise understand that this is not even something that you did. Really.
The main problem at the time was the H and you fought like a champ to get off that and are off that! You unintentionally dug yourself into a different situation all the while trying to medicate your extreme anxiety problem and chronic pain!

You don't need to be ashamed of this!

My research- done for you- because I care- shows there is a way off that stuff and a way forward. A way to be and feel happy again.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I don't care to be off it. I'd like some H to go along with it. This one makes me numb to anxiety. The dope treats everything else. It didn't work out trying to quit it has been long enough.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I find this shit irritating. I have more important shit to do when on the verge of killing myself.
This is where things come to a halt.

 

[Xorkoth]

Plugging morphine made you nauseated because orally morphine has a very low oral bioavailability (ie, most of it is never reaching your brain), whereas plugging it is many times higher. Be careful plugging opiates because it can greatly increase the effective dose reaching your bloodstream... in the case of morphine this is most dramatic.

Shroomy, part of the withdrawal process is believing you will never be the same again. Everyone who recovers feels that way, until they don't anymore. I really hope you get some medical help with this, I think you're the perfect case for it.