I had what was probably the worst week of my life this year. I have very serious financial and career matters to attend to before it's too late. Obviously, the finances directly relate back to me being irresponsble doing drugs. And family I sort of fucked over as a junkie in one way or another is involved. I wanted to take care of this serious business. I'm looking at losing a 20k investment... but I've lost so much at this point if that's what happens whatever. I spent 10 times that on dope, easily even more. It isn't much of a loss in comparison. I also could have lost my life.
Billy you are being too optimistic and that is good but it will lead to a relapse. I am at 6 months in a week and I'm still nowhere near normal. I never will be again, not even close. Heroin truly fucks you. If you haven't been using too long (how long?) there might be more hope for you than for myself. You really have to want to quit and if you did, you would not still be using once a week or whatever it is. When I quit, I did so cold turkey because I began to resent the drug after so many years and knew I wouldn't die from withdrawals. I had already tried tapering with opiates, pills, all these tried and true methods and what it boiled down to for me was to simply stop taking the drug and deal with the consequences before I overdosed.
Larimar I like those podcasts too. My favourite ones are with Rogan and Duncan Trussell. I got my xanax fix stocked up so I'm much more stable. I am happy for you I am unable to express it though very much more than that right now. I have had about 2 hours of sleep a night this week and last night too as I was up until 1am having a heart to heart talk with an older businessman. He can tell I am completely fucked in life and knows someone with a Ph.D who just checked out with no warning so. He had told me that earlier it's just obvious I've been fucked out of my mind lately.
It has to be post acute withdrawal in some sense of the word. I am not like this I've been doing my drugs other than opiates. And at 6 months that is when it came back with cannabis abuse. It never goes away, really, so I better get used to it.
At this point with all the poly drug abuse, I don't think it matters what drug it is. I did coke, and had classic opiate withdrawal symptoms and I still do. It's like, the drugs work together to try and overpower my mind to the drug I really want which is not coke. I hate the shit.
It would be a damn shame to stop moving forward at 6 months even if I am still not really moving forward all that quickly. I really hope I don't have to take that loss it will devastate me in more ways than one. (the financial loss a relapse would downright kill me ten times over at this point).
I was low on xanax for a while and completely fucked again, during this week which randomly had an insane number of hours for me, everything had been building up it was my week to chill and get my finances in order. I can't give up on people though, I guess other than myself. This week the nature of the work the personal stress involving family and finance which I really needed to deal with but had absolutely no time with work, which is pretty useless I'm not making anything I'm really helping people though and can't give up on that because I don't really care about myself so much anymore. I've lost so much keep it coming like it doesn't even matter I'm totally fucked either way.
Anyways I feel took my fix I have barely slept all week took a lot of alprazolam waiting to pass out and recharge. This week was absolute hell it was like a test if I could handle full time work. I'm not there yet it was just way, way, way the fuck too much I went fucking crazy but I held it together for the stupid work hours.
