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The Suicide Support Thread

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Its inspiring to hear possitive thoughts like that because its easy to get caught up in the negative. I got into it with somebody today had to take a step back and chill. The detox making me get tight too fast. I recognizing that now and try stay away from certain people that want the drama.
 
i'm not self conscious about being fat but i don't like being fat DAMN ZYPREXA and all the olanzapine does is help me sleep for some reason my mood swings and auditory hallucinations are not responsive to anti-psychotics no meds really do anything about that and high cholesterol and diabetes and being over weight all run in my family and the zyprexa has all of those as side effects and they are not rare side effects so i'm gonna talk to my psychiatrist to work with me on finding a safer drug to treat my treatment resistant insomnia the first med i'm gonna suggest is something i haven't tried before is ramelteon it's a melatonin receptor agonist because i've tried many things but the only ones that helped were z-drugs which lose effectiveness after a few months and i'm not willing to take 10mg of ambien a night for maybe 3 months the have to bump up to 20mg for 2 months then 30mg for 1 month then 40mg and so on and so one till i'm so hooked it would be dangerous to stop and i don't want to be fat and risk becoming diabetic with zyprexa even though it helps me sleep at the same 20mg dose i've been on for almost 2 years it sucks to have insomnia everynight and if i don't take sleep aids i won't sleep for 2 nights and then the 3rd night i get about 4 hours and on and on it's so depressing and it takes a big toll on my medical conditions it makes my pain more severe it makes my mood swings more dramatic and it causes me to have more panic attacks and also makes it harder to drown out the voices that only want the worst for me sometimes when i can't sleep at night the voices will tell me to kill myself and the less sleep i get the more i myself already want to kill myself which makes it hard to dismiss what the voices are asking of me
 
Just try focus on things that make you happy. Hobbies, movies anything to distract or take up the time. Being in pain as I know the time can go slow, which leads to negative thoughts or voices. I wish you the best.
 
Hi all,

I have read many of your posts with great interest and congratulations to those of you who have overcome your feelings. Unfortunately i feel as though i can no longer keep fighting and nothing that i do really changes the way i feel so suicide has become increasingly attractive. So much so, that the only thing preventing me from taking action right now and executing my plan is knowing the devistating affect it wold have on my mother. I dont think that she would ever recover from it.

So, what do you do? i have created a situation which i simply cannot win and is dragging me deeper and deeper down. The only way i seem to be able to tolerate myself and my life is to use drugs, which then impacts on any possibility of living a normal life because i prioritise the getting and using of drugs way above any other aspect of my life. I desperately want to stop, and have so many times, but after a few months i am in so much emotional/pyshological distress that i turn back to using.

I know this sounds pathetic but for me it is very real i have disliked myself for as long as i can remember, even as far back as infancy. I had a few good years between 2001 and 2009 where i actually managed not to use drugs and get on with life, it was painful but kind of ok/bareable. Since then everything has spiralled out of control - i must have chosen a path that really doesnt satisfy me because i am desperately unhappy and dont know how much longer i can hold it all togther, it wont be long before i am fired and life really does go belly up and i wont be able to afford the drugs that i truly beleive are keeping me alive right now, my home etc etc.

As i saiid earlier if it wasnt for my mother i would go home and administer a massive dose of an opiate and simply not wake up. I am worried that soon the pain will get so great that nothing will prevent me.

I have been to local services but because i use drugs all they want to do is help me stop that, once i have successfully ceased my use, they mark me down as a success and thats 'job done' for them. But, for me the root cause still exists and no matter how often i say this to these so-called profesionals it makes no difference what so ever. all they are capable of is prescribing out of a text book - i mean you really could train a monkey to do it. Drugs really are not my problem they are my solution for now. Once the problem has been addressed i really believe that i will no longer need my temporary coping mechinism (drugs) and only then will i be able to stop and stay stopped!!!

How do you find people that will listen and understand? how much longer will my mother prevent me acting on this suicidal idiation? i have even started to consider creating an accident where a lorry or buss knocks me off my bike on the way to work and either does serious damage or kills me (either way the pain will be gone)

Sorry if this comes across as 'POOR ME' i really dont mean it that way, i have just quickly written what i think and feel.

Any advice would be welcome
 
I hear you but you said the majic words. Don't want to do that to your family. I feel the same way bro. I have constant thoughts of suicide and I don't really need to make a plan or go anywhere. The effect that would have on friends/family outweighs the urge I get sometimes to blow it all away. Have thought about that for 25 years. Its not worth it, don't go out like that. Its easy to say don't do it but maybe you should talk to someone with training. Alot of people don't say a word because affraid they could end up strapped down in psych ward at hospital. I feel that too and makes it hard to approach a doctor. If anything just take it slow, try releaving stress and talk on here. Alot of helpful people with experience on blu.
 
I don't think I can do this for much longer.
I'm sorry for killing myself so early.
 
I feel stupid for posting this. But I don't want to live this way. I'm lonely, all the time. I stare at my walls for hours hoping my dog will keep me company. Just today I had a major falling out with my parents. And they don't want anything to do with me. (If they ever did). All I want is someone to accept me. I want to know I matter to someone. But I don't. Is it too much to ask? It probably is, so I'm going to do it. Im slowly going insane. I have thoughts of murder, and suicide. I have fits of rage and I can't deal with it. Can someone pull the trigger?
 
You guys need to chill. Its tough times right now so very easy to loose it. I no different from you, could blow it any day anytime. Why don't I? Thats too easy. Give people hell, battle thru this low point. I don't mean get violent, its about overcoming and outlasting adversity. Move, if nothing going good, stuck in a rut move far away. Go to europe, something nobody would expect, and you will thrive in a new eniornment.
 
Is it okay to end it all because of the sheer amount of pain I'm in. I mean, it's gotten to the point where I can't actually live anymore. I watch my friends go on with life, start careers, get married, etc. and I'm just sitting here in my mom's apartment clacking away on a computer. I can't really do anything physical. I would try and work an office job or something but my seizures from my neurological disorder are still not controlled, even after 7 years. The medicine I have to take has completely ruined my life as well.

When is suicide justified?
 
That's a tough question. If I assess the fundamentally emotional question from a purely reasonable approach I come to the conclusion that if there's one thing we own it's our existence.
To be expected to relinquish our being in order to prevent others from hurting is unquestionably wrong, yet our emotions override logic.
 
Sometimes you have to tell the doctor your serious about ending it based on your severe condition. Maybe that will make them think extra hard about a better option for your condition. Even if you have to go to hospital and hit rock bottom, theres only going up from there. You will improve, your young, keep fighting. The body is capable of healing, sometimes it looks hopeless. I hope you decide to seek a better doctor and get relief from your pain.
 
Is everyone that recently posted that they were going to kill themselves still alive? I hope so.
 
a massive oxycodone and dextroamphetamine binge has me feeling so down i don't know if i'm gonna be able to stop myself from killing myself tonight the wds and crash is just so overwhelming
 
Hi mrflowers, I've seen your posts and recognise, to some extent your pain and anguish with these thoughts of suicide.

I can find myself in greater troubles after amphetamines, I use them for a break form the constant apathy and exhaustion of depression but it is certainly a double edged sword.

You are an experienced individual in terms of drug use and more so your own mental state, you know now is not a good time to be making these decisions.

After all you have been through to end it all because a temporary crash after a drug binge would truly be waste, it may be that a time will come when you conclude that you really do want to end it all but not now...the feelings are at least partly artificial and will pass in time.

You still not feel on top of the world but you will b in a much better position to make coherent judgements, hang on in there if only to prove that you can. I'm going to bet you have suffered worse in the past and pulled through for another day....and that since that time at least a few good things have happened or you have done good things for others.

The world needs you, I haven't even got to know you and neither have so many others.

Suicidal thoughts have plagued me these last few months, my depression seems never ending and my lack of ability to connect with others brings isolation. These last few weeks I've tried to start accepting the thoughts and the possibility I will carry them out as is my choice. I've kept busy and tried to achieve a few minor things and at least make a few simple plans for the coming days, it has helped a little.

Suicide is not an answer, I can't see it will bring me the things I want...release from this crushing depression, self worth , some level of enjoyment and the ability to form some more meaningful relationships with others. Not to mention the devastation I would leave behind by such a wasteful action, how would that leave my family, my kids, my Mum they need me I know they do because they no my problems and have told me so.

Try and make a go of this life, death will come to us all in the end and the next journey will begin.

PM me anytime I for one would miss you around the place
 
Be careful what you do for the crash. Sometimes I would raid the med cabinet and take anything thinking it would help. Sometimes it makes it worse, just ride it out. We all feeling like shit in this thread too bro and when you get thru it we be here to talk about it with you.
 
i took 3 5-htp capsules hopefully it'll make the rest of the night of crashing easier but i'm doubtful i don't want to die but all i want is to be high and sense i can't always be high i'm just waiting to die
 
I had a horrible start today. I wanted to cut myself or be violent towards inanimate objects... instead I just thrashed around a bit in the quicksand of my negative emotions... and then someone came by and pulled me straight up out of it.

Y'all have someone coming to pull you up too. Just be patient and keep your head above the quicksand of negative emotion guys.

Much peace and <3 to you all!
 
everyday i think about buying a pack of razors, i usualy end up buying a bottle instead. In a token way i think the state is suppposed to prevent you from killing yourselve, but after going to the er at least 4 times in week, the only conclusion is they dont care. so why dont they just let me die.
 
glitter_kiss said:
everyday i think about buying a pack of razors, i usualy end up buying a bottle instead. In a token way i think the state is suppposed to prevent you from killing yourselve, but after going to the er at least 4 times in week, the only conclusion is they dont care. so why dont they just let me die.
Click to expand...

(((<3)))

Is there something causing these thoughts and feelings?

PM me if you'd like to chat more privately. <3
 
Hospitals are the most depressing places on earth. Thats the whole problem. People are already depressed and having these thoughts and approaching a hospital makes it worse. They need to change policy and way of treating depressed patients. Here in Ny if I go in a say the word suicide or thinking bad thoughts I going on manditory 3 week vacation to the psych building- real extra grimey. Sometimes I wish I could approach them for assistance but that 3 week pin down not going to happen.
 
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