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The Suicide Support Thread

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Fear has run my life and ruined my life and those who love me. I am one unemployment check away from homelessness, and I have to use it to pay my bills or use it to stave off dopesickness. The fear of life has paralyzed me and were it not for my child I would drive my car off a cliff. Looking at her while she sleeps...why cant I get clean for her. I know I have to do it for myself blah blah blah...but I hate myself too much. Is there a god? If so, Why would he give this beautiful child a junkie mother WHY???????
 
Live unafraid of death. That is the true meaning of living. You're not alive until you aren't afraid to die imo.
 
usedtobe I also beat myself up for being unable to stop using drugs. But we can't forget how addictive these substances like heroin are. then you factor in our addict gene/disease/personality, whatever, and it's no wonder we are unable to stop. I've heard there is a solution but you must go to any lengths to get it. I would go to any lengths to get drugs, I wonder why I can't do that for sobriety? I think a part of me still believes that the drugs serve a beneficial purpose in my life even if its way more short lived and inefficient then it use to be when I was like 23, I'm 28 now. I've been trying to close the "drug chapter" of my life for years now but IT IS SO HARD. I'm caught in the misery of using drugs but wishing I wasn't and didn't want/have to. I'm in TDS and have been living with addiction for a decade now, I hope so much it won't take a decade of sobriety to re-learn how to live life on lifes terms,
 
Life sucks.

Wake up, browse the net, <snip> surf all day, wait for next welfare payment.

Rinse and repeat.

Nothing gets me going anymore. I find it extremely difficult to enjoy anything. Listless is the word. I've completely lost my mojo and any enthusiasm I ever had for life. It's been like this for 5 years since I got spat out of the mental health system.

I know I need help but I damn well know I'm not gonna get it from said system.

It's soooo tempting to say "fuck it" and jump off a cliff. Thinking about it so much........ :( :( :(
 
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i'm sick of being high as a way to feel ok with life but i just can't seem to accept life on life's terms
 
Life sure can be rough at times, especially if you've made mistakes in your past. I can't say that I'm exactly where I want to be, but it is important to think about who you are and what your life is about. Suicide really hurts those around you in most cases. I can understand not wanting to go on at times, but you have to find others who are in similar situations or the same boat to make your journey more pleasant. Think about your favorite thing to do. Try to smile or laugh, because those are probably some of your favorite things to do. If you are in over your head, then let it go. Realize that you might not be able to handle life at certain times and that's ok, because life is tough, right?
 
mrflowers00 said:
i just can't seem to accept life on life's terms
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when I was able to do this I finally had a real smile on my face

not the fake one I put on so I camoflauge in with the rest of humanity....

but the real one I carry around with me wherever I go now, and can show off to the world, because being happy is the entire point of being here, and I'm proud to have gotten to where I am today. <3

so I wanted to come in and say you're onto something Mr. Flowers. You know what you have to do, just become acustomed to accepting life on life's terms. <3

Believable said:
Life sure can be rough at times, especially if you've made mistakes in your past. I can't say that I'm exactly where I want to be, but it is important to think about who you are and what your life is about. Suicide really hurts those around you in most cases. I can understand not wanting to go on at times, but you have to find others who are in similar situations or the same boat to make your journey more pleasant. Think about your favorite thing to do. Try to smile or laugh, because those are probably some of your favorite things to do. If you are in over your head, then let it go. Realize that you might not be able to handle life at certain times and that's ok, because life is tough, right?
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^ great advice

Never give up on love guys <3

I had forgotten how to love and gave up on ever loving again over the course of mid 2011-2013, then things changed dramaticallly (in a good way) for me. <3
 
Hi im new to the forum and currently addicted to benzos. I just got off of a 3 day xanax binge and was having suicide thoughts from the wd's. Will 5 htp help with this?
 
I'm only 23 and have already fucked up my life royally. It all started just before my 18th birthday when I started having panic attacks in social situations. I was also dealing with health issues and felt so damn alienated from everyone. There are SO many things I should have done differently. It sickens me to even think about all the unnecessary pain and drama I've created for myself. I have terrible social anxiety, no car, no job, no friends, and I'm addicted to amphetamines, benzos, and alcohol. I was really smart in high school and now I can't even seem to get my AA degree from a crappy community college. Hindsight is 20/20, but I can't really forgive myself for everything I've wasted. My life may as well be over.
 
xxpurplehazexx said:
I'm only 23 and have already fucked up my life royally. It all started just before my 18th birthday when I started having panic attacks in social situations. I was also dealing with health issues and felt so damn alienated from everyone. There are SO many things I should have done differently. It sickens me to even think about all the unnecessary pain and drama I've created for myself. I have terrible social anxiety, no car, no job, no friends, and I'm addicted to amphetamines, benzos, and alcohol. I was really smart in high school and now I can't even seem to get my AA degree from a crappy community college. Hindsight is 20/20, but I can't really forgive myself for everything I've wasted. My life may as well be over.
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You don't need a car to be happy. A job is easily attainable, and friends are easy to find when you're a good person on the inside. <3

Your life is so still worth living, it's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times.
 
xxpurplehazexx said:
I'm only 23 and have already fucked up my life royally. It all started just before my 18th birthday when I started having panic attacks in social situations. I was also dealing with health issues and felt so damn alienated from everyone. There are SO many things I should have done differently. It sickens me to even think about all the unnecessary pain and drama I've created for myself. I have terrible social anxiety, no car, no job, no friends, and I'm addicted to amphetamines, benzos, and alcohol. I was really smart in high school and now I can't even seem to get my AA degree from a crappy community college. Hindsight is 20/20, but I can't really forgive myself for everything I've wasted. My life may as well be over.
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Lots of us in our early 20's have lost most of our friends, and have mental health issues.

I know a lot of people at a top university, and they mostly feel that a college degree is just a unnecessary piece of paper. If I'd fucked up in high school, I'd learn programming and math on my own, and spend time doing things that interest me, and eventually get paid a lot doing whatever I'd liked enough to learn about.

As for addictions, so fucking what. Speed addiction is hard to drop, but was easy as shit once you've done it, know what I mean? You can taper benzos. You have some negatives in your life, none of them are unusual or insurmountable.
 
TCMVegas said:
Lots of us in our early 20's have lost most of our friends, and have mental health issues.

I know a lot of people at a top university, and they mostly feel that a college degree is just a unnecessary piece of paper. If I'd fucked up in high school, I'd learn programming and math on my own, and spend time doing things that interest me, and eventually get paid a lot doing whatever I'd liked enough to learn about.

As for addictions, so fucking what. Speed addiction is hard to drop, but was easy as shit once you've done it, know what I mean? You can taper benzos. You have some negatives in your life, none of them are unusual or insurmountable.
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I know what you mean about loosing people in your 20s for some reason. Went thru a five year period where I lost multiple family members, best friends, other friends, saw alot of strange deaths accociated to benzos. I was too young to handle all of that so attempted to melt my brain instead with drugs. Already had huge drug history from my teens but these deaths triggered a whole new level of abuse. That followed me into 30s and now finally detoxing. Its def hard for anyone with any circumstance. Just have to battle thru it. The ones you have lost would want you to continue pursuing life. Don't get me wrong some days I looking at my toy like hmmm life sucks. Finding it hard to cope with wds in summertime heatwaves. Easy to fall back into old habbits but keep focus on the future. Fuck the past.
 
Is it just me or is relapse alot more likely when its opressively hot outside. Trying soo hard not to but might need a few extra benzos til the heat drops or I going to drop lol. Hopefully next week I can do more work on tapering off them.
 
Good luck on tapering off them, slow is best! Every time I try and taper too quickly bad things happen.
 
Ya its def the weirdest drug I ever tapered. Used to never taper just move on to something else to fill the void. Those were the old days, now trying to brake old habbits and not die young. I pretty stabilized on half my usual dose after a week. Thinking about chipping another mg off next week. Its all about the weather, if I comfortable 100 times more likely to work on the taper. When my face is melting for the wrong reason its really hard. In the fall when it gets cold I operate much better and should help the cause.
 
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