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The Suicide Support Thread

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Hope everyone is staying positive. Uplifting thread in its own way.

No suicidal thoughts here. Even got my guns back from a freind. Im in a weird point in time in my life but everyday I remember to just sit back and enjoy it, all of it. Whatever amount of bullshit, enjoy it, because once this ride is over, its uncertain where you go or what you do or if there even is a you. I burned my leg bad (shorts melted to skin) on a hot steam pipe in an old building yesterday and dropped my phone and broke it, an hour after being scammed $500 and learning my DUI case was continued another month even though I blew a 0.04. Straight bullshit. Stayed positive cause its not a big deal. Im alive and positive and its 2013 woop

Stay positive, even if you have to force it, dont fake it though, and remember to love life.

Exercise, get some sun, talk to people, learn everyday, drink more water, eat better, but mostly be positive and spread the positive vibe. It goes a long way and people can feel it.

DoYou feel it? i Do
♡♡♡
 
tamarinds said:
Stay positive, even if you have to force it, dont fake it though,
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For my own sake (been through a reeeaaalll rough patch lately), I'd love to hear a little more about how to force, but not fake positivity.

Thanks in advance,
~ Vaya
 
I find life more exciting to live everyday like it's my last. To not be afraid to die. It's going to happen one day to us all there's really no reason to speed up the process. I have seen enough trauma injuries in my life and miraculous recoveries.. OD'd on substances that have killed others in much smaller doses. Just gotta believe there's a greater part of "existence" unknown to mankind. .. and when you're time has run out you WILL die. If you act on the urge to commit suicide and succeed then the universe allowed it to happen. If you make it you just gotta believe the universe didn't let you go.
 
i wish i didn't have people that i loved it would make my decision much easier
 
Vaya said:
For my own sake (been through a reeeaaalll rough patch lately), I'd love to hear a little more about how to force, but not fake positivity.

Thanks in advance,
~ Vaya
Click to expand...

It's all about figuring out what's missing in your life and making changes so that you can attain what's missing.

You have to believe in yourself and know that it's worth a lot of trial and error until you find what's been missing all along.
 
Part of me wants to get better, and that part is big enough to keep me here
but for the most part I don't want things to get better. I just want them to be done.
I am tired. I don't have much left it me.
I just want to done with all of this.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
It's all about figuring out what's missing in your life and making changes so that you can attain what's missing.

You have to believe in yourself and know that it's worth a lot of trial and error until you find what's been missing all along.
Click to expand...

Thanks :)
I really like this positive material. I intend to incorporate it into my life!
 
Of course vaya.

I only recently had the insight of what was missing in my life. When I realized what it was and started knowing what to be expected for, it came together quicker than I could have ever imagined.
 
my life is a wreak i NEED to be on some kind of comforting drug or i have panic attacks constantly it's the biggest reason i use drugs also the biggest reason i want to die life is not life in panic mode
 
Abject said:
Part of me wants to get better, and that part is big enough to keep me here
but for the most part I don't want things to get better. I just want them to be done.
I am tired. I don't have much left it me.
I just want to done with all of this.
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I can't pretend to know what this feels like but I hear it and know that it is real. That exhaustion must feel debilitating. I am in such a different place--nearing 60 and suddenly overwhelmingly greedy for time in this body, on this planet. Though I am in a different place, I feel a connection to you and where you are. I just wish I knew how to siphon off some of my reality into yours. Ironically, my current reality is what gives me hope that yours will change. I think feeling something similar to what you are experiencing earlier in my own life is exactly what led me to where I stand now. Deep appreciation is forged from deep yearning. Deep yearning is painful.
 
I'm cmpletely devistated rigbt now...I dnt knw how I an go on w/everythng thTs happened..when will it ever end...:'(
 
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One day down and I'm still feeling like garbage...idk how to turn my mind off..my lovr has left me and probably getting ready for his date as w speak...I'm phycially ill over this..devistated, lost, alone, and totally loosing it...fuck when will it end..I wish I could jut get into some freak accident..idw live wo him by my side....yes I know it sounds stupid but..I'm going off the deep end n am sinking wo a paddle..
 
i'm so depressed i couldn't pick my pain meds up because my prior authorization needs to be done again it sucks being so emotionally and physically attached to drugs but it's how i cope with life nothing else makes me feel like going on and even drugs don't make me love life i hate life high or sober i just don't know what to do with myself i'm such a fucking wreak maybe i'll get past this or maybe i'll live my life in misery until the people i love most die so i can then kill myself w/o feeling guilty
 
Love you, ad lib. <3 I'm always here if you want to talk hun.
 
ad lib said:
Everything
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You can always reach out to me <3

Everything's going to be ok.

sconnie420 said:
One day down and I'm still feeling like garbage...idk how to turn my mind off..my lovr has left me and probably getting ready for his date as w speak...I'm phycially ill over this..devistated, lost, alone, and totally loosing it...fuck when will it end..I wish I could jut get into some freak accident..idw live wo him by my side....yes I know it sounds stupid but..I'm going off the deep end n am sinking wo a paddle..
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I'm so sorry sconnie <3

Don't let this take over your will to be happy though. You deserve to be happy.
 
I can't say that I'm suicidal really but I am terrified. I have been walking a tight rope of jumping from benzos to tar to dexedrine to meth and hiding it from my girlfriend and family. But really I'm just scared, scared that I'm 28 and although I just graduated college, my coping skills are so crippled by a decade of self-medicating that a black cloud follows me wherever I go. When you use drugs to sleep, drugs to wake up, drugs when your happy, drugs when your sad, you need help. And I do, it's just so lame being an addict and frankly I've tried AA but am just not at all encouraged to try it again and try sobriety again. When I have no drugs at all I get very panicky and life becomes very agonizing psychologically. I've just been feeling like there's no hope and I will loose in the end eventually because I can't follow AA and do everything/anything it takes to get sober. Right now I'm on borrowed time, using meth because my Dexedrine freaked me out and (stupid and wasteful I know) flushed the rest of my script down the toilet. So to deal with my legal trouble, family trouble, lack of motivation to do manual labor to make money, I bought some meth which is very unlike me as I'm a downer guy. But I have got to be productive and have a lot of pressure that the meth really helps with. But I know the bag will run out, then I will be so screwed and useless and pay for all of this.

Also concealing this from my girlfriend when she thinks I'm getting sober really REALLY upsets me. But it's like, I need it, I can't seem to break through that awful first week or 2 of sobriety even from alcohol and weed! Having no crutch is terrifying, and the fact that I'm using meth is terrifying, and I don't want to die or kill myself but I'm doing stupid shit and it just sucks knowing that there is a good chance I'll loose everything over addiction yet again. "With or without you, (drugs) I can't live....with or without you." Rehab, AA, NA, God. I'm just going to end on this: why the hell does sobriety have to be so difficult for some people like myself? I've been failing at getting sober for so many years now that in a way I do wish I could just bounce and not have to experience all the drama, pain, legal probs, etc. financial debt, that drugs have given me. So now I'm using a "productive" drug to dig myself out of this hole and take action in life. Damn.... growing up sucks. I've got so many rivers to cross that it's really getting me down and I know I'm no hero or strong person. I'm sensitive, introverted, and a total addict. My chances of survival, sobriety, all that, seems very very low. But maybe that's just cause I'm using right now. Anyways, I hope somebody out there understands what I'm saying and yeah my negative attitude doesn't help, nothing does. There is no cure, and that makes me want to not exist. AA says they have a solution, but I'm not just an alcoholic and feel so terrible about how far down drugs have taken me. Thanks for allowing me to express all this because I have nobody I can tell, and I don't do well with guilt and secrets.

Life is hard enough as it is without having to re-learn how to live sober. I'm full of doubt, fear, and anxiety because I don't think I'm strong enough to make it in this world, and thats terrible, especially for a man. My problems have caught up with me and now life is HARD, at least it feels that way. Okay, thats enough out of me. thanks for listening bluelight.
 
^ don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help man, your girlfriend will still love you and support what you're going through. You sound like an amazing person, don't let the fear of the unknown cloud your judgment.
 
I don't know if this is common amongst addicts, but FEAR runs my life more than anything else. I feel like a coward for wanting to find and "easier, softer way." Just knowing that I could put in so much work only to rellapse and piss it all away is FEAR but also a very realistic outcome. Some people just don't make it to the other side, and lately with all the fiending, carpet surfing, and wreckless behavior to get drugs. I'm really seeing the full extent of my addiction and wow....it's bad. I know the truth but can't handle it nor can I handle the work, sacrifice, and pain of getting sober. At least thats how I feel. I've lost that youthful naive invincibility and ability to live in denial telling myself "it will all work out, no worries." Now that I'm almost 30 and can clearly see the destruction behind me it's tempting to just drop out, give up, whatever. To me thats not so much suicide as it is becoming a homeless traveler or a full blown junkie. I should be on the freaking streets, I'm just as addicted as that lot, but I'm just lucky to have family and help, but damn does it hurt deeply to see their honest belief in me and my potential to live sober as a lost cause and waste of time because right now and for years I've been a slave to self-medication and drugs and alcohol. I started at 16 and now I'm 28. Still using, and FEAR does control my life.
 
Well I just want to share a simple fact we all have forgot about, and that is the present moment. Whatever this moment RIGHT NOW is presenting to you, is the ONLY thing you have to deal with, EVER. It's a place where obsessive and controlling thoughts can't exist. Next time you're stressing or have mad anxiety or depression about your state of being or living in this world, just fucking wake yourself up to this moment and realize THIS IS IT and THIS IS ALL THERE EVER WAS. There is no state of living the present moment denies, just always be honest to yourself and your present experience, the rest is bullshit, seriously.. illusory bullshit. You are literally stressing or depressed because of nothing, isn't that a bitch?

well furanku, easier said than done duuuuuuude uhh NO, who is saying that? Your thoughts obviously, always trying to run from the present because thoughts cease to have power when you're in tune to the present moment. Enlightenment, perfect girlfriend or wife, perfect life, happiness forever, depressed forever, wanting to become this or that, ALL BULLSHIT.

So i'm sending this message your way, it's the one message you forgot but can easily remember, just be honest and sincere to yourself. If you have any questions or want to discuss anything, i'm always here, just PM me.

Sending unconditional love your way as always.
 
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