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The Suicide Support Thread

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mrflowers00 said:
i hate that drugs have been more important to me than myself if i could take it all back i would but now all i can do is accept my situation
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No, you can choose not to accept it. But it's alot harder. You have to accept what has happened, if that's what you mean, but from your reply it sounded more like giving in. Sorry if I am missunderstood.
 
mrflowers00 said:
i hate that drugs have been more important to me than myself if i could take it all back i would but now all i can do is accept my situation
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I totally relate. I feel so raw now that I'm off the opiates. A valium here and there helps a bit but does nothing for these withdrawal symptoms that are bound to hang around for weeks to months. I was killing myself before I just got clean. I am so lucky I am not dead doing the amounts and mixes I was doing. I have friends that have died from less. I don't know why I am still here, luck perhaps... But I do have a purpose, I really want to graduate my degree this year! I've put it off for so long while I slowly lingered on deaths door step. Learning is what is keeping me going right now. Otherwise I don't know....
 
^The fact that you value learning, that you can once again be excited by it, is wonderful. The withdrawal symptoms will pass. I'm so glad that you feel connected to your life and purpose again. <3
 
I'm going through a rough time in my life but am so glad, every day, to be alive and to have so many years ahead of me in life to make things right.

Much <3 to you guys.
 
Feeling really fucking grim right now. I just can't let it go how badly my ex fucked me over, but I also can't help but miss her like crazy.

Me and my friend were supposed to be going out 'on the pull' tonight (trying to get laid) with him being my wingman. He was going on all week about how it was going to be carnage, and how up for it he was, and how I'd definitely pull However, his girlfriend called, and instead we spent the evening with them and another couple telling lovely romantic stories about how they met, and talking about intimate details about each others relationship. Sipping wine with easy listening in the background. With my friend pressuring me to go home every five minutes. Exactly what I fucking needed. By the end I couldn't even be bothered to pretend to be nice, and now I'm going to look like the dick to them.

Jesus, i'm 21, single, recently broken up and i'm spending my friday nights sipping wine and having 'proper' conversations. I need some more single friends.
 
whiteline said:
Feeling really fucking grim right now. I just can't let it go how badly my ex fucked me over, but I also can't help but miss her like crazy.

Me and my friend were supposed to be going out 'on the pull' tonight (trying to get laid) with him being my wingman. He was going on all week about how it was going to be carnage, and how up for it he was, and how I'd definitely pull However, his girlfriend called, and instead we spent the evening with them and another couple telling lovely romantic stories about how they met, and talking about intimate details about each others relationship. Sipping wine with easy listening in the background. With my friend pressuring me to go home every five minutes. Exactly what I fucking needed. By the end I couldn't even be bothered to pretend to be nice, and now I'm going to look like the dick to them.

Jesus, i'm 21, single, recently broken up and i'm spending my friday nights sipping wine and having 'proper' conversations. I need some more single friends.
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That's pretty fucked up of your friend to do. Trying to get laid when he's in a relationship- I doubt his girlfriend knew about his plans. And him pressuring you to go home? Ugh not cool at all.

I'm sorry that you feel like you don't have many friends. There's always people out there, you just have to put yourself out there. I know it's easier said than done, trust me.

Sipping wine and being proper will never apply to me probably ever lol. I don't know many people who that truly appeal to.

What are some of your interests? Are there other friends you have that are available to hang out? Try going exercising- whether it's a gym or a park, exercise is a great way to (obviously) get in shape and also meet others with similar interest.

<3
 
whiteline said:
Jesus, i'm 21, single, recently broken up and i'm spending my friday nights sipping wine and having 'proper' conversations. I need some more single friends.
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Don't think about your ex, think about the future, and the present moment you're in.

Getting more single friends should be really easy too. Best of luck. :)
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I'm going through a rough time in my life but am so glad, every day, to be alive and to have so many years ahead of me in life to make things right.

Much <3 to you guys.
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Thanks you too. I used to be a Captain Heroin ;) lol Now I'm just Mr Neurotic until my brain returns to normal after all these years of opiate abuse, 12 years in all....
 
herbavore said:
^The fact that you value learning, that you can once again be excited by it, is wonderful. The withdrawal symptoms will pass. I'm so glad that you feel connected to your life and purpose again. <3
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Thanks I'm glad too! Don't know where it came from I was so depressed during my teenage years - always going from one drug fix to the next. Actually never cared about school back then. But really enjoying having a free mind right now, and music sounds so much better! Going a little manic coz i don't have my fix but Uni begins in 2 more weeks, if i can stick it out I will be able to get into a routine and get it done. Also planning daily gym to keep well.
 
aussie101 said:
Thanks you too. I used to be a Captain Heroin ;) lol Now I'm just Mr Neurotic until my brain returns to normal after all these years of opiate abuse, 12 years in all....
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So you are opiate free after 12 years of use? That's simply amazing man! Congratulations on quitting, that's some real progress.

I was only addicted to heroin for a year long, and have been on Suboxone for a few years now. I'm so thankful to not have a heroin addiction actively ruining my life anymore.

aussie101 said:
Thanks I'm glad too! Don't know where it came from I was so depressed during my teenage years - always going from one drug fix to the next. Actually never cared about school back then. But really enjoying having a free mind right now, and music sounds so much better! Going a little manic coz i don't have my fix but Uni begins in 2 more weeks, if i can stick it out I will be able to get into a routine and get it done. Also planning daily gym to keep well.
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Going to the gym is a huge plus. I also love listening to music as well as making my own, I find it to be an excellent hobby. %)

I think a lot of us have experienced depression, especially during teenage years. I am sure that part of it is due to hormonal changes during puberty. The same sort of thing happens when you quit using heroin, because heroin represses testosterone levels, and they come back to normal when you quit using heroin. Hence, the hormonal changes are a lot like going through puberty again when you quit. This can definitely intensify the depression from coming off of heroin as is.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I think a lot of us have experienced depression, especially during teenage years. I am sure that part of it is due to hormonal changes during puberty. The same sort of thing happens when you quit using heroin, because heroin represses testosterone levels, and they come back to normal when you quit using heroin. Hence, the hormonal changes are a lot like going through puberty again when you quit. This can definitely intensify the depression from coming off of heroin as is.
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Wow, I never looked at it like that before. You're full of wisdom & always give me a different perspective on things I'm going through.

<3
 
I'm feeling great today :) hope everyone does/is doing well. much love to all of you.
 
mrflowers00 said:
i'm gonna try and not do any drugs for 4 months so my life is gonna suck
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That's how you think and feel now, but trust me, one or two months into it, you'll feel a lot better if you are clean for that long.

I think it's amazing you are going to do that man, and I know I'll be rooting for you.
 
mrflowers00 said:
i'm gonna try and not do any drugs for 4 months so my life is gonna suck
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Like CH said, you may think that now, but just give yourself some time once you're drug free and you'll probably feel so much different.

I'm happy for you & also rooting for you; you're in my thoughts <3
 
Captain.Heroin said:
So you are opiate free after 12 years of use? That's simply amazing man! Congratulations on quitting, that's some real progress.

I was only addicted to heroin for a year long, and have been on Suboxone for a few years now. I'm so thankful to not have a heroin addiction actively ruining my life anymore.



Going to the gym is a huge plus. I also love listening to music as well as making my own, I find it to be an excellent hobby. %)

I think a lot of us have experienced depression, especially during teenage years. I am sure that part of it is due to hormonal changes during puberty. The same sort of thing happens when you quit using heroin, because heroin represses testosterone levels, and they come back to normal when you quit using heroin. Hence, the hormonal changes are a lot like going through puberty again when you quit. This can definitely intensify the depression from coming off of heroin as is.
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Thanks. Its not an easy journey thats for sure...I have spent many a year on suboxone. And methadone. They sure do stop withdrawals and can give the life back to any opiate fiend. However I am studying engineering (last year now) and those aids slow me down too much - picture trying to do a 30 minute quiz on advanced calculus while buzzing on suboxone/methadone....Not easy! I was not at my full potential. That has been the driving force to get clean and complete my final year of Uni.

I recently found this site and started using some of the supplements on there and boy-o-boy how they have helped.
<http://www.restoreunity.org/brain_regeneration_in_heroin_addiction.htm>

And you are right i feel like a teenager again re the testosterone levels. And music, what can I say, it is the best distracter from what goes on upstairs in your head - I prefer dancing around the house to anything that sounds good to thinking about why i am feeling like using again....
 
mrflowers00 said:
i'm gonna try and not do any drugs for 4 months so my life is gonna suck
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You are into opiates, yes? Check out this site just for initial info, it has helped me tremendously:
<http://www.restoreunity.org/brain_regeneration_in_heroin_addiction.htm>

Just make sure you do more research on what is mentioned and find the right mix for yourself. Gym, music and learning are a great way to clear your head of negative thoughts. Moving forwards is the way!!

Good luck
 
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