?? ? THE SOCIAL CLUB v. Come Say Hi! ? ??

[ShroomySatori]

I'm sure Sorry to hear you're hurtin' man. I have to say that methadone or Subs might be a better choice over more Dilaudid to even out this roller coaster ride you're on, at least it was for me. This isn't your first rodeo so i won't preach but I truly hope you can find a heuristic way out of this despondence.

Yeah man I feel you on the lady friend moving away. I am going through the same thing actually. She had a lot of reasons to head home and I'm helping her get through the move. I am doing great by the way but I won't be seeing her for a while and it sucks. We already agreed to stay together for a long time, ideally for as long as we can. Eventually, I think things will be a lot better for me.

Definitely a rollercoaster ride. I'm taking the time to essentially form a life plan for the next decade of my life. Thanks by the way. Man it def sucks being away from her as it was really short notice. I can deal with it though, I'll see her again within a month. Damn though man I'm a lot happier and functional when she's around. Not that anything is all that wrong at the moment. I need some more benzos and that's about it. Not sure if etizolam will cover that. I am fearful of entering benzo withdrawal when all I have is etiz left over but if anything in some ways it is stronger but you never know.

Haven't been myself lately. In withdrawals again, temporarily, and my girl went through so much bad shit that she has to move home for a bit. The distance is around the same, a little closer by. It has become so stressful for her that she had a fucking hardcore panic attack today. As bad as mine are when I used to go to the ER, I was really happy to be there for her and so was she. I'm unstable as fuck and yeah I'll talk shit about shooting dope because I do get cravings but I'm still on the right track... and these plans I have are really sweet. Like I figured out what I want to do with my life. She helped me with that, we are a lovely team at problem solving. Seriously... we already have pretty much talked through some of the biggest obstacles we'll be facing to stay together. It's really not that much, just takes determination and a lot of effort for a dope fiend.

Apologies for the negativity by the way. At first, I thought that I was going to break up with her by necessity. Then we both realized that there is a relatively straightforward way of staying together if we are willing to put in the effort (not long distance, that wouldn't work for us because we can't keep our hands off each other. After binging on dilaudid for a day or 2 (that shit never lasts long compared to anything else), I become suicidal for a few days and that's where the negativity was coming from plus my memory is hazy. All I know is I wanted to die for a few days, and I feel better today and have cut off my connect for that shit so I can't get any of the stuff anymore. Really do need to delete all the numbers and chill by myself for a bit while I work through all of this. Not really a good time to be dope sick but then what is. A lot going on though.

 

[morphine-dreams]

New to this thread but it looks cool. I've just been going kinda hard with the kratom lately, but not to the point of physical dependence, especially since I just kicked tianeptine and u47700. Clonazolam on the other hand...that is one nasty bastard of a benzo. About to start tapering and anticipating hell. I have diclaz to help but I hate how it turns me into a zombie.

 

[keeping]

never tried u47, although i was tempted but was turned off by the disassociation it could cause. did you ever experience that side of u47 or just the opioid effects?

 

[Kittycat5]

Morphs, be careful please.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Testament to the power of opiates how I can binge for 24 hours and be left feeling like I just recently walked out of an ancient crypt and need somewhere to lay down and die again. The current events are particularly stressful for me to deal with too. Panic attacks are rubbing off on other people. I feel like a dumbass for being dope sick again over a single day. That day was so long ago too... is one day fiending dilaudid worth a week of my body and mind functioning at half capacity? It takes so long to recover that I forget and start fiending for some. The responsibility I'd need to reach my goals is such a challenge and would take so much effort that there is no way I'd ever accomplish a damn thing on those opiates and even one more relapse could really fuck up my plans for the rest of the year.

A relapse of one day still seems to require a full 10 days until I begin to notice endorphins and a lack of fucking fuck muscle aches. Restless legs doesn't bother me a tenth as much as the full body muscle aches especially my upper fucking arms. When I first started with opiates, I was 6 months into daily use when the holidays arrived. I always have good dope for the holidays, so that time it was 8mg dilaudids. I used 4 of them a day for a couple weeks and afterwards I remember tossing and turning at night and feeling like I wasn't myself, maybe like minor flu symptoms for 3 days. It was enough that a friend said she could tell something was wrong but I shrugged it off. I wasn't experiencing extreme torture and suffering yet. That took around 2 years to begin.

I had diazepam, clonazepam, alprazolam, bromazepam, norflurazepam, lorazepam, and now all I have is etizolam. I only like etizolam in some circumstances. Kind of concerned I could get withdrawals from taking etizolam and no other benzos. I should probably be more concerned about how much etizolam I am taking, but I don't like short acting benzos in general so it totally sucks because I'm going to have interdose withdrawals / regular panic attack for sure. I'm stressing out over that while being there for my lady in hard times for her and regretting every one of those dilaudid I did that day.

Gosh sounds so depressing lol... hope everyone else is doing well. My current situation is precarious, unstable, and anxiety provoking. Enormous changes are taking place while I am dealing with these fucking drug habits and I can see a path to freedom if I am willing to take it. This path to freedom is my plan for the future, it involves significantly more than getting clean but I really can't be using drugs for it to unfold. At a crossroads I'm sure all junkies eventually face. Do you want to live or do you want to waste away.

 

[Kittycat5]

Fuck those aches are miserable. It makes me not want to move which I already dont want to out of lack of motivation. I have no comfort meds really so just dealing with NSAIDs mostly. Today isnt so bad thankfully. I admit, while not really craving or even thinking about dope, I miss it.

 

[keeping]

Fuck those aches are miserable. It makes me not want to move which I already dont want to out of lack of motivation. I have no comfort meds really so just dealing with NSAIDs mostly. Today isnt so bad thankfully. I admit, while not really craving or even thinking about dope, I miss it.

ahh sorry to hear you're suffering Kittycat, i always keep stocked up on comfort meds because i have no self-control and always find myself inevitably having to rattle it out all over again. how many days has it been for you now? and CT? ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 

[Kittycat5]

9. I had some subs but they are now gone. Ill get by. Ive done it many times and the detox phase, which Im now pulling out of doesnt scare me half as much as a life without drugs. Idk, I may still smoke weed or do some Addy or coke and definitely would trip. I just got to stay away from opiates because they ruin me.

 

[keeping]

ah nine days? yeah you basically walked all the way thru the fire hun well done, and i share your fear of a life without that one drugs which is killing me yet ican't live without. i know you can do it tho L)

 

[Jabberwocky]

Although amphetamines are a little more managible, I have consistency found cocaine in early recovery to be really, really dangerous for me. I am a fiend with that shit. The last time I did it, I ended up using some clonazepam to balance out the come down, blacked out, did more coke, more benzos, more coke, then apparently decided to use heroin to probably help the "come down" and ended up ODing and going into cardiac arrest. Died there for a minute or two, I'm really lucky the paramedics got there when they did.

That is just to say, there are far better and safer drugs to use in recovery. Like entheogens for sure. I found DXM to really help with drug cravings overall in early recovery, although that stuff doesn't lend itself to helping one get a job

 

[Kittycat5]

How much DXM we talking about? Ive considered it but a full on robotrip just hurts the next day. Fuck, Im at a doctors office with my old man and a few of these nurses are hot.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Even 150mg made a big difference during week 1 and 2 of abstience, though if you have a week to devote to it 300-350mg is probably going to be more effective.

But yeah, the hangover/after glow can be really uncomfortable when one is forced to engage in communicating with others a lot or analytical stuff during that time. But if you can just take a week to chill and work on integrating more healthy activities, like walking/hiking/time in nature, it may be useful.

 

[Kittycat5]

I got time. Thats my biggest asset as of now. I want to try some now. 300mg should be fine and Ive done that much a million times.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Make yourself a nice playlist and have fun! Up beat mood music and dance music is so wonderful with dissociatives. That was originally how I got into hardstyle

 

[Kittycat5]

I am a mod of EMD...

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hahaha how easily I forget :D

Do you have any favorite electronic artists ATM? I need to find some quality new vocal trance.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Fuck those aches are miserable. It makes me not want to move which I already dont want to out of lack of motivation. I have no comfort meds really so just dealing with NSAIDs mostly. Today isnt so bad thankfully. I admit, while not really craving or even thinking about dope, I miss it.

They are my worst withdrawal symptom, I get full body muscle aches. I have some etizolam at least, a couple valium I haven't taken. I hope you feel better soon. I slipped and fell on my back very fortunately, just before this withdrawal hit so the pain in my spine has been extreme. Plus there is so much going on in my personal life that I need to take care of I can't just lay in bed all day right now being sick. What drives me crazy personally, are my upper arms. That is the one withdrawal symptom that drives me bananas at least speaking in terms of moderate withdrawal after a quick relapse and not a 6 month heroin binge. It feels like they are burning alive.

Opiates, at this point, ruin my life in a day. It wasn't always like that, but I need to recognize that I can't handle them anymore. When I was clean for over a month my back pain was way better. I was out hiking, I accomplished so much during my clean time it is insane. I have a plan now for the next several years and I was a lost soul before. I'm spending my time getting over my one day dilaudid binge by thinking everything through. It's a little overwhelming, especially when I know for a fact that using an opiate even once will completely decimate the lovely life I see for myself in the future and that I know I can achieve. It's nice to know what one wants to do in life, took 30 years. It's not going to be a fight to bounce back it's going to be a fucking war. I feel like I was awakened in some respects from smoking a gram of DMT last month, but by far the biggest influence has been my lady friend. She really is amazing, such a complicated quirky cute creature and we have something really great going on. I will ruin it in a day if I take 3 percocets and probably never see her again. Seriously... that is how bad that shit ruins my life. All job opportunities and responsibilities out the window for at least 10 - 14 days, even at least for me, from extremely limited use.

 

[shartito]

Are you referring to job opportunities that you can't get becaue of the drug test? Are you job seeking right now?

I know drug testing discussion isn't allowed in detail, but if that's the case... having that motivation that you need to stay clean to land a job... that's a good mental aid for you. And the mental part of it is just as crucial as the physical part.

Good luck in your job hunt!

 

[keeping]

Are you referring to job opportunities that you can't get becaue of the drug test? Are you job seeking right now?

I know drug testing discussion isn't allowed in detail, but if that's the case... having that motivation that you need to stay clean to land a job... that's a good mental aid for you. And the mental part of it is just as crucial as the physical part.

Good luck in your job hunt!

yeah drug testing questions are a big no no but i do agree, every little bit of motivations helps!
so how is everyone doing anyway? keeping well? ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 

[Kittycat5]

I see what you did there.

Im hanging in there. Two weeks tomorrow no heroin. I dont really think counting days is of any benefit but I dont have much to do. Im trying to figure out some meetings or counseling but more and more am thinking ORT is what I really need. Ive been taking small amounts of bupe and it truly does help with the pains of this whole thing. I would like to not have to take any opioid but 1mg bupe is far better than shooting and sniffing dope like 5 to 10 times a day. I think I could even work right now if I was on it daily and able to get on the regular.