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Good Day all , Happy Labor Day to those in the states, and a Happy Monday to everyone else. This was slippin' off the first page at the 40th spot.
 
Hey JA - ah so that explains why so many US folks I know took off for a long weekend break on Friday. You doing anything nice today?
 
ShroomySatori said:
I am very tempted by dilaudid at the moment. I could easily just totally relapse.
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You could. But then you'd double down on the shitty feeling immediately after, right? Doesn't sound so good to me.
 
CFC said:
Hey JA - ah so that explains why so many US folks I know took off for a long weekend break on Friday. You doing anything nice today?
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No, nothing all that exciting today but having the day off made it like a Friday followed by two Saturdays which is always welcome. It's a lot cooler here now which made things that much better after an 8 day heat wave. It was 106/41 in San Francisco on Fri for example.
 
yeah shroomy fuck that pal - i'm two days into cold turkey to teach myself a lesson and it sucks balls
its not so much the aches and stuff, more the total lack of motivation - might take a gabapentin in a minute to take the edge off...
༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ poor me
 
CFC said:
You could. But then you'd double down on the shitty feeling immediately after, right? Doesn't sound so good to me.
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It is the decision I chose. I used 40mg dilaudid over 24 hours, and got really high. I'm suicidal today, I want to fucking die I just need the needle and the quarter gram of raw. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I can't handle the fucking loneliness. I'm over and out, there is really no point in me sticking around.
 
I feel you Shroomy but dont do it. Im not sure what it is yet but theres some purpose in this life.
 
Wow thanks, I agree. I was just going to write, that I feel like killing myself.

But then why would I have gone through engineering school, several relationships, generally learning from my mistakes... why would I have gone through what I have been through to fuckin shoot myself up with a lethal dose. It's what I want but I need to chill out and slam some beer. There has to be a purpose, some kind of reason for me being here. Even if it's to blow my brains out to make a statement to others who are allegedly close to me. I think I need to chill if I just applied to some jobs I could easily be an engineer again, I'm pretty much clean. There was one day with dilaudid and it wrecked my head. I might be able to get more later but if I do, I will have to inject them if I went through that much railing them in a day and not even getting heroin high.
 
Do you feel that not being an engineer is a big part of how you feel? I ask because I am battling the same thing except Im a pharmacist and tbh, not sure how I feel about trying to get back into the field I studied for and worked in for my whole adult life.
 
Oh for sure.

If I was an engineer again, I wouldn't give a fuck about my habits. I'd be able to sniff or shoot as much dope as I'd like. I feel like a complete utter failure. My reasoning is that if I have enough heroin to get by without ever being sick, I'd live a happy, solitary life. I tried getting with a girl but that just doesn't work for me and really that's the main problem that I have with life. Women don't understand me, it's hopeless, I may as well end my life from a certain perspective.
 
keeping said:
yeah shroomy fuck that pal - i'm two days into cold turkey to teach myself a lesson and it sucks balls
its not so much the aches and stuff, more the total lack of motivation - might take a gabapentin in a minute to take the edge off...
༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ poor me
Click to expand...
How many Mgs of gabapentin do you normally take to overcome the WD blues?
 
Hey Sir Satori, considering no one really knows what the future beholds it might behoove you to stick around and let it play out. While it might not all be rainbows and roses it surely can't be all doom and gloom. Do you have any particular distractions at your disposal to negate the baleful effects of this acute W/D? Like say your Brother, Guitar or even applications if the motivation should arise? Being Diliies this shouldn't be a protracted W/D.
 
I'm sure Sorry to hear you're hurtin' man. I have to say that methadone or Subs might be a better choice over more Dilaudid to even out this roller coaster ride you're on, at least it was for me. This isn't your first rodeo so i won't preach but I truly hope you can find a heuristic way out of this despondence.
 
My Lady friend's mom stroked out and she's now 600 miles away so I hear you. Amicable or not it def sucks. I can tell you from experience that shooting up will fix the efficacy problem for a day or two and you'll catch right up with a tolerance but the tracks will make getting that engineer job a bitch. Preserving your nice skin is an investment worth making.
 
༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽
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Shroomy mate don't compound the error by turning to the pin
relapse shmelapse; we all screw up but shooting up is just pressing the self-destruct button
yeah, please don't turn to the needle bro
 
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You mean the iv megathread? I think it might be a more complex problem then shooting technique, but I am not trying to speculate.
 
ShroomySatori said:
Thank you friends and I agree. I have shot up in the past, and I was shocked at how quickly the rashes / red marks appeared. I was shocked at how quickly the track marks appeared although I still shot up 5 times and tried to several times more (bad tek, we really need a shooting up thread for harm reduction)

I'm just fucked in the head over a girl to be honest. I'll try to get my shit together but I don't like it when my lady friend is running away over fuck knows what. I haven't even been using apart from dilaudid yesterday which I have hardly noticed today
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yeah what tac said, we already do man.

sorry to hear about your bird man, did she honestly give no indications at all as to why?
remember when you first told me about her and i said not to let your recovery depend on anyone but yourself? you said that you wouldn't and i believed and still believe you cause you are a strong person - please don't let this throw you man ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ i got faith
 
I'm sorry about the lady friend shroomy. Please hang in there. We are all here for you if you need us.

Any chance of speaking to her so you can find out why she left? I don't know if closure will help. It might but knowing her reasons/thinking might make you feel worse too. IDK.

I'm sorry.

------------

I've mentioned a few times I'm very slowly tapering off using of Tianeptine and Kratom. Taper has pretty much stalled the last many months but I'm glad to be down to lower doses these days.

But today was a surprise day off for me. Like an idiot I super dosed on Kratom a few minutes ago. Normally I dose .75 of a teaspoon of Kratom... But just awhile ago I dosed 1.5 tablespoons. That's 6 times my usual dose.

It hasn't even kicked in yet and I already feel guilty and foolish. Don't know why exactly I allowed myself to fumble on my taper. Just wish now that I hadn't.

At least it's only Kratom. Shouldn't be too recreational and since it is a one time dose shouldn't set me back. Who knew a day off would be a bad thing...
 
Hey, I wrote that a few days ago and I had a little relapse with dilaudid. I was feeling so great, and after 24 hours I felt several days of withdrawals and even still haven't fucking recovered. This is the shit that is really getting to me...

As for my girl, well my past girlfriend gave no indication and ran away. There was no talk or anything like that so I was nervous it was going to happen again with someone I really like. She just has to move a few hours away for a huge number of very understandable reasons, she hasn't been anywhere near her family in a long time and there was a lot of stress (not coming from me).

Anyways, we fell in love. I have lived where she's from and that is really cool because I already know the area. Also, there are jobs in my field over there, and there are not here. It almost seems like the universe is unfolding as it should but I don't want to speak too soon. We are fucking crazy about each other though and already agreed a while ago that we wanted to be together for a long time. I don't see what can keep us apart so that's great. Or I could stay home and shoot dope. The fuck I'd do that shit again.

I think change would be good for me at the moment. It's a rural area that's really chill compared to here, and would force responsibility upon me (which is doing a really awesome job of getting me through withdrawal so far).

I just have a benzo problem now, sigh. It got way worse when I quit heroin. Pretty worried about it. I won't get to see my girl for a few weeks soon enough and I miss her the moment I walk out her door. She says the same thing and together we are teaming up and making plans for the future. It's a really exciting time of my life but I really do need to stay clean this time. Even a couple days on oxy's or dilaudid could really mess up my plans and it's just a total life plan at this point. I've been really thinking hard about everything.
 
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