The hysteria is insane up here because everyone is using fentanyl. There are numerous reasons for this, but around here, pretty much the only opiate/opioid immediately available is fentanyl. As soon as this started showing up in the news, I could never have an open relationship with my doctor again. It's almost like storing gold haha! I don't like have APAP in them either, and I could never even get the 5mg ones without APAP when I brought up my concern with my doctor. I just didn't want to be taking something that is scientifically proven to be toxic to the liver in any amount on a daily basis. I couldn't even get those, I guess I could pop 20 of them at once then right? I would think that a doctor would take my liver into consideration. They really don't give a fuck these days. It's an ego response to the hysteria in my opinion since they have been trained so thoroughly, and people are burying their kids when it starts with a fucking medicine cabinet.
I have chronic pain which I am okay with, I obviously don't enjoy it, but every week or 2 my back completely seizes up and the pain is so extreme that I have to lay down and ride it out like a 2 hour bad trip or something full of horrible, unbearable pain. She has seen me like that, and that's when I actually need or would benefit from these meds. She could give me a percocet or 2 in that situation because I get so fucked up that I pass out from the pain, and when I am like that I do not get high. The pain goes away and it is a little relief, so I'd like to have them around for occasions like that, and maybe for the odd hike that is a little steep for me. We are really open with each other so if I ever had a craving I would tell her (and I do).
I had so many excuses man. I am in a lot less pain than I convinced myself I was in, although, it is still very real sometimes and nothing else helps. I've been fine like, 95% of the time since I got through the acute withdrawal.
I sometimes had the girl I mentioned as a trip sitter when I was hitting DMT earlier in my recovery. The first few times, I was alone and seriously needed to do something to change my perspective. I don't even know why I chose DMT, it was just there like it was meant to be. She would be really comforting afterwards though, I like her to be present. I've talked about it with my little brother because he mentioned he really wants to try acid, and has done mushrooms, but I know him well and I'm telling him to look into DMT. I have a much better reaction to DMT than to acid and consider it safer, mentally speaking. My brother wants me to be a trip sitter for himself, if / when he first tries a stronger psychedelic than an eighth of mushrooms. We are ten years apart and he's only recently gotten to the age where we can really bond and it has been great. He smokes weed and takes mushrooms, is a musician in a band, and stays away from harder stuff... I still really look out for him though. He knows I was going through opiate withdrawal, I told him all about that when he was over here one day and I was really sick in bed and like he's my bro, I'm not gonna just say I have the flu. Didn't mention heroin though.
Never heard of that NSAID, there is one that works really well for me though. I take it sparingly and it's called flurbiprofen. I think the best thing to do, and what I have been doing, is forcing myself to be active even in pain. She really helps me with this because we'll get out for hikes together, and other fun physical activities. I'm getting back into shape and I think if I strengthen my core it might really help. I do a lot of yoga and stretching too, and I cook with a lot of turmeric too which I think is an NSAID as well. Also, there is pineapple which is soothing. Back massages are nice as well.
I'm pretty good with the back pain at the moment. It was worse in acute withdrawal, and immediately after but I feel like it's improving. It's more very low energy, insomnia, anxiety, occasional anger outbursts, and opiate cravings that I am dealing with. Man, I'd never get an IR 30 by the way despite this extreme pain. Not even a 15mg extended release. It's insane and if they gave me something more than a 5mg perc for years on end, maybe I wouldn't have done so much dope to compensate? I would talk and he wouldn't listen. I would write 4 page notes explaining my entire pain situation and he didn't have time to fucking read what I wrote. Interrupted me, just wanted to refill my script. Fucking bullshit medical treatment and they are very reluctant to try any actual treatments other then throwing drugs at me.
Apogies for the long message... little more coked out now. When I was experimenting with methamphetamine, I noticed huge variations in the effects. I could only handle it orally with my anxiety, but sometimes it would feel almost like a more controllable version of Mdma where I could really focus hard and fly through books or socialize proficiently and have massive pupils. Other times, it was much more subtle and kind of more like an adderall would be. I didn't really understand that. The former type I mentioned was what I really liked, but it would only work for a day or two in a row. I would use those during withdrawal sometimes, but found them hard on the body. I am starting to be more selective about the substances that I like to use most, and sticking with those ones and really getting to know them well.
