Recovery The Recovery Thread (2022)

[Blankenstein]

Yeh

That's great man, I can tell you really want this. Keep at it until you find somewhere!

that’s the thing I do want it, but I don’t at the same time. I’m scared. I guess it’s all natural feelings about this stuff. Thanks for the support though man.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Yeh

that’s the thing I do want it, but I don’t at the same time. I’m scared. I guess it’s all natural feelings about this stuff. Thanks for the support though man.

Totally normal dude. It is scary. If it was easy you wouldn't be in this predicament. So be gentle with yourself but also keep at it, because if it feels difficult it means you're on the right track

 

[Jabberwocky]

Thanks.

I think I’ll go to the needle exchange/harm reduction place near my house when I get back and speak to them. They help with that sort of stuff. It’s worth a try. I’m just going to try what ever I can think. I’m sure they can point me in the right direction.

yes that's a great place to ask!! i'm sure they will be super chuffed to have someone asking for this type of help.

if you're out at work, are you still using there?

 

[Blankenstein]

yes that's a great place to ask!! i'm sure they will be super chuffed to have someone asking for this type of help.

if you're out at work, are you still using there?

I brought a couple of points with me and used them the first nights now it’s just benzos, but the rain has made us not work so I’m stuck out here longer than expected and will probably run out. Hopefully we can get it finished before I have no pills left.

The people at the needle exchange are so nice. There’s this nice lady who always makes you feel so welcome. I always feel so bad going in gatherers… Last time I forget my used syringes and was like I’m so sorry I forgot my syringes can I just grab a couple and I’ll come back tomorrow with the used ones. She just made me feel like I wasn’t a piece of shit and gave me a box of 100. They do a great job there.

 

[Blankenstein]

It’s like you get treated as a human there and not just a piece of trash junky. No judgement at all. Using can make you feel so isolated and alone so to be able to talk to people and treated with compassion and respect really helps.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It’s like you get treated as a human there and not just a piece of trash junky. No judgement at all. Using can make you feel so isolated and alone so to be able to talk to people and treated with compassion and respect really helps.

i hope no one has treated you like that. i have seen people's reactions changed as they realised i was a junkie, thankfully i didn't figure out til a lot later that that was WHY they had changed.

most junkies feel fucking awful about themselves already, no need for others to make the self loathing worse.

you are worthy of compassion and respect. no matter how much further into addiction you go, that will not change.

 

[Blankenstein]

I get home from work tomorrow. Been eating clonazepam and oxazepam the last week oh and also tramadol. I intend on getting smack as soon as I get home, but I have an appointment with a government detox facility. They don’t allow phones or visits so that will mean I can’t get on. Then trying to get onto a long term rehab. Let’s see how I go..:

Hope everyone is going well

 

[Jabberwocky]

I get home from work tomorrow. Been eating clonazepam and oxazepam the last week oh and also tramadol. I intend on getting smack as soon as I get home, but I have an appointment with a government detox facility. They don’t allow phones or visits so that will mean I can’t get on. Then trying to get onto a long term rehab. Let’s see how I go..:

Hope everyone is going well

when is your appointment? not allowing phones and visits sounds much more suitable for the stage you're at. did they give you any idea of when you might be able to go in?

 

[Blankenstein]

when is your appointment? not allowing phones and visits sounds much more suitable for the stage you're at. did they give you any idea of when you might be able to go in?

Yeh been some more developments. I got back from work (was camping out bush for over a week) and they asked if I could go back out bush for another week but I’ll be staying in accommodation not a tent in the freezing cold. So I’m going down south for a week of work with my old boss who got me this job and knows of my struggles with addiction. It will be good I respect him.

So I only managed to use 3 points in the day and a bit I’ve been home (got 2 points to take with me to work - I know I gotta be super careful). I knew my tolerance would have dropped and I would have had benzos in my system so did a really small shot when I got home but a combo of all that and it being good gear I was a little concerned i was gonna drop. Had 2 Narcan on me i thought about using but got through it. Made me think though…

I’ll get back on the 15th and i have the appointment on the 18th. Been communicating with my family about where I am at and what I’m trying to do.

My brother is very stressed he had an appointment with a psychologist to talk about all this. He didn’t want to do it so wasn’t super happy about it but i think it will have some benefit for him.

But yeh I feel very bad for what I’ve put them all through. He goes away for work tomorrow as well so I cooked some fish for my mother and brother tonight that i speared recently. It was nice to do something for them even though it was very small.

 

[Blankenstein]

Yeh the no phones is a good thing. It sounds like after this appointment if I can get admitted when I leave it’s possible to go straight to a 90 day place. Possible, not a certainty.

I think I’ve noticed a bit of a change in my way of approaching things lately. I’m just trying to do something proactive every day. Even if I have no phone reception/internet at work try and do some push-ups or make plans for what to do if my next idea gets shut down. Just little things if that’s all that possible. And now I’m back in civilisation for a short time making the most and making calls, appointments, getting the right info together I’ll need for upcoming appointments or just being honest. Even/especially being honest with my self.

So that’s my latest little update. You all probably think im on meth by that massive rambling rant!

Let’s here some other peoples updates and takes of kicking some sober arse!

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think I’ve noticed a bit of a change in my way of approaching things lately. I’m just trying to do something proactive every day. Even if I have no phone reception/internet at work try and do some push-ups or make plans for what to do if my next idea gets shut down. Just little things if that’s all that possible. And now I’m back in civilisation for a short time making the most and making calls, appointments, getting the right info together I’ll need for upcoming appointments or just being honest. Even/especially being honest with my self.

this is really good. taking positive steps, no matter how small, feels empowering. well done for actually making all those appointments and stuff, its daunting enough without the addiction fighting you to try and stop you doing it. glad your family are being supportive too, even though it is super difficult for them to see you like this. i'm sure they were well chuffed with their fish dinner!!

i've not been doing that well. i was doing super well for a while then this week has just been a bit of a disaster drinking wise. and i've been using way too many benzos and stuff. usually i'm really good at only using them to get back to sleep if i wake up in the night but i got some lorazepam and it actually has decent recreational value for me, so that was a mistake. when it runs out i'll go back to ones i don't enjoy so i can keep them for insomnia.

 

[Uknowit4now]

I just want to say one thing, you will never forget your past use, but when you stop counting the days clean "your healed" peace to all users and clean folks

 

[Blankenstein]

this is really good. taking positive steps, no matter how small, feels empowering. well done for actually making all those appointments and stuff, its daunting enough without the addiction fighting you to try and stop you doing it. glad your family are being supportive too, even though it is super difficult for them to see you like this. i'm sure they were well chuffed with their fish dinner!!

i've not been doing that well. i was doing super well for a while then this week has just been a bit of a disaster drinking wise. and i've been using way too many benzos and stuff. usually i'm really good at only using them to get back to sleep if i wake up in the night but i got some lorazepam and it actually has decent recreational value for me, so that was a mistake. when it runs out i'll go back to ones i don't enjoy so i can keep them for insomnia.

Sorry to hear about the bezos and drinking. What’s your plan to get it under control?

Thanks. Yeh just trying to make continual forward baby steps.

 

[n3ophy7e]

this is really good. taking positive steps, no matter how small, feels empowering. well done for actually making all those appointments and stuff, its daunting enough without the addiction fighting you to try and stop you doing it. glad your family are being supportive too, even though it is super difficult for them to see you like this. i'm sure they were well chuffed with their fish dinner!!

i've not been doing that well. i was doing super well for a while then this week has just been a bit of a disaster drinking wise. and i've been using way too many benzos and stuff. usually i'm really good at only using them to get back to sleep if i wake up in the night but i got some lorazepam and it actually has decent recreational value for me, so that was a mistake. when it runs out i'll go back to ones i don't enjoy so i can keep them for insomnia.

Oh no honey I wasn't aware you were using benzos as well. Why has this week been a bit of a disaster? Are you okay?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sorry to hear about the bezos and drinking. What’s your plan to get it under control?

not buying any more lorazepam and giving my purse to my boyf cos he is doing a lot better than me. i'm also planning to get stuck into revising for my driving theory test and throwing myself into my buddhism study.

Oh no honey I wasn't aware you were using benzos as well. Why has this week been a bit of a disaster? Are you okay?

thanks. i'm ok. i had a few health related appointments last week, one went great, the other shit. still waiting for my gynaecology appointment cos that's the one i care most about.

 

[n3ophy7e]

not buying any more lorazepam and giving my purse to my boyf cos he is doing a lot better than me. i'm also planning to get stuck into revising for my driving theory test and throwing myself into my buddhism study.


thanks. i'm ok. i had a few health related appointments last week, one went great, the other shit. still waiting for my gynaecology appointment cos that's the one i care most about.

I'm sorry to hear that. I've been thinking of you actually, and hoping that things are going okay. Please inbox me if you want to talk about your fertility journey, you know I'm always here to listen

 

[Blankenstein]

P

not buying any more lorazepam and giving my purse to my boyf cos he is doing a lot better than me. i'm also planning to get stuck into revising for my driving theory test and throwing myself into my buddhism study.


thanks. i'm ok. i had a few health related appointments last week, one went great, the other shit. still waiting for my gynaecology appointment cos that's the one i care most about.

Obviously you know your body and mind. But do think this is setting you up for a worse relapse?

What’s caused this change in benzo use?

I know for me I can’t have any drugs lying around or I have no chance of not using.

How’s your boyfriends drinking at the moment? Is it a contributing factor to your drinking/benzo use? How’s the eating/bingeing going?

Me personally I had a bottle of dihydrocodeine cough syrup and 5mg of clonasepam tonight then ended up having a couple of double
Jacks and cokes at the pub after. I can see Acohol creeping in.

Get help early if you can see it will
Get out off control soon.

I get home and will use for a week of smack then have an appointment at a rehab for an assesment and go from there.

 

[Blankenstein]

Just got off the phone with a close friend living in Europe. He accused me of playing the victim all the time and wanting sympathy. And not being proactive. I said I had a dream of getting clean and staying clean and helping other people in need. He told me it was useless basically. Fuxk him and his marketing job or whatever he does. I just want to get better and help other people through their struggles. How is that a waste of time? I’m thinking it might be time to cut a few people out of my life even though we’ve been friends for a long time.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Obviously you know your body and mind. But do think this is setting you up for a worse relapse?

i hope not, and sincerely don't think so.

What’s caused this change in benzo use?

literally getting lorazepam. i can have xanax or diazepam in the house and don't find them recreational so will only use them when i'm desperate for sleep. i got the chance to get some loraz, and have found it recreational, and therefore abused it. i'm not doing loads, like usually not even more than 1 mg in a day, not every day, and never more than 2. i have absolutely no desire to

How’s your boyfriends drinking at the moment? Is it a contributing factor to your drinking/benzo use? How’s the eating/bingeing going?

i've managed not to b/p for a few weeks, despite having quite a few opportunities. cos i think i did myself some serious damage. i had a bad episode that had me lying in bed in pain for 2 days and have not been right since. i'm scared to it right now, which is not the best reason not to do it. i suspect this sudden inability to b/p probably contributed to the drinking upswing last week come to think of it.

Me personally I had a bottle of dihydrocodeine cough syrup and 5mg of clonasepam tonight then ended up having a couple of double
Jacks and cokes at the pub after. I can see Acohol creeping in.

argh that's not a great combo health wise, i'm surprised you managed to stay awake.

I get home and will use for a week of smack then have an appointment at a rehab for an assesment and go from there.

i'm honestly scared for you doing smack for a week when you get home. the combination of hard drugs and the possibility of rehab soon is a killer, addiction convinces you to have one last blowout. i don't know how i survived my last week of using. please be careful. check in with your family several times a day. whatever it takes.

 

[Blankenstein]

i hope not, and sincerely don't think so.

literally getting lorazepam. i can have xanax or diazepam in the house and don't find them recreational so will only use them when i'm desperate for sleep. i got the chance to get some loraz, and have found it recreational, and therefore abused it. i'm not doing loads, like usually not even more than 1 mg in a day, not every day, and never more than 2. i have absolutely no desire to


i've managed not to b/p for a few weeks, despite having quite a few opportunities. cos i think i did myself some serious damage. i had a bad episode that had me lying in bed in pain for 2 days and have not been right since. i'm scared to it right now, which is not the best reason not to do it. i suspect this sudden inability to b/p probably contributed to the drinking upswing last week come to think of it.


argh that's not a great combo health wise, i'm surprised you managed to stay awake.

i'm honestly scared for you doing smack for a week when you get home. the combination of hard drugs and the possibility of rehab soon is a killer, addiction convinces you to have one last blowout. i don't know how i survived my last week of using. please be careful. check in with your family several times a day. whatever it takes.

I’m the opposite with those benzos. Lorazepam I find zero recreational value. Valium and Xanax I find some recreational value, but really only take them when I can’t take what I really want to. I worry about years of benzo use turning my brain into mush and causing dementia.

Yeh I feel you about not doing something because of negative health consequences, while is great it’s stopping you. You need to find another reason to not do it. I have a friend who’s liver is fucked and that’s the only thing keeping him sober really. And that will only last so long for him I’m afraid.

I wish I didn’t drink last night now I’m drinking again tonight. I mean I won’t drink when I get back to Perth (obviously I will use) but this sets a precedence for me drinking while away at work, which I swore I wouldn’t do starting this job. Got me feeling super depressed. I wish there was an AA or NA in this little town.

Yeh I know I shouldn’t combine benzos, dhc and alcohol. It was the first time in ages I’ve mixed alcohol and pills.

I’ve been thinking about the naltrexone implant. But the thought scares me at the moment. If I can get a few weeks sober in a rehab under my belt I think I’ll be more open to the idea, which would be a huge thing I think.

Thanks for your concern. I’m not going to go over board. Thanks though I appreciate it.