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Recovery The Recovery Thread (2022)

I've always been a heavy drinker, and two pack a day smoker and I'm 45. In the Fall of 2019, after my mom went into a comma, my drinking and other reckless behavior peaked. I would drink everyday, and often times all day. I also got pretty comfortable doing whatever drugs might be passing through the bar. I got an OVI. Then a few days later I had a stroke. I lost motor function on my left side, and had "left side neglect" Which basically means your brain just ignores shit one the left. It's so weird. They would show me pictures and ask me what I saw, and I just could not see stuff on the left until they pointed to it. I was in the Hospital for a few weeks. I then went into in patient rehab for a few weeks more. I couldn't do basic math. etc.

I got real lucky. I managed to recover most of my physical and mental abilities. The whole ordeal really shook me up, and I quite smoking cigarettes, and drinking. I still smoke dope, but that's like taking vitamins. My wife, who should have left me long ago, stuck with me the whole time. We had a son in September of 2020. Sober life has been real good to me. I've got a great job now that's really laid back, and pays well. My kids are doing great.

Like a lot of you, I still have plenty to work on. I'm at least 50 pounds over weight now. My A1C is high, and I've got to start getting some exercise. Mom passed away in 2021. I wish should could have met her grandson. He looks just like me.

As I read the recovery experiences on here it feels like I took a short cut to sobriety. I have no memory of my withdrawal. They kept me knocked out a lot at the hospital. I definitely fought off some urges, but the forced 2 months sober was a great jump start. For obvious reasons I wouldn't recommend the "have a stroke" path to recovery.

Way back in the day I moderated SLR. AxlBlaze was my roommate for a short period of time before we lost him.
 
to H&R regulars. i have stepped down from H&R and cannot see myself being active in this forum from now on.

i just can't do it any more. i'm not a good example of recovery. i'm a fraud.

i've put so much effort into here and i genuinely love the people i've interacted with. i hope you are all doing well and wish you the best. you can always PM me if you need anything.

the weeks leading up to my sudden absence and since have been some of the scariest times in my life. i disappeared because of severe relapse into cPTSD and problems between staff exacerbating that. i've caused a lot of ill will and harbour my own. in this state i can't give the emotional energy needed to provide effective support in H&R. i've always taken this role not as just ensuring rules are enforced, but in trying to give love and understanding to every single person who posts here. as such, i spread myself too thin and it became unsustainable.

i'm just sorry a situation with staff has left me feeling unable to continue offering support to people in here. that is a failure on my part and i hope you can forgive me.
 
It is unhealthy only if you don't need it. Michael Phelps did at least one absolutely fucking enormous pizza every day while exercising. Salt, carbohydrates and ton of cheese is what you NEED when you exercise like crazy.

But yeah I guess I get what you mean. If it is raffinated wheat hamburgers and milk chocolate it is better than not eating them at all if you need those kilocalories but whole grain and dark chocolate is just same and more things with less side effects.

Take your time. :multicolorheadbang:
 
Day 4 and I think I'm past the worst of it.

I slept 2 hours last night and actually did some errands today. Got the pool water tested (nothing like hydrochloric acid to clear up a stuffy nose) and I'm looking forward to summer starting.

Does anyone else get super nostalgic in an emotional way during withdrawals? I've been listening to a lot of late 90s and early 2000s music. Heard a Sophie B. Hawkins song in the supermarket today and started bawling 🤣

The restlessness has gone from "I think I'm going to explode out of my own skin" to just regular restless legs.

I'm no longer tearing up like a faucet and yawning every 30 seconds.

Thinking of going to an NA meeting next week.

I'm glad I found this thread. You're all a great help and inspiration and I'll pray for all of you daily.
 
Dreamflyer said:
I'm trying not to beat myself up over this, but I woke up with horrible anxiety and ended up drinking two 25oz cans of 8% Natty Daddy beer.

I immediately ate a bunch of food, sobered up and lifted weights for an hour. I feel much better now.
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Don't be discouraged. A lapse is often part of the process. The important thing is to not beat yourself up. Hope you're doing better these last couple weeks 💪
 
I feel like there are plateaus on this way which form also of cognitive-behavioural changes.
 
interrapax said:
Does anyone else get super nostalgic in an emotional way during withdrawals?
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A little late in response (never saw the thread; kinda fuckin mod is this? lol )
I can get emotional but it is more leaning toward almost a dont wanna be fucked with type thing non nostalgic if you will.
The music... not so much. Put my ass in a sensory deprivation chamber cause the slightest thing may set me off. lol
Of course this would depend on substance: I take it these were opioids that you came from?
And congrats on your progress in this.
It really is a choice imo/e.
<3
Pissed_and_messed said:
I feel like there are plateaus on this way which form also of cognitive-behavioural changes.
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A little more, please?
I understand plateaus (which are above sea level usually) but am lost to the context of "cognitive-behavioural" part.
Ya mean ups and downs? Just guessing here not a genius (yet). :shrug:
Hope all well and a good day to everyone.
1
 
6am-64-14m said:
A little late in response (never saw the thread; kinda fuckin mod is this? lol )
I can get emotional but it is more leaning toward almost a dont wanna be fucked with type thing non nostalgic if you will.
The music... not so much. Put my ass in a sensory deprivation chamber cause the slightest thing may set me off. lol
Of course this would depend on substance: I take it these were opioids that you came from?
And congrats on your progress in this.
It really is a choice imo/e.
<3

A little more, please?
I understand plateaus (which are above sea level usually) but am lost to the context of "cognitive-behavioural" part.
Ya mean ups and downs? Just guessing here not a genius (yet). :shrug:
Hope all well and a good day to everyone.
1
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I refer to all techniques that do not involve administrating of exogenous compounds
 
Pissed_and_messed said:
I refer to all techniques that do not involve administrating of exogenous compounds
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I come up with mostly what we breathe out?
the "do not involve" part has me stuck as well.
man if its too much or a big ass process what would this bring to ones health?
remember, im a 3 year old and get confused. lol please excuse but i can only understand at certain levels atm. workin on this in other ways as well.
Best wishes, bud
1
 
well there was psychological trauma, grief, too much duties, toxic relationships, blaa blaa blaa and physical conditions while being employed which led me to so frequent use.
Now sober I have processed these things and adapted. Which has been very different to being almost constantly on some sort of haze.
I can't say it has been unequivocally bad idea to blast about past and my weirdness to friends totally fucked up, it has been important too. But for many reasons I can't go on like that for rest of my life. It has been also beneficial to straight the fuck up for a while and face and process all the shit I've done THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER LEFT UNDONE, for example.
Next I am going to get about 20 hours work/month. That is some great activity and easily maintained without rough medicating.
 
I initially joined this forum at the request of my friend who is big on here to get me to help people. He told me there were alot of people needing help so I dived in and did what I could. At that time I was recovered myself and a great role model.

Fast forward alot of years. Now I'm looking at managing my own long term recovery myself. I haven't used this forum in years. Is there an "introduction" section on this board? I've found this thread where people are sharing their stories. Can anyone offer some advice/pointers on where I should start on this board?

I'm 2 years without a drink, much less than that clean from everything else but I'm sober. I'm here to try and stay sober by learning from people who have done it successfully and hopefully find what I got wrong that lead me back again.

I'm sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place or broken up the flow of your thread. I hope to be an asset to this board again in future
 
Lotus123 said:
I initially joined this forum at the request of my friend who is big on here to get me to help people. He told me there were alot of people needing help so I dived in and did what I could. At that time I was recovered myself and a great role model.

Fast forward alot of years. Now I'm looking at managing my own long term recovery myself. I haven't used this forum in years. Is there an "introduction" section on this board? I've found this thread where people are sharing their stories. Can anyone offer some advice/pointers on where I should start on this board?

I'm 2 years without a drink, much less than that clean from everything else but I'm sober. I'm here to try and stay sober by learning from people who have done it successfully and hopefully find what I got wrong that lead me back again.

I'm sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place or broken up the flow of your thread. I hope to be an asset to this board again in future
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Hi there. Welcome back. Congrats on being sober.

If you want to introduce yourself and tell us anything about you there is a sub forum called New Member Intros. Ot there is The Dark Side if you want to talk about things that you feel are dark. Or there's here in Health and Recovery where feel free to post what you wish.

Start at the home page and just work your way down and post in whatever sub forum that you feel you can relate to. Look forward to hearing more.
 
Nurse Ratched said:
Hi there. Welcome back. Congrats on being sober.

If you want to introduce yourself and tell us anything about you there is a sub forum called New Member Intros. Ot there is The Dark Side if you want to talk about things that you feel are dark. Or there's here in Health and Recovery where feel free to post what you wish.

Start at the home page and just work your way down and post in whatever sub forum that you feel you can relate to. Look forward to hearing more.
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Thank you kindly Nurse. Addiction always contains a dark side, it made me do things that weren't me and now I have to live with them.

Very grateful for your kind words and your introduction to this board for me. I hope to become an asset to help others on this board again. Right now I have to make sure I stay sober and useful. I'll have a look for New Member intros now you have recommended it. I don't know if I wrote one the first time I joined this board; I'll be interested to see if there is a difference

Thank You
 
I am once again in the early stages of recovery (day 3) and in the recent past the longest I have got under my belt is 4 weeks. I am feeling different this time though and there is a definite feeling that I do not want to drink anymore, I say drink as that is what it all starts with. 1 drink will lead me into using H, crack and crystal. I am done with it all and a decade lost to shutting out the world and needing to be so obliterated that I wasn't actually present. I struggle though, everyday and every hour like all of us do at the start I guess.

I am on Mirtazapine for general anxiety and depression, I'm not sure I want to stay on them but they are giving me some breathing space atm. I've mad contact with a psychotherapist and I look forward to starting with her soon, even if I am nervous. I have always struggled to be honest with myself and about myself with others, but thats the process. I will be attending meetings even though I don't think I have ever got anything out of AA or NA, I feel like I need to work the steps and I want to but I just don't know how to get a sponsor sorted. Any advice on how to breach that threshold?

Also any advice on how to deal with anxiety other than taking anti depressants?

Thanks people.
 
I still have paws but I have been taking the minimum amount of medicine for pain but I am recovered from pain medication. As a whole and somewhat, I am pretty sure this time.

Sometimes I will take a small amount of gabapentin to help me function but only periodically. I don't have a big supply anyway.

I hope I make it if I have to run out of medication and things get very uncomfortable with everything that I am going through pain wise and also learning to live with limited supplies of pain medications just to feel a little better and at least function well too.

Pain still is such an issue.
 
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Now I am really feeling sick. I'm not going to be able to waste energy. Anymore. Ever.

I am going to have to sustain without medication and that is not going to help.
 
justme6263 said:
I am once again in the early stages of recovery (day 3) and in the recent past the longest I have got under my belt is 4 weeks. I am feeling different this time though and there is a definite feeling that I do not want to drink anymore, I say drink as that is what it all starts with. 1 drink will lead me into using H, crack and crystal. I am done with it all and a decade lost to shutting out the world and needing to be so obliterated that I wasn't actually present. I struggle though, everyday and every hour like all of us do at the start I guess.

I am on Mirtazapine for general anxiety and depression, I'm not sure I want to stay on them but they are giving me some breathing space atm. I've mad contact with a psychotherapist and I look forward to starting with her soon, even if I am nervous. I have always struggled to be honest with myself and about myself with others, but thats the process. I will be attending meetings even though I don't think I have ever got anything out of AA or NA, I feel like I need to work the steps and I want to but I just don't know how to get a sponsor sorted. Any advice on how to breach that threshold?

Also any advice on how to deal with anxiety other than taking anti depressants?

Thanks people.
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It sounds like you're not happy with your current trajectory. Most of the happiness in life comes from making progress rather than the destination. This heavy medication plus chronic anxiety sounds like you simply aren't happy with how your life is going. I've lived with chronic severe anxity and panic attacks most of my life. The only time I feel better is when i'm aggressively pursuing something. For me bodybuilding helped alot. I don't think any pill can help you, I think you need to upset a few people and change what you are doing. Pro help doesn't make money by you getting better, they make money by providing treatment. Personally I never started abusing serious drugs until I started talking to pros. You need to find something you like doing that you can construct something with
 
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