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Recovery The Recovery Thread (2022)

mtu mwendawazimu said:
@chinup is your inquiry about you or then?
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its about whether somebody could locate me, i think that many of their clients have had to escape people so i hope they can help. its stupid cos i doubt the person even wants to i'm just scared of them.

how are you doing?
 
chinup said:
its about whether somebody could locate me, i think that many of their clients have had to escape people so i hope they can help. its stupid cos i doubt the person even wants to i'm just scared of them.

how are you doing?
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Yeah I hope they can help. Maybe even T-Moble or Comcast internet

I'm fine.
 
I registered only because I am so fucking pissed off of this bullshit and this has been so far the most fitting thread.

Freaking breathing on benzo withdrawals. It is tense, shallow and frequent. Hyperventilating, but it is barely ventilating properly. I want weed. It makes me take deep, calm breaths.

Give me skin crawling, sweating, psychosis, anxiety, night terrors, maybe even diarrhea or back pain. But could I PLEASE breathe like normal fucking human being?

Of course I can not. I don't choose shit here. My attempt to do so is yet another problem.

80 mg propranolol seems to be finally working because it is not as bad anymore. And venting. Wait a minute, that's a pun.
 
Welcome to BL, i wish you to find some comfort here, it helped me thru hard times, really want this for you
 
please seek some help if youre inclined, your breathing issues has me worrisome
 
Robi said:
please seek some help if youre inclined, your breathing issues has me worrisome
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Thanks.

It shouldn't get worse anymore, (as if there is any logic with the w/d timeline) it has been worse tho. At one point if I held my breath for a while for reasons I dont care to explain, it ended with me pulling in air if it was going out of fashion with sounds that resembled to a degree those one makes when airs have been punched out for the yard.

I am going to meet some experts regarding my psychological needs, one being former addict and one just psychotherapeutist. I just need to sleep. Oh, yeah, right, I guess I am just going there full of coffee. Then I am gonna double the panting.
 
Pissed_and_messed said:
Thanks.

It shouldn't get worse anymore, (as if there is any logic with the w/d timeline) it has been worse tho. At one point if I held my breath for a while for reasons I dont care to explain, it ended with me pulling in air if it was going out of fashion with sounds that resembled to a degree those one makes when airs have been punched out for the yard.

I am going to meet some experts regarding my psychological needs, one being former addict and one just psychotherapeutist. I just need to sleep. Oh, yeah, right, I guess I am just going there full of coffee. Then I am gonna double the panting.
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appreciate your reply, i was disquieted to say the least at your troubling state, you are very intelligent and rather cool to me, no need for any explanations of course, do very hope you feel much better , i feel its fantastic you will seek desired help to alleviate further issues
 
I’m up at work for 2 weeks. Didn’t take any opiates with me, just benzos. I’m in struggle town though. Everything is an effort. I think it’s coming off the smack. All my joints ache.

I’ve organised to get the buvidal injection (slow release buprenorphine/naloxone) when I get home. I didn’t want to, but it think I need to try something else to just get a bit of breathing space. Then trying to find a rehab that will take me. The place I’ve been going to has really amazing non judgemental doctors who treat you like a real person. It makes it so much easier and it’s all free.

Also need to quit this job as they are making us all do drug tests, which I’ll never pass. Eating benzos every evening when im up at work…

Just a quick update.

Hope everybody is ok. Eyes on the prize and all that.
 
Was about two years worth. I bought way too much when it became available. What I threw away was over $300. I actually dug through the bin at one point. It was deep in the trash at that point. My hands were wet with filth by the time I found it. I forced myself to let go. I'm not going to be that person. It's still fucking there, taunting me. Trash gets picked up on Monday morning.
 
Chamomile and 7 herb tea are like natural benzos, I add a ton of honey. It may sound counterintuitive but breathing exercises to breath through both sides of the lungs and all three lung chambers can help, also light exercise where you lean into and stretch or compress muscles in all the places physical pain is coming from helps too, being so numb from all the drugs and alcohol kind of blocks the body's signals that muscles, tendons, facia, and organs all need to get loosened up and the poisonous by products and salts need to get flushed. I gargle with Himalayan salt after I smoke and always take a swing because I think the lithium will help with anxiety and depression. It also helps flush out the lungs and throat to get rid of bad tissue and tar. As far as alcohol goes I'm down to 100ml mostly between lunch and dinner though I do vary and will take a day off too. The withdrawals are real and cravings too, but at least I'm not smoking cannabis. I couldn't get out the front door for about 11 years starting about age 15 without cannabis so I don't intend to use it anymore for that reason. I don't think I’ll trip anymore but maybe the occasional green cactus frill in a cocktail may be okay for the phenylethylalimine (sic) (I think we're gonna need a bigger Phikal/Thikal btw).
 
Day three of covid and plan on using it to quit weed for a bit just to see what it's like lol.... I already can't wait til I'm well enough to smoke again tho 🤷
Day at a time and all that!
Hope everyone is doing well!
 
@iTry91

Quitting weed is great. It's like a drug in itself. But it doesn't last. After a while, I find weed becomes the drug again... And so on.

When I quit, I become super in touch with my emotions (in a good way) and I process a lot of shit that comes to the surface. I'm more articulate. More attentive to others. My vocabulary improves. Memory spikes massively in a short period of time. I exercise more. Eat better.

Consuming weed every day makes me lazy and distant from the world but I love it.

I love being full of natural energy and connected too.

I'm moderating now so I don't get that rush of quitting weed cold turkey. I can't afford to be that unstable any more because I have kids.

Hangovers and withdrawals are under rated imo. I miss being wild.
 
Quitting weed is joke for me....but you guys there in U.S got super potent shit,so it could be more unpleasant.Take a break friend...or quitt forever,if you want.I take regular breaks from weed from 10-15days....and when smoke again it hit me like a hammer.Feel well,when i see not one trying to quitt or take control of his/her life...it's shown struggle&passion
 
Blankenstein said:
I’m up at work for 2 weeks. Didn’t take any opiates with me, just benzos. I’m in struggle town though. Everything is an effort. I think it’s coming off the smack. All my joints ache.

I’ve organised to get the buvidal injection (slow release buprenorphine/naloxone) when I get home. I didn’t want to, but it think I need to try something else to just get a bit of breathing space. Then trying to find a rehab that will take me. The place I’ve been going to has really amazing non judgemental doctors who treat you like a real person. It makes it so much easier and it’s all free.

Also need to quit this job as they are making us all do drug tests, which I’ll never pass. Eating benzos every evening when im up at work…

Just a quick update.

Hope everybody is ok. Eyes on the prize and all that.
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Hey mate what's the update? How you been handling things? Hopefully you're through the worst of the physical WDs off opiates now. That's awesome you're getting the bupe implant!! Well done! That's kinda like me with Antabuse. I go and get a supervised dosed each week at the clinic, get my 6 takeaway tablets for the rest of the week, then take them each day. But yeah, once you have the implant, that's it, opiates are no longer an option so it takes a HUUUGE weight off your mind!! That's how I feel about Antabuse and alcohol. I know I absolutely can NOT drink, so it's not even an option, so my brain doesn't even go there. I don't even think about or crave alcohol at all any more because my brain knows that it's physically impossible for me to drink it and I simply can't have it, end of story. Hopefully you'll have the same psychological response with the implant. It's so liberating and empowering.
 
I am my own worst enemy. I hate on myself so much. I tell myself I'm a loser. I tell myself I'm not worthy of love. I tell myself nobody likes me. This destroys my confidence. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I know I have potential, but I have to constantly fight against this voice in my head that tells me I'm shit.

I've been dwelling in the past too long. Recently, I've started forgiving myself for the things that I've done. Doing bad things shouldn't cause me to do bad things. I need to be a learning machine, but focusing on my sins makes me stagnate. I know what I've done. I know who I used to be, but I can change.

It's been four and a half years since I quit smoking tobacco. I will never smoke a cigarette again. So, I know I can change... Dwelling in the past doesn't make me a good father. I need to look forward, to the future. I need to stop grieving for my loss of freedom. I am no longer a freak. I am no longer a junky. I miss those days but they were also super traumatic.

I don't regret how I lived my life. I don't believe in regret. It's depressing. Drugs and alcohol have made me into somebody I don't like, but there's always a silver lining. Quitting heroin proves that I can do practically anything if I put my mind to it. It's easier to have a successful career in most fields than it is to quit H. It's probably easier to climb Everest.

Addicts are not weak; we are strong.

Most people can't maintain New Year's Resolutions. This has always bummed me out a bit. It contributes to the myth that people can't change. It's easier to believe that. Change is fucking hard.

I've been trying to change other things - permanently - since I quit smoking tobacco.

Seven months ago, I quit smoking weed. On the 1st of August, I quit vaping. I'm doing new month resolutions. Some of them won't stick at first, but that's okay. I'm a work in progress. I'm proud of myself... when said pride isn't being drowned out by my self-loathing.

Realistically, it is going to take me a long time to be the man I want to be. There are so many aspects of my life that need fixing... But, then, I've never been the sort of person to shy away from a challenge.

One day, that voice will be gone.

This site has helped me a lot, recently, because I've started allowing it to help me. I've started listening to people and opening up. Thanks, Bluelight. I love you all.
 
bird.is.the.word said:
I am my own worst enemy. I hate on myself so much. I tell myself I'm a loser. I tell myself I'm not worthy of love. I tell myself nobody likes me. This destroys my confidence. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I know I have potential, but I have to constantly fight against this voice in my head that tells me I'm shit.

I've been dwelling in the past too long. Recently, I've started forgiving myself for the things that I've done. Doing bad things shouldn't cause me to do bad things. I need to be a learning machine, but focusing on my sins makes me stagnate. I know what I've done. I know who I used to be, but I can change.

It's been four and a half years since I quit smoking tobacco. I will never smoke a cigarette again. So, I know I can change... Dwelling in the past doesn't make me a good father. I need to look forward, to the future. I need to stop grieving for my loss of freedom. I am no longer a freak. I am no longer a junky. I miss those days but they were also super traumatic.

I don't regret how I lived my life. I don't believe in regret. It's depressing. Drugs and alcohol have made me into somebody I don't like, but there's always a silver lining. Quitting heroin proves that I can do practically anything if I put my mind to it. It's easier to have a successful career in most fields than it is to quit H. It's probably easier to climb Everest.

Addicts are not weak; we are strong.

Most people can't maintain New Year's Resolutions. This has always bummed me out a bit. It contributes to the myth that people can't change. It's easier to believe that. Change is fucking hard.

I've been trying to change other things - permanently - since I quit smoking tobacco.

Seven months ago, I quit smoking weed. On the 1st of August, I quit vaping. I'm doing new month resolutions. Some of them won't stick at first, but that's okay. I'm a work in progress. I'm proud of myself... when said pride isn't being drowned out by my self-loathing.

Realistically, it is going to take me a long time to be the man I want to be. There are so many aspects of my life that need fixing... But, then, I've never been the sort of person to shy away from a challenge.

One day, that voice will be gone.

This site has helped me a lot, recently, because I've started allowing it to help me. I've started listening to people and opening up. Thanks, Bluelight. I love you all.
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We love you too, Bird.
 
bird.is.the.word said:
I am my own worst enemy. I hate on myself so much. I tell myself I'm a loser. I tell myself I'm not worthy of love. I tell myself nobody likes me. This destroys my confidence. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I know I have potential, but I have to constantly fight against this voice in my head that tells me I'm shit.

I've been dwelling in the past too long. Recently, I've started forgiving myself for the things that I've done. Doing bad things shouldn't cause me to do bad things. I need to be a learning machine, but focusing on my sins makes me stagnate. I know what I've done. I know who I used to be, but I can change.

It's been four and a half years since I quit smoking tobacco. I will never smoke a cigarette again. So, I know I can change... Dwelling in the past doesn't make me a good father. I need to look forward, to the future. I need to stop grieving for my loss of freedom. I am no longer a freak. I am no longer a junky. I miss those days but they were also super traumatic.

I don't regret how I lived my life. I don't believe in regret. It's depressing. Drugs and alcohol have made me into somebody I don't like, but there's always a silver lining. Quitting heroin proves that I can do practically anything if I put my mind to it. It's easier to have a successful career in most fields than it is to quit H. It's probably easier to climb Everest.

Addicts are not weak; we are strong.

Most people can't maintain New Year's Resolutions. This has always bummed me out a bit. It contributes to the myth that people can't change. It's easier to believe that. Change is fucking hard.

I've been trying to change other things - permanently - since I quit smoking tobacco.

Seven months ago, I quit smoking weed. On the 1st of August, I quit vaping. I'm doing new month resolutions. Some of them won't stick at first, but that's okay. I'm a work in progress. I'm proud of myself... when said pride isn't being drowned out by my self-loathing.

Realistically, it is going to take me a long time to be the man I want to be. There are so many aspects of my life that need fixing... But, then, I've never been the sort of person to shy away from a challenge.

One day, that voice will be gone.

This site has helped me a lot, recently, because I've started allowing it to help me. I've started listening to people and opening up. Thanks, Bluelight. I love you all.
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I love this, and you're growing on me too bird ;) Please be kind to and gentle with yourself <3
 
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