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Misc The (LOPERAMIDE) diaries...

Runningfox said:
^^^ 88dood88

Well that sounds like a fairly rotten place to be in.
You have friends here; don't forget that. And I hope to God the lope doesn't kill you. You're online here. You're talking to us about it. That tells me you have some Hope there inside ya n that you certainly WANNA have a life. Perhaps ya just can't find it right now.

Lots of us experience that horrendous depression and Anhedonia which follows active addiction. To be honest it can last for years even after a person becomes 100% Substance- free.
But life is still worth living, I think.


There are alot of painful struggles but I do think it's worth going thru. There are tricks--- ways of teachibg yourself how to deal with losses / the Past/ disappointment and even that spot you're in where family n friends have quit you and you feel essentially alone.

Are you in any kind of therapy?
Support groups?
Substance Abuse counselling or groups?
What kinda community do you have around you (Even if they are mostly strangers )? I mean are you in a city? Small town? Rural
I would have to dig back thru your posts to see what all your substances are right now. Obviously lope n I'm assuming High Dose ?

Hang in there. Talk to us.... you are not alone; THAT much I can guarantee you.

--- fox
Click to expand...
Thanks. And of course I really don't want to be in the position I am in, but this time I feel more trapped than anything.

Basically a rundown- poly addiction started 5 or 6 years ago, and I'm going 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye.

Started out smoking tons of weed, got bored of that, had an adderall script I abused for about 2 years on a daily basis, once I got into that my compulsive behaviors really ran amok. Would smoke/vape synthetic cannabinoids all day everyday on top of speed, mixed in whatever I could get.. pain pills, benzos, whatever. Mentally spice fucked me up so bad it still lingers with me, but I found kratom and managed to get off of it before I truly lost it. Then started years of daily kratom addiction, spending thousands and thousands on bulk purchases and sophisticated extracts. Rehab and relapses come, new people and a new city in my life.

I still struggle for sobriety and finally felt like giving up my addiction, so I started using lope to come off kratom. I just found it too hard otherwise after the length and frequency I was on it to do cold turkey.

One day I remember reading about folks getting high off the stuff, so I tried a 70mg lope dose and felt pretty good.. all day long as well. Doses escalate as you know and I was getting to 400mg plus a day. I only dosed once so in my mind I was able to justify it (vs the time, money and effort spent on kratom addiction)

A few months in I get some health problems that came in but lowered my lope dose a bit and it left. Been horribly depressed on it and after reading this thread decided to jump on to kratom and go off lope. Made it about a week and now I'm back on it.

People in my life think I'm sober, and I've let them down so many times before. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do. I've truly been considering just grabbing all my shit one day when the person I live w is at work and just driving until I can't take it anymore.

I'm skipping a lot of in between but I have had suicide attempts in the past when I felt like my back was against the wall and in this case I have placed myself in a situation where I have convinced others things are looking up when in fact I'm probably lower than I have been in my entire life. And while I realize logically that things come and go when it comes to mental health, I've never felt so completely and totally alone. I'm gonna just try and sleep for a day or so though cuz I'm super sleep deprived right now and that's making it worse.

Thanks for everyone in this thread for their own experiences and support
 
88dood88
I feel the same way. We are on the same boat. People think im sober, but I've been chasing cheap thrills. I don't have any stable friends because of my running around. I am depressed cuz i should be in a better spot in life, but i chose the wrong path. But god put us here for a reason and we need to overcome our fears. The only person I talk to is my ex. And she lives 2 hrs away from me. And il be moving so we will be 8 hrs away from each other. I would have to say this is my lowest point in life and lope was also fucking with my mood. Phen is horrible to. I want you to pm me ur email. We can always keep in contact. That goes for anyone. I love u guys
 
Lobsterbutch said:
Yo Adaoud, Tramodol i'd say is stronger than kratom, but its still considered to be a "lighter" opioid. But it does also do some stuff similar to anti depressants in addition to opioid agonism, so keep it short term. everyone I've ever spoken to who used them tell me the withdrawal is 3 times shittier than the drug is good. Withdrawal not proportional to the high
Click to expand...

Yeah, the withdrawal from the snri effects add a whole new dimension to the withdrawal effects.
 
RDP89 said:
Yeah, the withdrawal from the snri effects add a whole new dimension to the withdrawal effects.
Click to expand...
Well its not like I'm constantly getting tramadol. I don't think I'd be physically dependent for the amount I have. My brother had a seizure for being on it for a year. And he suffered wd symptoms he describes as unmanageable. I had to wean off Zoloft after 6 months, tried c.t but was way out of it.
I'm over a week of my last lope and phen dose. My kratom ran out this morning and Idk if I'm getting more. I have the trams for any discomfort. Being bored doing nothing makes me want to keep using. And people wish there in my position to quit. Cuz I'm currently not working. Easy to quit, hard staying sober when there's nothing to do ? catch 22
 
Adaoud25 said:
Runningfox. Ur msgs r full. I was gonna give u my email
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Yeah I have a Hell of a time trying to clear out my inbox. I have to switch to desktop mode then I have trouble getting back to my mobile site.... I will try out-boxing n sending you some contact info. If that fails I will go thru the trouble of clearing my inbox.
 
I'm on my way to the recovery home. Its a 6 hr drive. I'm just checking it out. 10 days off lope and phen. Been taking low dose tramadol to ease off kratom. I'm feeling good and successful at my taper. Thanks to everyone here on BL. I love u guys. I can't talk about my issues to others but I feel comfortable letting u guys know.
 
So here I am. 36hrs completely drug free. Then last night I was getting the worst restless legs ever! I'm out of kratom. Same with tramadol. So I found lope in my parents house and downed 40. Smh
 
Adaoud25 said:
So here I am. 36hrs completely drug free. Then last night I was getting the worst restless legs ever! I'm out of kratom. Same with tramadol. So I found lope in my parents house and downed 40. Smh
Click to expand...
When the leg pain/RLS intensity ramps up is when I break too. I feel your pain bud. I've only been able to lower my doses bc I bought some research chem that keep me occupied while having some minor WD, but I know it's not sustainable
 
Restless legs is something hard for me to deal with. I need something that can stop it. It keeps me up all night and feel strung out for the day. I went 10 days without lope, so maybe I can find something mild to alleive my legs. I literally looked for anything and everything....to no avail. If I had access to a hot tub, I would've beaten it garuntee. Oh well, I won't take lope anymore, il make sure to get some kratom and use it for night time or something......back to the drawing board
 
Try going into the shower and going in between hot and cold water. Works best with the heads you can move around your body on the hose.

Kratom could work, but it is an opiod itself so don't rely on it only use in worst case scenario. You can get low quality kratom at smoke shops, which should work to deal with rls if that's your only concern as it will probably be better to use less rather than more.
 
To me. Enjoying kratom wasn't the same as enjoying heroin. With the different strains, colors, and where its from gave me more of a interest. So ordering kratom from many vendors is like a weed head in a weed store. Nothing like rolling thru the hood to cop a bag and put my life in danger in so many ways. I do agree that I should seek help from a shrink. But I currently have no insurance and I'm waiting to move to another state go get state insurance. I'm not in a position to be alone with myself in my own head. I refuse to get illicit drugs ever again or use alcohol. I use to not enjoy kratom, but now I took a liking to it. I will continue to use kratom until I am able to get psych help.
 
I have been following this thread for the last two days. Ya'll are helping me more than you know. Thank you so much for helping so much with the awful, crappy withdrawals.
 
Completly off lope.. Im so disappointed this thread dwindled away. Seriously, this is the best thread I followed on BL. I wonder how everyone is doing? I am currently taking kratom and phenibut.
 
Adaoud25 said:
Completly off lope.. Im so disappointed this thread dwindled away. Seriously, this is the best thread I followed on BL. I wonder how everyone is doing? I am currently taking kratom and phenibut.
Click to expand...

Congrats, for real. And best of luck to you, b-man, and anyone else dealing with this stuff. I've taken maybe two tablets of lope my whole life.
 
Yea, same here: I think I've only taken lope therapeutically like once or twice in my life.

I have contemplated taking it medium/high doses to ward of withdrawals a few times. Threads like these have helped me avoid doing so, atleast so far. It's not always such an easy decision to avoid it though, especially when facing the onset of withdrawals...
 
Been a very long time since I've even read a post here much less comment... full blown lope addict here... 3 yrs now. I learned about it right here. I take 300-400 Mgs a day... everyday .. and have for years now. Slow but steadily incline from initial doses of 140mgs...
 
Wow, thanks for adding in guys. I'm enjoying the kratom life. My life is so much better now that I don't have to worry about stealing lope from a store. I noticed my health get better, no heart flutters, dizziness/faint is gone. I got off it super easy with the switch guys.
U guys r strong and don't even know it, dealing with the worlds most addictive drugs before lope. I know u guys can do it! Please feel free to pm me. Support on here was better then any support I got in AA. Love u all
 
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