The Big & Dandy Methoxetamine / MXE Thread - Part 16 - Sweet 16 mind-control machine
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✰hyperobjects✰
Bluelighter
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I booty bumped 100mg of MXE mixed with coconut water and it was the bees knees. A qualitatively different experience than sniffing it. Much more oceanic. 
Switching to booty bumping after your nose stops working is a nice way to mix it up.
Switching to booty bumping after your nose stops working is a nice way to mix it up.
yepyepwoah
Bluelighter
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Maybe its time to zit on the 1.5g I have and look into ketamine :-( 
blue_applesauce
Greenlighter
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It's day 13 and still no response from Energy Control. The anticipation is killing me. I'll post here as soon as I have the results I promised everyone. The mystery of 'white Chinese sand' should hopefully be revealed!
In the last few weeks, I've referred a few people to China with the back story about it being tested, but they went ahead and bought it anyhow. They were happy, and "holed", so suffice to say China is still pumping out this white sand 'MXE'.
In the last few weeks, I've referred a few people to China with the back story about it being tested, but they went ahead and bought it anyhow. They were happy, and "holed", so suffice to say China is still pumping out this white sand 'MXE'.
Listening
Bluelighter
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When you finally get the results, can you also post a pic of the product, maybe even a macro or close up? One man's white sand is another man's crystal granules (old Chinese MXE proverb).
blue_applesauce
Greenlighter
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Absolutely. I have a new macro lens for my dslr that I'm excited to use. Some 'micro explorer' lenses also, so we'll have some variety. I'm looking forward to the shoot. I could possibly see why someone would call these crystal granules, because they are granules and they are crystals. In my mind, when I think of a crystal I think clear - it's probably subjective. These are opaque, kind of like table salt the color of quartz. Anyhow, you'll see, as soon as I post these results.
I got impatient and reached out to EC about 12 hours ago politely requesting a status update and no response yet. Dying over here!
ecstacylover
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I'm finally just accepting the fact that I'm seemingly hopelessly addicted to dissociatives, most notably the golden child methoxetamine. It's like when I'm on it my life is filled with magic and I always seem to luck out in various ways. If only I could somewhat control my usage and maintain this, but so far I haven't come close. When I have it I basically start using everyday and the anesthetic hole becomes my ultimatum, I'll go for it multiple times daily, even if it gets the point where I'm just blacking myself out.
I feel like a piece of shit and though I've never felt much of a draw to opiods I think this really parallels, say, a heroin habit. Though worse imho. I've always been able to fight through physical addictions, though I've never been hooked on painkillers, I have fought through a nasty bout with etizolam where I did have legitimate withdrawals. To me, 'psychological' addiction is far worse, especially since I'm introverted and basically live in my head at times. MXE seems to have woven itself into my subconscious so intricately and discretely that I feel I am no match for the vice-like hold it has on me at this point.
What's fucked up is I have times where almost every part of me wants to completely quit the stuff. I can totally avoid all triggers and still after a few days or weeks I start feeling disillusioned and boring and empty. It's like MXE gave me a new lease on life, but unfortunately it's not something I've figured out how to function long-term on (if that's possible).
I really do value my brain and education, I'd say the only thing keeping a full-blown addiction (if this isn't one already) at bay is the chance in the back of my mind that I'll go back to school and not be a complete waste of potential. But like what's the point, yanno? When I get to the end of my life will that extra knowledge or financial freedom make much of a difference on how I perceive my life? Because from a risk-reward analysis standpoint, doing MXE heavily seems to offer me more fulfillment than anything else up to this point in my life, even if it is fake. But that's the thing, it isn't fake, in a lot of ways I think it's more real than many of the ways ordinary people draw enjoyment from mundane living.
I'm still young and my brain is pretty plastic, it's just everytime I try to get clean I keep coming to the conclusion that I'm hopelessly damaged goods and that whatever route I take in life, it's really redundant in the grand scheme of things, so why not take the easiest and most pleasurable route? It's a question I don't feel I can answer in the most noble or correct way. Depressing stuff...
I found the following post on like the 10th iteration of the MXE thread and it really stood out to me, so I I thought I'd share it again here.
"The kind of abuse that this chemical has seen is ridiculous. I want to urge people to treat these molecules with respect and dignity. Bold claim #1: there is no place for the recreational use of dissociatives. Bold claim #2: For this reason, there's no excuse for becoming addicted to dissociative drugs. That's a choice you make. I know that statement will be controversial but it's true. By and large, and allowing for individuations of body chemistry, it takes a good deal of regular, habitual use for even the human body to get addicted to even the most physically addicting chemicals that are used as recreational drugs. If you find yourself addicted to dissociatives, I think you need to look at what your goals are with these chemicals. There is no positive, self-affirming goal that is reinforced with regular, recreational use of dissociative drugs. None. If your goal is to negate, then yes, recreational dissociative use is for you; to put it in Nietzsche's terms, those who are addicted to dissociatives will nothingness itself.
Dissociatives should never be used at dissociative dosages outside of the home and these dosages should be administered ONLY in extremely controlled conditions. Disorientation can quickly elevate to such levels that it is impossible to determine, for example, whether it is safe to cross the street, or whether someone has slipped something into one's drink. Perceptions may become too chaotic to differentiate fantasy from reality. This sounds like fun but it's very serious and can become utterly confusing to the subject of the experience, so much so that he may lose all grip on his kinesthesia and inner awareness of his body; messages from the nerves to the brain may lose their boundaries between self and other.
Those well-versed in the Language have always taught us never to use psychedelic chemicals more than 3-4x a year and only in extremely controlled conditions, or under the guidance of a trained shaman. I recall Bob Dylan's lyrics: "Don't say I never warned you / when your train gets lost." Those who know what it means for the train to get lost know that this is nothing to play around with. The knowledge is there, and those of us who believe that there is something positive in these chemicals have to walk the noble path of restraint and moderation. I tell you, it's not worth the risk; treat these with respect and you can do them the rest of your life and get something positive out of them. Treat them as your plaything, and you'll have to carry the burden of regret the rest of your life.
I repeat, there is no excuse for the recreational use of dissociative drugs. Certainly any insights into neurology, consciousness, philosophy, evolutionary biology, or anthropology that can be gained from the exploration, both scientific and psychonautical, of these chemicals is hampered by recreational use -- both because such abuse is what keeps feeding the law-machine, giving it power to deflect motions toward sensible education as the reigning drug policy; and because the rote, mechanic repetition of dosages trivializes their ability to invoke organic becomings. Everyone here knows that education is what we need, not laws, but if you use these chemicals recreationally then frankly you are a part of the problem. Drug users bitch and complain about oppressive laws against them, but then play into the very behavior that these laws promote (i.e., uneducated usage and black market impurities/misrepresentation of the product being sold.)"
I feel like a piece of shit and though I've never felt much of a draw to opiods I think this really parallels, say, a heroin habit. Though worse imho. I've always been able to fight through physical addictions, though I've never been hooked on painkillers, I have fought through a nasty bout with etizolam where I did have legitimate withdrawals. To me, 'psychological' addiction is far worse, especially since I'm introverted and basically live in my head at times. MXE seems to have woven itself into my subconscious so intricately and discretely that I feel I am no match for the vice-like hold it has on me at this point.
What's fucked up is I have times where almost every part of me wants to completely quit the stuff. I can totally avoid all triggers and still after a few days or weeks I start feeling disillusioned and boring and empty. It's like MXE gave me a new lease on life, but unfortunately it's not something I've figured out how to function long-term on (if that's possible).
I really do value my brain and education, I'd say the only thing keeping a full-blown addiction (if this isn't one already) at bay is the chance in the back of my mind that I'll go back to school and not be a complete waste of potential. But like what's the point, yanno? When I get to the end of my life will that extra knowledge or financial freedom make much of a difference on how I perceive my life? Because from a risk-reward analysis standpoint, doing MXE heavily seems to offer me more fulfillment than anything else up to this point in my life, even if it is fake. But that's the thing, it isn't fake, in a lot of ways I think it's more real than many of the ways ordinary people draw enjoyment from mundane living.
I'm still young and my brain is pretty plastic, it's just everytime I try to get clean I keep coming to the conclusion that I'm hopelessly damaged goods and that whatever route I take in life, it's really redundant in the grand scheme of things, so why not take the easiest and most pleasurable route? It's a question I don't feel I can answer in the most noble or correct way. Depressing stuff...
I found the following post on like the 10th iteration of the MXE thread and it really stood out to me, so I I thought I'd share it again here.
"The kind of abuse that this chemical has seen is ridiculous. I want to urge people to treat these molecules with respect and dignity. Bold claim #1: there is no place for the recreational use of dissociatives. Bold claim #2: For this reason, there's no excuse for becoming addicted to dissociative drugs. That's a choice you make. I know that statement will be controversial but it's true. By and large, and allowing for individuations of body chemistry, it takes a good deal of regular, habitual use for even the human body to get addicted to even the most physically addicting chemicals that are used as recreational drugs. If you find yourself addicted to dissociatives, I think you need to look at what your goals are with these chemicals. There is no positive, self-affirming goal that is reinforced with regular, recreational use of dissociative drugs. None. If your goal is to negate, then yes, recreational dissociative use is for you; to put it in Nietzsche's terms, those who are addicted to dissociatives will nothingness itself.
Dissociatives should never be used at dissociative dosages outside of the home and these dosages should be administered ONLY in extremely controlled conditions. Disorientation can quickly elevate to such levels that it is impossible to determine, for example, whether it is safe to cross the street, or whether someone has slipped something into one's drink. Perceptions may become too chaotic to differentiate fantasy from reality. This sounds like fun but it's very serious and can become utterly confusing to the subject of the experience, so much so that he may lose all grip on his kinesthesia and inner awareness of his body; messages from the nerves to the brain may lose their boundaries between self and other.
Those well-versed in the Language have always taught us never to use psychedelic chemicals more than 3-4x a year and only in extremely controlled conditions, or under the guidance of a trained shaman. I recall Bob Dylan's lyrics: "Don't say I never warned you / when your train gets lost." Those who know what it means for the train to get lost know that this is nothing to play around with. The knowledge is there, and those of us who believe that there is something positive in these chemicals have to walk the noble path of restraint and moderation. I tell you, it's not worth the risk; treat these with respect and you can do them the rest of your life and get something positive out of them. Treat them as your plaything, and you'll have to carry the burden of regret the rest of your life.
I repeat, there is no excuse for the recreational use of dissociative drugs. Certainly any insights into neurology, consciousness, philosophy, evolutionary biology, or anthropology that can be gained from the exploration, both scientific and psychonautical, of these chemicals is hampered by recreational use -- both because such abuse is what keeps feeding the law-machine, giving it power to deflect motions toward sensible education as the reigning drug policy; and because the rote, mechanic repetition of dosages trivializes their ability to invoke organic becomings. Everyone here knows that education is what we need, not laws, but if you use these chemicals recreationally then frankly you are a part of the problem. Drug users bitch and complain about oppressive laws against them, but then play into the very behavior that these laws promote (i.e., uneducated usage and black market impurities/misrepresentation of the product being sold.)"
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A couple of things... first, don't go through life thinking opiate addiction would be less bad than dissociative addiction. I totally agree that psychological addiction is far worse than physical, and it's for this reason that opiates are the most addictive drugs, because not only are they highly physically addictive, but they are also highly psychologically addictive, for very similar reasons as dissociatives can be for people. Plus the physical brain chemistry changes aid in the psychological addiction because when you stop using them, you feel like life can only be good with them.
Also, I disagree there is no place for recreational use of dissociatives, though it can certainly be a slippery slope. I use MXE recreationally sometimes, and I'll use ketamine and probably others recreationally as well. For some people there is no place for recreational use because such use will lead to abuse. But I just like them as an occasional thing... I've used one twice in the past 2 months.
Sorry you're having troubles man, I don't mean to downplay anything you've said.
Also, I disagree there is no place for recreational use of dissociatives, though it can certainly be a slippery slope. I use MXE recreationally sometimes, and I'll use ketamine and probably others recreationally as well. For some people there is no place for recreational use because such use will lead to abuse. But I just like them as an occasional thing... I've used one twice in the past 2 months.
Sorry you're having troubles man, I don't mean to downplay anything you've said.
Listening
Bluelighter
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You can't answer it, because the answer is your future, and you don't know what that is going to be.
Why do you think you are damaged goods? Because of your drug use? Quite the opposite. You've experienced much and you've learned about your own limitations and maybe something about how your mind deludes itself. I take this as a positive. You are growing. Let's hope it never stops.
Damaged? You write lucidly, it doesn't sound like you're brain-dead. It sounds like you're struggling (join the club), and a bit confused (who isn't?), and wishing for some solid ground to stand on and a guarantee of what the best path forward is (hint: there is no solid ground, and you will never know if the path not taken was really the better one). You need to look into your heart, take a chance and go forward with courage. Make a tough decision, whatever it may be. Then make another one. Don't stop.
If you want to, please just dump your stash. I did it a while back. Then, many months later, I ordered more and have been able to control my usage since then. For now, maybe you need some distance from dissociatives. If so, force a year of sobriety on yourself. You will feel better for it.
Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
vortech
Bluelighter
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- Jul 18, 2012
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Added a new chapter to my book, neuralhacking the visual cortex. With the help of MXE I can play an hour-long set of visuals in my mind. I have discovered the scope of metaprogramming possible when a psychedelic VJ does a lot of VJing and a lot of MXE.
I love the infinite resolution.
I love the infinite resolution.
ecstacylover
Bluelighter
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Thanks guys, that's what I love about BL, it's the one place I can turn to for support from people who actually understand what I'm going through. The people I deal with on a daily basis just can't empathize with what I'm struggling with, to them all addictions are the same whether it's alcohol, marijuana, opiods, or MXE.
I guess I'm not really damaged, physically I take good care of myself and my memory can be a bit shotty, but hey, I'm not here to win a spelling bee.
It's really just the pressures other people put on me and I in turn put these on myself. My parents expect me to be self-sufficient all of the sudden and it's not that I'm incapable of that, it's just I can't do it in a way that fits in with their outlook on life, at least not without compromising my own happiness.
I'd really like any advice on how to maintain a positive mindset without drugs seeing as I've tried mediation, dieting, DMT, and such to no long-term avail. I'm such a negative person at times and I'm not sure why.
I really don't think cold-turkey is the way out though. I've tried that and it made me feel hopeless. I'm just gonna try to moderate myself better, fingers crossed because this is MXE I'm dealing with after all.
On the bright side I've cut back majorly on my intake of stimulants and cannabis. I mean I have opiods, psychedelics and empathogens just sitting around and I don't have urges to do them like that so I guess I'm not as addicted to altered realities as I think.
I think I need to just get another routine job until I can get back in school. A schedule, some more social contact, and some spare change would probably help me. Actually since I spend a lot of my money on RC's and such, maybe I don't need the money, just kidding.
I'm thinking dissociatives once per week max, with a 3 day binge every third week. Cannabis to alleviate boredom. Stimulants every now and then when I just can't muster the energy to get shit done. Heavy psychedelics trips for special occasions (like <1 per month). And dmt as needed. Haha. Sorry for rambling, I need to stop treating this like a blog. Anyways, thanks BL, I'll keep you posted.
I guess I'm not really damaged, physically I take good care of myself and my memory can be a bit shotty, but hey, I'm not here to win a spelling bee.
It's really just the pressures other people put on me and I in turn put these on myself. My parents expect me to be self-sufficient all of the sudden and it's not that I'm incapable of that, it's just I can't do it in a way that fits in with their outlook on life, at least not without compromising my own happiness.
I'd really like any advice on how to maintain a positive mindset without drugs seeing as I've tried mediation, dieting, DMT, and such to no long-term avail. I'm such a negative person at times and I'm not sure why.
I really don't think cold-turkey is the way out though. I've tried that and it made me feel hopeless. I'm just gonna try to moderate myself better, fingers crossed because this is MXE I'm dealing with after all.
On the bright side I've cut back majorly on my intake of stimulants and cannabis. I mean I have opiods, psychedelics and empathogens just sitting around and I don't have urges to do them like that so I guess I'm not as addicted to altered realities as I think.
I think I need to just get another routine job until I can get back in school. A schedule, some more social contact, and some spare change would probably help me. Actually since I spend a lot of my money on RC's and such, maybe I don't need the money, just kidding.
I'm thinking dissociatives once per week max, with a 3 day binge every third week. Cannabis to alleviate boredom. Stimulants every now and then when I just can't muster the energy to get shit done. Heavy psychedelics trips for special occasions (like <1 per month). And dmt as needed. Haha. Sorry for rambling, I need to stop treating this like a blog. Anyways, thanks BL, I'll keep you posted.
Peacephrog1972
Bluelighter
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I was thinking the same thing
That last paragraph pretty much sums it up.....having your drug use/abuse already mapped out for the future just might be a sign that you have a problem
Not judging, but having a history of MXE/alcohol/cannabis/benzo abuse for about a year I can relate
That last paragraph pretty much sums it up.....having your drug use/abuse already mapped out for the future just might be a sign that you have a problem
Not judging, but having a history of MXE/alcohol/cannabis/benzo abuse for about a year I can relate
Listening
Bluelighter
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^^^ Have to say, I agree.
How old are you (sorry if you already mentioned)? Are you still living at home? Maybe time to move out...
By the way, compromising your own happiness - i.e. learning to suppress desire for instant gratification (which is what you really mean) is a necessary step on the path to adulthood. There are no exceptions.
You say you are not happy without the drugs, but sooner or later you are going to have to face it. That lifestyle is not sustainable. It won't be easy, but starting sooner is better than later IMO. Highly suggest you find yourself a psychologist that you trust and get into it weekly, not expecting anything for a few years.
Good luck.
How old are you (sorry if you already mentioned)? Are you still living at home? Maybe time to move out...
By the way, compromising your own happiness - i.e. learning to suppress desire for instant gratification (which is what you really mean) is a necessary step on the path to adulthood. There are no exceptions.
You say you are not happy without the drugs, but sooner or later you are going to have to face it. That lifestyle is not sustainable. It won't be easy, but starting sooner is better than later IMO. Highly suggest you find yourself a psychologist that you trust and get into it weekly, not expecting anything for a few years.
Good luck.
ecstacylover
Bluelighter
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- 699
Aa far as the cold turkey goes, I'd feel like i was living a lie if i was sober 24/7. I wouldn't classify myself as a poly - drug abuser. Yeah, there is definitely an issue with the frequency I've been using dissociative drugs, but I don't see that with any others. Psychedelics are a passion of mine, and I'm not too concerned about how often I use them, especially seeing how many people here use them much more often. Like I've said, I'm just concerned that I'm going way overboard with MXE. Other than that, in regards to weed, I gotta stay high, all the time... (haha, song, but hey maybe that's how I feel)
With the planning out my future usage, that's not too concerning to me, I'd had too much 3-MeO and was probably subconsciously trying to brag about the extent of my collection, and for that I am kind of embarrassed.
Listening I'm 21. Some stuff happened while I was at college last year so I've been out the past semester and probably going to go back in the spring. I've been employed for about half the time since. What you say about resisting instant gratification is some great food for thought, that might be my biggest problem now that you've pointed it out.
As far as the psychologist goes, I've talked with someone in the past and there was really no point. I guess it works for a lot of people, but I see myself as the most suitable psychologist for me.
At this point I'd really like to just get back to discussing MXE, is that bad?
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