The Big & Dandy Methoxetamine / MXE Thread - Holey Shit no. 15

[St3ve]

Do you not get any visual after effects? Like things still appearing to have sharper edges than usual and a bit "flatter", like you can't perceive depth as well? I find myself acting a bit more eccentrically the next day as well, and my mood is always excellent.

 

[Xorkoth]

Nope, nothing, I feel completely normal the next day. Unless as I mentioned I take a hole dose, then my equilibrium will be off and I feel a bit antisocial (weird since MXE at lower dosages makes me feel social).

 

[cosmic._.ape]

I felt like I am God, and the truth of it is God is just insane and made all this shit that we call reality up to distract from the fact that in actuality there is nothing and no way of ending the nothingness. It will go on forever and ever.

damn right boy!!!

.......aaaaand that's why, yeah that's why, we must strive for beauty, we must strive for love, we must create what we love so we can love what we create and recreate
all we got is this illusion of separateness... we can use it as a weapon, or to make a woman smile... but in order to be useful, we must forget what we are. Yeah, we must forget we are the universe to play this game we call life

 

[Xorkoth]

We can't completely remember but we can bring what we witnessed into play in our lives to live in even more beauty and love.

 

[jason7]

I'd really like to have some real data on this... I have a suspicion that it stays in your system for a long time. The afterglow can sometimes last days if you have no tolerance, and my piss smells different up to 2 days after dosing as well.

It can apparently take several days;

A 19-year-old male presented with severe truncal ataxia, nystagmus, incoordination and reduced conscious level several hours after nasal insufflation of what was initially thought to be ketamine. Features of cerebellar toxicity persisted for 3-4 days before gradual recovery. A 19-year-old male presented with severe truncal ataxia, nystagmus, incoordination and reduced conscious level several hours after nasal insufflation of what was initially thought to be ketamine. Features of cerebellar toxicity persisted for 3-4 days before gradual recovery. A 19-year-old male presented with severe truncal ataxia, nystagmus, incoordination and reduced conscious level several hours after nasal insufflation of what was initially thought to be ketamine. Features of cerebellar toxicity persisted for 3-4 days before gradual recovery.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22578175

 

[jason7]

I experienced this with 2C-E, it was my most chaotic and psychedelic +4 experience of my life. I had previously determined that "god" (the universal consciousness" is all that exists, and that we are all that experiencing itself subjectively, simultaneously, and that excperience was beautiful, life-affirming and filled with light, but then with 2C-E I went past the oneness into the void... I experienced the dissolution of the universe entirely and then there was only a yawning black void of nothingness where I was a singular point of awareness endlessly falling in the most crushing void of loneliness... I deeply lamented that I had shattered my beautiful illusion which I had created in order to escape this loneliness. Of course it came back... and I was never so grateful to exist in the "ordinary" sense again. I would have been glad to return as someone in the worst imaginable situation because it would have been better than that horrible void of nothingness. I concluded from this that the reason for the material universe (matter/energy and its condensation into the hologram we see today) is simply to escape absolute nothingness. I/We brought it into being in order for there to be something instead of nothing.

I also considered killing myself on the way to this void, hoping it would stop the 2C-E's process before it was too late, because when I neared it I remembered, before it fell away completely.

The "trick" is that we ARE all "god" (but I prefer the term universal consciousness because of the fact that the term "god" is loaded for us), but we're also not god, because we have constrained ourselves dimensionally to create the illusion of separation and individuality.

That's actually exactly what some NDE accounts report. Sometimes instead of going through the tunnel and finding themself in the presence of the deity (whatever it is) they find themself in an endless void with absolutely nothing there with them. They feel the intense lonliness you described. The difference from your 2C-E experience is that the white light does eventually show up, although from their point of view it took a veritable eternity (because time is very different in the afterworld). It then has some interaction with them through direct thought transfer and eventually tells them that they must return. They generally object but find that they are powerless to resist the force pulling them back to their body. In your case the drug wore off before the light showed up.

 

[cosmic._.ape]

Sadly I already did a bunch of embarrassing stuff, but the way I look at it I didn't invite any entities to look over my life so if they see disgusting stuff I guess that's their problem. Maybe they shouldn't snoop into my life. Besides, I bet if I looked into the earth lives of that entity, assuming it had some, I'm guessing it would look as bad or worse than mine anyway. And if the entity is God himself and he never had any earth lives then how can he look badly on mine. He doesn't know what it's like having to live an earth life. Being a goody-good all the time would probably drive you insane. Besides, a soul can learn more from having varied experiences than just living like a monk anyway.

no sure but sometimes i like to entertain myself with the idea we are the earth's, the planet's, neurons. And if we managed to find the perfect social sequence the planet will enlighten. We just need to go with the flow, do just what we must and so on, up and down rubbing ourselves at the right angle till we light up our collective minds giving birth to a planetary consciousness; to explore the cosmos in the company of the other integrally co-ordinated-species planets... each of those planets a neuron of the universal mind... every universal mind a neuron of the multiverses mind... ad infinitum and beyond
that's why we need every kind of people

 

[yepyepwoah]

Never had the right syringe... I tried plugging a few times but I used way too much fluid... These 1mL syringes I bought for dosing PG solutions of benzos are perfect. No pain, everything BUT benzos dissolves easily in water and what doesn't just goes in as grains that get absorbed anyway... Now I gotta get an enema ball so I can keep doing this. Bout to do 5mg of 4-HO-MET that route... Not expecting much but with 4-HO-MET I'm sensitive as hell... Looking forward to it.

BTW anyone else notice mild vasoconstriction from MXE? It wasn't until I passed the 150mg in 24 hour mark (bear in mind my tolerance that 100mg plugged comes close to holing me and 100mg oral just is a ++) but it seemed mildly constricting.

It could just be me though. I'm used to bug veins... But since I stopped smoking they are always small. Guess I can't use that as a reliable measure of constriction anymore.

I fast one day a week (if not just water, maybe a few pieces of fruit, or the "mastercleanse" lemonaide). Usually take a herbal tea laxative the night before, and at the end of fastnig day do a salt water flush. Basically ~ 1 tbsp sea salt mixed w/ 32oz water and chugged. Talkin about butt pee cleaning you out like a m-f. I think it is a bit more thourough than an enema for cleaning you out for plugging

complete side note, but my first psych experience in two years was with maybe 2+grams fresh picked pan cyans (tea) on the 13th day of a master cleanse/fast. daaaaaamn

 

[yepyepwoah]

It sure is scary when you realize that you're creating reality with your thoughts and whatever you think will become real and then you have to try to keep yourself from thinking of anything bad. I get the feeling that literally anything can happen right then and there, that there's no limits on what reality can be, it's entirely fluid. That's why I'm glad that there's a God entity. I can't be trusted not to form a bad reality because of my lack of thought control so it's fortunate that there's an autonimous being that can take care of keeping reality the way it should be and making sure that eternal paradise exists and awaits us.

The God entity is the "trick" that allows the universe to exist forever and not collapse back into nothingness. We don't know how it came into existence but all that matters is that it does exist. We can just relax and trust in the God entity to take care of everything, sort of like an autopilot in a plane. We can just live our nicely limited lives and then take our alotted paradise after the body dies. As long as we end up in eternal paradise that's all that matters. Once you're in eternal paradise that's it, they can never throw you out because it's ETERNAL paradise. A bad trip teaches us that we shouldn't really want to be God. We should just let somebody else be God. It's way too stressful. Better to just float in eternal bliss as a human soul.

wait, "eternalparadise" as in the we live one life christian heaven kind of paradise? If I am misunderstanding you I apologize, but how can you reconcile that with what you also posted earlier about being God creating the universe?

 

[yepyepwoah]

I experienced this with 2C-E, it was my most chaotic and psychedelic +4 experience of my life. I had previously determined that "god" (the universal consciousness" is all that exists, and that we are all that experiencing itself subjectively, simultaneously, and that excperience was beautiful, life-affirming and filled with light, but then with 2C-E I went past the oneness into the void... I experienced the dissolution of the universe entirely and then there was only a yawning black void of nothingness where I was a singular point of awareness endlessly falling in the most crushing void of loneliness... I deeply lamented that I had shattered my beautiful illusion which I had created in order to escape this loneliness. Of course it came back... and I was never so grateful to exist in the "ordinary" sense again. I would have been glad to return as someone in the worst imaginable situation because it would have been better than that horrible void of nothingness. I concluded from this that the reason for the material universe (matter/energy and its condensation into the hologram we see today) is simply to escape absolute nothingness. I/We brought it into being in order for there to be something instead of nothing.

I also considered killing myself on the way to this void, hoping it would stop the 2C-E's process before it was too late, because when I neared it I remembered, before it fell away completely.

The "trick" is that we ARE all "god" (but I prefer the term universal consciousness because of the fact that the term "god" is loaded for us), but we're also not god, because we have constrained ourselves dimensionally to create the illusion of separation and individuality.



Personally I have never experienced any amount of vasoconstriction from MXE... I do get it rather easily in general too.

It's almost funny, but my intention before hitting DMT was "allright father/god I am comming to meet you again what's up". Had been having a super time meditating on mxe/dpt and it just felt right. Like I was almost there anyway so set intention and bam.

Be careful what you wish for, instead of pure light/loving bliss God, I get raving lunatic absolute nothingness God. I guess you go deep enough into light you get dark and dark you get light.

It has really given me a lot to think on. I have been looking at spirituality as a race to get to bliss, now it's like I really understand the cyclical nature of "once you get to the end you are at the begining again so why hurry. there is nowhere to be but here, now".

What you wrote in the bad trip thread about letting go has got stuck in my mind too. I wouldn't say I'm a super control freak, but I do like control of things and for them to work out certain ways. Made me realize I have never truly let go on a trip and "left". No matter how deep I go I am always still here/me, to the point where I think I fight it and crazy shit happens. Like suuuuuper bad crazy things.

This trip report is me, and one of the prime examples http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...f-25mg-2c-e-30mg-2c-c-110mg-mxe-80mg4-aco-dmt ...

so I dunno. After all this "learning" i don't think I'm learning much. Although what you said about being so grateful to be back to reality you would have been glad o have the most shitty existance VS the utter nothingness, that really resonates with me. Except it's allready fading and I think "oh it wasn't that bad, I am gonna have to get back there and work through the fear"

Most people would never go through some of these things once, much less time and time again. Why are some of us drawn to shit like this? I'm not sure if I will be able to hang up the phone or the phone is going to hang me up. Doesn't it even really matter anyway?

42

 

[MagickalKat777]

God created the universe but as we are all an extension of that same energy, we created the universe and everything in it as well. The world around us is indeed a matrix of sorts where we create our own realities. Who defines what is real? We are all creators and we are all participators in the things that we create. Everything is cyclical, we are all one and we are all separate at the same time. Universe that we see is nothing but a manifestation of how our mind sees things. Retrain the mind and the universe and its flaws become apparent. MXE has the ability to show us beyond the matrix, right down to the energy that makes up everything being the same energy that we are made of. If energy is a constant and matter can neither be created nor destroyed then the matter gets reused for something else. Someone dies and is reborn as a new part in the universe. The problem the government has with psychedelic drugs is exactly because of drugs like MXE that will show the reality to anyone who dares venture to that zone. We live in a world where everyone and everything is equal... Yet we let a small group of people who already know the truth exert their influence over us. We are all Gods. We are all Devils. We are anything and everything all at the same time and that concept is something that not many minds can handle sober... But do a moderate dose of MXE and read my post again as you're coming up... And then close your eyes and see for yourself... We have movies, music, all these things drop hints as to what we are but we are never looking for them. Next MXE trip go on YouTube and play this at a low ambient volume after reading what I posted.Kaminanda - Ancestors & Guardians [Full Album]: http://youtu.be/gKAXV7Orp6Q

What is amazing is that ketamine and DXM show the same things... But they cause too much amnesia to actually carry them into practice.

 

[Xorkoth]

Most people would never go through some of these things once, much less time and time again. Why are some of us drawn to shit like this? I'm not sure if I will be able to hang up the phone or the phone is going to hang me up. Doesn't it even really matter anyway?

I've often wondered this. For me, these states are so fascinating, one of the most fascinating things I can imagine, right beside contemplation of the reality of the structure of the universe. I can't see myself ever hanging up the phone because my mind wants to explore and experience. I have never noticed myself losing the message from continuing to use them, as many claim will inevitably happen. My entire life experience has become psychedelic, whether sober or not, but I continue to find value in exploration.

What is amazing is that ketamine and DXM show the same things... But they cause too much amnesia to actually carry them into practice.

I've never gone far enough with DXM because I don't like it, but I totally agree with your assessment of ketamine... for me it produces a very large amount of amnesia at high dosages necessary for these types of experiences. What's funny is that on my one really total hole-style experience on MXE, on the way to the peak of the hole I spontaneously recalled many profound moments I had had previously on ketamine, and then I went further into the oneness/singularity.

 

[cosmic._.ape]

Rave on, magicalMxeouw, rave on thy holy fool
Rave on Down through the weeks of ages
In the moss borne dark dank pools

Rave on down through the industrial revolution
Empiricism, atomic and nuclear age
Rave on down through time and space down through the corridors
Rave on words on printed page

Rave on, MXE, you left us infinity
And well dreamt visions torn to fade
Drive us on with wild abandon
Up tempo, frenzied heels

Rave on, mr. mXerkoth, nose down in wet grass
Rave on, fill the senses
On nature's bright green shady mountains

Rave on Katfish, rave on on a Vortex
Oh, what sweet wine we drinkin'
The celebration will be held
We will partake the wine and break the holy bread

Rave on let a man come out of his mind
And rave on, EyesWideOpen,
Rave on down through thy holy Rosy Cross

Rave on down through theosophy and the golden dawn
Rave on through the writing of a vision
Rave on, rave on, rave on, rave on, rave on, rave on

Rave on MXE, rave on thy holy fool
Down through the weeks of ages
In the moss borne dark dank pools

Rave on, down though the industrial revolution
Empiricism and atomic and nuclear age
Rave on, on this digital page

(borrowed from the great Van Morrison)

 

[Vurtual]

People above talking about the feeling they created the universe on dissos and psychedelic drugs, well they did/we do. As a zen-ist might say "who is the magician who makes the grass green?"

 

[cosmic._.ape]

look, we were talking about exactly the same thing 4 years ago http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...nd-Revelations-Inaction?p=8427428#post8427428

it seems like there's no more juice to squeeze out of that wisdomvein

 

[jason7]

Xorkoth wrote this in that thread.

The cosmic joke (or perhaps tragedy) is the way that so many people live their lives for the prospect of afterlife, while not realizing that the life they're in right now is the point. Subjective individualized existence is the remedy to the crushing, total isolation that is being "all that exists". Whatever experience you're having, it's better than existing alone in the void. Does it matter if it's an illusion? Does that give it less meaning? Not as I see it.

Yeah, that would suck being alone in the void. It'd probably be nice for a while to experience the absolute solitude and peace but it would probably get old eventually. That's why it's a good thing the Being of Light exists. When the BoL shows up after you cry out for it long enough it's such a relief. You don't ever want to be away from it again. Only by being apart from it in the void can you fully appreciate it when it brings you back into itself. Inside it are wonderful worlds made of perfect synthetic matter.

 

[jason7]

I did it. I came back.

I can't believe I made it back that time.

OMG I can't even express what just happened to me.

 

[Xorkoth]

I hope you try once you touch down a bit more.

 

[cosmic._.ape]

I was like "oh NO not this again I fucking broke reality and remember what I keep trying to forget like an idiot(which I get the impression I have done many many times... its like the secret of life we are trying to find is actually exactly what we DO NOT want to know)"... and lay in bed begging to "forget" again" The more I type the closer I feel to remembering and that is literally the most terrifying thing imaginable.

I think I would kill myself if I thought it would make any difference. I think that is the most fucked up part, the realization that there is nothing, no one, just an insane God creating itself into everything to distract from the nothingness, but it always fails in the end.

That fear was the most intense real thing, it should scare me off psychedelics forever... oh well.

For me it was a huge shock to learn this, it was like "I want to know I want to know I WANT TO KNOW" and then........... BANG! "I don't want to know, ouch, I don't want to know, why do I have to remember THAT? Where is my old life? My old pijamas?"

it definitely enhanced my enjoyment of life. As bill Hicks used to say "its just a ride".

It is a bit like when you let death, the certainty of death and the end of all you call "your life", soaked you. It makes everything feels precious, as you understand that it all happens just once.

“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget is a necessary condition for our existence”
Sholem Asch, “The Nazarene”, 1939.

 

[jason7]

I have to find a way to have faith that I'll come back to the same reality again no matter what. I keep getting scared I won't be able to get back. MXE can actually be quite frightening. Maybe it will help me conquer fear. Eventually, nothing will cause me to have fear. Compared to the fear of reality disappearing, anything else will be a walk in the park. I have to maintain total faith that everything will work out right even when it seems like the universe is about to collapse into nothingness..