Heroin Tapering off heroin?

[shadowstryker]

So how many days are you clean since you used last shadow ?

Well, I relapsed once on the 26th and used again on the 27th (since I threw out all of my stash I had to smoke the residue off my batty, so not much), so...7 days.

 

[Bliss26]

You guys on the etizolam and benzos- be careful, eh? It's easy to build a tolerance and the CT is a bitch. It can actually kill you.
I sometimes need meds to sleep but I knock myself out w benedryl or gravol-- I have zopiclone but I hate the groggy feeling in the morning, I only use benzos for panic and to help with opiate WD.

In other news, this is the first day I feel good!! I have a cold n cough but I think it's unrelated to WD since all my other Symptoms were gone. Last to go were rls last night. Last time I had opiates was Dec 25. And was on 180mg ++

 

[Bliss26]

SKR that's a great price for street stuff. Around here it's a buck a mg unless you get a bulk deal.

 

[shadowstryker]

You guys on the etizolam and benzos- be careful, eh? It's easy to build a tolerance and the CT is a bitch. It can actually kill you.
I sometimes need meds to sleep but I knock myself out w benedryl or gravol-- I have zopiclone but I hate the groggy feeling in the morning, I only use benzos for panic and to help with opiate WD.

In other news, this is the first day I feel good!! I have a cold n cough but I think it's unrelated to WD since all my other Symptoms were gone. Last to go were rls last night. Last time I had opiates was Dec 25. And was on 180mg ++

I actually (stupidly) took some Etizolam just now after drinking, so hopefully I don't die or do anything stupid. I really need to find a way to live life daily without drugs, but it's hard.

 

[shadowstryker]

Oh! I know! STOP TAKING DRUGS!

I can't explain it, but I can't. I honestly don't know how to live sober. Life just isn't worth it to me, drugs are how I survive in a sense. And I know it's wrong but that's how it is. I don't know how to change that or if I even want to.

Look it appears to me with everything you have written and revealed in this thread about yourself, that you are going through your "drug taking days". If you're young, and I beleive you are but I'm not sure, but let's say you are and you're early 20's, If it were myself at that age I would already be five years into drug use and if you're using Heroin..... well then you've done societies most feared drug, the most taboo for the last 50 years, even among many other drug users Heroin is considered too hardcore a no go zone so in that respect Shadow, you're in deep but you have a chance here to say "woah thanks it was great but I gotta move on, I've seen what H is about but I've seen how my mind craves it and recognized the danger".....

And sure, you may decide Benzos are now you're Drug Of Choice and just being around here on Bluelight you know the risks have dire consequences, you may end up having to do a protracted taper like many others but hopefully you won't have to cos this use won't last long but we'll see I suppose......

If you haven't already explored the psychedelics then please do so. You absolutely must immerse yourself in the organic ones like mushrooms and Ayahausca before moving on to the DMT extractions amongst others and then there's LSD and the endless list of other chemicals to twist your noodle..........but that's just my opinion you will do whatever you are supposed to.

So you may just be going hard for a bit as one does and then you'll get out relatively unscathed, experienced but not damaged.

Benzos aren't my drug of choice, I use them to sleep and to be fucked up on something while I quit opiates, because I honestly don't know how to deal with life without being on something. I'm drunk and on Etizolam so I apologize for typos, but basically I don't see the point. We all die eventually anyway. Drugs make me happy and help me get through life, so why stop? Lately I've been considering going back to Heroin because...I don't even know why. It makes me feel nice, and I don't get that out of life. What even is the point of living? Honestly I tried to kill myself during withdrawals and even failed at that, I just woke up passed out on the floor. I have no motivation right now, no real interests, I just get no joy out of life. If heroin can provide me with that joy then why quit? Yeah, sure if I OD and die people will be sad, but they will die eventually too and then I'll be forgotten. They'll be forgotten. The cycle continues and life goes on without me. I hate to say it but drugs are pretty much how I survive. And I know that isn't normal but that's just how I am.

Also, believe me I've had my fair share of psychsdelics.

 

[gmlifer]

Just so you know, you aren't the only fella to put a low value on life. That will change one day. I've said the exact same things you just said before. The only difference is I was doing really stupid shit with alcohol. I really wish I could get you to look passed the now and try to work towards the future. You will live and you will need a means to live, a means to support a family and a means to make you and that family happy. I know this is going to sound gay as fuck but have you thought about adopting a dog?

 

[poloblue]

Adopt a dog bro my pit is my best friend would kill for me lol gives you something to look after other than yourself, gives u a reason not to get too fucked up . I know I hate using drugs in my house w/ the dog, always with the sad or evil eyes haha but it's a good deterrent...& I'm the same way man I think y live a life feeling no joy when i can feel "perfect" on dope...I just can't be selfish anymore honestly, addiction is super selfish, and I almost used yesterday so don't get me wrong it's no walk in the park but thinking about how selfish it is helps me stay away a good amount . Only thinking about my feelings & not my pups or my parents. They have to live w/ my addiction too. & they didn't even put themselves in the position I willingly put myself. How would everyone feel when I'm dead or who would be my pups best friend....shit like that helps me man please try to adopt a new perspective b4 you transfer all your pain on to the ones who will always love you

 

[shadowstryker]

Just so you know, you aren't the only fella to put a low value on life. That will change one day. I've said the exact same things you just said before. The only difference is I was doing really stupid shit with alcohol. I really wish I could get you to look passed the now and try to work towards the future. You will live and you will need a means to live, a means to support a family and a means to make you and that family happy. I know this is going to sound gay as fuck but have you thought about adopting a dog?

I can't afford a dog.

 

[gmlifer]

Oh for fucks sake.

 

[shadowstryker]

Oh for fucks sake.

If I can't afford to fix my car I can't afford to feed and take care of a dog every day. And I also just got fired from my job. So yeah, for fucks sake, no dog. I'm just happy I've finally made it past a week clean off heroin...

 

[shadowstryker]

Although now one of my friends wants to try coke with me (neither of us have done coke before, but I can get it). Out of curiosity, how addictive is coke and how easy is it to quit?

 

[Bliss26]

Shadow,
I don't know where to begin.
I want to say, first of all, I hear you on the sobriety and the completely foreign (and unappealing!!) thought of not having drugs in my system. In my case, I was (over)using oxy for over 2 years straight. My last dose was Christmas Day. I have had the fortitude not to turn to the street (like I did EVERY month several times a month for over a year... Yeah $$$$$). BUT. With my scripts coming up due in less than week, I don't know what to do. They are very hard to
Use sparingly.... IDK if I can, or want to, frankly. But OMG this has been the most long, drawn out, ungodly WD I've ever had and I don't want to go through that again.
In other news, the past few days I tried lyrica. On the advise of many people here on BL. Well I have to say it made me high as a kite. As in, I couldn't even get behind the wheel. Lol . It's easier to forget the opiates when your high on something else. Even mildly.
However, if opiates are your DOC, I don't think you'd like Coke. Most people don't find Coke as addictive as opiates, (the comedowns a bitch) but for people w addictive personalities... Yeah.
Give it another week. Stay off H another 7 days. You will feel more like your old self and less like a worthless zombie going through the motions.

And, with respect, stop the pity party, and get out there and find work. It's out there. Use this opportunity to find a better job than you had. Pro tip: don't go to your interview high or spun.

Good luck, bud. I'm pulling for you. I know deeply the allure of opiates

 

[Bliss26]

If I stopped buying excess opiates for 5 months, I'd be able to take my whole family to Hawaii for 2 weeks. WTF have I been doing?
It's like, when you're in the fog, you can justify it.
"Oh I'm not doing anything wrong. I can afford it. I need it for XYZ event. This'll be the last month..,,, really. "And it never is.

 

[Methacodone]

The physical withdrawal was pretty bad, but I had good friends backing me to help me get through it. Although to be honest when it comes to physical WD there isn't much help one can give other that support. It's the psychological WD that made me relapse, and if this lasts five years I think I'd rather just use again honestly.

Yup, exactly what happened to me.
I was so upset about myself, I took all that pain and agony, all for basically NOTHING. Because I ended up back to where I was in the first part. Back on dope, of course that's called a relapse.
When I hit rock bottom, I started MMT AKA Methadone Maintenance Therapy. Still on Methadone, today, and its been 4.5 years.

 

[shadowstryker]

Shadow,
I don't know where to begin.
I want to say, first of all, I hear you on the sobriety and the completely foreign (and unappealing!!) thought of not having drugs in my system. In my case, I was (over)using oxy for over 2 years straight. My last dose was Christmas Day. I have had the fortitude not to turn to the street (like I did EVERY month several times a month for over a year... Yeah $$$$$). BUT. With my scripts coming up due in less than week, I don't know what to do. They are very hard to
Use sparingly.... IDK if I can, or want to, frankly. But OMG this has been the most long, drawn out, ungodly WD I've ever had and I don't want to go through that again.
In other news, the past few days I tried lyrica. On the advise of many people here on BL. Well I have to say it made me high as a kite. As in, I couldn't even get behind the wheel. Lol . It's easier to forget the opiates when your high on something else. Even mildly.
However, if opiates are your DOC, I don't think you'd like Coke. Most people don't find Coke as addictive as opiates, (the comedowns a bitch) but for people w addictive personalities... Yeah.
Give it another week. Stay off H another 7 days. You will feel more like your old self and less like a worthless zombie going through the motions.

And, with respect, stop the pity party, and get out there and find work. It's out there. Use this opportunity to find a better job than you had. Pro tip: don't go to your interview high or spun.

Good luck, bud. I'm pulling for you. I know deeply the allure of opiates

I wouldn't go to an interview on anything. Despite my stupid decisions when it comes to drugs I'm actually pretty smart and have a nice résumé. As for coke, I'm aware it probably won't compare to Heroin for me but my friend really wants to try it and I'm the only one he knows who can get this kind of stuff. Regardless though I am looking forward to trying it.

If you find it too difficult not to overuse your prescriptions do something to get your mind off things. I'd recommend buying some Etizolam, which I recommend for use not abuse. Last night I was craving pretty hard and very depressed, so I popped one Etizolam, put in some headphones, and went for a walk. I walked for over 2 hours, but I didn't have a care in the world.

 

[jabualj]

I honestly loved coke when I used to do it. And I certainly didn't have the physical withdrawal effects coming off it that I get from heroin

I think I'm going to try some Etizolam - anxiety is honestly my biggest issue

 

[shadowstryker]

I honestly loved coke when I used to do it. And I certainly didn't have the physical withdrawal effects coming off it that I get from heroin

I think I'm going to try some Etizolam - anxiety is honestly my biggest issue

That's good, I'm actually really looking forward to trying coke, I just hope my expectations aren't too high.

As for Etizolam, for me at least it is a great help when it comes to anxiety. It also leaves you more clear-headed than say Xanax or some other benzo.

 

[jabualj]

Good to know - if I could get past this damn anxiety I think I'll be ok. I'm not big on benzos anyway, just want something to stop me from freaking out when I take the subs!

Coke's biggest issue is the immediate comedown, but it's almost like you're trading that for the long term opiate withdrawals. And having experienced both, I would take coke any day! Just pop a couple benzos or valium when you're done and you'll be fine

On another note, I've been offline for a while. How's the getting off opiates going?

 

[shadowstryker]

Good to know - if I could get past this damn anxiety I think I'll be ok. I'm not big on benzos anyway, just want something to stop me from freaking out when I take the subs!

Coke's biggest issue is the immediate comedown, but it's almost like you're trading that for the long term opiate withdrawals. And having experienced both, I would take coke any day! Just pop a couple benzos or valium when you're done and you'll be fine

On another note, I've been offline for a while. How's the getting off opiates going?

Just be sure not to take too much Etizolam, I took 3mg the other day and woke up to find around 20 pills gone from my bottle. I also fell down a flight of stairs and made it very obvious to my family that I was on something. But still, in moderation or does wonders for anxiety.

As for opiates, I'm around 10 days clean I think, I'm not entirely sure because I lost count. I haven't gone a single day sober and not on anything though, so going entirely clean didn't seem to work out but I'm off opiates for a short while. I just can't seem to live life sober, or at least I don't seem to want to. Given I am writing this drunk, but I guess that means I'm just writing in honesty right? Anyway, since dropping opiates I've fallen back onto Etizolam and/or alcohol as my daily escape, but recently I've been seriously considering buying some more dope, especially if coke doesn't live up to my expectations. If I relapse with heroin I guess that's just how fate would have it, we aren't all perfect ya know? At least I was clean for X amount of time.

I just don't see the point in quitting if I'm not happy without it I guess. Maybe that's the addiction talking, I really just don't know anymore. I'm too broke to afford any other hobby, and my life isn't the best right now. I don't know, but yeah...that's how that's going. Depressed, clean, and relatively unchanged I suppose.

 

[jabualj]

Well I'm the last person to judge you man, I haven't even managed 24 hours clean!