Question from a 23 year old virgin (I know right, wtf?!)

[Raasyvibe]

^ yeah.. just go fuck someone.. wrap it up or this could be a short run for you

respectfully, you can still fuck your brains out and be a lovely nice guy who respects all women.. that deserve respect as it is earned not just a given.. and I think knowing what to do when you find your true love would be advised..

I think if a true love, "truly" cares, sex with other woman would not be an issue. In fact, I've personally found that the opposite is true; especially if he picks up a kid or 2. Being very promiscuous is a great way to piss off your true love. At the age of 21 I found my true love, but she was an attractive girl and very promiscuous with it... caused fury with me who just wanted to settle down with a decent family. Now that's ruined, I live in hope she isn't my true love and I was delusional.

And promiscuity and being a lovely nice guy do not go hand in hand. This is why there are so many threads about nice guys moaning about coming last; recently
I have such a good guy and I still can't feel it for him

Sex is a gift between lovers, and should be treated as such. Sex outside of this tends to be more ego-related (or, animalistic) and brings the worst out in people: a mis-use of "the gift".

 

[95Land]

^I don't mean this in a bad way cause you said you're somewhat religious and I can respect that.
Your opinion reminds me very much of Christian types that I was forced to be around as a younger man.
I don't buy it. Being experienced enough to have confidence that you can properly please your "true love" when the time comes and promiscuity are not necessarily the same thing.
People sometimes find a practice partner and can learn anything and everything they need to know sexually to be confident going forward into a potentially more important relationship.
I suppose a practice type relationship can be viewed as using. But there's people that are fine with sex only relationships. Some love it. It can be rewarding and harmless.
I think there's something very respectable about saving yourself and giving your body as a ultimate gift.
However, personally it would have terrified me to go into my first serious relationship without some confidence in my body and minds sexual ability. That confidence really only comes from experience, IMO.

 

[Coolwhip]

Just go slow, lots of foreplay, use your fingertips and keep your hands moving(top of ass crack, down the neck and spine, along the rib cage, and of course nipples, eventually rub the clit, gently, hit the g-spot(spongey area right up top soon as your put your fingers in) but keep alternating mostly focus on the clit, and again be gentle, basically have her begging for it before you take your dick out, have her pants off or at least undone before yours. And once you take it out, keep going with the foreplay for a while. And once you get started, always keep your hands/fingertips moving from spot to spot and use your lips(ear lobe, neck, the crook right above the collar bone). Never just think about humping and stop moving your hands/kissing(but don't use your mouth too much either). Don't give it all to her for a while, tease her, and once you do GO SLOW. Your not going to be able to last very long at first, I'd start practicing self control while masturbating for at least a few days before you plan on hooking up. But you won't need very long to get her off if you follow my advice. You'll be fine, it's much easier than you think.

 

[kaywholed]

Hey, I'm 29 and still a virgin. So you have NOTHING to worry about.

you are deluding yourself if you think there is nothing wrong about being a 20something virgin in this era.

 

[neversickanymore]

^+1 kaywholed

Being very promiscuous is a great way to piss off your true love. .

I am totally faithful in a relationship.. and i am in no way advising cheating on you true love.. if you do this then I would definitely reconsider if this is a "true love" also since love is an emotion and emotions fade, so does most love and it will be necessary to replace it with something stronger and more durable like an amazing friendship or a life partnership.. but back to the emotion, as love is an emotion, to a great degree dependent on inpheromones and neurotransmitters, inpheromones cause sexual attraction which cause sex, and neurotransmitters associated with "love" are commonly released during sex.

This is why there are so many threads about nice guys moaning about coming last

.. possibly the nice guys that finished in first aren't moaning in threads in stead they are moaning in beds.. I guess "nice" is pretty subjective.. In my opinion you can be a caring, loving, supportive, strong, spiritual, interesting, intelligent, passionate, respectful, moral, confident, and nice and have many great sexual experiences including making love to the most important of your sexual encounters.. yeah if someone lacks self confidence or self approval they can use the fact that they were able to get laid to prove to themselves that they are a attractive or worthy person.. but i think your thinking is to black and white here.. If you only have sex with people you are really attracted to (no not head over heals in love with all the time) and are psychologically mature and healthy individual.. you can experience many intimate unions through out your life... having really good healthy sex with someone I like and respect I find is an amazing way to spend time with them.. I dont know i guess it all depends on why you are having the sex you are having.

EDIT: This isn't directed at you raas.. I always love how people that dont have sex much always seem to preach their morals on people more than people that have allot of sex.. maybe if they got laid more they wouldn't care so much what everyone else is doing..

 

[dopemaster]

I think its important to go thru several if not many relationships to be able to have a good relationship that lasts.

I wouldn't sweat busting my load real quick at all my first time. Who cares? I mean if you have sex with a gal and she laughs cuz you cum fast just don't mess with her again or tell her she was your first. Either way it doesn't matter. Everyone has sex their first time and well its quick and not magical. That being said if a cool chick pops your cherry she will understand and you can go again and again and again and so on.

As far as the whole promiscuity is bad thing I respectfully disagree. I see the reasoning and logic behind it and maybe I just don't meet nice women or something. I understand the whole concept of soul mates and what not but I find sex to be too good to pass up. I am a Christian but I don't buy the whole "your gonna burn in hell" thing. I just don't and I hope not to offend. I do understand premarital sex is considered a sin, but I also believe in a forgiving God and honestly I do not think sex is wrong.

Sometimes I would rather shag a gal I really don't have feelings for. Its healthy to have sex and well sometimes the best affairs are short ones. That being said I would love to find the right woman and settle down. There are definitely many advantages to monogamy. The best thing about a true monogamous relationship is the built up trust, as well as not having to use protection.

Also its a really bad idea to settle down with your first serious relationship. You learn so much in each relationship and you build up life experiences that allow you to have a good understanding of how things work between to lovers. Every woman I have dated or just shagged has given me more insight into both life and relationships.

Often times its "wham, bam, thank you maam." So once again I wouldn't sweat my first time.

I sure was scared of sex in my teenage years and I was embarrassed about being a virgin even though I got my cherry popped at 16. If I had not been embarrassed about being a virgin it would have happened at 14.

Best of luck mate and go pop yo cherry.

 

[LSJ1990]

I think the point i was looking for is 1 word: Learning. I'm a impatient fuck though so it just sucks. All of your responses were true and hilarious though i appreciate it.

I mean seriously impatient. But im not willing to satisfy that dishonorably. it'd fuck me up mentally.

 

[pofacedhoe]

its all about turning kissing into kissing on the neck, then the ear lobes then go lower.

you cant just be like "lets have sex", you need to begin with affection turn that into foreplay and then you'll know if she will go for it.

 

[Raasyvibe]

Your opinion reminds me very much of Christian types that I was forced to be around as a younger man.
I don't buy it. Being experienced enough to have confidence that you can properly please your "true love" when the time comes and promiscuity are not necessarily the same thing.
People sometimes find a practice partner and can learn anything and everything they need to know sexually to be confident going forward into a potentially more important relationship.

As far as the whole promiscuity is bad thing I respectfully disagree. I see the reasoning and logic behind it and maybe I just don't meet nice women or something. I understand the whole concept of soul mates and what not but I find sex to be too good to pass up. I am a Christian but I don't buy the whole "your gonna burn in hell" thing. I just don't and I hope not to offend. I do understand premarital sex is considered a sin, but I also believe in a forgiving God and honestly I do not think sex is wrong

Well, Christian values shouldn't be there to suppress you. At the end of the day, Christianity should be about dissociating from what harms others.

Promiscuity is undoubtedly a very physical act. Generally you will pursue who you find physically attractive. This is why your porn stars / models are typically good looking people in their 20/30's, right? It's a physical desire. This creates a problem now, because we're not all physically perfect.

Apart from being unfair, the desire is untrue: If we can differentiate between the actual person, and the body they inhibit, we will see that it is unfair to judge the actual person on looks or body shape.. However when we're promiscuous we start to become drawn to the body... we're attributing the body to the person...

Desire for the hot babe, now creates frustration to many who are not so genetically gifted... this can lead to real self-esteem issues.

One of my closest friends had a slightly enlarged facial feature. Nightmare for a girl growing up as a teenager, with the media promoting physical beauty so much...because of guys rejecting her, for the sake of her prettier friends, that friend ended up trying to commit suicide.

So, though many may not realise - by wrongfully attributing the physical body to the person - promiscuous desire, really can be a murderous desire.

you are deluding yourself if you think there is nothing wrong about being a 20something virgin in this era.

^+1 kaywholed

Well, you have to think in a logical manner. If he has lost his virginity to a hooker, then had 100 sexual partners.

What good has he done to the world...?


Nothing.


What bad has he done?

-He's risking having a child to someone who is just a short term affair, which will completely ruin his marital and family life for the future.
-The physical, objectifying nature of promiscuous relationship could cause physical insecurities to a range of woman as he discriminately looks for the "fittest".
-Causing upset to a future lover who doesn't like the idea of him having careless sex for other woman
-creating a possibility of sexual disease.


So on the whole, the guy, as it is, is set up perfectly for a loving wife and family... with no emotional baggage of experiences outside of this, no children to other woman, he could potentially have a great loving family in the future?!?

So, how could it possibly be wrong to be a virgin in your 20's!?

Because you are not thinking in terms of practicality, but thinking egoistically

Perhaps thanks to the media and your celebrity couples; we consider sex as something attractive people do. That the best, strongest, healthiest reproductive machine is doing. Having a lot of experience gives one confidence in themselves that they are a success at reproducing.

However, if we can advance from these primitive, egoistic, (Animalistic?) ideas... and think practically... there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin.

Sure. Try chatting up a saucy model in a club, and telling her you're a 20-something virgin is not going to get her excited and get you laid. Because the relationship is egoistic. On an egoistic basis, being sexually inexperienced will make you a failure.

But that's fine because I have no desire for the model. Why would I want to give my love and body to someone who most likely doesn't give a shit about me?

However, to a caring understanding person (You could call that your soul-mate), the inexperience is not an issue, because the orientation of the relationship is care not egoism.

(Sorry if this is explained badly, pounding headache today)

 

[alt 14]

I didn't read all the posts, but I'm sure it's been suggested before. Have you considered asking your friends you get your drugs from if they know any women of the evening? I didn't lose my virginity to one, but it's been the only way I get any for going on 2 years. It's not bad. Just respect them and their rules and treat them like normal people, and try not to get caught. Also, don't do coke with them or your dick will be soft and you will just psych yourself out. But if that happens, just either man up and laugh it off like I did or find another lady.

Love though? Fuck if I know :/

 

[Nepenthes]

Hello there! I'm a virgin as well and it sucks. I would love to have sex but with the one and only spiritual sister. Then there's the issue of sexual attraction. Which attraction do you have? Straight? Then are you sure about it? I like girls but that's more than being just straight. No I don't have any trouble with the lack of sex beacause I prefer to be married with my Opium instead with a woman whom I don't even feel attracted to.

 

[LSJ1990]

Hello there! I'm a virgin as well and it sucks. I would love to have sex but with the one and only spiritual sister. Then there's the issue of sexual attraction. Which attraction do you have? Straight? Then are you sure about it? I like girls but that's more than being just straight. No I don't have any trouble with the lack of sex beacause I prefer to be married with my Opium instead with a woman whom I don't even feel attracted to.

What in the blue hell.. I'm straight, trust me. I challenged my orientation as well but in my mind i could never make or have myself feel that way towards the same sex. Bascially I believe im ranting on the fact I can't find a chick who just wants to have sex. Sex and emotions and the way people feel about it are so strict to appearance-worthy-only you can't even be like "... wanna fuck?" or else its perversion or being a whore/slut.

 

[LSJ1990]

its all about turning kissing into kissing on the neck, then the ear lobes then go lower.

you cant just be like "lets have sex", you need to begin with affection turn that into foreplay and then you'll know if she will go for it.

And the hunt is on!

 

[ControlDenied]

id like to chime in. im a 27 yo virgin..well 26 almost 27... im considering getting a high class prosty-poo for my birthday, because the idea of being a 27 virgin for very long is simply something i will no tolerate. so i have several options id like to discuss, all of which ive been pursuing [so im at least further head than my schizoid self was years ago]
*Edit: I'm actually not bad looking; I'm probably ranked as "cute, but not hot" or something. I seem to be able to attract girls who are quite hot, to me. So looks have nothing to do with it, although I am not athletic, but also not superficial. The problem is entirely psychological/ego-related. [i,e, looow self esteem ; but getting better]

-The prosty. I've been emailing back and forth with one who has great reviews on the escort review thingy. She seems very nice, is a couple years younger, has a really nice body. Probably not totally out of my league in terms of normal life possibilities, but basically the hottesst girl I would possibly be able to get without paying - in other words, actually kind of perfect for a virgin-breaking session. That is, not TOO hot that it makes me feel kind of "out of my league", but super sexy no doubt [massive tits]; warm; very open; but expensive as fuck. ill be living off student loans

-Plenty of Fish [specfically: fat chicks]. I've only been on for a week or so, but I've had little luck getting answers. Apparently this is normal, its titled in womens favour [i.e. a cute girl who is not out of my league in r/l is way out of my league online it seems, so far and from what ive read online]. But I just got a msg from one of those "decently cute fatties", who claims she's losing weight fast too. this would be like the 100th time ive been hit on by fatties. i think this is also common obviously. since they are so much more humble, it wouldn't be a bad idea for "losing the cherry". i DONT want to break her heart, though; but then again, being too sensitive toward women is partly the problem here, anyway [btw: FUck Christianity, lol. Sex is a need, virginity has fucked me up, so stfu. We are animals not angels dissociated from our "earthly bodies"]. She's a pharmacy technician, and im a recovering junky [on suboxone] so there's also a remote possibility we'd actually go out, then id manipulate her into stealing drugs, or something, lol. [Notice how each of the options are semi-evil]

-A "white trash" chick I know in my hometown. PLEASE realise I use white trash jokingly, but also to just describe the situation. For some reason - and this is one of the only ppl who I even know who lives in my own hometown [a poor town where most ppl leave, except poor ppl, and im middle class, but i have towns of lower class acquaintances/friends, poor ppl are friendly and very down to earth]. I know where she lives, and we smoked weed there recently, she was seemingly going to hook up with this alcoholic dude who ended up being too difficult so she went home frustrated, but i sensed an attraction to me because she kept saying how she didnt like the other guy, kept sharing her liquor and such, kind of trying to seem respectable even tho all concerned realised that i dont come from this world of teenage pregnancies, but i AM very familiar with drug addiction [and petty crime lol]. I feel like if I wanted to be Evil Homer I could visit her, be like "wanna smoke a bong? how's your kid?" and snuggle my way into her panties, or at least bra, soon enough. She walked right by me while I wa eating with my family at a local diner just today; at first she was going to say hi, i didnt recognise her tho, but then i think she felt awkward seeing my family and sat down behind us; the awkwardness is a good sign, i think, when girls are shy around you it shows some kind of tension/attraction usually. unfortunately i didnt realise this until well into my 20s, being somewhat immature for my age]. I feel ultra comfortable around ppl like that because they are so unpretentious. also this girl is quite attractive, but because of her "looseness" is kind of the cute, not-fat, white-trash equivalent of the fatty option. [listen to how much of a prejudiced asshole i am... but i am trying to describe complex situations with quick words here]

ignoring the comedic elements of my post... give me advice. all of you heathens. forthwith.

 

[alt 14]

Nothing wrong with hookin it tbh. Victimless crime. Idk if I'd use an escort review thing but then again I've heard they work.

 

[ControlDenied]

i live in canada where prostitution itself is legal, so the cerb.ca escort board is very reliable. people can discuss anything on it, and its entirely legal. i imagine in the States i would have to find an escort through a drug dealer or something...and then end up getting wacked in the head for my money lol...

the online dating thing is miserably useless so far. a chick who had clicked that she "Wanted to meet" on it, some kind of feature there, didnt answer my message even though she clicked that she wanted to meet ME, and besides the fact im not attracted to her at all. it seems while as a guy im like a 6.5/10 [ok maybe 6/10...fucked if i know], the best i can get on POF.com is a fucking like, 3/10 or something. you have to lower your standards by several levels - this is what ive read on many discussions.

it seems im jut bound by God's Will to end up realising the escort idea.

edit: i think finding a chick in real life. compared to online or until i resort to the escort [rhymes!] is best..im so horny tho, and i have like 3 weeks until i move to the city to study... im thinking of "cold calling" on that chick's house who i barely know, in the worst case we might just get stoned and it will boost my ego hanging out with a cute chick

Life sucks

 

['medicine cabinet']

my ex didnt pop it till she was like 22 and didnt regret it all, so 23 aint bad man. and no getting laid isnt all its cracked up to be, i mean yea its fun, but the whole on a pedetal thing is kinda true. once you do it, its like well, that was sex. i was 17, and i had been dating the girl for some time so we both were "in love" at the time. and honestly, all the casual nsa sex ive had, has nevevr been as fullfilling as with someone i love. but im sure a lot of ppl feel that way. good luck man! and remember you are in fla! so many hot broads. go out on south beach with some friends to some bars and i bet you can find a girl to go home with.

 

[ControlDenied]

you're lucky you live in the states, i heard girls are way easier there. a lot of canadian girls are stuck-up and feminist. then again so are tons of american girls.

if it's still an issue at age 24/5, save money then go to a country that is sexually liberal for a month or so. [BRAZILIA! The Bahamas.... Cuba... You will be shocked by how much more sexual and open and warm and loving and accepting the women are. If I had a grand or two to blow, I would do that instantly]

at age 26/7, do what i might do and get a hooker. ACtually I personally like the idea of a high class escort except the price. If I was rich I would probably be addicted to them and not even bother with normal girls. Relationships are just depending on other person for validation, which can only be truly found from within. they're a constant struggle of power and expectations and modern society doesnt help one bit. of course thats just my opinion and I am a loner type of guy.

in ancient times men would worship the gods by fucking the Sacred Whore of Isis in a temple. [hence: the worlds oldest profession... but what ppl dont realise is that it was a SACRED profession, practiced in a TEMPLE! lol]
Just blame Christianity for making everyone repressed, and Western society for giving women the upper hand, get that ego back intact, feel like the boss, and women will be 100x more attracted to you. Get into a couple fights or experience some struggle and learn to have a thicker skin, i.e. "jerks vs nice guys finishing last". they're not actually jerks just guys who look out for themselves, which is a good thing in this tough world. women are ultra drawn to guys who have been through a lot.

Also - this is from a mid-20s virgin to a mid-20s virgin - dont give a fuck about american pop society's perception of virginity. I'm not saying virginity is a good thing like Christians, etc., do, but there is nothing WRONG with it either. Be proud of who you are, don't beat yourself up if you can help it brother! Trust me there are far less happy people who may be in stereotypically "perfect" relationships even.

 

[twotoomany]

^. That last part was spot on. I personally waited until I was about 21 to lose my virginity. It happened when it was supposed to happen and it was great. Casual sex, to me, just feels like jerking off in someone's vag. It's not nearly as great as the intimacy that comes with sex in a loving, committed relationship. But I'm an old man. What do I know...

 

[ControlDenied]

Sure, but relationships are hard to come by. Jerking off into a vag is better than a sock or toilet bowl, generally, lol