Mental Health Please describe how autism affects you personally - autistic people only, not family

[Mysterie]

I said you are. I said if you aren't impaired (which probably isn't the case for you) then they would refuse diagnosis. My sentence may have been clunky but I assume most people who pursue an official diagnosis do so because it's causing some level of issue in their life.

ahh thanks, i grossly misunderstood you

 

[Eligiu]

ahh thanks, i grossly misunderstood you

Thanks for asking for clarification instead of just going off at me and giving me the chance to explain.

I wouldn't ever suggest that someone who is having issues like you mentioned isn't impaired.

There are *some* people I know of in my city who go for an assessment and don't get a diagnosis because they are for all intents and purposes functioning perfectly well.

However, I don't know if you're a girl or guy (and if you could clarify that it might help) but people assigned female at birth, so women and trans masculine people such as myself have a tendency to be diagnosed much later than male assigned people as the traits present fairly differently in amab and afab people. Also, autistic traits in amab people are generally tolerated while they are less so in afab people. Afab people tend to develop the ability to camoflauge or 'mask' their autistic traits, which is exhausting and can lead to autistic burnout over a long period of time.

If you are afab, I would recommend researching who you see to ensure that they have experience in diagnosis of afab people later in life as well as recognising masking behaviours and the difference in presentation vs amab people. I've seen woman and trans men denied a diagnosis because the person assessing them couldn't understand the difference in presentation and how masking works.

It definitely is worth getting an official diagnosis. It validates your belief and while there's a period of wondering who you really are because you missed this huge part of your life, it allows you to start exploring traits and things that you do which are linked to your autism. Some of my friends, or one of them in particular unfortunately didn't vibe with me doing this, which was surprising to me as for years during our friendship he constantly called me autistic for things I did.

A really big way my autism effects me is my IV drug use, which is an ingrained habit formed over 7 years which my autism brain just can't get enough of. The ritual, and the fact that it's a repeated behaviour is very soothing to me. I do it exactly the same way, in exactly the same spot on the couch in my house, at the same time on the same day. It isn't just a behaviour anymore, it's become something that triggers a sense of contentment.

Getting a diagnosis has also helped me openly communicate better with friends by being able to explain to them why I'm having difficulties with something they are doing and how they could make it easier. Something I'm bad at is picking up on implied statements, like when I used to go to the gym and I lay down in the middle of the floor and my friend went 'find a good place to lie down?' and I went 'uh, yeah?' and he goes 'no Eli, you're in the way. You need to move.'

So telling friends that if they are upset or annoyed with me that they actually need to be direct and upfront about it has really helped, as well as reminding them that I won't pick up on subtle messages that they're trying to get across and they'd be better off just saying what they mean.

The questions they ask you in the assessment from my experience are very broad. Things like 'how do you get along with coworkers' or 'wjat are your hobbies' and not yes or no answers which are easy to guess what the 'autistic response' is. They want to prompt you to explain in your own words what they're asking and I found it impossible to tell whether or not I said the 'right' thing and even up until she told me I was autistic I was certain I'd wasted my money.

I hope it works out for you sooner rather than later. I've found it immensely helpful. If you can't afford it though, please don't consider yourself any less valid as a member of the autistic community. It isn't fair how inaccessible official diagnosis is and I got lucky because my parents paid for my $900 assessment after I got a provisional diagnosis from my psychiatrist. I would not have been able to pay if they hadn't done that, which I am very grateful for.

 

[Mysterie]

Thanks for asking for clarification instead of just going off at me and giving me the chance to explain.

I wouldn't ever suggest that someone who is having issues like you mentioned isn't impaired.

There are *some* people I know of in my city who go for an assessment and don't get a diagnosis because they are for all intents and purposes functioning perfectly well.

However, I don't know if you're a girl or guy (and if you could clarify that it might help) but people assigned female at birth, so women and trans masculine people such as myself have a tendency to be diagnosed much later than male assigned people as the traits present fairly differently in amab and afab people. Also, autistic traits in amab people are generally tolerated while they are less so in afab people. Afab people tend to develop the ability to camoflauge or 'mask' their autistic traits, which is exhausting and can lead to autistic burnout over a long period of time.

If you are afab, I would recommend researching who you see to ensure that they have experience in diagnosis of afab people later in life as well as recognising masking behaviours and the difference in presentation vs amab people. I've seen woman and trans men denied a diagnosis because the person assessing them couldn't understand the difference in presentation and how masking works.

It definitely is worth getting an official diagnosis. It validates your belief and while there's a period of wondering who you really are because you missed this huge part of your life, it allows you to start exploring traits and things that you do which are linked to your autism. Some of my friends, or one of them in particular unfortunately didn't vibe with me doing this, which was surprising to me as for years during our friendship he constantly called me autistic for things I did.

A really big way my autism effects me is my IV drug use, which is an ingrained habit formed over 7 years which my autism brain just can't get enough of. The ritual, and the fact that it's a repeated behaviour is very soothing to me. I do it exactly the same way, in exactly the same spot on the couch in my house, at the same time on the same day. It isn't just a behaviour anymore, it's become something that triggers a sense of contentment.

Getting a diagnosis has also helped me openly communicate better with friends by being able to explain to them why I'm having difficulties with something they are doing and how they could make it easier. Something I'm bad at is picking up on implied statements, like when I used to go to the gym and I lay down in the middle of the floor and my friend went 'find a good place to lie down?' and I went 'uh, yeah?' and he goes 'no Eli, you're in the way. You need to move.'

So telling friends that if they are upset or annoyed with me that they actually need to be direct and upfront about it has really helped, as well as reminding them that I won't pick up on subtle messages that they're trying to get across and they'd be better off just saying what they mean.

The questions they ask you in the assessment from my experience are very broad. Things like 'how do you get along with coworkers' or 'wjat are your hobbies' and not yes or no answers which are easy to guess what the 'autistic response' is. They want to prompt you to explain in your own words what they're asking and I found it impossible to tell whether or not I said the 'right' thing and even up until she told me I was autistic I was certain I'd wasted my money.

I hope it works out for you sooner rather than later. I've found it immensely helpful. If you can't afford it though, please don't consider yourself any less valid as a member of the autistic community. It isn't fair how inaccessible official diagnosis is and I got lucky because my parents paid for my $900 assessment after I got a provisional diagnosis from my psychiatrist. I would not have been able to pay if they hadn't done that, which I am very grateful for.

i am amab, i feel a sense of gender fluidity and non binary, in a manic episode i was sure i was trans. when i started to investigate being trans i felt pretty helpless.

my mum is a gp and thought i was autistic in junior or high school. they wanted to do an assessment in the classroom with my peers, to observe me at school. my mum was not okay with that, good on her?

she told the dr i was autistic after one of my inpatient stints after a psychotic episode.

i found that out by accessing my freedom of information records.

now i'm here, mum never told me she thinks i'm autistic.

 

[Eligiu]

i am amab, i feel a sense of gender fluidity and non binary, in a manic episode i was sure i was trans. when i started to investigate being trans i felt pretty helpless.

my mum is a gp and thought i was autistic in junior or high school. they wanted to do an assessment in the classroom with my peers, to observe me at school. my mum was not okay with that, good on her?

she told the dr i was autistic after one of my inpatient stints after a psychotic episode.

i found that out by accessing my freedom of information records.

now i'm here, mum never told me she thinks i'm autistic.

I disagree immensely with parents withholding or refusing access to a diagnosis for their children when the child would be far better off knowing that important information about themselves.

The only instance I get annoyed at some autistic people is when they are clearly part of the minority of us who use their diagnosis as an excuse for shit behaviour, like saying offensive jokes about minorities, or being incredibly rude. When they get called out they go 'but I'm autistic' even though being offensive and rude is not an autistic trait. We lack a filter, we aren't necessarily rude. These people usually grew up with a diagnosis from an early age and had parents who used it to excuse poor behaviour instead of parenting properly.

I think maybe looking into autistic burnout may be useful for you. If you search it on Google it should pop up quickly.

If multiple people are suggesting that you're autistic, in my personal experience that generally suggests that you're autistic.

Do you know how much your assessment will cost and whether you can access any support with a diagnosis?

 

[Mysterie]

I disagree immensely with parents withholding or refusing access to a diagnosis for their children when the child would be far better off knowing that important information about themselves.

The only instance I get annoyed at some autistic people is when they are clearly part of the minority of us who use their diagnosis as an excuse for shit behaviour, like saying offensive jokes about minorities, or being incredibly rude. When they get called out they go 'but I'm autistic' even though being offensive and rude is not an autistic trait. We lack a filter, we aren't necessarily rude. These people usually grew up with a diagnosis from an early age and had parents who used it to excuse poor behaviour instead of parenting properly.

I think maybe looking into autistic burnout may be useful for you. If you search it on Google it should pop up quickly.

If multiple people are suggesting that you're autistic, in my personal experience that generally suggests that you're autistic.

Do you know how much your assessment will cost and whether you can access any support with a diagnosis?

i was pretty pissed my mum kept it from me.

ill check out autistic burnout, sounds like me.

its just me and my mum who think i'm autistic. oh, also my partner probably thinks i'm autistic.

but i keep to myself and i don't tend to reveal too much of myself to people as i have extreme trust issues from trauma.

i think i have the funds to afford a diagnosis, and if i am autistic i may be able to receive some supports.

i am also in the process of trying to get private health insurance as that will increase my ability to access supports.

 

[Eligiu]

i was pretty pissed my mum kept it from me.

ill check out autistic burnout, sounds like me.

its just me and my mum who think i'm autistic. oh, also my partner probably thinks i'm autistic.

but i keep to myself and i don't tend to reveal too much of myself to people as i have extreme trust issues from trauma.

i think i have the funds to afford a diagnosis, and if i am autistic i may be able to receive some supports.

i am also in the process of trying to get private health insurance as that will increase my ability to access supports.

That's good to hear.

The trauma issue is one that I share. One thing to note is that if your trauma is severe and untreated the assessor may hesitate to make a formal diagnosis, as like I mentioned the symptoms can have significant overlap.

However, anyone who is both autistic and has trauma can easily tell within themselves when which disorder is causing the problem, or if they both are.

For example, if someone doesn't do what they said they would do, both my autism and my trauma kick in. I feel angry, because I think lying is wrong, and I feel as though they have lied to me, and I also get triggered because if they lied about this, then can I trust them with anything else at all?

With my self harm, my autism is a factor because I struggle to recognise emotions more than good or bad, and I don't know how to initiate a conversation with someone about how I'm feeling so I burn myself to prompt them to ask about what caused it. The trauma is a factor due to my deeply held belief that I'm a bad person regarding my traumatic experiences.

What country do you live in? I know some are much better than others in terms of offering support for life activities. My life has become substantially easier since having the funding to hire a support worker every day of the week for 3-4 hours a day, as well as having things like speech therapy and occupational therapy and positive behaviour support fully funded by my plan. These are the exact same interventions that autistic children were able to access so it's relieving that I'm given a chance too. I personally have found speech therapy the most useful.

I do not know if you'll find this of any benefit, but I find what's known as deep pressure touch very soothing. I use a weighted blanket and a compression sheet when I sleep (the sheet fits around my entire mattress like a tube) and I've found I sleep better since getting them. There's also a website in Australia which sells sensory compression garments which can help relieve anxiety and stress, and my personal favourite find was 'seamless socks' which are designed to have as non noticeable a seam as possible and have completely changed my life. As a child I had monumental meltdowns over having to wear socks to the extend my mum just put me in sandals. As I aged I obviously had to just deal with it as I had to wear proper shoes to high school but the moment I put these new socks on I knew I'd never go back to regular ones.

I am not sure if the website ships outside of Australia but if it doesn't I usually offer people who think they may find these products useful to buy them on their behalf and ship them myself, as it's so difficult to find something like seamless socks and the compression garments do actually help. They are a bit on the expensive side, excluding the socks which are reasonably priced. I just believe all autistic people should have access to assistive technology which makes life easier for them.

 

[Mysterie]

That's good to hear.

The trauma issue is one that I share. One thing to note is that if your trauma is severe and untreated the assessor may hesitate to make a formal diagnosis, as like I mentioned the symptoms can have significant overlap.

However, anyone who is both autistic and has trauma can easily tell within themselves when which disorder is causing the problem, or if they both are.

For example, if someone doesn't do what they said they would do, both my autism and my trauma kick in. I feel angry, because I think lying is wrong, and I feel as though they have lied to me, and I also get triggered because if they lied about this, then can I trust them with anything else at all?

With my self harm, my autism is a factor because I struggle to recognise emotions more than good or bad, and I don't know how to initiate a conversation with someone about how I'm feeling so I burn myself to prompt them to ask about what caused it. The trauma is a factor due to my deeply held belief that I'm a bad person regarding my traumatic experiences.

What country do you live in? I know some are much better than others in terms of offering support for life activities. My life has become substantially easier since having the funding to hire a support worker every day of the week for 3-4 hours a day, as well as having things like speech therapy and occupational therapy and positive behaviour support fully funded by my plan. These are the exact same interventions that autistic children were able to access so it's relieving that I'm given a chance too. I personally have found speech therapy the most useful.

I do not know if you'll find this of any benefit, but I find what's known as deep pressure touch very soothing. I use a weighted blanket and a compression sheet when I sleep (the sheet fits around my entire mattress like a tube) and I've found I sleep better since getting them. There's also a website in Australia which sells sensory compression garments which can help relieve anxiety and stress, and my personal favourite find was 'seamless socks' which are designed to have as non noticeable a seam as possible and have completely changed my life. As a child I had monumental meltdowns over having to wear socks to the extend my mum just put me in sandals. As I aged I obviously had to just deal with it as I had to wear proper shoes to high school but the moment I put these new socks on I knew I'd never go back to regular ones.

I am not sure if the website ships outside of Australia but if it doesn't I usually offer people who think they may find these products useful to buy them on their behalf and ship them myself, as it's so difficult to find something like seamless socks and the compression garments do actually help. They are a bit on the expensive side, excluding the socks which are reasonably priced. I just believe all autistic people should have access to assistive technology which makes life easier for them.

i actually hail from the land of oz myself.

speech therapy, as in learning how to communicate, so that other people can understand the message i seek to communicate?

we have 2 weighted blankets, its a game changer. also i will ask my partner to just lie on top of me if i am in a panicked state.

i cut all tags out of clothing and prefer to wear clothing inside out so i feel less seams. those socks sound legit, appreciate the recommendation.

 

[Eligiu]

i actually hail from the land of oz myself.

speech therapy, as in learning how to communicate, so that other people can understand the message i seek to communicate?

we have 2 weighted blankets, its a game changer. also i will ask my partner to just lie on top of me if i am in a panicked state.

i cut all tags out of clothing and prefer to wear clothing inside out so i feel less seams. those socks sound legit, appreciate the recommendation.

Oh cool, well when you get your assessment done, hit me up and if you get a level 2 or level 3 diagnosis I can step you through getting onto the NDIS within weeks no dramas. Level 2 and 3 are actually what's called list A conditions which get automatic access to funding.

I can't estimate what either level 2 or 3 funding would be at as you have some informal support with your partner and they do expect spouses to support their partners instead of pooling their funding, I have no family or friends (however in my planning meeting despite making my experience of parental sexual abuse very apparent they still asked me whether my parents could provide any informal support, go figure. Desperate to palm us off to whoever they can).

Basically speech therapy is about learning how communication works. At the moment I do a lot of work with flashcards which have people's faces on them displaying a certain emotion and I have to guess what that emotion is, then guess what may have happened to cause it. We are also making a resource I can use for social conversations which has different categories of interests, like the inner circle is just my interests, which I would probably talk about with close friends. Then there is close friends interests which I could talk about with them or wider associates. Then there are more general interests that most people are happy to discuss. Then there is a circle for things which almost everyone can talk about. The purpose of this is so when I first meet people I can go through my list of 'everyone topics' instead of falling into the trap of boring them to death about animal crossing or Lego. Lol. Other stuff includes working on picking up implied statements, working on social scripts, and as my speech therapist has a bit of a thing about making our sessions 'functional' for me, he asks me to write down scenarios I have with friends or others where I had a communication issue or it went well. One of the most useful things we did was talk about how when I had a minor arguement with a friend, we realised I have a very hard time understanding their point of view if it isn't explicitly explained which results in me sometimes being fairly dismissive.

So if you get funding you probably won't get speech or occupational therapy in your first plan. The first plan is a sort of nothing plan because they don't actually know your personal level of impairment, they just have an estimate based on the level. They'll request that you go to an occupational therapist and pay for a full functional capacity assessment (out of your funding, usually costs around $2000 and I would recommend also paying for a sensory report while you're at it for another $500) which I can recommend a great company for. Then you lodge a review of your circumstances citing increased need and they'll redo your plan based on (hopefully) your actual needs. I'm about $50,000 short still because I should be funded $30,000 alone for positive behaviour support due to my behaviours of concern when I was only given $5000, but we are doing another review. I have multiple conditions I have access for too (autism primary, cPTSD and bipolar secondary) and they haven't yet properly fully funded my Psychosocial impairments as they're obligated to. My core support amount based on my impairments was automatically generated to be $355,000 per year which they managed to reduce down to $70,000 and I have a friend who only has level 2 autism on her access who somehow ended up with $50,000 more funding than me, which is utterly illogical given the levels actually indicate higher or lower support needs but hey, that's the NDIS for you.

The website is called Jettproof. The singlets come in a pack of 3 for around $13-$140 and t-shirts are something like $60, longsleeves are $80 or something. Shorts I think are $40. Compression sheets might be $100 and a 3 pack of socks are $15.

Once you get your funding you can buy a bunch of the stuff using your consumables budget, just don't do what I did and buy so many you get a slap on the wrist lol. NDIS has a bit of a thing where they say they don't fund anything for 'sensory' needs but I have a report that says deep pressure touch benefits my emotional regulation so I'm fine. I also bought an expensive nice pair of noise cancelling headphones I never leave home without, a google home to help reminders and a google nest hub, nuttags to put on my keys and wallet which make a noise if I need to locate them, a bunch of resources for speech therapy and my mental health, waterless body wash which I use on days I can't shower, and probably some other stuff too.

Some people go a bit nuts with what they try to justify buying but so long as you can link it back to your disability you're fine.

 

[Mysterie]

Oh cool, well when you get your assessment done, hit me up and if you get a level 2 or level 3 diagnosis I can step you through getting onto the NDIS within weeks no dramas. Level 2 and 3 are actually what's called list A conditions which get automatic access to funding.

I can't estimate what either level 2 or 3 funding would be at as you have some informal support with your partner and they do expect spouses to support their partners instead of pooling their funding, I have no family or friends (however in my planning meeting despite making my experience of parental sexual abuse very apparent they still asked me whether my parents could provide any informal support, go figure. Desperate to palm us off to whoever they can).

Basically speech therapy is about learning how communication works. At the moment I do a lot of work with flashcards which have people's faces on them displaying a certain emotion and I have to guess what that emotion is, then guess what may have happened to cause it. We are also making a resource I can use for social conversations which has different categories of interests, like the inner circle is just my interests, which I would probably talk about with close friends. Then there is close friends interests which I could talk about with them or wider associates. Then there are more general interests that most people are happy to discuss. Then there is a circle for things which almost everyone can talk about. The purpose of this is so when I first meet people I can go through my list of 'everyone topics' instead of falling into the trap of boring them to death about animal crossing or Lego. Lol. Other stuff includes working on picking up implied statements, working on social scripts, and as my speech therapist has a bit of a thing about making our sessions 'functional' for me, he asks me to write down scenarios I have with friends or others where I had a communication issue or it went well. One of the most useful things we did was talk about how when I had a minor arguement with a friend, we realised I have a very hard time understanding their point of view if it isn't explicitly explained which results in me sometimes being fairly dismissive.

So if you get funding you probably won't get speech or occupational therapy in your first plan. The first plan is a sort of nothing plan because they don't actually know your personal level of impairment, they just have an estimate based on the level. They'll request that you go to an occupational therapist and pay for a full functional capacity assessment (out of your funding, usually costs around $2000 and I would recommend also paying for a sensory report while you're at it for another $500) which I can recommend a great company for. Then you lodge a review of your circumstances citing increased need and they'll redo your plan based on (hopefully) your actual needs. I'm about $50,000 short still because I should be funded $30,000 alone for positive behaviour support due to my behaviours of concern when I was only given $5000, but we are doing another review. I have multiple conditions I have access for too (autism primary, cPTSD and bipolar secondary) and they haven't yet properly fully funded my Psychosocial impairments as they're obligated to. My core support amount based on my impairments was automatically generated to be $355,000 per year which they managed to reduce down to $70,000 and I have a friend who only has level 2 autism on her access who somehow ended up with $50,000 more funding than me, which is utterly illogical given the levels actually indicate higher or lower support needs but hey, that's the NDIS for you.

The website is called Jettproof. The singlets come in a pack of 3 for around $13-$140 and t-shirts are something like $60, longsleeves are $80 or something. Shorts I think are $40. Compression sheets might be $100 and a 3 pack of socks are $15.

Once you get your funding you can buy a bunch of the stuff using your consumables budget, just don't do what I did and buy so many you get a slap on the wrist lol. NDIS has a bit of a thing where they say they don't fund anything for 'sensory' needs but I have a report that says deep pressure touch benefits my emotional regulation so I'm fine. I also bought an expensive nice pair of noise cancelling headphones I never leave home without, a google home to help reminders and a google nest hub, nuttags to put on my keys and wallet which make a noise if I need to locate them, a bunch of resources for speech therapy and my mental health, waterless body wash which I use on days I can't shower, and probably some other stuff too.

Some people go a bit nuts with what they try to justify buying but so long as you can link it back to your disability you're fine.

that is incredibly helpful, thanks for explaining everything in such detail for me.

will definitely be referring back to this thread in the future.

my partner has untreated chronic depression, anxiety, she may be perimenopausal. so it would be me taking care of her, not the other way around. she is also incredibly busy studying a full time chinese medicine degree.

yeah, bureaucracy tends to paint in broad brush strokes. not my style..

 

[December Flower]

me running around with a fake smile, fake character, fake gestures, fake interests and fake niceness
everyone else:

me running around like me
everyone else: why are you so sad? you should smile more. you really look down. you look so nervous. why don't you relax? can you stop reading while we're talking? i don't care about space. are you paying attention? LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I ONLY FEEL SOMEONE IS LISTENING WHEN THEY'RE HOLDING EYE CONTACT. SATISFY MY SOCIAL NEEDINESS! NOW!

thanks, assholes.

 

[Eligiu]

that is incredibly helpful, thanks for explaining everything in such detail for me.

will definitely be referring back to this thread in the future.

my partner has untreated chronic depression, anxiety, she may be perimenopausal. so it would be me taking care of her, not the other way around. she is also incredibly busy studying a full time chinese medicine degree.

yeah, bureaucracy tends to paint in broad brush strokes. not my style..

Happy to help. Navigating the NDIS sort of became a special interest for me because my main special interest is social justice and I like helping other people get the support I have.

You'll need to provide significant evidence that your partner is unable to care for you, otherwise they absolutely will expect her to do it. A lived experience statement would likely be the most useful document there, as well as a GP report stating she has her own impairments.

Might also be worth looking into NDIS for her as we, as it's not the diagnosis that grants access for Psychosocial it's the level of impairment. There's some government funded groups you can get referred to or self refer to which supply a support worker to help you through testing eligibility for mental health conditions.

If you want feel free to chuck me a PM so that you can hit me up when you're ready to apply as I literally know the cheat method I was told by an NDIS employee who undercover stalked the ndis Facebook groups. Without her I would have literally been waiting months but with her advice I had an access granted letter in a week.

 

[Eligiu]

me running around with a fake smile, fake character, fake gestures, fake interests and fake niceness
everyone else:

me running around like me
everyone else: why are you so sad? you should smile more. you really look down. you look so nervous. why don't you relax? can you stop reading while we're talking? i don't care about space. are you paying attention? LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I ONLY FEEL SOMEONE IS LISTENING WHEN THEY'RE HOLDING EYE CONTACT

thanks, assholes.

Why won't you look at me while we are talking, it's rude to look away.

This is why I look at their forehead. Apparently over the shoulder was too obvious I wasn't looking and I laughably kept accidentally glancing at people's titties and dicks trying to avoid eye contact so I figured it was best to pick a spot

 

[Eligiu]

me running around with a fake smile, fake character, fake gestures, fake interests and fake niceness
everyone else:

me running around like me
everyone else: why are you so sad? you should smile more. you really look down. you look so nervous. why don't you relax? can you stop reading while we're talking? i don't care about space. are you paying attention? LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I ONLY FEEL SOMEONE IS LISTENING WHEN THEY'RE HOLDING EYE CONTACT. SATISFY MY SOCIAL NEEDINESS! NOW!

thanks, assholes.

Curious, can you make eye contact when the other person is talking but then look away when it's your turn? Or is it always?

I do the first for some reason.

 

[December Flower]

Why won't you look at me while we are talking, it's rude to look away.

This is why I look at their forehead. Apparently over the shoulder was too obvious I wasn't looking and I laughably kept accidentally glancing at people's titties and dicks trying to avoid eye contact so I figured it was best to pick a spot

smart.

Curious, can you make eye contact when the other person is talking but then look away when it's your turn? Or is it always?

I do the first for some reason.

I absolutely do look into eyes during all parts of conversation, but I am very good at masking, if I may say so.
It's uncomfortable for me, but it always leads to the dormant social police officer inside many NTs to awaken, if I don't mask.

I also work in therapy, so I need to be someone my patients can trust,
and especially for CBT and CT you learn a lot of these "con artist" tricks to make people trust you,
and yeah the eye-contact is a must..

But usually I'd have less of an issue looking while they are talking.

 

[Eligiu]

smart.


I absolutely do look into eyes during all parts of conversation, but I am very good at masking, if I may say so.
It's uncomfortable for me, but it always leads to the dormant social police officer inside many NTs to awaken, if I don't mask.

I also work in therapy, so I need to be someone my patients can trust,
and especially for CBT and CT you learn a lot of these "con artist" tricks to make people trust you,
and yeah the eye-contact is a must..

But usually I'd have less of an issue looking while they are talking.

I'd say that I look at their eyebrows while they're talking, so yeah masking, then when it's my turn to speak I just immediately switch to staring over their shoulder.

I don't understand why eye contact is so important to the NT population. It's weird and uncomfortable and I never know how much is too much or whether I'm doing it right.

I love doing activities with people which do not involve sitting face to face, or things like hiking in nature where we can comfortably talk without needing to make eye contact.

 

[December Flower]

I'd say that I look at their eyebrows while they're talking, so yeah masking, then when it's my turn to speak I just immediately switch to staring over their shoulder.

I don't understand why eye contact is so important to the NT population. It's weird and uncomfortable and I never know how much is too much or whether I'm doing it right.

I love doing activities with people which do not involve sitting face to face, or things like hiking in nature where we can comfortably talk without needing to make eye contact.

My rule of thumb is once they look away, it gives me permission to look away at a similar interval.

But I agree, the 'social rules' take a lot of processing power away from the issue at hand, having to focus on modifying your own behaviour on top of actually listening and processing the data required. It can get exhausting fast. it's so much easier to think whilst locked in conversation if you're on the phone

What I like about my work is that it includes lots of me just playing the guitar, and once I'm doing music I am in my own world, and nobody cares anymore that I am. They don't even seem to realize it.

 

[Eligiu]

My rule of thumb is once they look away, it gives me permission to look away at a similar interval.

But I agree, the 'social rules' take a lot of processing power away from the issue at hand, having to focus on modifying your own behaviour on top of actually listening and processing the data required. It can get exhausting fast. it's so much easier to think whilst locked in conversation if you're on the phone

What I like about my work is that it includes lots of me just playing the guitar, and once I'm doing music I am in my own world, and nobody cares anymore that I am. They don't even seem to realize it.

At my job with one of my clients I just sit parallel with him on his crafting table and do some painting, colouring in, cross stiching, knitting, or whatever else I bring for the day. Another client I usually play board games or Nintendo switch with so no eye contact there. The last one we sit and chat so annoyingly I get forced into eye contact with him. Nice kid though.

 

[December Flower]

At my job with one of my clients I just sit parallel with him on his crafting table and do some painting, colouring in, cross stiching, knitting, or whatever else I bring for the day. Another client I usually play board games or Nintendo switch with so no eye contact there. The last one we sit and chat so annoyingly I get forced into eye contact with him. Nice kid though.

do you have a work uniform? if not i would advise you determine specific clothes as just that, and you only wear them for work, never for recreational activities.

it's an old jedi mind trick, you don a persona.

it really helps with the social issues if you're in the mindset "I'm just LARPing", "this is a character that I play"
"and this character loves all the ignorant fucks demanding social compliance in nazi-esque fashion"(don't word it like that to yourself )

it did help me, a lot. results may vary

it also helped with work-related stress, because you lay the character to the side once you change the clothes.
Bit of a psychological trick, but it's rooted very deep within your subconsciousness.

 

[Eligiu]

do you have a work uniform? if not i would advise you determine specific clothes as just that, and you only wear them for work, never for recreational activities.

it's an old jedi mind trick, you don a persona.

it really helps with the social issues if you're in the mindset "I'm just LARPing", "this is a character that I play"
"and this character loves all the ignorant fucks demanding social compliance in nazi-esque fashion"(don't word it like that to yourself )

it did help me, a lot. results may vary

it also helped with work-related stress, because you lay the character to the side once you change the clothes.
Bit of a psychological trick, but it's rooted very deep within your subconsciousness.

No uniform. Wouldn't want to anyway as I have support workers myself and I would be immensely pissed off if they rocked up to support me in a uniform which identified them as a disablity support worker. The whole point of me hiring them is so that I can pass them off as a friend instead of a worker helping me do basic life tasks that everyone else can do independently. I don't much want a glaring sign round my neck saying 'hes disabled' lol.

I had a worker who really wanted to wear a uniform and that irked me a lot. If he'd gone and done it I probably would have fired him, but I ended up firing him anyway for neglecting me after I told him I relapsed and he decided he did not want to support me through that even though I literally hired him because of his lived fucking experience.

Plus I work with two teen-agers. It's definitely uncool to be seen in public with a support worker by other students who will take any opportunity to bully them. I'm a mentor with them, not a support worker.

 

[December Flower]

No uniform. Wouldn't want to anyway as I have support workers myself and I would be immensely pissed off if they rocked up to support me in a uniform which identified them as a disablity support worker. The whole point of me hiring them is so that I can pass them off as a friend instead of a worker helping me do basic life tasks that everyone else can do independently. I don't much want a glaring sign round my neck saying 'hes disabled' lol.

I had a worker who really wanted to wear a uniform and that irked me a lot. If he'd gone and done it I probably would have fired him, but I ended up firing him anyway for neglecting me after I told him I relapsed and he decided he did not want to support me through that even though I literally hired him because of his lived fucking experience.

Plus I work with two teen-agers. It's definitely uncool to be seen in public with a support worker by other students who will take any opportunity to bully them. I'm a mentor with them, not a support worker.

you misunderstood what I meant by uniform.

The clothes do not have to be a telltale sign. A specific shirt and jeans can absolutely do the trick.
A few specific outfits you will only wear for work, not a neon worker uniform.

What befuddles me is that medical/social workers where you live don't have to wear masks at all times while being with their patients,
because that's the telltale sign here..