Mental Health Please describe how autism affects you personally - autistic people only, not family

[December Flower]

I know, right? I have unfinished conversations I carry around in my head for years until I have an opportunity to get them out.

Yeah, I do the same thing. Sometimes planned years in advance, kinda weird to write about this.
Feel like a proper weirdo

It could definitely be interpreted as such.

But c2 is the highest level a non native speaker can read. English language speakers are never assessed at a C2 level it doesn't exist for us.

And tbh, please don't take this the wrong way @December Flower but your grammar in English is fairly disjointed and readily identifiable as ESL like it's far from bad and it's clearly superior to my German without any doubt as most Germans English always invariably is, but you weren't 'indistinguishable from a native' when you commented you were readily identifiable as ESL. Yet your English I would state is indeed C2. I'd also agree with that.

I sometimes use rather poetic sentence structure. This is a choice, not a grammatical error.
I read a lot of Oscar Wilde.."The picture of Dorian Gray", read it well over a hundred times

I would also advise you not to comment on my English, or I would be forced to comment on yours
something I refrained myself from doing so far. Have a nice day, I still disagree with a lot of what you wrote.

it's a really short book, for anyone who doesn't know that

 

[Eligiu]

Yeah, I do the same thing. Sometimes planned years in advance, kinda weird to write about this.
Feel like a proper weirdo


I sometimes use rather poetic sentence structure. This is a choice, not a grammatical error.
I read a lot of Oscar Wilde.."The picture of Dorian Gray", read it well over a hundred times

I would also advise you not to comment on my English, or I would be forced to comment on yours
something I refrained myself from doing so far. Have a nice day, I still disagree with a lot of what you wrote.

I mean Ive been up for two days and I don't put effort into my writing on a forum, I've got way better things to spend my time on.

But like it's not really a poetic thing I picked up on it was grammar stuff that is an ESL thing and like that is normal and okay since you are ESL and your ESL is still better than anyone elses German in this thread except your own.

I'm literally complimenting you but you won't acknowledge that C2 is not native speech level as we never get tested for that. There is no proficiency test.

Again, please stay on topic I find it hard to drop things too but we actually need to stop lol

 

[December Flower]

I mean Ive been up for two days and I don't put effort into my writing on a forum, I've got way better things to spend my time on.

But like it's not really a poetic thing I picked up on it was grammar stuff that is an ESL thing and like that is normal and okay since you are ESL and your ESL is still better than anyone elses German in this thread except your own.

I'm literally complimenting you but you won't acknowledge that C2 is not native speech level as we never get tested for that. There is no proficiency test.

Again, please stay on topic I find it hard to drop things too but we actually need to stop lol

then why do you keep inputting information?

y'know what I'm stopping here. THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Yes, that exchange between you two was a good example of how autism can affect interpersonal communication Now, no more discussion of German or other languages in this thread please!

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Just the same, I have big social/communication issues that I'm working on!

 

[Eligiu]

Yes, that exchange between you two was a good example of how autism can affect interpersonal communication Now, no more discussion of German or other languages in this thread please!

I find it wild how often I am criticised for my autism driven communication style. I'm very verbose and it is truly something I'm working on. It stems from a desperate attempt to not be misunderstood so I provide large amounts of extra information, as I hope any extra bit may help. It often has the unintended consequence of causing people to zone out unfortunately. Me and my speech therapist have come up with a plan where online or over texts I 'draft' my messages then rewrite them and take out irrelevant bits. Usually by the third or fourth go I've got something I'm willing to send.

Also I do talk about myself a lot. I am aware of this. I got upset recently when someone implied its narcissistic before they got to know me, because my dad is a shitty full on narcissist and I've made it my life goal to be unrecognisable as his son in terms of behaviour and mannerism. It's because I genuinely think that's how to connect. I offer information about me then... No one reciprocates. I end up oversharing, they think I'm self centred, and all I wanted was for them to tell me about their special interest as well especially if it was similar to mine.

When I infodump I'm literally trying to share my most valued hobby with people and have a desire for them to find as much joy from it as I do. I'm not trying to bore you with details, I actually am trying to connect.

Honestly people think autistic people enjoy solitude, we don't. We actually very much want to connect. But it really does feel like we just get waved away and told we are making friend wrong.

I learnt very early to mask my more unusual autistic traits. After transitioning they became more obvious, which I've heard of happening before. Eventually all my university friends were commenting that they thought I was on the spectrum 'slightly: (lol) as I would reveal more of my traits over time being friends with them

 

[December Flower]

When I infodump

I would prefer for that info to be correct though. 1 mio words in the English language, I hadn't laughed so hard in a few weeks, been a rough couple of days. That your brain even took it as a possibly correct assessment, even though any linguistic noob knows English has one of the smallest vocabularies among languages. That's gonna be held over your head forever though - not going to forget that any time soon even more ridiculous, because the language with the most words, Korean has 1.1 mio words.

I find it wild how often I am criticised for my autism driven communication style. I'm very verbose and it is truly something I'm working on. It stems from a desperate attempt to not be misunderstood so I provide large amounts of extra information, as I hope any extra bit may help. It often has the unintended consequence of causing people to zone out unfortunately. Me and my speech therapist have come up with a plan where online or over texts I 'draft' my messages then rewrite them and take out irrelevant bits. Usually by the third or fourth go I've got something I'm willing to send.

Also I do talk about myself a lot. I am aware of this. I got upset recently when someone implied its narcissistic before they got to know me, because my dad is a shitty full on narcissist and I've made it my life goal to be unrecognisable as his son in terms of behaviour and mannerism. It's because I genuinely think that's how to connect. I offer information about me then... No one reciprocates. I end up oversharing, they think I'm self centred, and all I wanted was for them to tell me about their special interest as well especially if it was similar to mine.

When I infodump I'm literally trying to share my most valued hobby with people and have a desire for them to find as much joy from it as I do. I'm not trying to bore you with details, I actually am trying to connect.

Honestly people think autistic people enjoy solitude, we don't. We actually very much want to connect. But it really does feel like we just get waved away and told we are making friend wrong.

I learnt very early to mask my more unusual autistic traits. After transitioning they became more obvious, which I've heard of happening before. Eventually all my university friends were commenting that they thought I was on the spectrum 'slightly: (lol) as I would reveal more of my traits over time being friends with them

You think I criticized you for being Autistic? That would be silly. Also kind of offensive that you're suggesting so

I criticized you for being wrong, nothing else matters more to me in human contact than properly transferring information. You said many things that simply weren't true, and if I have to explain to another Autist how I'm not OK with wrong information, then I'm getting really suspicious.

You're not making friends with me by being incorrect

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

A lot of that Honestly seems similar to my experiences. I utterly loathe eye contact and cannot achieve it under any circumstances.

Have you considered that you may also have experienced autistic burnout due to masking your symptoms long term? It is admittedly more common in assigned female people but assigned male people who also camoflauge as neurotypical can experience ruthless burnout. Perhaps have a Google search of 'autistic burnout' symptoms and tell me if anything resonates. Burnout is what took me from level 1 to level 3 in under 6 months flat.

Unrelated to the topic but can you fucking stop with this stupid 'assigned male / female' nonsense! I know it's a common use of language these days among the pc 'socially aware' crowd but it's simply factually incorrect.

Only a very, very small number of human beings are ASSIGNED a sex at birth, and those are people who are intersexed ; specifically those who are VISIBLY intersexed (ie have genital ambiguity, which is in fact not even the case for most intersex conditions). More often than not, that meant (and unfortunately in many instances still does) SURGICAL assignment.

Broadly speaking this takes the form of, if the infant appendage is deemed to be too small to be a 'functioning' penis for an xy individual ( not large enough for conventional intercourse in adulthood), it will get removed, a vaginal entrance constructed instead and the child raised as a girl. Conversely if the same appendage is deemed too large to be 'acceptable' as a clitoris it will also be removed. That's to say simply excised wholesale, with no concern about preserving erotic sensation ; in other words genital mutilation.

Hundreds of intersex people have had their capacity for pleasure permanently ruined or at the least severely compromised in this way, and this fundamental part of the human experience stolen from them, not to mention the violation of their personhood and bodily integrity. All for a purely cosmetic effect just so that the parents don't feel disconcerted by their child's atypical anatomy and the babysitter doesn't ask awkward questions when changing the diaper.

THAT'S what 'assigned at birth' means. That's the only case where this terminology applies. Otherwise, if you are a normal xx or a normal xy individual, your sex wasn't bloody assigned to you, it was simply CORRECTLY OBSERVED.

PS And before anybody mentions transsexuals, yes that goes for them as well, since it's precisely the mismatch between neurobiology and physical sex that constitutes that condition in the first place.

As somebody who is in fact intersex I am sick and tired of the appropriation of this terminology.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Unrelated to the topic but can you fucking stop with this stupid 'assigned male / female' nonsense! I know it's a common use of language these days among the pc 'socially aware' crowd but it's simply factually incorrect.

Only a very, very small number of human beings are ASSIGNED a sex at birth, and those are people who are intersexed ; specifically those who are VISIBLY intersexed (ie have genital ambiguity, which is in fact not even the case for most intersex conditions). More often than not, that meant (and unfortunately in many instances still does) SURGICAL assignment.

Broadly speaking this takes the form of, if the infant appendage is deemed to be too small to be a 'functioning' penis for an xy individual (large enough for conventional intercourse in adulthood), it will get removed, a vaginal entrance constructed instead and the child raised as a girl. Conversely if the same appendage is deemed too large to be 'acceptable' as a clitoris it will also be removed. That's to say simply excised wholesale, with no concern about preserving erotic sensation ; in other words genital mutilation.
Hundreds of intersex people have had their capacity for pleasure ruined or at the least severely compromised in this way, and this fundamental part of the human experience stolen from them, not to mention the violation of their personhood and bodily integrity. All for a purely cosmetic effect just so that the parents don't feel disconcerted by their child's atypical anatomy and the babysitter doesn't ask awkward questions when changing the diaper.

THAT'S what 'assigned at birth' means. That's the only case where this terminology applies. Otherwise, if you are a normal xx or a normal xy individual, your sex wasn't bloody assigned to you, it was simply CORRECTLY OBSERVED ffs.

PS And before anybody mentions transsexuals, yes that goes for them as well, since it's precisely the mismatch between neurobiology and physical sex that constitutes that condition in the first place.

As somebody who is in fact intersex I am sick and tired of the appropriation of this terminology.

That is fair. Duly noted.
Any further discussion on this point within this thread will be deleted as being off-topic.
If you want to discuss this further please by all means start a thread in Sex, Love & Relationships

 

[MountainTrails]

Okay, making friends. We want them but have trouble with it. Research has finally established that there's a difference in "social signaling" not an absence of it. We go about it in a way that neurotypicals often miss or misunderstand.

Here's one thing I do. Someone's talking about x and I enter the conversation. I start throwing in my experience. I'm trying to come alongside. I'm sending this: See, I've done that too. I have experience with that. We have this in common.

But often that's not what's received. People perceive one-upmanship, know-it-all, hijacking, and it has the opposite effect as intended.

 

[December Flower]

Okay, making friends. We want them but have trouble with it. Research has finally established that there's a difference in "social signaling" not an absence of it. We go about it in a way that neurotypicals often miss or misunderstand.

Here's one thing I do. Someone's talking about x and I enter the conversation. I start throwing in my experience. I'm trying to come alongside. I'm sending this: See, I've done that too. I have experience with that. We have this in common.

But often that's not what's received. People perceive one-upmanship, know-it-all, hijacking, and it has the opposite effect as intended.

humans like to get validation for their 'deeds'
If you were to validate the experience and then add your own, it would have a different impression. It's these nuances that make the world in social contact.

"That is amazing! You know something similar happened to me.."
much better received than just adding the information

 

[MountainTrails]

humans like to get validation for their 'deeds'
If you were to validate the experience and then add your own, it would have a different impression. It's these nuances that make the world in social contact.

"That is amazing! You know something similar happened to me.."
much better received than just adding the information

That's a good tip, and it helps me. Thank you!

It was exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for when I posted. We all have some things in common, but we've each figured out different things in dealing with the rest of the world and their assumptions/behaviors.

I also appreciated the positive tone. (I already know I get these interactions wrong sometimes, so not piling on helped me hear the message.)

 

[Arnold]

Well, getting a well-paid job here would be difficult. Actually getting any job.
My ex fiancee was a doctor in England, wouldn't even be employed as a caretaker here.

What a load of bollox again.

My cousin works there as a 'Physhiotherapeut' and her German is a tiny bit better than mine.

Du denkst mahl wieder dast du ein 'Ubermensch' in die Deutsche sprache bist.

 

[Eligiu]

What a load of bollox again.

My cousin works there as a 'Physhiotherapeut' and her German is a tiny bit better than mine.

Du denkst mahl wieder dast du ein 'Ubermensch' in die Deutsche sprache bist.

While this may be the case and I understand wanting to argue a point like any autistic person (a lovely trait many of us share in rigidity and stubbornness) *please* stay on topic as much as possible as the moderating team enjoy having this thread but not so much the work that comes along with making sure a gang of autistic people all get along lol.

Happy to hear your contribution to the topic, anyone is welcome and valued but we need to keep it on thread.

@MountainTrails I've also found that when we infodump it tends to put people off. Something I try to remember to do is that if you express interest in the other parties likes and hobbies, they will often in turn express natural interest in yours. Then that way you can talk about it relatively freely as long as you remember to restrain yourself from rambling and return to them here and there.

 

[December Flower]

What a load of bollox again.

My cousin works there as a 'Physhiotherapeut' and her German is a tiny bit better than mine.

Du denkst mahl wieder dast du ein 'Ubermensch' in die Deutsche sprache bist.

OK your German is a complete trainwreck.
Now we got that out of the way.

I told you my ex couldn't get a job here, being a British native.
I don't know where you get the rest of that.

I gave you a real life example. Also how would I be an "Übermensch" in my native language? It's just the language I grew up with - that's like boasting of the skill to poop.

 

[n3ophy7e]

While this may be the case and I understand wanting to argue a point like any autistic person (a lovely trait many of us share in rigidity and stubbornness) *please* stay on topic as much as possible as the moderating team enjoy having this thread but not so much the work that comes along with making sure a gang of autistic people all get along lol

Hehehe yes, thank you! ❤

Any further attempts to challenge December Flower about his native language and/or culture will be deleted.

 

[Eligiu]

Does anyone else feel like if someone doesn't do something they said they will do/their actions don't match their words that they've been completely lied to?

Also POST YOUR SPECIAL INTEREST from here on.

Mine is Lego/nanoblocks and animal crossing. I can spend the vast majority of the day doing either of those two things. I have around 100 Lego or nanoblock figures and I have dual Nintendo switches to play more animal crossing than before.

What does everyone else like?

 

[JoshLobbs]

I often doubt what I think ppl mean and that leads to me not acting on shit when I should. Like if someone is flirting or just joking it's hard for me to tell.

Also when I was younger I had severe anger management issues, this lead to me growing up and being quite level headed.

Oh and I was put in a separate class* in primary school so this lead to me being withdrawn, reclusive and depressive.

*I was moved into a small blue room with no classmates, I was socially isolated from my class for 3 years not even let out at lunch. Tbh that fucked me up a bit.

 

[n3ophy7e]

*I was moved into a small blue room with no classmates, I was socially isolated from my class for 3 years not even let out at lunch. Tbh that fucked me up a bit.

WHAT?!! Oh man that makes me so sad That would've been incredibly traumatising.

 

[Eligiu]

Sensory issues: an uber driver picked me up for work and he has dipped himself in a pool of the most strong and overwhelming cologne available and swum around for an eternity. I've got the window all the way down but I've still got a massive headache and feel like I'm going to be sick.