☮ Social ☮ PD Social Tripping Thread: Tripping Past 2020

[Chris Timothy]

No apolagies ever sought or needed.

I just like all things free and open and any comment I make is like a natural reflex towards that.

I kind of head things off in as blank and non confrontational,demanding, reproachful way I can.

I appreciate your considered response there too thanks.

And lol, I only joked about the readability thing after you levied the assertion my way once.

I get you too, but not everyone is the same.

It's no competition for all. For myself it has been about personal development and influencing consciousness here.

I just figured you might have been gesturing towards my mad crater Earth talk etc, because I have posted way less of late.

I hate dirty vibes, repressed feelings, like because it's not nice for the person.

I don't mean you expressed bad vibes, just wasn't sure on your meaning and thoughts, and I aim to know people's "minds" and keep good peace.

Plus, I barely actually know you!

Thanks for sharing.

Well there's a lot I have to carry. Repression is a mere tactic, it isn't nice indeed, but sometimes that's what has to be carried, so please don't hate it.. or rather please do, because that's what's pain for, aversion.

Eh, we've been already psychoanalyzed, haven't we?


On the topic of ego loss, I'd like to remind ego was supposed to mean one's idea of one's self. We all have ideas of ourselves, in social, cultural, historical, or whatever context. It all amalgamates into this one concept, this presumably one persona that puppets about the territory it's assigned to.

And if that concept isn't the entire Universe, there's still growing up to do.

 

[Kaleida]

That's cool. Only on occasion do I get auditory stuff but it's pretty awesome when I do. I've had crashing waves at the beach and whirring fans in my room warp into beautiful music.

Yeah, auditory distortions and hallucinations are really interesting when they happen, certainly not as common as visuals for me on things like psychedelics. Those experiences sound really nice.

I totally spaced out once on 2C-B-fly and took a walk down a street inside my mind, there was neon graffiti on the walls and I could hear the bass coming from inside a club. That was pretty far out!

That sounds really cool! I love getting lost in vivid visualizations in my mind's eye. Hearing vivid music playing that you don't have to think up is always fun too, I have a few experiences like that that really stand out from others to me as well.

Yeah, they probably are. Weed can really bring things on the back of your mind to the forefront. Sometimes important things.

It actually used to do the opposite when I was younger, but it's not uncommon for weed to change a bit when people get older. I think for me it's having more responsibility and I think about things I've been putting off dealing with. When I was younger, getting stoned with my friends was exactly where I needed to be.

If I'm thinking about my life when I'm high, it tends to be pretty spot-on. Things I try to put out of my mind can be quite confronting when I smoke weed for the first time in a while, but it's usually stuff I should take seriously.

Yeah, I get that. I used to just smoke constantly without a care in the world, now I still smoke constantly but I care about everything. It definitely is something that seems at least partially related to me just getting older too, when I was younger I also used to repress a lot just trying to live normally and now I don't hold those things back anymore as I try to be actively therapeutic with myself, and it's made me realize that I'm completely fucking insane but that's okay as long as I keep it together, which I focus on a lot now.

When it's just absurd jokes and strange concepts though, I'll look at notes I made and see 'clown using bent coathanger to break into his tiny car after locking the keys inside' and think "what?"

That's an odd one lol. I tend not to get too much like that from cannabis unless I'm falling asleep and then all kinds of weird things can happen. It's really been a long time since I tried to relax into a silly headspace while high though, my highs (which I basically think of as trips anymore) do get pretty strange but mostly in more extreme ways I have to figure out how to deal with in the moment. I honestly should take a long break and try to let it simmer down again because I get way too caught up in anxious thought loops and such and I would like to actually try just enjoying it more again.

 

[Chris Timothy]

btw it's so weird how games can psychedelically enter into each other.. I've been watching videos of the deliciously voxily game called Teardown and now with an indulgence in a O-PCE shot had the theme tune raiding into my opponents structures on the chess board! Finally a theme tune for the king on the loose. . .

 

[Xorkoth]

I prefer to use the term "ego dissolution" or "ego loss" as opposed to "ego death", because I think the state people are usually referring to when they say "ego death" is more along the lines of extreme ego reduction, to the point that you either forget about the fact that you are a person named XXX, or it becomes so insignificant that it no longer matters, and you become aware of there being a much larger consciousness that you inhabit or that you are, than the rigid self you normally experience, but in a way that does not involve fearing that that normal self is dying. I have also experienced ego "death", or near-death, a couple of times, and those experiences came with a tremendous amount of fear. They were valuable experiences, but I got more from the experiences where I gently became detached from my ego (and by ego I mean my individual person-self), because I found it impossible not to panic when I believed I was actually dying, and I was not able to relax into it, so I ended up trying to force myself out of it, thinking I had gone too far and was literally (somehow) about to die, that my drugs had been poisoned or something.

 

[AutoTripper]

See I like my ego.

I've never really pondered it, or philosophised about it all.

I just accept who I am. Because the ego is partly our identity, and it gives us balls too lol and balls can be very useful in life.

However it does need keeping in check I always say.

It's like a boomerang. It can be stationary, fixed or hurled out there to return at a new angle.

 

[Chris Timothy]

You like the idea you have of yourself. There's the ego.

Now what's doing that?

Language.

It's all.
.

 

[AutoTripper]

You like the idea you have of yourself. There's the ego.

Now what's doing that?

Language.

It's all.
.

I am just being realistic also playing Devil's advocate.

Accepting the self. Not imagining monkhood haloed levitation.

IME anyway ego loss has occured after monstrous LSD doses, it's that feeling of the first day at school, everything new daunting and exciting.

Or, the lone deer in the forest, timeless, no social obligation or much idea of the self. And it's literally like learning language anew from the undeletable scriptures in your head.


But that boomerang always returns so I embrace it. You can't outrun your shadow.

 

[Kaleida]

I prefer to use the term "ego dissolution" or "ego loss" as opposed to "ego death", because I think the state people are usually referring to when they say "ego death" is more along the lines of extreme ego reduction, to the point that you either forget about the fact that you are a person named XXX, or it becomes so insignificant that it no longer matters, and you become aware of there being a much larger consciousness that you inhabit or that you are, than the rigid self you normally experience, but in a way that does not involve fearing that that normal self is dying. I have also experienced ego "death", or near-death, a couple of times, and those experiences came with a tremendous amount of fear. They were valuable experiences, but I got more from the experiences where I gently became detached from my ego (and by ego I mean my individual person-self), because I found it impossible not to panic when I believed I was actually dying, and I was not able to relax into it, so I ended up trying to force myself out of it, thinking I had gone too far and was literally (somehow) about to die, that my drugs had been poisoned or something.

I do think there are multiple interrelated ego alterations that can be mistaken for one another when trying to apply the terminology we casually use to describe this stuff. Multiple different types of things can feel like "dying" and not be especially if you don't really grasp what they're actually doing and even more so if you're just to trying to be evocative with your descriptions which a lot of people definitely are.

For me the ones where I believe I may actually die and still let go have definitely been the most memorable, but as I said it's not like they come easily. The handful I've had came at times where I was actually feeling quite sad and hopeless and was legitimately able to decide to let go enough to risk death to see the other side. I think part of the paradox of seeking out these kinds of experiences purposefully is that it's really fucking hard to let go if you're specifically trying to experience them to have a good time and it's more likely to just give you a bad time as you try to fight the very thing you wanted. I think sometimes the things our brains can do are going to come mostly at the times when we actually need them. Although it does still seem like occasionally enough drugs at once will let you brute force things out too.

 

[Kaleida]

Spoiler: Umineko no Naku Koro ni manga

 

[Chris Timothy]

I am just being realistic also playing Devil's advocate.

Accepting the self. Not imagining monkhood haloed levitation.

IME anyway ego loss has occured after monstrous LSD doses, it's that feeling of the first day at school, everything new daunting and exciting.

Or, the lone deer in the forest, timeless, no social obligation or much idea of the self. And it's literally like learning language anew from the undeletable scriptures in your head.


But that boomerang always returns so I embrace it. You can't outrun your shadow.

Is it a reality the haloed levitator returns to, or is it a recurring descent into a linguistic trap? It's cyclical either way.

The bias one brings to it doesn't matter though, as long as the logical consequence of inescapable compassion towards all living beings is emotionally felt.

 

[Kaleida]

Is it a reality the haloed levitator returns to, or is it a recurring descent into a linguistic trap? It's cyclical either way.

The bias one brings to it doesn't matter though, as long as the logical consequence of inescapable compassion towards all living beings is emotionally felt.

You say strange things sometimes.

I agree with your sentiment.

 

[AutoTripper]

There is nothing wrong with a healthy, modest esteem IMO.

People beat up on themselves over weakness shortcoming and failure but it is their ego doing that too.

Ofc many become egocentric I expect we all do at times.

To me again it's like an unavoidable swing not to see needing casting out or as a weakness or enemy.

Just keeping in balance. I don't imagine I am great. Nor perfect ever no way.

I am aware of my weaknesses, flaws, all past misactions many of which make me cringe now.

That's life and learning.

I have inherent qualities too.

Actually I realised earlier how I don't ever actually think about myself really, like who, how I am, behave etc. Only physical health catch 22 wise.

I am so focussed on all around me and life to come.

I never think about my ego, self view. Except for natural development in time as we grow and learn.

Otherwise I am simply completely natural, I won't compromise on that ever for approval sake either and you ask me any thing I can tell you no fear no lie as I've nothing to hide or defend.

I think that itself itself is pretty egoless but again this is not something I aspire to.


When battling the pitfalls of chronic conditions though, losing will, your ego can spur you into a determined energetic state and save the day!

Like Nitrous under bonnet. Ready, inbuilt. It's up to you what you do with it.

 

[Xorkoth]

I totally agree, I think as humans, or rather, as living beings, we should be embracing this lovely illusion of duality that we find ourselves in, not beating our heads against an attempt to destroy that individuated self over and over, nor should we come to believe that we should be working to escape our individuality. I do think the experience of loss of ego can be a very beautiful and useful thing... some people may never experience the idea that we are more than this story we tell ourselves and build up throughout our lives. I'm very grateful for having had that experience a few times, especially the first time, which changed my life in a profound way. I always carry that echo with me, of realizing that I am the universe stuck in one of an infinite number of dreams. It helps me to deal with life in many ways, and it helps me to be kinder to other people, who are also me, in a sense.

I think using the term "ego" to describe the self can be a bit confusing for people, since the Freudian ego is a somewhat different concept.

 

[cosmic charlie]

 

[cosmic charlie]

 

[Kaden_Nite]

I think using the term "ego" to describe the self can be a bit confusing for people, since the Freudian ego is a somewhat different concept.

I think there is a good chance that people who use those terms, or have experienced what they might call ego-loss or an out-of-body or breakthrough or near-death experience may very well have their own unique interpretation of what it means.

I thought maybe I am missing something, but then reflected on all of the incredible things I've seen and felt and heard and learnt and experienced on psychedelics and I guess I would rather write a page describing those things than trying to sum it up in a few words.

I don't really know what ego is though. After reading these responses, I sat here for quite a while last night trying to figure out 'how do I see myself?' and still have no clue. I guess I don't think about it, especially when I'm tripping, I tend to look outwards rather than inwards.

Though I do remember one time, thinking about the ever-expanding enormousness of the universe, both chronically and spatially, and reflecting for a moment on my relative timespan and size within that.. but rather than feeling insignificant, I felt like a piece within this truly amazing, constantly growing jigsaw puzzle. If anything, I may have gained some sense of ego or awareness of self from a psychedelic experience.

 

[Kaden_Nite]

Saturday morning. Just had a small dose of MXE, hoping it gives a bit of a mood boost and that smooth sailing outlook.

I could really use it at the moment

Edit: Ended up being a really smooth ride for the first few hours, then I took half an antihistamine pill, doxylamine, which really knocked me on my ass (in all fairness, it is sold as an OTC sleeping pill), but I persevered, ended up going out for dinner and a walk around a beachside town.

All in all, good day and pleasant evening. Will never take an antihistamine while on dissociatives again though.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Celebrating my girlfriends birthday today, it's gonna be a real nice day. Got her this beautiful black opal necklace and picked out a cute card, wrote something from my heart. Going to take her out for dinner and rent a hotel room for the night. Have 150 iSi n2O carts for us to make balloons with, really excited she should get here very soon and the festivities will commence.

Catch y'all on the flip-side Swirly Folks

 

[Chris Timothy]

Have an opalescent one Charlie!

 

[Kaleida]