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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Somatic Swirly Sepia Summer Sausage Stage Set Suppository

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Delsyd said:
Reading while dissociated was great though, it had a similar effect like watching movies on dissociatives where you feel like you are in the movie.
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Yeeeeep. The evening I spent on 3-MeO-PCP reading the entire thing was one of the most entertaining evenings of the past year.
 
pharmakos said:
hey @xammy, did you know you don't exist? :)

This Dude Accidentally Convinced the Internet that Finland Doesn’t Exist
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I'm imagining xammy holing on 3-meo-pcp totally agreeing with you. ;)

I took 600mg of codeine this morning. Very clear cwe but I'm finding this stuff is bothering me. I seem to be vomiting every second day or so when I wake up. I get worried about paracetamol, I'm careful with my extraction but I'm sure some of its getting through. I just like that opiates make me...not euphoric, just content. Normal. And I can't tolerate feeling suicidal. Its not even like I think it intentionally, it just comes into my head so regularly. I'm sure its how ill end it. I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist it forever.

I should be back on methadone or subs. Whole other can there though.

Sorry for disturbing content peeps. :\
 
swilow, I feel for you. depression is a motherfucker. oblivion is tempting but every time i embrace it I always regret. how's the weather there? can you swim or run or anything?
 
daily codeine probably messes with your stomach a lot even sans APAP, especially if its a first thing in the morning thing.

you already thought about that tho, i'm sure.

do you think methadone or subs would be better? those can be hard to kick themselves.

at the end of the day, tho -- at least you're just on codeine, dude. things could be a whole lot worse. so when you're not on codeine you feel suicidal unless you're high. imagine if it was heroin -- you would feel suicidal even when you're high, because you're a rational enough person that you wouldn't be okay with picking that habit back up. is it breaking your bank? you said you don't really get much of a withdrawal if you ever have to quit (potential withdrawals being a big issue for me with any particular drug, because hey, what if society collapses?)

that is not to say that there being few downsides with codeine in comparison is an excuse to keep using. if you want to quit, figure out a way to but--

don't let your codeine habit be the factor that depresses you into needing codeine.



no worries on the downbeat content, imo -- at least its happier than my news usually is. =p
 
SKL said:
I found actual DXM powder (not extract; pre-pharmaceutical) to be a lot different than cough syrup and derivations thereof especially with regards to side effects (GI/etc-some of which are innate to taking DXM but also many of which can be put down to ingesting that horrible stuff),and, while this is probably a placeb (nocebo) effect,the experience to be much cleaner, too, although who knows about taking the other shit in cough syrup (not speaking of active drugs but rather syrups, colors, flavors, whatever) in large amounts, could easily give one a headache and feeling a bit crappy; I never did like DXM but once I took ~750(iirc)mg of the pure product, it was like a different drug, much more "trippy" in an LSD-like sense with a touch of ketamine, much less just "fucked up" generally
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You could be onto something here, although I've never had the powder. Previously I took a no-name brand of syrup and had bad GI effects. This time I went for the gels, and it was like a different drug, much cleaner. I found it can be pretty LSD-like as well, especially in the way that it liquefies music. But it's definitely dissociative in that there's not much content to the visuals. I've never mixed it with cannabis so that is new to me. I described the combination to a friend as being "what PCP SHOULD be like" but that's only my own projection.

Just curious. Has anyone here experimented with dissociatives and meditation for the purposes of metaprogramming?
 
part of the milder feel of DXM powder is due to the body's difficulty in absorbing it. cough medicine has a few extra ingredients in it that allows your gut to process it better.

but that said, i would say the majority of the side effects of cough medicine are from the inactive ingredients. especially large doses of mannitol can have a pretty bad effect on the GI.

i did use dissociatives for metaprogramming for awhile when i first started with them. at the time it felt effective. its been nearly 10 years, tho.
 
swilow said:
I'm imagining xammy holing on 3-meo-pcp totally agreeing with you. ;)

I took 600mg of codeine this morning. Very clear cwe but I'm finding this stuff is bothering me. I seem to be vomiting every second day or so when I wake up. I get worried about paracetamol, I'm careful with my extraction but I'm sure some of its getting through. I just like that opiates make me...not euphoric, just content. Normal. And I can't tolerate feeling suicidal. Its not even like I think it intentionally, it just comes into my head so regularly. I'm sure its how ill end it. I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist it forever.

I should be back on methadone or subs. Whole other can there though.

Sorry for disturbing content peeps. :\
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It'll be okay man <3 I'm sure many of us here struggle with depression/addiction/suicidal thoughts. I certainly do. Hang in there, the world needs people like PD heads.
 
herbavore said:
Fantastic--love your positivity Xork--it never feels forced.You illustrate my view that when you genuinely love life it loves you back tenfold.:)<3
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Hey, thanks. :) I got sick for a week and a half after that, but it was worth it. Last week I had a bad cold and then I felt better last weekend, and this week started with a total loss of voice. Today is my first day back to relative normality.

Kinda drunk actually. I got to smoke weed again, looks like I'll be sleeping soundly tonight. I didn't realize not smoking weed would bring back my insomnia from when I was way younger, basically a kid, but I guess I haven't not smoked weed in this long in... quite a while.

swilow said:
I'm imagining xammy holing on 3-meo-pcp totally agreeing with you. ;)

I took 600mg of codeine this morning. Very clear cwe but I'm finding this stuff is bothering me. I seem to be vomiting every second day or so when I wake up. I get worried about paracetamol, I'm careful with my extraction but I'm sure some of its getting through. I just like that opiates make me...not euphoric, just content. Normal. And I can't tolerate feeling suicidal. Its not even like I think it intentionally, it just comes into my head so regularly. I'm sure its how ill end it. I don't know if I'm strong enough to resist it forever.

I should be back on methadone or subs. Whole other can there though.

Sorry for disturbing content peeps. :\
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Hey man, don't apologize. I really hope you can get past it one day. Depression is a weird thing. So hard (impossible?) to see out of. But when you're out of it, it's like, wow, I can't believe I went there. Brains are weird.

<3<3<3
 
Have any of y'all seen this animated video, "I, pet goat II"?

[video=vimeo;44583147]https://vimeo.com/44583147[/video]

Pretty mindblowing stuff. Apparently the video is an attempt at transcribing a vision of one of the creators'.
 
Whoa. No, not until now. Damn, that's a heavy thing right there.
 
You guys are great. :) I will respond in more depth at some point.

Brains are weird.
 
damn I got a tiny drop of Methyl Iodide (toxic, probably carcinerogenic) on my glove (index finger) in the lab today, and apparantly it diffused through the fucking fabric. when I realized that I felt a burning Sensation, I immediately took em off and thoroughly washed my Hands. now the spot itches and my anxiety is a bit elevated.

but I researched it and I think with that tiny amount I actually absorbed, I should be fine lol
 
Damn that would sketch me out too!

More weird dreams last night. This thread has become multi-purposed as a dream journal for me, heh.

In this dream, I was in my hometown with my bass player friend, R, we were there for a show his band was putting on, and he was telling me about how we should have a hotel party that night and I should invite my friends. I was like, yeah that would be awesome! So I invited my best friend from childhood, B, who was visiting from where he lives now at the same time, and one of my other old friends, J, who actually lives in Florida now but in the dream still lived in our hometown. But then my friend B was like, hey, you should come to my parents' house, and have the party there, we upgraded the deck and got a new pool and a huge hot tub. So I spent some time convincing R and J to come to B's house instead of the hotel (for some reason this took quite a lot of time and effort, they were very resistant). Eventually everyone was on board, and I was so excited because B and R haven't met but I think they would be fast friends, they're both hilarious dudes in a similar way, I am convinced a social gathering with both of them would be among the most fun ever. In the dream, R and J had already met, though in real life that's not true.

Well, then I woke up. I mean I didn't really, I was still sleeping, but I thought I had woken up. I was at B's house, and I was like, whoa, I had an intense dream that we were going to have a party here with R and J. He told me that would be awesome, and I should arrange it. It was a bit of a bummer because I had spent a good amount of time organizing and convincing them to come in my "dream", but I went ahead and called them up and did it again. I remember checking out B's pool/hot tub, I grew up playing in his pool and they had built the deck out to gargantuan and awesome proportions and the pool was actually much larger and moved, and the area where the pool used to be, the same size, was a massive hot tub, it was so bad ass. Anyway, in mid-conversation with B, after organizing the party again and being excited, I woke up again. Except I was still dreaming, but again thought I had really woken up, but I also remembered each dream layer still (each layer got more lucid than the last too). I was a little frustrated, but believed I was really awake this time. I was at B's house again, except this time, it was a cold, gray day with a very dark overtone to it, and all around, littering the streets and yards, were dead bodies, as if there had been a battle. Our task (ours alone it seemed) was to go around and bag up the bodies. It was grisly work, many of them were decomposing significantly, but for some reason you could never tell until you went to bag them, and then you'd end up with nasty goo and horrible smells. It was really pretty terrible, although the emotional impact of it was blunted in that dream-like way, it wasn't a nightmare by any means. Meanwhile, I'm simultaneously trying to organize this party again. B seemed to have no problem with the bodies, it seemed routine to him like this happened every day, but it was hard for me. He noticed, and then we had this big talk that felt really therapeutic about my "problem" with dead bodies. I was like, man, it just creeps me out, I hate it. I hate the smells, it's disgusting, plus I feel like I just don't want to be around dead bodies. Then we talked through it like we were discussing some sort of inappropriate neurosis of mine, like a therapy session. Afterwards I felt like we had made "progress" and I could hopefully one day stop being disturbed by dead bodies.

Then I actually woke up.

Brains are fucking weird!
 
I get a sense of the dead bodies being as your own. Your abusive and manipulative marriage, your opiate addiction, etc. In your dreams a relatively common theme seems to be going back to your ex-wife, or going back to using, and then feeling immensely guilty once you've realized what you've done. This latest dream seems to show some latent desire to further accept and transmute guilt and shame surrounding those events / periods in your life. B representing the possibility that yes, in fact, not only is cleaning up the dead bodies necessary, the continuing act of doing so will further release the emotional charge around it.
 
I had an odd dream last night too. Took place in a little café upstate in the fictional county of Oshwega where I frequently went for bagels and stuff and king shit of fuck mountain types like I eventually became in that town would traditionally go to for sit downs, in this kind of upper area, the whole thing being a converted old church and this being the back-choir, usually chained off but opened up when we wanted a little privacy (we all knew the owner who had his own fingers in a few pies too.)

But nothing like that was going on, no business or anything. I was just pursuing this woman who I was pursuing like about 15 years ago.

Then one of my friends kind of casually walks by and says, I need you hold this, I'm leaving town, drops a small black gym bag on the counter and in it's a broken down AK type pistol (non gun people this looks like the standard AK but scaled down basically and might fire rifle rounds or pistol rounds but is too small to shoot from your shoulder, that's the official definition basically), all in black metal. I ask him if he's in trouble and he says hes and I offer him a few hundred dollars for the thing if it's gonna be any help and he says yeah and then walks down to the bus station and I zip up the bag and put it under the table. The girl is looking totally horrified, then I get called up to take our order, and she's trying to leave and I to persuade her not to, and I woke up.

This is also probably darkly symbolic. "Taking up the gun" and stuff being a powerful figure of speech. Although I have no inclination to violence now or nobody I'd need to be violent with. Does make me want to go shoot some AKs upstate, though. Come Christmastime probably ...
 
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I had a vivid dream last night too, where I met Bob Weir at some sort of Dead show. Then I had to leave to get my sister from the airport, which I didn't end up actually having to do... so I was sad because I wanted to see the whole concert. I was heading back to try and find a friend I'd left there when I suddenly awoke. It felt very real and I was pretty bummed upon awakening and realizing that none of it was real hahah.
 
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