Damn headphones, that sucks.
I didn't realize you were back on opiates. Do they do some sort of test to prove your claims? I ask because if not, maybe you could exaggerate how bad it is, say you use needles, etc.
I found one and going to them was probably the single dumbest thing I ever did in my life. Yea I am back on as of a few months ago, after all that hell I went through to quit methadone I allowed my roommate to talk me into snorting just a bit of oxy. We had bad people hanging around the house and opioids were begin passed around for free so I quickly went back to my old ways. Not putting it on those people, it was my decision, but having it around like that certainly didn't help. I saw it was becoming a problem so I told my friend I was going back on 'done again until I could cold turkey. Within a few days we weren't roommates, I'll spare the details but it was bad enough that I packed my shit up and got the fuck out.
Anyway, I ended up with my Grandmother. I stayed here about a month or so before I caved and stole a few Hydros from her bottle to get me through until I could re-up on 'done. She found out and I felt so terrible that I just quit cold turkey again a few days later. She became so concerned that I agreed to "get help" and bought some subs to hold me until proper induction. I called around to several places and finally one let me in. I can not even begin to described how pissed off I was after leaving that place:
- Didn't even see a doctor
- The Nurse didn't explain anything other than "take two twice a day". 32mg, really!?
- They only accepted cash, $400 blown on nothing between the script and the visit
- They didn't even ask about my drug history
and the main thing I took issue with: Monitored UA screen for drugs? Fucking terrible, you guys on sub long term really put up with this twice a month?
Despite knowing better the addict in me was freaking out because they didn't call the script in correctly. I waited 2 hours like the addict I am with my poor Grandmother at the pharmacy before that was sorted out. Was left on hold for 45 minutes while they tracked down someone to call it in. I got home and took 2mg on top of the 4mg I had taken that morning. I was high as a fucking kite. I'd taken sub before many times so I'm unsure why it hit me so hard that night. I smoked a joint about an hour after taking it so maybe that was why.
Anyway I'm determined that I am going to beat this damn monkey again. I tossed 14 days worth of doses (@ 32mg), burned it with the trash. Told my Grandmother it's a money racket. Took a lot of convincing but she finally came around when I explained that I got a script for the most potent opioid I can get _without_ even seeing a doctor. She's going to help me but we're doing this on my terms, I agreed to do anything she asked as far as that goes aside from taking opioid replacement treatment. I don't have the answers but I know subs ain't anything different, especially from that one particular place. I really thought they were going to help but they are just looking to cash in on my addiction.
Perhaps Iboga in a few months but nothing until then. I've tossed everything including my pot stash. I've even tossed my phone and all my pipes aside from one that is sentimental because someone close to me bought it for me as a gift 10 years ago. I feel like such an idiot for spending that money on the sub doctor, I could've fixed my car instead or bought 2 months worth of groceries. I'll probably be away from BL for awhile too...this place gives me the urge sometimes. At least I have family helping out this go round and I've run off all my friends that use (which is all of them aside from one, but he lives so far away I only see him like twice a year). Really thinking about moving out of state once I'm over this. I'll never find decent work here anyway.
28 hours "clean", still waiting for this damn bupe to get out of my system.
Help (and everyone else)
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
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