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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

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Beautiful. :) I love Final Fantasy music, I figured out the first half of the theme song and I throw it into jams sometimes. Also Terra's Theme, which is one of the most beautiful songs I can think of.
 
psy997 said:
I don't understand why you seem to enjoy bragging about your enormously self-destructive behaviors, the awareness you have around their - it sounds inevitable - crashes, and joking about going loony, to people that genuinely care about your well-being and have invested an, at this point, pretty big amount of time and energy into supporting and caring for you. It feels like a big ole "Fuck You" to me. Seriously. Why would you ever brag about knowingly going psychotic, possibly getting jailed, and more to it sounds like some of the few people in this world that care about you.

I say this with all the love in the world, dude. What the fuck.
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cause its more fun that way
why do you think i do speed in the first place? it makes me cold
thats what i like
background you may not have been aware of
I was in the club back in november not tweakin
I had been there like 45 mins i'm in the back kinda by the bar
I hear someone who i know very well
someone who shouldn't have been talkin about me like that
she said oh xxxxxx is here, he's a methhead etc etc.
i hadn't even been tweakin or none of that
it took a month for me to be fucked up over it
and since then i've been back and forth over it between sad and not caring
idc anymore if i'm supposedly a methhead fuck it, i like meth and if i'm not tweakin and i'm still a methhead then fuck it
why quit cause i dont do it that bad anyway
thats bout to change though soon as i have cash coming in.
 
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^llama, you should try and make a clean break and find a new social group if people are treating you like that. You don't have to be what people say you are, nor do you have to even see those people. Get away from them man. If you can't move, at least change up your social scene/venues you visit.
 
Bruh if you're being watched because of meth use (or having delusions of being watched about your meth use) its my opinion you're doing it that bad anyway.
 
Cream Gravy? said:
^llama, you should try and make a clean break and find a new social group if people are treating you like that. You don't have to be what people say you are, nor do you have to even see those people. Get away from them man. If you can't move, at least change up your social scene/venues you visit.
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this was when i saw sigma (again ive seen him before)
nah this was someone who shouldnt have been talking about me like that esp to people who dont even know me.
the best part is she wouldnt deny being at the club but i could never get an admission of "yes i said that"
the funny part is is that i WAS tweakin when i went out last week and noone thought i was. so when i am actually tweakin im mellow and chill and shit and noone suspects a damn thing but when im not i get a bunch of shit behind my back (literally behind my back. she was standing maybe 15 feet behind me)
 
double post because im on mobile
and mind you she only knew i had been doing speed over the summer because i had called her to ask to talk (we hadnt talked for like 9 months before that) because i needed emotional support because i wasnt happy with things and i wanted her help.
so we had talked for like 2 hours and at the end of the conversation she says no matter the past i will always love and care about you
then 2 months later i go to see sigma and she then said what she did to some chick i dont know. the incident in the above posts about what i heard behind my back (and she said something else that really upset me not just oh hes a methhead that im not going into)
so the only person i ever let my walls down for and looked to for support did that to me and since then ive been more cold
just got a full time job
i'm in there and its something i can be tweakin at work and be cool
first check i gotta put shit away and hit the burgh but i can prob afford speed too
excited
 
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Finding it damn near impossible to get into a suboxone treatment program. Yesterday I called three doctors and one clinic all of whom said they'd return my call and schedule me for in take and no one even bothered to call back. Going to call back all of them today and see wtf is going on. I finally reached out for help and no one even gives a fuck. It's like you have to have a needle hanging out of your arm for them to even consider you. I would have thought a 15 year affair with opioids would be enough.

I have three days worth of subs I bought off the street left before I'm forced to face w/d again and a Grandparent that won't leave me alone. I'm considering making her call to see if they'll hurry things along.
 
that sucks
if by chance you were in south PA i know a good suboxone doctor who i used to see. she was mad chill didn't throw me off when most doctors probably would have.
shit i was doing speed all summer and (i had already been on for 9 months) i told her like 3 or 4 times like yeah i'm failing again and she was like welllll sinceyou're clean from opiates you stay. stop doing speed though and i was like yeah sure.
idk though since i've gotten accustomed to being off em in the street i'm chillin.
i wanted to go back on the first few days ive been back in the street but since then i'm straight chillin.
 
Damn headphones, that sucks. :( I didn't realize you were back on opiates. Do they do some sort of test to prove your claims? I ask because if not, maybe you could exaggerate how bad it is, say you use needles, etc.
 
yeah theyll test him. they have to by law (or at least any reasonable/legit doctor will). they may or may not run levels (and they will once youre on to makesure youre actually taking it) but you have to be dirty to go on.
they have to see you for your induction while youre in withdrawal and they do a form and shit and grade how severe your physical dependance is.
ive heard of mad people who (imo) shouldbt even be on subs getting on them. it shouldnt be an issue of he isnt using enough if hes legit using because ive heard of people who are only taking a few hydros a day getting on. its actually something that bothered me when i was trying to get on because i was using heroin and doctors were full and i was like the fuck all these people who arent even doing enough to need maintenance (eg hydrocodone) are taking up spots.
subs work but imo if you arent gonna be on at least 12 or 16 you shouldnt be taking it. i read some literature from one of the buprenorphine makers sayinf the minimum reccomended maintenance dose is 12mg. i was on 16 because i kept mine low and they always made sure to ask if it was still enough. i started on 12 my first week and then got bumped up to 16.
it worked for me though id do it again if i needed to.
generally if you can afford it and they have a spot theyll take you. if they wont even really consider seeing you then you prob arent a real candidate for maintenance. if you dont use every day you arent really a candidate for maintenance
 
SKL was totally right about me. I?m a damaged piece of shit.

To anyone I attacked in my thread from two years ago: sorry

Nardil/Phenelzine is one hell of a drug.
 
iu
 
Social thread is a touch grim atm.
I can only offer a <3

Llama, I can barely understand what you are talking about a lot of the time but chill the fuck out on the meth. With all due respect, I don't particularly want to keep reading about people you think are talking about you. I hope you are okay mate.


I hope you get on the suboxone HeadphonesandLSD. In my case, it was alifesaver but I am pleased to be off it now. Still feeling pretty shitty though, almost 4 weeks clean :\
 
Yes but its beautiful that we have a place to come to unload dark things with no judgement. Only care, concern, and heartfelt advice in return.

Llama it seems like you don't love yourself and have no confidence... :( Take the time to get to know yourself and realize your own worth. When you get far enough you won't give a fuck what people think about you because you concretely know who you are. That's a beautiful thing. I've posted alongside of you for years and have wished you'd realize your a cool good guy... Stop eating meth and do other less self destructive drugs. Crack and meth users who tweak out and get super paranoid are people I can't really understand... How can you be having fun when your window peeping and thinking people are out to get you?!? It's an odd thing because obviously stimulant lovers love to keep returning to that seemingly horrible state...

Much love <3 to all of you and especially those that are struggling. Ill be thinking of you sending positive vibes and continually hoping you guys reach a better place! I'm doing well just working on my personal shit trying to get my shit in place. It'll take awhile but I'm happy to be in this place! :)
 
So good to hear you're doing well Help. :) And bringing words of wisdom. Our internal dialogue is a story we tell ourselves over and over every day. You have to learn to not attaching to the stuff you tell yourself that hurts you, like "I'm worthless", "I'm a fuckup", "I can't do this", and so on. Accept that the thought has occurred and let it disappear instead of clinging to it. It's the way forward, you need to train your brain to have the internal dialogue you want it to.
 
Roarkoth said:
So good to hear you're doing well Help. :) And bringing words of wisdom. Our internal dialogue is a story we tell ourselves over and over every day. You have to learn to not attaching to the stuff you tell yourself that hurts you, like "I'm worthless", "I'm a fuckup", "I can't do this", and so on. Accept that the thought has occurred and let it disappear instead of clinging to it. It's the way forward, you need to train your brain to have the internal dialogue you want it to.
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Thanks brother you know I'm always here to try to toss a bit of Help?!? around! It hurts to see people struggle with this stuff. Once you've done what I elcited too your internal dialogue won't really do that to much anymore. No ones worthless especially if their a good person who's trying. Really trying is the important thing! Its hard its not easy. You must wade through the disgusting muck you've built up in your mind and soul. You need to turn it into crystal clear flowing water. Things become much easier then. Practice mindfulness. Living in the moment is excessively important. If your stuck in the past or future you can't properly appreciate or deal with what's happening in those moments. Its a vicious cycle because then you tell yourself your fucking up again but your just stuck. If your not there appreciating what's happening you can't see the beauty in front of you. The ugliness won't matter much to you anymore. Meditate if you can. It makes it easier to deal with your thoughts.

Its a process for sure but its one of the most important journies you can undertake. You come become more evolved ready to live life as you please!

Swiler how are you doing?!?

TNW that sucks but that FF stuff is totally awesome and sweet! Feel better brother!

<3's
 
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