I apologize up front - emotions are high as I am in a lot of pain.
I am not old. I am 37, have a wife and two kids (7 and 9). I figured I would go create an anonymous post on a recreational drug user forum, whereas the intent was to to help actually educate without any prejudiced. I thought the user community here may have some base knowledge or experience that I could actually get educated on.
Honestly, I feel that because I receive medicine through an RX that I am being kicked to the curb here. It took me 45 minutes to write that little bit of information, and I am being threatened to have the thread closed based on value not measured from I - the person who initiated the attempt to get information or help? Yeah, I already said I am emotional and that got me to use another 1/2 box of tissue. It is hard to reply to your questions (Monk) when I feel totally unwelcome and perceived stupid.
Yes - I have asked my doctor and their team.
I am in a situation where the doctors don't have answers or drive suggestions. The whole reason I am on Ketamine is based on a post I created here, had an intelligent conversation with another person, who recommended it for the 'said medical reasons. It was great advice, and moved the support for my case much further that nearly 2 million in medical bills have thus far...
I am sorry - I am angry and think it is easier to just go ahead and end it.
My intent with this thread was to find other people who are essentially opiate tolerant to the point Opiates don't work for them anymore (which is where I believe I am) and to see what they do to continue to survive. I was trying to compare my high amounts of opiates to anyone else who would post their amounts to show they were in the same realm as I - and what information followed I could glean on and try to continue to survive.
Else, it takes hours for me to write a book about the various medical problems that I have, the 34 different RX medicines that I take, the background/nature of each doctor and procedure I have had and interact with - only for someone to maybe find little value in that and closing that post down as well?
Yeah, I am on hospice. I am in the drivers seat. I essentially have an unlimited RX pad and can get whatever I want as long as it actually has a medical application. Why? The doctors are tired, lazy, or have given up on me as well as everyone else in the world. Take for example:
Two days ago I was vomiting and hadn't eaten in two days. Hospice comes out to see me as their scheduled to do, and I feel near death. Full of pain, nausea, vomiting, dry, etc. They said I look bad and called the doctor. Waited an hour for him to return the call. Asked me what was wrong, told them the issues, they gave me some Ondastat that I already had been taken (sublingual). Pain had still been high, and the doctor increases the bolus for the button push pump from 40mg to 44mg. I tell them it was a waste, as I can do 40 - with a nurses clinical 40 right after, wait 8 minutes, do another 40mg and have the nurse do her clinical on top for another 40 (160mg in 10 minutes of delaudid) and it does nothing for me. Yet, raising my bolus from 40 to 44 was the answer to my problems?
I asked for fentaghin or whatever its called, so I can IV it with my port. This would prevent my nausia and knock me out. I then tell them that the ketamine has been the only drug that makes a difference in physical feeling - and they go from 150mg /3ml a night to 3ml three times a day.
See the pattern here? I tell them - they do.
Please don't take a forum post that took me hours to write, and close it down because YOU didn't see any value to it?
I dont have the magic questions but need help. I can barely move my hands and fingers to write, nor see as everything is blurry as shit. What I would like please:
- Any recommendations of any medicines that will make pain go away.
- Any recommendations for any enhancing medications to take with already prescribed medications to make the more powerful.
- Any recommendations for any drug to alter my sense of reality of a short time being, maybe allowing me to bypass time when things are really bad?
Thats all I got at this point.