Im not sure if one of my keyworkers is a bit confused or mixed up, but she got me a bit concerened today about the dangers of multiple quit attempts and how hard it is on your body. Christ Im not disputing how hard it is, but its not actually dangerous in the same way that benzo cessation can be is it ?
Ive currently fallen off the wagon, but am trying to keep my dose as low as possible, and want to keep the duration of this relapse as short as possible, inevitably my body and brain is hungry for more and more. I imagine whatever dose i took i would still want more. I know the higher i let my dose get and the longer i take it for im gonna be making more and more difficult for myself to reduce and stop all over again. What goes up must indeed come down.
I had previously got down to doses that were too low for any kind of high, and were just weening me off the physical dependency before i finally, all be it, briefly, stopped. Im currently craving the high all over again. This really needs at least 1mg which i did yesterday, im not dependant on that dose though but it wouldnt take long for that to happen. I seem to need at least 0.6mg to feel well and have plenty of energy, allthough i keep falling ill, my immune system must be fucked, i seem to have caught every bug thats going over the last month or so. Ive currently got some kind of flu bug again, i must say that bupe is a fucking wonderfull flu remedy. It just totally overpowers it. I keep loosing track of time, i have no idea how long ive been taking it for since the relapse, i think its been intermittent for about a week. I may try and stop again tomorrow, I'll still have the half life of todays and yesterdays dose, and within a couple of days I'll know what shape im in.
Dont know what the point of all that was or even if there was one. Having re-read it i think the point was if i stop today, i may not get myself re-addcited, allthough i will almost certainly have to pick up the withdrawal symptoms from where i left off, or more likely ive set myself back at least a week or so in terms of physical adjustment.