Official Compendium of E-tard moments and quotes

Haha I usually sit there and say "what? what? what?" etc... Haha then some one tells me to stop so I stare at them.... Then ask them "what happen?" Haha pretty stupid I know!
 
at my friends birthday party he told us that we all needed to take the elevator to the fifth floor (of a single story house). right afterwards, he looked very confused and asked us what kinda sandwiches we were talking about again.

my ex then grabbed me as i was walking by him and pulled me very close to him. "dont walk over there, theres lettuce all over the floor." he says. "what? why?" i asked, and he told me it was where first friend just shot it.

------------------------

my best friend and i were laying on the floor and she rolled over to me and goes, "my legs.. fucking legs.. theyre acting just like dumbo did. fucking elephant never listened."

"i am soo very sorry for you, dearest. here, have a cigarette. faerys hate smoke. are you still baking me a cake?" i replied.

that night, my best friend kept calling me humphrey all night. my names tiffani.
 
You know when you start coming down of some heavy rolling you start hallucinating right? Three friends and me were chilling on the couch smoking a joint when suddenly one of my friends jumps up out of the couch because he was scared shitless.. He proceeds to tell his little brother: "FUCK, I thought you were a tiger!" I laughed pretty hard which is quite an achievement with jawlock.
 
i am at house party. there is a line for the bathroom. there is a room in the same hallway as the line. i see a cat litter box. i walk over to said litter box, unzip, and proceed to pee. the girl who lives in said room, walks in on me mid pee. she asks me "are you pee-ing in my cats litter box?!" i reply with "if its good enough for the cat, its good enough for me!!" everyone in line for the bathroom saw this and laughed. the girl who lived in that room laughed. and for the rest of the night, i was "the guy who peed in the cats litter box."
 
no closed doors gracias

condensed version: got pulled over on the way to the club had pills and weed homeboy stuck sack in his ass i popped all the pills, all 4 of them, i was fucked up, we were sitting on the curb waiting for them to search the car and i was coming up by the time, they dont find anything dismiss us and by the time we get to the club i'm getting lost in the street and keep asking my dude where we're going. get to the club all i do is stand on the side of the dj booth letting the bass take me away floored to the max get back to the house and all i can do is play with a little glowtoy. other than the cops it was a good night
 
*Once me and my friend alex walked into a seven eleven to purchase gum and water %) I tell alex to act natural beforehand. The first thing she does is begin dancing around to the music in the store in front of the cashier. To make it worse, when we go to pay for the gum at the register, she notices the variety of gum and begins screaming at me and the cashier about all the different gum flavors she has - "Strawberry kiwi!" "Lemon lime!" "FUCKING PINA COLADA!" She then goes "OMG they have gum for a dollar!" .."That means we can get THREE for 3 dollars!" I just paid quickly and grabbed her by the arm outta there.

*Once whilst lying on the bed I blurted out "russians are the masters of the dragons."

* friend: "so what are we gonna do now?"
Me: "what we do every new years eve...try to take over the fucking world" (it wasn't new years eve and we don't do that.)

*me: (whilst walking to the lake with a friend) "there's always this guy, and he doesn't do anything he just sits there....and they sideshow him." (No idea where that came from)

*me: (lying on the bed dazed) "that's what I just saw on the paper; penis clothing."

*me: (randomly) " a fire truck passes by."

*me: (to my cousin) "you look like a crackhead in a nun-suit."

*me: "what do you see in my eyes?" (After telling my friend I could see his soul in his)
friend: "peanut-seeds."

*Friend: "I think I just heard chuck norris."

*me: "strange how a family of 3 would be here with us at 4 am." (Hallucinated 3 shadow people)
 
I was standing by the fire talking to my friends and i looked at my finger for some reason and noticed that there was hair growing from them. I was startled and wiped them away and then stare at my finger. My friends look at me and i say

"I can see hair growing on my finger, its like when spiders have hair on their legs..."

Another time i was at a smaller festival probably like 200 people max at one point and was tripping balls on what was suppose to be MDMA but i think it was MDA. I was on the dance floor and i looked behind me and seen a girl with a distorted face and her eyes had black rings around them (glasses effect) and everything was morphing around. I freaked and started yelling for my friend to come save me to which I came too sitting next to a fire with no recollection of ever walking over there.

Also on the same night i was standing in a field with my friends and look over and suddenly a face appeared that smiled then flowed away particle style. My jaw dropped

Me: "WHAAAAAaaaaa..."
Friend: "What did you see?! What are you on?"
Me: "OMG OMG there was particles...a face...flowing"
Other Friend: "I want what he's on!"
 
I sit up from edreaming to find my friend yelling to himself in a british accent. He turns to me, agressively points at me and yells "That's the same atrocious aftershave you wore in court 3 years ago!"
 
Damn dude that shit was a crazy night
yea dude to crazy..

wait what did i just say?
i don't remember
 
Me : blah blah blah blah... wait, sorry mate ive fucking forgot what I was saying
Friend : I understand

Terrible for that

I go out dropping all my MDMA and a wrap licky, Im tripping balls, we dont get in the club and end up in a dead pub.

Sophie and Frank : Crap night, might aswell go home
Me : I dunno about you but I'm having a really fucking good time :L
 
The other night I was walking around the countryside in the freezing cold with a cheeseburger on my head, talking in a British accent: "Hello and a half! A hamburger hat is an excellent cap for a chap. Cheerio."
 
A couple friends and I were at the tail end of a rave.

Friend: "When are you going home man?"
Me: "I'm going home when I leave."

I honestly had no idea what was wrong with my response until he turned around and gave me one of those stares like *really?*
 
Me and my friend last night:

G: "Ralph Nader, you know his face kinda looks like a centipede."

Me: "Who Bill Gates?!"

G: "I would have voted for him if he wasn't an insect."

_

Me: *lying on the ground staring at the ceiling* "When are the dolphins gonna stop trying to knock eachother out?"

_

Me: "My stomach hurts."

G: "Do you need me to rub it?"

Me: "Is that what people do?"

G: "Yeah."

Me: "But not a lot of people?

G: "No."

Me: "But we need a lot of people to do the 5th element." LOL
 
were all sitting under a bride, im with my bestfriend as she lights up a bowl;
-oh shit babe i just burnt you!
-what?! i thought you were tickling me!
 
Hahaha i'm sure i've said WAY more fucked up things, but here's some pretty priceless texts i found while rolling on about 6 caps of molly last week:
"How am i living.."
"Don't be so ignorant!"
"Fuuu bro i'm at a high peak in my life"
"dude im jks babies are uncool"
"Fuckin... I love you"

this was to my 25yr old sister who has no idea i do drugs, and is an ivy league college student who was apparently trying to sleep.

the funniest high moments for me have happened on acid though. First time i did it i was extremely disappointed in myself and so upset that i was a carrot. I was mopeing and saying shit like "I'm a FUCKING carrot now", and i kept seeing little african children dancing around me
 
bringing back this thread :p lol

Last night a buddy of mine was rolling balls and kept tweeting shit that made no sense at all

"I feel like we can get two unmarked, unalike things, and we can introduce em and they'd just become best friends :eek: lol"

"I'm fuckin rollin stadiums!? For class? Lol idk"

"Looked up at a star and it looked like it grew into the shape of but he's just layin there as"

Probably the funniest shit ive ever read hahaha When I asked him about it today he said he has no clue what he tried saying =D my break is ending next weekend so I might have some of my own to add. Cant wait :)
 
"Well, I respect all your d*cks, don't ever let anyone tell you they don't respect your d*cks." :\
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top