I think this is the right place
Just started day 4 of begin cold turkey from everything (aside from a little cannabis). I relapsed near the middle of last year after begin clean from opiates for at least 3 months (was not counting days). I went back to oxycodone for pain management (not legally) and went from 20mg to around 80mg a day very quickly. I would need at least 40-50mg to keep from getting sick, and that's with using DXM to keep tolerance in check. Around the middle of December I got a connection for Opana ERs (30mg tablets) and Roxi, tolerance quickly shot up after a couple of weeks of using those. I was also using; 3mg xanax, 100mg DPH, and 50mg DXM a day a long with the opiates (to keep tolerance in check and get a better nod).
I must also add I was using everything nasally too as I have a bit of a "snorting fetish" (NOT xanax/DPH/DXM I ain't THAT stupid
), even those 10/325s Percs knowing how stupid it was to put all that crap up my nose.
Anyway, day one wasn't that bad. Day two consisted of rolling around in bed all day, passing out three or four times for a couple of hours at a time waking up covered in sweat (or slime as I call it
). Day 3 was hell and I think the peak of the withdrawal, I was at a point yesterday around 1pm where I would have shot myself if I would have had ammo for the shotgun, my head hurt so much and no matter what I did I couldn't fall asleep. At some point I did manage 6 hours of sleep and when I awoke the pain was mostly gone, I awoke late last night and finally managed to have a bowel movement and eat a proper meal. Now on day four I'm in good spirits, and aside from a bad case of the runs (gone through ALOT of TP
) I'm feeling better than I have in a long time.
I know my habit isn't as bad as some, but I've been struggling with it for sure. I was real close to trying the needle but thankfully all my supplies ran out and I had no way to buy more (everyone is out until they refill and there is no H/non-prescription opiates to be found). So I wasn't exactly planning on going cold turkey, or quitting, but now I'm dead set on kicking this shit and kicking it for good.
BTW I'm going through this using nothing thus far to help with withdrawal: No benzos, no OTC sleep-aids, nothing to keep my guts from constantly begin loose. I want to feel all the pain and all that hell, its a constant reminder not to go back on. As I improve little by little each day I feel better for kicking and not needing a replacement/help. I did consider a taper (and actually had a family member offer to buy and hold pills for me and taper me down) but now since I'm four days CT I don't see much point.
My only hope is PAWS doesn't set in like it did last time. I think even if it does I won't be hoping back on anytime soon. I finally admitted my problems to my parents and other family members this time around and if I were to get high on anything opiate related atm I'd feel too guilty about it to enjoy it.
I plan on counting the days, and setting small goals for each day. Today's goal is to get out of the house and see a non-using friend which I'll be doing in the afternoon. Tomorrow's goal is to do at least 10 minutes of simple physical activity (sit-ups, push-ups, jogging, whatever). I'm going to continue with that and hopefully get up to at least an hour a day.
I figure if I can make it to day 365 I'm in the clear, wish me luck.
