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Nothing stop this depression.

l41n said:
maybe do some reading on effexor (venlafaxine)
it is a snri
im on day 2 of 37mg and ill increase to 75mg tmrw and stay at that dosage for a month probably.

based on my reading it seems like one of the most promising antidepressants, especially for anxiety and low energy.

i am already not catastrophising about the future, and my heartbreak from my ex leaving me months ago is improved a lot already.

it just needs a really gradual and long taper when you want to discontinue.

and its taken with food in the morning generally, and propanolol 20-40mg can help with side effects like akathasia when starting a new dosage as needed.

i have bipolar so it could make me manic but i have olanzapine and seroquel on hand if it gets to that, i was near my ropes end before anyway.
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Effexor/pristiq (desvenlafaxine) are both pretty damn good. Probably the easiest antidepressants on your mind and body.
 
Eryximachus said:
What are people's success with medical antidepressants? Every time I have tried SSRIs I get manic/aggressive/anxious. Never tried other classes.
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SSRIs worked pretty well for me, honestly. Better than bupropion, but it's still a good one for it being a stimulating antidepressant without as big a chance of causing mania, but it might increase anxiety.

How long were your SSRI trials? Usually they give it at least four weeks. Can take up to 12. I think that increased anxiety and agitation is more of an acute response that in many cases goes away with time.

There are also atypical ones such as mirtazapine and trazodone that help sleep too. And MAOIs, an old class for treatment-resistance but you need a special diet for it. Augmentation with a low dose of aripiprazole shows promise, and with other antipsychotics. Sometimes they put you on two at once.

But maybe what might be best is a mood stabilizer, one that works for both depression and mania. Lithium is the gold standard for that, but you need regular blood tests. Other main mood stabilizers are lamotrigine and valproic acid. Benzos might help mania, kind of unsure about that one.
 
My experiences with SSRIs/SNRIs =

- Intense nausea / random projectile vomiting
- Increased myoclonic jerks
- Mild serotonin syndrome (vomiting, hand tremors, extreme burning sensations inside the body)
- Feeling numb/flat in a way that's worse than I already do when depressed
- Dead sex drive
- Insomnia
- Anhedonia
- Constant restlessness / feeling like I have to keep moving my body/limbs
- Other gastrointestinal distrubances
- And ultimately still feel depressed, if not worse So not worth the side effects


Some people say AD's work for them, but there isn't even much evidence showing SSRI's are any better than placebo.
In fact, there's hardly any evidence suggesting that depression is truly caused by a lack or imbalance of serotonin. No doctors are scanning people's brains for serotonin levels & then comparing them after they've been on an SSRI. So it's basically just a BS theory to sell SSRIs to people.


The last antipsychotic I tried, caused me to lose my ability to drive temporarily, made me feel like I was thinking through a pound of mud & I ended up with a spasm in my eyelid daily for 5 months after stopping it. I was convinced it would never go away.
 
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DeathIndustrial88 said:
People give all this advice like "get a life/friends/etc.."... Which isn't a bad thing. But it also isn't going to solve a deep clinical depression.
I use to have all kinds of friends & went to parties & did all kinds of things in my late 20's and still had depression.
And although it makes me even more depressed not being able to do all those things now, it still isn't always the answer either.


Drugs absolutely can help. I spent 2 weeks recently on a full agonist and I got up & cleaned & interacted with people & did all kinds of shit that I wouldn't be able to tolerate normally. To me, that = helping.


Most people with chronic major depression are always going to be looking to medicate it away because not much else will help.
Anyone who says "Well I WAS depressed & now I'm not thanks to (insert non-drug options x, y & z here)" probably did not have a depression disorder to begin with.

Everyone gets depressed from time to time. Thats natural & normal. Just like it's normal for regular people to some times get anxious or have anxiety/phobias. But people without depression disorders will of course get better after some time & those with major depression disorder are going to have to live with it returning over & over & over again.


I understand this plight. No amount of social interaction or quitting anything will fix a major depressive disorder. It may fix some one who's depressed for regular reasons though. I've dealt with this for roughly 30 years now & it hasn't gotten much better, especially without drugs.

Being on a partial agonist opioid has toned down my intense urge to self destruct during depressive episodes, but my depression would be treated better with a full agonist.

I've done the whole psychedelics, dissos thing & while I do think they're valuable to use & have around from time to time, the anti-depressant effects only last a day or two (if that anymore) for me. It's not like they "cure" it or anything. Where as opiates are something I can utilize daily to try & function better. Although thanks to the ignorant society we live in, this isn't completely viable long term.
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I've found that there's just no explaining chronically recurring depression to most people. Some people have told me, "Oh, you just make yourself that way."

I think that some individuals who have these amazing recoveries after taking some SSRI for a little while probably would have recovered without it. They possibly didn't have Major Depressive Disorder.

I appreciate your post for testifying to how relentless recurring depression can be. The relapsing again and again becomes demoralizing in the extreme.
 
DesertHarp said:
I've found that there's just no explaining chronically recurring depression to most people. Some people have told me, "Oh, you just make yourself that way."

I think that some individuals who have these amazing recoveries after taking some SSRI for a little while probably would have recovered without it. They possibly didn't have Major Depressive Disorder.

I appreciate your post for testifying to how relentless recurring depression can be. The relapsing again and again becomes demoralizing in the extreme.
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Absolutely!

That is my opinion as well, that people who feel better after taking an SSRI are either just getting really good placebo effects or would have gotten better with time anyway.

And I've known other people (like my mom for example) who was on Lexapro for 30+ years & although she claimed it helped her, from my perspective, she was still depressed, cause she was unmotivated, lethargic & unsocial. But my mom was also the type to trust anything a doctor said or threw at her too.

Major depression is awful & can completely rob you of your ability to live. Hard to enjoy anything, even if you normally would enjoy it.
A lot of people automatically think "sad" or something when people say "depression", but it's' so much more than feeling sad. It's daily body aches, it's chronic fatigue, it's no motivation, it's complete loss of will, hopelessness, isolation, etc..etc..


Some times I'll have like a day or two where I'll feel okay or "normal", but it's rare. The other 5-6 days a week, I'm in physical pain, no energy, no ambition, inability to enjoy anything, including my favorite hobbies that I've had all my life. Some days I can't even type or speak to people because I just don't have the energy.


I may not be trying to hang myself every other week or downing bottles of DXM & vodka anymore (thanks to suboxone mostly), but from my experience, my depression really hasn't gotten better as I've gotten older. In fact, the realization that I'm gonna be 40 in a few years just adds a whole other level of shittiness on top of how I already feel.
 
My Vicodin is by prescription and legally obtained. If I moved in circles where I got offered drugs that were sourced illegally, I probably would have had a hard time turning them down. The need to get some relief from feeling miserable is something I just don't have words to explain.

In my case, I'm very accomplished at putting on a fake front like I'm fine. People around me have no idea what I'm experiencing inside. My primary provider prescribes my amitriptyline, the only antidepressant that ever helped somewhat. She never even asks me how I'm doing, in terms of managing my depressive disorder. She figures I'm stable and managing okay because I don't come into her office acting all depressed. I'ld be afraid to tell her how things really are because I'm afraid that might make her nervous about providing me with an opioid. I get enough of a supply to provide me with a lethal dose, if I was looking to "off" myself, which I'm not planning anytime soon. So I confide little in her because I don't want to rock the boat and lose my hydrocodone.

My tolerance is such that I hardly feel much from a single tablet, but it helps a bit. I would not want to lose even that small modicum of half-ass relief.
 
DesertHarp said:
My Vicodin is by prescription and legally obtained. If I moved in circles where I got offered drugs that were sourced illegally, I probably would have had a hard time turning them down. The need to get some relief from feeling miserable is something I just don't have words to explain.

In my case, I'm very accomplished at putting on a fake front like I'm fine. People around me have no idea what I'm experiencing inside. My primary provider prescribes my amitriptyline, the only antidepressant that ever helped somewhat. She never even asks me how I'm doing, in terms of managing my depressive disorder. She figures I'm stable and managing okay because I don't come into her office acting all depressed. I'ld be afraid to tell her how things really are because I'm afraid that might make her nervous about providing me with an opioid. I get enough of a supply to provide me with a lethal dose, if I was looking to "off" myself, which I'm not planning anytime soon. So I confide little in her because I don't want to rock the boat and lose my hydrocodone.

My tolerance is such that I hardly feel much from a single tablet, but it helps a bit. I would not want to lose even that small modicum of half-ass relief.
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I hear you there. I've tried to open up to my doctors about things, but some times it hurts more than it helps. So now I just don't even bother.

I've also been using illicit drugs & prescribed/psychiatric drugs since I was 12, so about 25 years now. I can basically tell a doctor what is going to help me & what isn't.
But of course doctors don't like to be "told" what to do & of course everything that helps me is a "controlled substance".

I swear there's some kind of agenda to keep people down, depressed, stressed, etc... Otherwise opioids would be completely legal. I'd be able to work, exercise & get so much shit done if I was able to just use diacetylmorphine every day. Instead I'm pushed onto SSRIs, antipsychotics, benzos, blood pressure meds, whatever other garbage the pharmacutical companies can profit off of, all while making me more sick.

I think it's a crime against humanity honestly. I can drink myself to death at the bar legally & then get in my car & drive home. But if I want to use an opioid to feel better & have a better quality of life, suddenly I'm a "junkie" and a "criminal". It's abhorrent honestly. And completely hypocritical.

I feel pretty much hopeless & useless at this point. And it very much angers me daily.

So you're definitely not alone DesertHarp. At least not in the grand scheme of things.


You could try looking into things that will help lower/reset your opioid tolerance, so that you can use less hydrocodone & get more of an effect out of it.
But just be careful, cause some things used for this purpose (like dextromethorphan for example) can interact really badly with SSRI drugs & other drugs.


Do you use cannabis at all? Cannabis always potentiate any opioid I use as well.
 
LSD and sobriety fixed me up pretty well. Took about 3 months of detox for opioids another year for benzodiazepines. Another year to fully be able to function without drugs. And another year for good measure before I actually enjoyed my own life again.

I'm 34 I don't take any drugs I'm happy I'm sane I'm stable somehow I'm financially secure. I don't know somehow I got through it. I quit cold turkey August 8th 2016.

It's a long dark road and there's no guarantee that you'll even succeed. But for me I couldn't stand the thought of just doing the same thing over and over again and expecting it would miraculously fix itself.

It's hard to tell someone who's in chronic pain that the very thing that helps alleviate that pain is also going to keep them in this constant cycle of depression and anxiety and pain.

You know yourself. You might want to think about what you truly want out of life. Good luck to you
 
crazyhairman said:
Another year to fully be able to function without drugs. And another year for good measure before I actually enjoyed my own life again.
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Wow. This is my exact same timeline as well. Quit everything December 1, 2022. I wasn't able to fully function until the past month or so. Now, I'm just starting to think about how I want to live in the future. I haven't really started enjoying life yet, but I can actually imagine doing it. Nice to see another time line report that indicates I'm not totally gone.

Congrats.
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
I hear you there. I've tried to open up to my doctors about things, but some times it hurts more than it helps. So now I just don't even bother.

I've also been using illicit drugs & prescribed/psychiatric drugs since I was 12, so about 25 years now. I can basically tell a doctor what is going to help me & what isn't.
But of course doctors don't like to be "told" what to do & of course everything that helps me is a "controlled substance".

I swear there's some kind of agenda to keep people down, depressed, stressed, etc... Otherwise opioids would be completely legal. I'd be able to work, exercise & get so much shit done if I was able to just use diacetylmorphine every day. Instead I'm pushed onto SSRIs, antipsychotics, benzos, blood pressure meds, whatever other garbage the pharmacutical companies can profit off of, all while making me more sick.

I think it's a crime against humanity honestly. I can drink myself to death at the bar legally & then get in my car & drive home. But if I want to use an opioid to feel better & have a better quality of life, suddenly I'm a "junkie" and a "criminal". It's abhorrent honestly. And completely hypocritical.

I feel pretty much hopeless & useless at this point. And it very much angers me daily.

So you're definitely not alone DesertHarp. At least not in the grand scheme of things.


You could try looking into things that will help lower/reset your opioid tolerance, so that you can use less hydrocodone & get more of an effect out of it.
But just be careful, cause some things used for this purpose (like dextromethorphan for example) can interact really badly with SSRI drugs & other drugs.


Do you use cannabis at all? Cannabis always potentiate any opioid I use as well.
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Thanks for that tip. I didn't know about cannabis potentiating opioids. I eat a cannabis gummy every night to fall asleep. They work well.

Yeah, alcohol is legal but deteriorates the body and weakens the mind. Plus it causes much public hazard.
 
crazyhairman said:
LSD and sobriety fixed me up pretty well. Took about 3 months of detox for opioids another year for benzodiazepines. Another year to fully be able to function without drugs. And another year for good measure before I actually enjoyed my own life again.

I'm 34 I don't take any drugs I'm happy I'm sane I'm stable somehow I'm financially secure. I don't know somehow I got through it. I quit cold turkey August 8th 2016.

It's a long dark road and there's no guarantee that you'll even succeed. But for me I couldn't stand the thought of just doing the same thing over and over again and expecting it would miraculously fix itself.

It's hard to tell someone who's in chronic pain that the very thing that helps alleviate that pain is also going to keep them in this constant cycle of depression and anxiety and pain.

You know yourself. You might want to think about what you truly want out of life. Good luck to you
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Congratulations on turning your life around. You had the patience to get through a long process of getting to where you are at. I'm glad for your success.
 
After an improved day yesterday, I got sucked down bad today. I'm coming out of hours of anguish. I have stuff to do. I need to feel better. I was just thinking about a triple dose of Vicodin to try and start my engine. I'm not looking to get high. I'm sure some bluelighters have known psychic pain that just gets too bad for too long. I've not found that the medical profession has much compassion for that. I haven't met a doctor in years that I would confide shit in. I am on my own.
 
LSD is great!


Although I went on at least 10 acid trips over the summer & I'm still dealing with depression/pain to this very day. But you feel pretty great for a day or two after a good, long LSD trip. Maybe a little exhausted though if you don't sleep.
 
Maybe have a look here :

DEPRESSION | +80 articles

Can psilocybin treat severe depression? by Barbara Geller, MD | NEJM Journal | 3 Nov 2017 Neuroimaging findings predicted response with this hallucinogen at post-treatment week 5 and correlated with decreased depressive symptoms and heightened mystic feelings. In 1970, the FDA categorized...
bluelight.org bluelight.org
 
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